one.

attempts

Sharpay Evans looked over the edge. It was a long way down to the bottom, and the bottom was where she wanted to be. The beauty of the garden club's work wouldn't make a difference on her decision. If her classmates, friends, parents, or even twin brother couldn't, why would a stupid garden? No, Sharpay had made her decision. She wasn't going to back away. She was going to jump.

You wouldn't think Sharpay was a girl who would commit suicide. If you took a look at her and her lifestyle, you wouldn't see a reason. Her parents were the wealthiest around, her brother did everything for her, and she was East High's number one Ice Queen. But that was only what you saw.

Truth was, Sharpay thought she had a terrible life. Her parents were never around. Her father was always working and making more money, and her mother was always off being a socialite with her friends. And if they weren't doing that, they were off traveling. So that meant growing up, Sharpay and Ryan were stuck with several nannies. Sharpay grew up thinking that her parents didn't love her.

And then there was Ryan. He was the only family she had who she saw everyday. That's why he was so important to her. Ryan knew this, so he showed his twin sister compassion and care. But as years went on, Sharpay took advantage of her brother's friendship, and he became her poodle. And that wasn't what Ryan wanted anymore. So he doesn't hang out with his sister as much, and won't fulfill her every whim. He's friends with the Wildcats.

Oh, the wildcats. Sharpay had a roller coaster relationship with the school's number one gang. When she was a kid, and there weren't so many, she was a Wildcat. She was best friends with Troy, Chad, Jason, Zeke, and Kelsi. They were her lifelines. But then Taylor moved into town, and Gabriella came, and the friends grew up. But they didn't grow apart. Oh no, they were still all as tight as ever. They just didn't want Sharpay to be apart of their group anymore. To them, Sharpay was no more than the Ice Queen.

No one understood her. No one understood Sharpay at all. Sharpay didn't care about her money. She didn't want to be the rich kid. Sharpay loved her family. And she learned that they didn't love her back. Sharpay had no real friends. No one wanted her. She had no one to live for. Sharpay didn't think she had anything to live for. So she no longer wanted to live.

"Come on, Sharpay, you can do this. Just take one step, and lean forward." Sharpay told herself. She just wanted to fall already. But she hadn't. She was still standing on the roof of East High late that night, just as she had been for almost an hour.

Why couldn't she do it? It wasn't hard. All she had to do was fall, and then her problems would be over. She had been wanting to do this for so long. And now she finally could. But she wasn't. Why?

You're so pathetic. You can't do anything right. She remembered him saying those words so clearly. Sharpay had been abused so many times in her life, by almost everyone she had met. Mentally, emotionally, and even physically. And each one left their scar. But nothing had hurt Sharpay as much as the time Troy Bolton had told her how he really felt.

-Flashback-

It had happened not long time ago. It happened only last summer, the summer that changed Sharpay forever. It was the summer that the Wildcats were working at Sharpay's parents' country club. It was after Sharpay had presented the Star Dazzle award to Ryan. Sharpay had given the Wildcats the rest of the night off, so that meant that she had to close up the pool.

She was collecting all of the used towels, when she heard someone coming towards her.

"Sharpay." The person called, catching her attention. She looked over, not so excited to see who it was.

"Oh, hi Troy." she said, going back to her work. When Troy got close to her, she saw that he looked mad. He was only a foot away then, and scooped all of the towels out of Sharpay's hands and threw them into the pool. "Hey!"

"Don't say a word. You are unbelievable, Evans." Troy said angrily.

"What? What did I do now? I gave you guys your show, Troy. You can't be mad at me about that."

"Yeah, I know you did. And you aren't fooling anybody, Sharpay. No one is gonna think that just because you gave us your show, you've suddenly become a Mother Theresa."

"Troy, I'm not trying to fool-"

"Can it, Evans," Troy spat, "You're one ruthless bitch. You've done some crap before, but I didn't know you were low enough to try to make everyone idolize you again. No one cares about you anymore. Who would care about a girl who tries to be the center of attention all the time?"

"Troy, please, I'm sorry for what I've done in the past. But I'm not trying to lie to you guys anymore. I really want to change." Sharpay said seriously.

Troy just shook his head. "I can't believe I defended you. I can't believe I almost left all of my friends and Gabriella for…you. I could never live with myself if I did. How can you?"

"Troy, stop. If you'll just let me explain-"

"I don't wanna hear anymore of your shit. I never wanna hear your shit ever again." said Troy, who advanced at Sharpay and threw a punch at her. Sharpay stumbled backward, and put a finger to her hurting lip. She pulled it back, and saw it drench in blood. She couldn't believe it. Troy Bolton punched her.

