Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Rozencrats and Guildenstern Are Dead, or any related materials.

AN: This is a little one-shot that came about as a result of an English assignment on the book Rozencrats and Guildenstern Are Dead and was originally a short play. It was just begging to be put up on this site so here it is. There are some elements from the book mentioned above, but if you haven't read it you won't be lost. This is purely comical and I hope it gives you as much cause to laugh as it did my class. Enjoy. Reviews and concrit are both welcomed and appreciated.

Fred and George are in Detention

A single galleon flipped through the air, catching the sunlight from a small dirty window before it was caught and slapped down on a young red head's arm. He looked at it and grinned. "Heads!" he exclaimed smiling up at another boy with equally red hair who looked exactly like him.

The other teen, who was leaning up against the stone wall of a rather small secret passageway, returned his twin's grin before scribbling something on a clip board with a large black quill. After making his latest notation, he scrolled up the list, mentally checking each entry off. "That's perfect, one hundred out of one hundred, all heads."

George laughed, tossing the coin into a sack with the rest of bewitched galleons. "So how long do you think we can boggle the first years with these?"

Fred smirked. "That depends if you're talking Slytherins on not. He laughed. You could probably convince Crab and Goyle that a straight run of heads this long meant the apocalypse was coming." They both laughed hardily for a few minutes then stopped in unison and sighed.

George began drumming his fingers absently on the stone floor. He let his body go limp and allowed himself to slid down the wall's rough surface until he was sprawled on the cool floor next to the bag of magicked gold. "I'm bored," he announced to no one in particular.

Fred glanced up over the bit of parchment containing the data on their latest pranking tool. As he did so, he took on a very McGonagall like look and tone and pretending to adjust his invisible glasses said, "yes, but remember Fred, our alternative would be much more boring by comparison."

George nodded barely noticed his twin's latest antics. "Quite right I suppose..." He trailed off and an all too common, mischievous grin spread across his freckled face. In one fluid motion he leaned forward, picked himself off the floor, and snatched a rather warn looking piece of parchment that was sticking out of Fred's pocket. "But we could always do something that's not either of our current alternatives."

"Something we're not supposed to," put in Fred, his twin's smile catching on own his lips.

Pleased by his brother's apparent enthusiasm and willingness to get into trouble, George pulled out his wand and tapped the blank parchment with it's tip. "I solemnly swear the I am up to no good." As he recited those familiar words, the electric charge of excitement was palpable in the previously stuffy air. Both of the twins leaned over eagerly and watched as tiny lines of ink spread outward from the wand's tip as if myriads of little spiders had suddenly decided to build an intricate web depicting the Hogwarts Castle and the location of everyone in it. As soon as the map was complete, the two red-heads began searching it's surface intensely for something "fun" to do.

George grinned as his eyes fell upon the dungeons. "Snape's not in his office—"

"—he's with the Head Master." added Fred.

"Could be there for hours."

"That gives us—"

"—a golden opportunity."

"We simply can't let it—"

"—pass us by," finished George, already imagining what sort of tricks could be played in the Potion Master's absence.

Once again an oppressive silence fell on in the dank passageway as Fred joined his brother in silent planning. Within mere moments George broke it. "Rearrange his ingredients stores so he can't find anything?"

"We did that last time," Pointed out Fred.

"Not to mention he was enraged for days," said George with a solemn nod.

"Gave everyone extra homework for a week."

"Nearly killed our brother and Harry."

Fred seemed to think hard about the suggestion for a few seconds then grinned evilly. "Sounds like a perfectly splendid prank to me. Let's do it!"

With that, the twins snuck out of their current secret passage and through several more until they were just outside the Potion Master's door. George was about to walk out from their hiding place and straight to the door of Snape's currently vacant classroom, when Fred so happened to glance down at the Marauder's Map. He gasped at what he saw and hurriedly pulled his brother back behind the suit of armor, which rocked dangerously but thankfully stayed standing.

"What the bloody hell was that for?" exclaimed George in a loud voice that quickly dropped to a whisper as Fred motioned for him to be quiet and pointed down at the map.

George's face became clouded with confusion as he looked down at the ever changing parchment. "Hermione?" he whispered to his twin. "But what's she doing in there?"

His brother shrugged. "I haven't the foggiest." He glanced down again. "Shh! She's coming out now." The two boys once again ducked behind the suit of armor, watching the potions door carefully from which they were sure a certain "outstanding" student would soon exit. Sure enough, said girl came out of the room in a rush, stuffing something into the depths of her bag and looking extremely guilty as she did so. Appearing quite flustered, she quickly ran off down the corridor, the twins looking curiously after her as she went.

