In this story, I've merged a bit of episode one of Black Books into Pokemon.

You should all watch Black Books. Bernard is very lulz worthy. And he has a lovely Irish accent.

I don't own Pokemon or Black Books.

Enjoy!

Ash Ketchum was filling out the form that would renew his trainer's license.

It wasn't pretty.

He'd been putting it off for weeks; he knew it was time to complete it when he stopped bothering to make up excuses every time Brock and Misty enquired after it. He put his head down, his mind fuzzy with tiredness and lack of food. Damn, it'd been at least half an hour since his last snack...

He sighed and drew his attention back to the questions.

What is your mother's maiden name?

What was her first name? He only knew her as mum, or Mrs Ketchum! He grit his teeth. Time for an overdue and no doubt painful call.

He dragged his body over to the video phone in the PokeCentre lobby. 'Hi mum. No, I'm just calling, y'know... Oh, c'mon! It's not like I need an excuse to call my own mother!'

After further assurance that this was actually a call made out of love and not necessity, Ash managed to coax the information he needed out of his over-excited mother.

'...and I hope you haven't lost any of your manners, young man. I haven't brought you up to be an absolute slob now, have I? So I expect you to say hello to Gary, Professor Oak says he's staying in the town at the same time as you and I want you to...'

'Wait. Mum. Gary's here?' Ash was suddenly interested in his mother's epic monologue.

'Yes he's in the... well, I assume it's the more expensive hotel in the town. And you are obligated by your friendship to call on him. In fact, due to your friendship, I'm surprised that you didn't already know he was there. Never mind. I just hope you're changing your underwear daily, Ash. It's very important to maintain hygiene on the road and...'

Ash rolled his eyes, frustrated. 'Yes, yes... BYEIHAVETOGOFILLOUT MY FORMS.' And he promptly hung up on his mother.

He stumbled to the side and leant his back against the wall, a pink blush on his cheeks and a stupid, lopsided grin on his face. Gary's here. GARY. He's here! In the same town as me! The rest of his internal speech degenerated into gibberish and fangirl-esque giggles. After about half a minute of leaning against the wall, he recovered and opened his eyes, noticing a Chansey giving him a worried look as it scurried about with a box of medical supplies. Ash turned back to the video-phone and picked up the receiver. 'Operator? The more expensive of the hotels in town, thank you. Hello? Can you put me through to a Gary Oak? Tell him it's Ash Ketchum.'

After a few minutes of drumming his fingers against his thigh and cursing the inadequacy of stupid hotel staff, the screen crackled and Gary's face showed up on the screen. Ash noticed he looked tired and the room behind him was littered with research equipment and various papers.

'Yeah, Ashy-boy? What do you want?'

'Ah, mum told me to call you. And... I was wondering if you were busy tomorrow?'

Externally, Gary raised an eyebrow. Internally, he wondered; Holy cheese and crackers, is he finally going to admit it? Is he finally going to ask me if...

'Ashy-boy, I'm busy every day. Being a researcher and all that. But I may be able to make room in my ridiculously busy schedule... depending on what it is you want.'

'Well, I was hoping you'd have time spare so that we can meet up...

Go on, say it. What for?

'So that I can kick your ass in a Pokemon battle!'

Gary facepalmed. Oh. Dear. God. He hasn't changed from when they were ten. Actually, he had physically improved, but that wasn't the point.

'Ugh. Whatever Ash. Fine, Umbreon was getting restless anyway and we all know I'll win. You really never learn, do you?'

'That's not true!' Ash shouted into the phone, indignantly. 'I've won against you before and I can do it again! Pikachu and I are just getting stronger all the time!'

'Yep. Mhm. Sure Ash. If you say so. Anyway, I have to work now, if I'm going to waste time battling you tomorrow. Bye.'

Ash glared at the black screen in front of him. He clenched the phone angrily and audibly growled, 'Damn you, Gary Oak, for being such a cocky ass and looking so darn good in black.'

Ah well, The little voice said again. At least you're much too distraught to possibly be expected to finish your forms...

