Authors Note: I'm dying on the inside, I swear. I wanted to show Dishrag-chan the story before posting it, but SOMEONE'S not answering me fast enough. I love the ending, the beginning. Ahh, I read, and re-read this story so many times. Give me your input, tell me how you like it.

Disclaimer: Twisted Badger does not own Bleach or any of its characters.

x.x.x

It didn't occur to me that I had been hitting him until I heard a quiet sobbing.

I think that's when I had knelt down and began to kiss him.

He trembled in my arms, and I pet his hair trying to soothe him.

I never tried to soothe Ichigo.

I always made up for it in the bed.

I always just fucked him until he forgot why he was mad at me.

Ichigo

Ichigo

Ishida.

x.x.x

It was just a one night stand.

A one night stand with one of Ichigo's oldest and closest friends.

Ironically, we had met at Ichigo's funeral.

I never meant to hurt him.

I never thought he would just take it from me.

I especially didn't expect a phone call the following day.

x.x.x

I fucked him.

Hard.

He bled, and screamed until his throat was raw.

I hated it.

I fucking hated it.

x.x.x

That morning I woke up only to see a pair of eyes watching me.

I smiled lazily, before pulling him into a kiss.

"Fuck, Ichigo."

I yanked his body on top of mine, so that his legs were straddling my waist.

I loved waking up with Ichigo.

After I finally pulled away, I looked up at him.

Only to see Ishida averting his gaze.

"O-Oh. Ha, good morning Uryu."

I stuttered lamely.

"I'm gonna go take a shower now."

He pulled himself off of my body, and I dragged myself to the bathroom.

Before collapsing against the door, and sobbing.

x.x.x

It was a week before Ishida called me again.

The point was that he did call me again.

"Grimmjaw?"

He murmured into the phone.

So weak, so pathetic.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to come over and watch a movie?"

Was this guy serious?

"Yeah sure."

Apparently I was just as fucked.

x.x.x

I rammed into his tight hole.

Three minutes and twenty three seconds into the movie.

He writhed and moaned underneath me.

He sobbed as I pounded into him.

"Fu-Fuck! Grimjaw!"

He was so tight.

I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to last.

I pulled his legs around my shoulders as I rammed deeper inside of him.

He screamed.

"Ichigo!"

I called out as I came.

x.x.x

He was asleep beside me, and I had an arm wrapped around him.

If I just closed my eyes, I could pretend it was Ichigo.

I could pretend nothing bad had ever happened.

I could pretend everything was fine.

I could pretend.

I held him closer.

And sobbed into his back.

x.x.x

I never believed I would ever become so pathetic.

x.x.x

It was morning.

The warmth I'd felt last night wasn't there.

My body felt heavy.

"Hey, Grimmjaw? You awake?"

I moaned into my pillow.

Every dream turns into a nightmare as soon as I wake up.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

Why was he making me breakfast?

"I'm not hungry"

I called out.

My plan was just to take my shower and leave.

I didn't want to see him anymore.

x.x.x

I hadn't answered his phone calls for at least two weeks.

I've been in bed for longer.

I feel so sick.

I haven't eaten any real food since Ichigo.

I'm not hungry.

I'm sick.

My only cure is Ichigo.

x.x.x

There was a knocking at my door.

I didn't answer it.

There was loud shouting.

I didn't answer.

There was a loud thud, and an exasperated growl.

I laughed.

A dead laugh.

A tired laugh.

And I went back to sleep.

x.x.x

I really didn't expect the apartment superintendent to come down and open my door.

"There you go, and here's a spare key." I heard him say to a third party.

Who the fuck was in my house?

Our house?

"…Grimmjaw?" Ishida called out.

He came into my room, and I glared at him.

"What the fuck do you want?" I snapped.

"I brought you dinner." He murmured lamely.

"You fucking brought the superintendent here to fucking open my door, after nearly breaking it down – I might add- just to bring me fucking dinner?"

I was angry.

I was shouting at him.

He turned his gaze to the side.

"I know you haven't been eating. Just, come on. Eat for me?"

He asked weakly.

I hated him.

Who the fuck did he think he was?

I suddenly felt stronger than I had in weeks.

I shoved him against a wall, (the food fell hard onto the floor and spilled everywhere) and crashed our lips together.

He whimpered as I tried to push me away.

Helpless.

Pathetic.