"You're so pathetic. You can't do anything right. Nobody wants you, Sharpay. Nobody loves you. So why are you still here?" Seeing the effect he had on her, Troy smirked and walked off.

Sharpay just stood there, amazed. Troy Bolton had just told her how he really felt about her, and punched her. Troy was not the person who would do that. But he did, and he did it to Sharpay.

Am I really that bad? She asked herself. And really, she knew the answer. She didn't have to think. This is the answer that everyone had made her to believe was true.

Yes.

-end-

Hot tears now clouded Sharpay's eyes, and one by one slowly slid down her cheek. She could do it now. She remembered why she could. She took one last look down to the ground. It was a long way down. Long enough to get the task done. She crouched down and took off her sneakers and placed them aside. She stood back up, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath…

"Hey!" a voice shouted, startling Sharpay. She quickly turned around to see who it was.

"What?" Sharpay spat.

"What do you think you're doing?" the person questioned. It was a boy who was much taller than herself, but didn't look to be a senior. He had long brown hair with bangs that swept over his eyes.

"Is that any of your business?"

"Depends." The boy answered. No one ever gave her that answer, so it dazed Sharpay a bit.

"On what?"

"You." the boy said. Sharpay didn't say anything, so he felt he should make the first move, "I'm Jimmie Zara."

"Is that supposed to mean anything to me?"

"No. But you're Sharpay Evans; that means something to me." Sharpay looked the boy over.

"Oh yeah. You're that naked kid who ran into drama rehearsals today." Sharpay said, recalling the incident Troy and Chad had caused.

"Yeah, great. Glad to know that's how I'll go down in East High history: the naked kid in drama." Jimmie said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. That Troy and Chad did that to you, I mean." Sharpay had no idea why she was apologizing to this random boy; she just felt like it was right.

"It's okay. It's not your fault," Jimmie said, "But thanks." They just stayed there for a few moments, not saying anything.

"So, you never answered my question." Jimmie broke the silence.

"Why do you want an answer?" Sharpay said icily.

"Because I don't want it to be what I thought it was."

"What did you think I was doing?"

Jimmie paused, his voice becoming much more serious, "I thought you were about to commit suicide." Sharpay froze. He knew. This kid saw her about to try and kill herself. He could tell somebody what he saw, and then Sharpay would get attention and treatment she wouldn't be able to handle.

"N-no I wasn't." she lied.

"Really? Then what were you doing standing on the edge of the roof of the school late at night?" Jimmie asked. Sharpay frowned. She couldn't think of an excuse, she knew it.

"It was just an attempt." Sharpay mumbled.

"Just because you didn't finish, doesn't mean you didn't try." Sharpay didn't know what to say to this. It's true: if Jimmie hadn't come up, she would have done it.

"Why would you try to kill yourself, Sharpay?" Jimmie asked.

"What does it matter to you?"

"Because I care." Jimmie said sincerely.

"Why? You're what, fifteen? Why would you care? Nobody else does."

"…What do you mean? Who wouldn't care?" Jimmie asked curiously.

"Look, I know I seem like the happy-go-lucky perfect girl, but I'm not. Far from it, really."

"How far?" Jimmie asked.

"It's a long story." Sharpay said, looking down at her bare feet. Jimmie slowly advanced to her and extended his hand. Seeing it out of the corner of her eye, Sharpay tilted her head up to the boy.

"I'll listen."

--

Jimmie and Sharpay were walked down the dim school hallway, an awkward distance between them. Sharpay would look down at her feet and Jimmie would look at the rows of lockers next to them, but both would steal glances at each other.

"So, where does the story begin?" Jimmie asked, causing Sharpay to sigh.

"Where do you think it should?"

"Well, why were you going to jump?"

"Simple. No body wants me. Why should I bother to stick around?"

"Your family wants you. And your friends." Jimmie said.

"What family? What friends? Look, like I said, I don't have that picture-perfect life. My parents are never home; they're too preoccupied with their riches. I don't think they wanted me. They didn't love me, that's for sure. You know, I can't remember the last time my whole family spent a happy holiday together? Last time may have been when I was three or four?"

"Well, then who took care of you?"

"We-my brother and I-we had a different nanny every week. And all they would ever do is watch soap operas and drink all of my parents' tequila. So really my brother and I would have to fend for ourselves."

"Well, there you go. You're brother would miss you." Jimmie said, referring to Ryan.

"Not really. I've mistreated him. I took advantage of all the times he'd protect me when we were younger and bossed him around. And he got sick of it; sick of me. We haven't really hung out in almost a month. He's always with his friends." Sharpay explained bitterly.

"Well, what about your friends?"

"I don't have any friends. Not anymore. The Wildcats, those popular kids who always hang out with Troy? They used to be more than friends to me. We were like siblings. Growing up, we'd spend hours just lying on my front lawn and looking up at the sky. We'd watch the clouds, and then the sunset, and then the stars. We had a friendship that I didn't think anything could break.

