If the Cullens never came back

(begins from New Moon, P.377)

Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward's voice in my head. Storm-cooled air blew through the cab as he got out, blowing away the echo.

He met me at my door as I got out, waiting to walk me to the door. "Bella," he asked questioningly. "Can I come in for a bit?" I stared for a moment, frozen in unlocking the door. Why would he ask? Something must be on his mind. "Sure." I replied casually.

Entering the house, I decided to start on a long dinner, something that wouldn't take much work. I wanted to sit with Jacob.

After putting the lasagna in to bake, I went back to him.

Rising, he sighed, "I guess I'd better go. Charlie will be home soon." I didn't want him to leave now, no matter for how short a time, not after this awful day. I put my arms around his waist as he put his hand on my hair.

"Bella," he said, pulling me away from him. "Bella," he whispered, his tone softer, more of a croon. He released my shoulder to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down my jaw. He pressed both hands against my cheeks, trapping my face between his smoldering hands. "Bella." he whispered again.

I was frozen.

No! I hadn't made this decision yet! I didn't' know if I could do this now, and I was out of time to think. But rejecting him now would certainly have consequences.

I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me.

Maybe it would be easy-like holding his hand or having his arms around me. Maybe it would feel nice. Maybe it wouldn't' feel like a betrayal. Besides, who was I betraying, anyway? Only myself

Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face toward me. And I was still completely undecided. When he was inches from me, I realized: True love was forever lost. My prince was never coming back. I wasn't a princess after all, why would he? An inch away from his face, I made my decision.

I closed the last inch.

His hands were soft on my face and his lips were very warm, gentle. It was brief and very, very sweet.

Pulling away, he dropped his hands to my shoulders again. He was glowing. I smiled as I realized, it was easy. Jacob's warm, soft lips forbade any memory of His cold, firm lips. It wasn't betrayal, it was acceptance.

Charlie's cruiser broke the silence. "I really should be going." he told me softly. Pulling me against his blazing chest, he gripped me tightly, in a quick hug. As he released me, he bent down to kiss me again.

"Come by tomorrow." he said as he stepped away, heading out the back door. Closing it shut, he sprinted to the trees, vanishing from sight.

Charlie opened the door as I moved to take the lasagna out of the oven. "Hey dad," I called softly. "I'm sorry about Harry."

"Yeah." he replied sadly. "Poor Sue and her kids. It hit them the hardest."

We ate in silence, Charlie thinking about Harry, me thinking about other things. The dull ache I always felt was coming back without my sun there to keep it at bay. I tried pushing it away with thoughts of Jacob, but it would not fade. I would be stuck with the pain until tomorrow when I saw Jacob again. I went upstairs and fell asleep, drowning for the second time that day.