God I suck! I am so sorry! I've had finals/writer's block/retail hell season and all that jazz. Please please pleeeeaaaase forgive me. I actually am starting Chapter 4 tomorrow hopefully. I have a much better idea of what I am going to do with this story and now I am on break so expect an update relatively soon. Thank you for your patience with me and please tune in to my ranting at the bottom for a special offer.

Bella

I awoke against something smooth and cold and hard. Edward. Oh good heavens, had I fallen asleep against him? He must be terribly annoyed with me, how was he supposed to read this way? I scrambled up from the bed trying to find the courage to properly apologize. "I'm…I am so sorry….I didn't mean to…oh lord!" I scurried into the bathroom to hide my shame. But just before that I had glanced at him. He looked disappointed and sad. It was almost as if-no, Isabella Marie Swan don't be ridiculous; a vampire can feel nothing but contempt for a human. He may be tolerant of you but he will never care for you.

But I cared for him, deeply. I don't know how it happened but it just did. He had the most beautiful eyes, they were so expressive. He was lovely of course. A girl as plain as I am will always be enamored with handsome creatures; it is the way of the world. But there was more, there was a certain vulnerability to him. There were parts of him that hurt that I desperately wanted to heal. I felt so silly thinking that but I couldn't help it. I heard Alice knock on the door and his footsteps quickly exiting the room. It was safe to go back.

"Bella hurry up and open the door! You are going to Miss Exeter's house for tea today with Mr. Black, have you completely forgotten?"

"No, no I haven't Alice." I replied quickly answering the door. Alice stood there with a cream colored silk blouse and a pink herringbone skirt with a matching jacket. She immediately began yanking my nightgown off of me and handing me my underpinnings. I was quiet as she dressed me, engrossed in my thoughts; thoughts of Edward to be exact. Alice kept chattering away about her love, Jasper the stable boy. I heard her mentioning going to see him later but I wasn't really paying attention.

She buttoned the last button on my skirt and shoved me before the mirror. "You know you are beautiful, right?"

I shook my head "Alice, don't be ridiculous." She frowned. I peered through the window at the front lawn I could see a car pulling towards the front of the house, it was Jacob's. "Alice! Alice! He's here!" I squealed with delight. I took off running towards the stairs. I hadn't seen Jacob in an age. I could not contain my excitement. Despite being in delicate ladies' shoes and my clumsiness I got to the front doors quickly and burst through them with unmatched enthusiasm. Jacob was stepping out of his car.
"Bella!" He exclaimed joyously.

"Jacob!" I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck he picked up and twirled me around. "It's so good to see you!"

"Same to you Bella. Oh Clara can't wait to see you again either." Clara was Jacob's fiancée. They had been betrothed since birth but unlike most arranged marriages they were madly in love. They made quite a pair; delicate doll-like Clara who was not even five feet tall and Jake was practically a giant. He joked that he could close his hands around her waist. I said he could put her in his pocket and carry her around. Clara and Jake were my best friends. We grew up together. "You won't believe the ring I found for her. She loved it!"

"You got her a ring Jacob?" I asked.

"The wedding is next June, so far only our families know so you're first in on the secret. Don't tell her I said this but she wants you as the maid of honor."

I beamed "I'd love that." He put his arm around me like an older brother and we walked into the house

"I wanted to get here early so I can talk to you about what I'm going to give her as an engagement present. Bells, I haven't got a clue."

"We'll discuss it over breakfast Jake." My father was thrilled to see Jacob. He always liked him. I always suspected a part of Charlie was disappointed that he was going to marry Clara but he knew to keep that to himself. I don't think he really understood how perfect Jake and Clara were for one another. And Jake couldn't stop talking about her. He was excited for the engagement party next week and I promised I would attend. I also promised I'd help him find a gift for her. Alice who had come down to say hello was thrilled about the engagement party, it meant she could put me in a fancy gown. I told her that the star of the evening would be Clara in hopes she would not go overboard. It was far too easy for Alice to go overboard. Of course she had a million questions for Jake about the ring. How big was it? How much did it cost? Where did he buy it? The morning had passed without any more thoughts of Edward. Charlie didn't even bring him up. Jake apologized that he and Clara couldn't make it to my birthday. Clara's great aunt had died and they had to go to her home for the funeral. He told me today's tea would be our little birthday party and he and Clara had gotten me gifts.

Clara met us in front on her home. She embraced me right away and we kissed on both cheeks. I wanted to see the ring Jake bought her and I was not disappointed. I pictured poor Jake whose mother died when he was young in the finest jewelry store trying to find a ring with out the consultation of a woman. He did a very good job however. It truly was a diamond as big at the Ritz. It looked almost comical on her tiny childlike hand. Jake gave me a jeweled music box for my birthday with a dancing fairy in it; he confessed that Clara picked it out however. Inside the jewelry box was Clara's gift which was a beautiful opal ring. I tucked it into the bottom drawer of the jewelry box for safekeeping. The hours seemed to fly by with them and we sat in Clara's drawing room until dark. I had completely forgotten about everything else in the world until I got home.