Gary was sitting at a bench with his Umbreon, waiting for his opponent to arrive. Idiot probably got lost on the way. Wouldn't be impossible, with his sense of direction.

The sound of irritated voices and rustling vegetation came from a clump of bushes a few meters down the path from Gary's seat. Before he knew it, Ash, Misty and Brock fell out of the bush and into a crumpled, dusty heap on the ground. Ash was first to jump up, a smug look on his face. 'See, I told you my shortcut would work! We're here now!'

'Yeah. Well done, Ash. And if I die from the network of cuts on my skin getting infected, I'm going to hold you personally responsible. So expect to be sued for all you're worth, Ketchum.'

Gary smirked at the irritated redhead. 'What, ten bucks, a league cap and half a hamburger? You know, it's really good to know that at least someone in your group is calm and collected, Misty.'

Misty and Ash both looked offended and Brock raised his hand. 'By calm and collected, I suspect you actually mean me.'

'Nah, sorry. I've seen you around girls. Anyway, back to earth, can we get this battle over with? I'm kind of busy.'

'Fine with me, Gary! I'll show you that I'm worth more than ten bucks!'

'...and a league cap and half a hamburger.' Gary muttered under his breath. But he let the matter be and walked a few steps away from Ash. Brock walked into the middle of the space between the two boys and commenced his umpire-speech. Ash is going DOWN.

Ash knelt on the ground, cradling his injured but conscious Pikachu in his arms. 'Pi-ka,' it crooned softly in his arms.

'Its okay, Pikachu. You did great. I'm proud of you.'

Gary stood watching him, Umbreon standing triumphantly at his side. 'So, Ashy boy, how did you find that particular butt-whooping? As satisfying as all the previous ones? I know it was good for me.'

'SHUT UP YOU JERK! You're always rubbing stuff in my face and I'm sick of it!'

'Hey. You were the one to challenge ME. And you knew major pwnage was awaiting you. So, quite frankly, I don't claim responsibility for any emotional boo-boos you may have gathered from this experience.'

Ash looked up at Gary, chocolate-brown eyes lit from within with anger. He slowly got to his feet, glaring at Gary the whole time. 'I'm really sick of you, you snobby, -'

Gary tuned out as the string of insults continued. Ah, screw this.

Ash's monologue was cut short as Gary grabbed his face and roughly kissed him. Pikachu, who was wedged between the two boys, assumed that Gary was attacking its trainer and let off a sudden, violent blast of electricity. The two boys cried out and stumbled away from each other, blatantly avoiding eye contact. Ash looked at the angry mouse in his arms and then up at Brock and Misty, who were just standing to one side, mouths open and eyes wide at the sudden turn of events. Ash walked over to Brock and placed Pikachu in his arms. He then turned and stalked towards Gary.

Gary finally looked over as Ash approached him. Ash's usually happy face looked darkly determined and Gary was actually convinced that Ash was going to punch him in the face. He still stayed where he was, because he was fairly certain that he'd win if there was a physical fight between them. Ash stopped right in front of Gary and poked him in the chest with a lightly tanned finger. He glared right into Gary's eyes. 'Took you bloody long enough.'

And then he leaned up and kissed him again. Not nearly as roughly, but they still got quite into it. Brock was first to recover out of the onlookers. 'Ah... Misty, Umbreon, Pikachu... let's go get some ice cream.' And so, they left the two boys to their business as they went on the quest for ice cream. (A very successful and worthwhile quest.)

Back in the PokeCentre after the day's events, Ash really couldn't say that the Trainer forms were quite as bad as he'd thought. In fact, he went to sleep that night with the papers in his arms and his stupid smile curving newly bruised lips.

I can't say I'm too happy with the end. I was a bit sleepy when I wrote it. And sorry about turning Ash into a squealing fangirl. Really, I am. But I just had the urge to do it.

And I know that Mrs Ketchum's first name is Delia. And I know that Ash knows this. But if you've seen Black Books, you know this wouldn't work if Ash knew his mother's first name.

Read and Review if you can be bothered. I'd love to hear any suggestions on how to improve my ending.