"But I was wrong. New people moved here, and moved into our friendship. I was fine with it all, until Gabriella came. She replaced me. My friends didn't want me anymore. I don't know why, but all of a sudden they pushed me away." Sharpay said, fresh tears surrounding her eyes.

Jimmie looked at the sad girl seriously for a few moments, amazed. In the sophomore world, everything was in black and white. Troy Bolton was king, Gabriella Montez was a goddess, their friends were on top of the world, and Sharpay Evans had everything. But hearing Sharpay's story was a total 180. He didn't know everyone treated Sharpay the way they did. She didn't deserve it. No wonder she was about to jump off the roof. And Jimmie was worried that she still might. He had to show her that someone cared-that someone didn't want her gone.

"Can I ask you something?" Jimmie asked. Sharpay wiped away the forming tears and nodded, "Why do people call you the Ice Queen?"

Sharpay gave a painful laugh, "When my friends showed that they were done with me, they expected me to be mad. I wasn't mad, I was sad and upset. Not wanting to be wrong, or let me be right, the told everyone how now I was so icy and bitchy and that everyone should stay away from me. I would turn them into ice too."

"I'm sorry." Jimmie apologized.

"Why are you sorry? Why do you want to know all of my issues?" Sharpay asked.

"Because I want you to know that you aren't alone." Sharpay looked the boy over. There wasn't anything special about him. He didn't have those Troy Bolton looks yet, but he was cute. But on the outside, there was nothing special about him. Why was he so caring for her?

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I moved here just last year. My parents said that we had to move, because they didn't want me to have to stay back in my old town where something bad happened."

"What was the bad something?" Sharpay asked, now intensely curious.

Jimmie sighed, "I saw my sister get shot in a drive by."

Sharpay froze for a moment. A drive by? Jimmie's sister was shot in a drive-by? "What happened?"

"Well, I called 911, and they took her to the hospital. I waited and waited for hours to hear how she was. My parents would always tell me it was getting late and I should go home-I was only thirteen, after all. But I stayed anyway. I stayed overnight at the hospital, not getting any sleep, because I needed to hear how she was. And then finally, at like, four in the morning, a doctor came up to me. And she said…that it was too late…they lost her."

Sharpay felt horrible. She was ready to kill herself for feeling unloved, when Jimmie went through each day knowing he saw his sister get shot and die, "I'm so sorry, Jimmie."

"Everyone was. Everybody, people I didn't even like, would come up to me and tell me how they were so sorry, and that they knew how I felt. But they didn't. And I was sick and tired of it all. That's when I started cutting.

"I started out small. You know, one cut a week, maybe two. But then there was just more and more stuff that I didn't want to deal with, so it became once a day. And then twice a day. And pretty soon, it was five times a day, everyday. It was really bad.

"But one day I heard this song. And it really got to me. I don't even remember who sang it, but it helped. It was about how suicidal people feel, and why they feel like they need to end their lives. And in the middle of the song, they say that every eighteen minutes, somebody dies from a suicide. And every 43 seconds somebody attempts one. And I didn't want to be a statistic. So I called this hotline. And the people one it helped me so much, that I was able to stop.

"Sharpay, you don't want to be one either. You don't know what you're capable of doing. Don't stop so you won't know. We sophomores look up to you, Sharpay. We want to know you by what you can become; not by what you were."

Sharpay stayed silent for a few minutes as they continued walking. Jimmie was right, and she knew it, "Jimmie? Why were you up on the roof tonight anyway?"

"Troy told me that he thinks clearer up in that rooftop garden. So I've been coming up late at night to think about stuff, or to just clear my head." Jimmie explained.

"So you attempted suicide?" Sharpay asked the younger brunette.

"Just like you."

Sharpay nodded, understanding now, "Can you do me a favor, Jimmie?"

"What is it?"

Sharpay responded by slipping her hand into his, and holding it tight, "Walk me home?"

Jimmie smiled. He did it-he got through to her. Sharpay wasn't going to die tonight. She was going to live. And it was all because she knew now. She knew that she wasn't alone. She knew that she had a reason for living. She knew that Jimmie cared.

--

And I'm sorry
But this is my fate
Everything is worthless
No one who wants me to stay
And I'm sorry
But I've waited too long
So here's my goodbye
No one will cry over me
I'm not worth any tears
-Goodbye (I'm Sorry) by Jamestown Story

It's true. Every 18 minutes, someone dies from a suicide. Every 43 seconds, someone attempts one.
If you or anyone you know is suicidal, call the National Hotline
Prevent suicide. Don't let a life go unlived.