a/n: SO LIKE, THIS IS THE BIGGEST FAULKNER INSPIRED THING EVER. So, yeah. I wrote like William Faulkner "Sound and Fury—" style. It maybe a little hard to understand, and it's…kinda long. BUT TRUST ME ITS WORTH IT. This is for Suki's….birthday…which was November 13. LMAO. OKAY I'M LATE, I KNOW – BUT I LOVE AND ADORE YOU, AND IT HAD TO BE PERFECT. If you want to explain anything (just leave a review saying hai crazy twit EXPLAIN THIS.) Maybe nicer words. But, I will. Just ask.

Disclaimer: The inside of my ear itches – Jess. WHO BETA-D YEY JESS, BUT UM YEAH NO PWNNSHIP YET. ONE DAY.

It started with a chair.

Smashing into my skull.

I don't remember much before that. I remember the chair and the throbbing pain. And I remember that weird kid with the red hair standing up and punching Seifer in the face. It's all a weird blur, red meets blond, green fury matches brown surprise. And the ground – it's lovely. The cool gym floor caresses my face. The back of my head is swollen. It hurts. There is a crowd forming, screaming "Fight! Fight!" Someone steps on my hand. I cringe with pain. Whistles blow and teachers yell for order, but it's too late.

A riot had begun.

That's how I ended up in the principal's office, sitting in between the red haired kid. And my brother, he's holding an icepack to my head because apparently I can't do anything with my right hand anymore. I clench my left one, and it sends pain through my arm. My chocolate-haired polar-opposite look-alike scowls.

"Stop it." He sends what he thinks is an intimating glare, but his blue eyes are too full of concern to pull it off. I sigh, shifting uncomfortably in my chair, I could stare at the awards and degrees our principal had earned, but I really don't care. I've been here enough times to recite them in my sleep. What really intrigues me is the burnout sitting beside me, the guy who fought for my honor. He has spiky flaming red hair, a cigarette in his mouth (despite the no smoking rule), tattoos under his emerald green eyes. He was a skinny fucker, and it's a wonder how Seifer didn't kill him. Seifer got the worse of it: black eyes, jaw shattered. The redhead didn't suffer at all: bruises on his knuckles, and a burn hole in his pant leg.

He catches my eye and smirks. I turn away, looking at my brother. He is busy talking into his cell phone in hush tones to his best friend and the love of his life, threatening to murder Seifer in his sleep, relaying it all to the silver haired asshole. I could see Kairi raging, auburn hair falling into her face as she screamed and cursed. Violet eyes furiously glaring every time Riku dared to disagree with her. My brother smiles, quietly trying to keep her calm, I shake my head – not even he could do that. Not when I was involved.

"You okay, kid?" he speaks. I turn over to the burnout. I can't glare at him, I want to, but really, he kicked the shit out of Seifer. It gets him three hundred bonus points, and an automatic That Kid Is God from Hayner. I just shrug in response. He tilts his head to the side. "You should see the other guy," he informs me, and I can't help but crack a smile. This pleases him. He holds out his hand, and I shake it. His hand is so warm, it surprises me. But he won't let go of my hand when I jerk away. In fact, my response seems to please him more. "The name's Axel."

"Roxas." I nod. He still won't let go. I pull back my hand, but he grips tightly, grinning at me. My eyes narrow, but before I can get a word in, the door slams. We both turn around. The principal glares at us with maliciousness. She's a tall blonde and when she isn't around, is referred to as buggy, due to the hairstyle she sports. Green eyes watch us carefully, then she turns to my brother, hand on hip.

"Mr. Sora, if you would be so kind," she hisses. She isn't in the mood to humor him. Sora shuts his phone and hands it to her, and she smiles, slamming it down into her desk cabinet. We pretend not to hear it shatter. She sits, folds her hands, and sighs, rubbing her temple. "Fighting boys?" she looks at the two of us, and I snatch my hand back. Axel puts out his cigarette in her ashtray, but she doesn't look at him with disgust- just wrinkles her nose. "You know, I should suspend your asses."