"I hate you" I growled into his ear, as my fingers made their way down his chest. Into his pants. I rubbed at his crotch, and he moaned.

He was trapped between me and the wall.

"I fucking hate you" I continued, as I rubbed harder.

"W-Wait" he practically whimpered, "y-you have to eat something!"

I smirked.

"Fine."

You should have seen how far his eyes widened as I got on my knees in front of him.

Oh, it was my turn to catch him off guard.

I breathed hotly against his crotch.

He shuddered.

"That's not what I meant…" He murmured.

It was now.

x.x.x

Ichigo laughed as he shook his head.

"Grimmjaw, what the fuck are you doing now?" He asked, smiling at me.

"You mean, who the fuck am I doing now, right?"

" Yeah."

I laughed with him.

And then I fucked him.

And then I woke up with a hard-on.

x.x.x

It was some time after Ishida had left, and I lay down in bed.

Staring at my ceiling.

This was stupid.

All of this was just stupid.

I was perfectly fine before I met Ichigo.

Why was I so messed up now?

Now, this fucking Ishida person comes in.

Trying to actually fucking build a relationship with me.

What the fuck.

Didn't he know anything about Ichigo and I before? Didn't he know how much I hurt him?

And he was supposed to be one of his best friends.

x.x.x

Ishida came back the next day.

And the day after that.

All we did was fuck.

Every time he tried to talk or say something, I shut him up.

I punished him.

I tied him up.

I spanked him.

I fucked him.

Harder and harder every time.

I made sure he bled every time.

I made sure he screamed every time.

I had stopped sobbing on his shoulder like a fucking baby.

As soon as we were done, I'd go to the bathroom and shower.

Then he would leave.

That was the bond we had established.

x.x.x

It was random.

But, it should have been expected.

"Grimmjaw. . .?"

"What?"

"Do you love me?"

x.x.x

For the past few days he had been trying to tell me something.

It had been a few months since we started fucking.

I really couldn't care less, but, he was really fucking annoying about it.

He struggled to the point, where he had actually almost punched me in the fucking face.

Whatever it was couldn't be that important.

I fucked him until he forgot about it.

x.x.x

The next morning I woke up to a letter sitting on Ichigo's pillow.

I looked at it wearily.

I threw it out promptly.

x.x.x

Every morning since that day he had sent me the same letter day in and out.

I would wake up every morning to that fucking letter.

Until one day I just couldn't fucking take it anymore.

I read it.

x.x.x

It was only a line long.

"Ichigo told me to love you, and take care of you when he was gone."

But it was long enough to have me think about it for a couple of hours.

x.x.x

"Ishida, we need to talk."

I had never been one to have conversations with people.

I would usually just fuck, or be fucked.

The most conversation I'd ever had was with Ichigo.

"…What is it?" He asked, somewhat nervously.

"What the fuck was up with the note?"

Might as well not beat around the bush.

He shuddered.

"I thought it was something you might be interested in knowing." He said coldly.

I laughed.

"All you were was a good fuck, Ishida."

He winced, and averted his gaze.

I could tell I really hurt him.

I laughed harder.

He crossed his arms, in one final gesture to put some distance between us.

"Along the way I really did start having feelings for you."

Oh this really was too much.

I couldn't stop laughing.

I laughed until tears pooled at the corners of my eyes.

He had left sometime in between.

I didn't really notice.

x.x.x

"What's your name?"

I asked coolly.

"Renji," the red-head said with a smirk.

I smirked back.

"Grimmjaw."

He leaned in a bit, intent on whispering something in my ear.

"Wanna fuck?"

Music to my ears.

x.x.x

I lay in bed, with the person beside me.

I had forgotten their name already.

I let out a long sigh of contentment.

I had finally stopped being such a pussy.

Finally gotten back to my old self.

x.x.x

It had been a few good months before I saw Ishida again.

Best few months of my life.

He really was bad luck from the beginning.

It was sort of ironic how I was the one to save a life this time.

x.x.x

I lay in a hospital room.

I was dying.

I sort of felt someone holding my hand.

It was odd being on the receiving end.

I pretended it was Ichigo.

I heard a sobbing from beside me.

I would have smiled if I could.

"You're a fucking asshole! I hate you! I hate you!"

It was really funny how these things worked out.

x.x.x

It was the first time I had seen Ichigo in two and a half years.

"I don't love you."

He murmured before kissing me.

x.x.x