Edward

I watched her run to the lawn. Outside a young man stood. He was as tall as a tree and broad as a barn. She ran to him as if she saw nothing in the world but him. He wrapped his arms around her and spun her around. I could see her laughing. I felt my lifeless heart ache. She certainly loved him, was in love with him. There was no hope for me. Of course, how could there be? What was I thinking? She was human; she could be sweet to me but she would have to live her human life far away from me. To think I dreamed of being with her! How could I? She would want a human husband who would give her a normal life. If I could cry I surely would.

No maid came to help with my ointment. I had to apply it myself which was both painful and difficult. The rest of the day I languished on my mat even though it was painful uncomfortable. The idea of going into Bella's room made me feel sick. Everything there would smell like her, it would remind of her and I did not want that. It hurt too much to think of her. So I sat in pain, both physical and emotional and miserable silence. I tried reading the books she had given me. The first one I picked up without looking at the title, it was a book of fairytales and because the fates must despise me the first one in anthology was "Sleeping Beauty." Of course I thought immediately of the first night watching her sleep and hurled it across the room. Another prince would wake my Sleeping Beauty.

I heard two pairs of footsteps and voices, one Alice's and one Bella's. Alice spoke "Are you excited for the engagement party?" If my heart could beat it would surely have stopped then; an engagement party, obviously for Bella and the giant. It was over. Alice was talking about what dress Bella should wear and Bella was embarrassed. From the little time I had spent with her I could tell she did not like attention very much. I also could tell I was in love with her and now I knew I would never have her.

I wanted to break everything in site. I want to tear myself open and destroy myself. I couldn't live like this. Alice said goodbye and I heard the door close. I became aware of the pain in my shoulder. "Edward!" She exclaimed, almost to herself. "Edward!" She called out again and I stepped into her room. God she was beautiful. "Oh good heavens I am so sorry! I completely forgot! How could I? Oh I do hope you can forgive me." She bolted into my room to get the ointment and I froze. How could I ever have her touch me? To feel her soft fingertips against my skin would be pure torture.

She appeared in the doorway unscrewing the cap from the bottle. "Bella," I growled "I think it would be best if you left such things to servants." I looked at her and her eyes were wide with shock, and then hurt. She looked as if I had slapped her. I realized how harsh I had sounded. I want to comfort her, to wrap my arms around her delicate frame, I wanted to beg for forgiveness but I could do none of these things.

She looked down "Of course, I shall call for Jessica or Angela right away. I hid in my room deeply ashamed. She called the downstairs and I heard her step into her bathroom. She was hiding from me. I felt like a monster. How could I have harmed something so perfect and sweet? Even if she could never love me perhaps she could at least not despise me as I am sure she did now. Jessica came up shortly and yanked at me and slapped the ointment on me. I hissed in pain and regretted my interaction with Bella even further.

After I was sure she had gone to sleep I snuck into her room to watch her. Beautiful, perfect Sleeping Beauty. Something glimmered in the light on her face: tears. She had cried herself to sleep. Was it because of me? I moved closer to the bed to make sure I had no imagined it, I had not. I wanted to wake her and tell her I was sorry but I couldn't. I knew she would forgive me and I couldn't live with that. I couldn't have her so close yet so far away. So I did something I shouldn't have ever done. I leaned over the bed and gently kissed her. She softly smiled in her sleep and I could feel my heart melting. I watched her sleep until morning and when she began to wake up I retreated to my room.

The next few days I hid from her and she seemed to hide from me. I followed her sometimes, just to watch her and bask in her loveliness. When the sun was out she would read outside under the trees and when it was too cool or the day it rained she hid in the library. Never did she spend any time in her room except when she went to bed. Jessica made her appearances to care for me/try to hurt me. And every night I would watch Bella sleep, and every night she would sad. I didn't kiss her again, though lord knows I wanted nothing more.

I had a fantasy I revisited when alone. It was night and she was sleeping. I could hear her steady heartbeat and even breaths. I moved close to the bed and leaned over her, close enough to feel her breath on my skin. I closed the space between us with a soft kiss. Her eyes flew open. "Edward." She would whisper breathily. I would freeze, unsure what to do. Her little arms wound around my neck and she pulled me back towards her. She kissed me with passion and I responded eagerly. The rest of it was too indecent to admit to thinking of such a virtuous young woman. Every night I would inch closer to the bed, hoping to make fantasy reality and every night I told myself it was too absurd to me true and kept my distance.

Okay here's the deal in order to get reviews (which help validate me, hahaha)/get my butt working on the next chapter here's the deal: If you review I will send you a short teaser for chapter four. If you are an annon. reviewer and want a teaser you can leave me an email/myspace url/whatever. I love you guys for serious.

-gingerbreadcoffin