"Wonder what little miss always-obeys-all-the-rules is up to..." mused Fred.

"Let's find out." With a quick nod, the two slipped hurriedly into Snape's room before the door had even had a chance to close. Immediately they started their planned (though what they were doing could hardly seem planned) rummaging about, and in no time they succeeded in making a huge, convoluted, irreversible mess out of Snape's previously carefully sorted ingredients.

As George was carelessly disheveling everything in Snape's personal ingredient store something, or rather, the absence of something caught his eye. "Oy Fred, he's almost completely out of Boomslang Skin. Isn't that's a integral part of the polyjuice potion?"

Fred stroked his smooth chin rather comically with his thumb and forefinger. "Think that's what she and the others are...?" He trailed off mid sentence and his eyes widened.

George, who was oblivious to his twin's current facial expression, attempted to finish Fred's sentence for him. "—up to?"

Fred gritted his teeth as he realized the full implications of their situation. "George, we have bigger problems then what those three are doing, Snape's set a magical alarm on all the cupboard doors. Guess he was a little sorer about the last time we muddled up his stuff than we originally thought."

George looked down at the map and sighed. "Here comes the old bat now."

"Time to run?"

"Nope," said George, quite calmly considering the circumstances. An angry Snape was not something to laugh about...usually. "He's right outside the doorway now."

Fred shrugged. "Oh well..." He closed the remaining cupboard doors and then the two twins stood up straight and grinning to meet Snape as he angrily walked through the heavy wooden door.

The Potion's Master nearly jumped in surprise when he saw the two of them just standing there happily as if they weren't scared in the least of the repercussions that were about to crash down upon them. His eyes, which were gleaming with anger, swept suspiciously across the Weasleys and then took in the rest of his room. Though he couldn't immediately deduce what was amiss, he was quite sure that their presence in his room was not innocent, especially as the magical alarms he'd put on his cabinet doors had been going off only a few minutes ago.

His voice was dangerous when he finally spoke. "What...are you two doing in here?"

Fred spoke without hesitation. "Rearranging your potion stores."

"We thought you must be getting tired of the same old organization system," added George.

"We wanted to give you a change."

"Thought it would brighten your mood."

Snape looked anything but "brightened", in fact, he looked livid. "You two, come with me now."

One of the two boys stepped forward while the other remained rooted to the spot.

Snap glared at the disobedient twin, then venomously, "I said come with me...now!"

"Why should I?" asked the one who had stayed behind—Snape had no idea which one it was and in all honesty, he didn't really care. The red-head continued in an annoyed voice as if he was being accused rather unjustly of something he didn't do. "It was George's idea, I just watched. And besides, I'm not Fred."

Snape was now extremely ticked off and it showed. He was in no mood for their confusing games. "What?!"

The boy standing beside him pipped up. "He said, that he's not me and that it's his fault."

"No I didn't!" argued the other. "I said that I'm me and it's his fault because he's George."

The nearest to the steaming Potion's Master shook his head. "I'm Fred, so you must be George and therefore it's not my fault."

"Are you sure you're George," questioned the other.

"Yes! … No... Does it really matter?" he finished with a shrug.

"Well of course it does! One of us has got to get detention!"

Snape glared at the two like he could throttle both of them on the spot. "You are both getting detention!" he roared. "Now both of you come with me!"

"When?" asked the closer one of the infuriating clones.

"NOW!" he bellowed.

The other cocked his head to the side in mock confusion. "Now detention, or now come?"

Snape took a deep breath to keep himself from yelling at them again—it didn't help much... "Come now, detention tomorrow after school!"

"Sorry Sir, no can do," said the farther one as he stepped forward, even eliminating distance as a determining factor.

"Why not?" asked Snape his voice dangerously low.

"We've already got it," answered one of them.

"What?!"

"Detention!" said the other as if it was obvious.

"Oh..." He paused. "Then Friday."

"We're booked that day too. Filch," came the retort.

"Weekend's free," said one, and Snape felt as if he were suddenly trying to schedule an appointment instead of dishing out a punishment.

"Nope. McGonagall. Weekends a no-go," answered one of them confirming Snape's feeling.

Snape rubbed his now aching head and asked almost desperately, "today?"

"Nope."

Snape was suddenly suspicious. "Where are you two suppose to be now?"

Fred and George looked at each other and grinned widely before answering in unison. "Detention!"

***

-Asiera