I'm surprised. She's pissed off. She had to deal with a fight, which was rare at her prodigious school. She knew that I wouldn't say anything about it. But Sora stares at her in shock, of course, having never been on this side of Larxene's desk. With perfect grades, perfect test scores, perfect everything, my brother was lost on this side of the turf. Axel didn't crack a smirk or anything, as he had done earlier. His face was emotionless; I was impressed. Not many people can deal with Larxene this way the first time. I certainly didn't. But, maybe he was used to this – I don't know, I didn't know he'd existed until today. "I wouldn't mind a few days off," I say.

Axel snickers, and Sora stares at me like I've slapped him. I shift in my seat. I hate having him here. "Roxas, you didn't do anything!" he says and looks at Larxene, who is watching with an indifferent expression. He scowls at her, but her expression doesn't falter. He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "He didn't do anything," he repeats like a mantra. I don't understand – what's a few more days? She waves him off, and he stops. I stare at Axel. He stares at Larxene. Sora crosses his arms. I sigh.

"Seifer has been taken care of." Her eyes flicker to Axel, who grins sheepishly. She turns her attention back to me. "This is a matter of Roxas." She eyes Axel again, then Sora. "And Roxas only." She leans over the table, yet I don't move. "Unless you want to tell them what really happened." I freeze. I don't remember. I look at Sora. What if it was really bad? What if it hurt him? But then again, it would be good to know what the hell I did to get hit in the head with a chair. I probably deserved it- I don't doubt that. But, Sora may disagree. Sora might get hurt because of it, and I couldn't live with that.

"Five days?" I ask, ignoring Sora's disproving sigh. Larxene's face forms a frown, sighing and shaking her head. Disappointment? What the hell? I think it's a reasonable amount of time. I mean, I didn't really do anything. I just want out of this hellhole.

"If you say so." She waves her hand, and that's my cue to leave. Sora glares at her, and I just push my chair in, getting up to leave. He holds up his hand. He wants me to wait, but it's too late for that. The damage has been done. She turns to Axel, pity on her face. It is a strange expression on such a cruel person. "And why are you here, Axel? We had agreed upon a solid ten days out. Fighting won't be-"

"-Tolerated. Tell me about it, doll face." He picks a cigarette up and lights it, handing it over to her. Sora's face twists with disgust. He hates the smell of cigarettes. I roll my eyes. I'm tired, and it's time to sit on my couch and close my eyes, I tap my foot impatiently. "Moral support, for the blondie." My eye twitches. I don't care if he beat the shit out of Seifer. I hate the bastard. I slam the door on my way out. Sora calls after me, but I don't come back – that man, I hate that man. I feel sorry for my brother, apologizing for my outburst. He's always like this, constantly having to apologize for me. Sometimes I feel bad for him, but that doesn't stop me.

"Roxas!" Sora calls again after me, but I ignore him. I march out of the wing. I can't get it out of my head, the warmth of his hand (his smooth, flawless hand). I can picture it running through my hand, or pulling into his embrace. I shake my head. I hate him. I walk down the hallway, passing some idiots as I walked by. They laugh as I shove pass them. This is school goddamn it; they shouldn't be happy here.

"Watch it asshole!" one sneers. I turn back, blinking as the brown haired girl stops laughing immediately as she sees me. I could punch him. After all, I'm already suspended. It didn't matter much, but something in her green eyes made me want to get out of there. I didn't know her, but I felt guilty. "Olette, c'mon, let's leave that lamer."

"Don't bother." I turn back around, picking up my pace. It's not worth it, I tell myself, shaking the image of the girl out of my head, not when freedom was so close. I push the doors open. The sun is shining, but there is snow on the ground and a chill brushes against my face. I shove my hands in my pockets. It's better than the pale walls and grim faces I see everyday.

I kick the snow as I slide down the stairs with ease, my feet clunking against the ice. I hunt for my car. It's an easy find, the piece of shit, sitting alone in the back, and I wonder why I parked so far away. I walk out of the hellhole and into my car. I dig in my pocket, but my keys aren't there. I search through the other pocket in vain- they're not there either.

"Shit!" I kick the tire. I sit on the back of the car, elbows on my knees, chin cupped by my hands. I tried to remember. Remember, remember. I remember the chair smashing into my skull, and the pain – the pain in my head. Everything else is black, everything else is blank. Why can't I remember? Can't remember, can't remember. And then my keys are hanging in front of my face. I look up and Axel is jingling them in my face.

I can't remember—red hair, green eyes a blur; near me, with me. Words, cigarettes, smoke, coughing. I hate cigarettes. Kissing, touching, warm, cold. I blush, shaking the thoughts of my head. It's a blurred mush all together in my head. "You'll need these to start my car." I get up immediately, my face flushing. I'm an idiot. He knows I'm idiot.

He laughs, I laugh, we kiss. Stop it, I tell myself. I probably look like a fucking cherry. "Sorry," I mumbled. I wonder where my car is… if I have a car. Keys. Why would I forget my keys? "Axel, if your head wasn't screwed on you'd lose it too." I toss them to him, he laughs. It's a beautiful sound, ringing out. "What would I do without you, kid?" I don't know. I don't know. I stare at Axel. Who is he? He smirks at me, and I hate him. I don't care who he is; I hate him.

"S'matter, Blondie? You look like you've seen a ghost." Maybe I had. He brushes his hand against the jaw of my mouth, and I want to fall into him. But I don't. I just stare at his emerald green eyes. Pain flickers in them. What's his problem? Why was he in pain? What did he know? I pull back, and I take two steps backwards. He doesn't move. There's pity in his eyes. "This is really a pain in the ass." I watch as his hand falls back to his side, defeated. He shakes his head with laughter, but it's not like I remember. My mind's hollow and unhappy.

"Just leave me the hell alone." His eyes aren't flickering with pain. So much pain he's drowning in it. I feel like shit, yet I don't know why. I don't know him. I don't owe him anything. Do I? I can't remember. Before today- had I known him? I must have. I remember him. But I don't. I think I'm crazy. I can only imagine what he thinks. He's staring at me again, but I don't know what he's waiting for. I'm the one standing here, and that's just it. The conversation is over. It's time to walk away, but where was I going to go?

"If only it were that fucking easy." He takes a step nearer to me, and everything inside me tells me to run. But I stand still. His eyes rage. He hates me, he hates me. Why does that hurt so much? I don't want him to hate me. "C'mon Axel don't be mad," I coo. But he doesn't move off the couch. I sigh, putting my hands behind my head. "She didn't know." He glares at me, like I'm digging my hole that much deeper. My stomach sinks. "Can you at least talk to me?" He's so stubborn. I sit down next to him tapping my fingers on his knee. "You know I love you, you have to fucking know." His lips twitch, but he won't smile – his pride won't let him. I shake my head. What the hell was this? What the hell? Why did I know him? But I don't know him! What the fuck was happening to me?!

He's lighting a cigarette, and he watches me with cat eyes. And I hate him. He has all the answers (he knows why I don't remember), he has all the answers. He remembers. "Who are you!?" I bellow at him. My memories hurt. My memories are a blur, everything hitting me in pieces, shards of glass. I can't hide from them. He perks up at my outburst, flicking the cigarette away. He takes another step towards me. I jump back. "Get out of my fucking head," I tell him, but he's not listening. I grip my head. It hurts. The memories hurt. My head is throbbing. Axel grabs my hands and pulls them away.

"I know it hurts," he says. He squeezes my hands. But he doesn't know – he has all the answers! How could he possible know? "But please, don't fight it." He kisses the tips of my knuckles. I want to punch him in the face, but I can't. He's holding them back. I push my forehead into his chest. I need to hit him. He buries his face into the back of my neck, and his warm breath makes me shiver. I want him, I need him. He cautiously drops my hands, gently pulling me into his embrace. I fit here in this stranger's embrace. I belong here.

"Crackhead!" I recognize shriek of a girl I know. She's running over to us. I jerk back and push him away. This is wrong. I don't know him. I'm just crazy. "What do you think you're doing?" She's by my side within seconds. Axel stares at me, and then he turns, jaw-clenched irritation on his face. Kairi loops her arm with mine, a glare matching Axel's. Kairi smells like rain. We're sitting at home, the four us, Riku and I sit bored on the couch. Sora sits on a stool, but his feet can't touch the ground. Kairi is pacing as the rain pitter-patters on the roof. "I wanna go outside!" she complains to nobody in particular, crossing her arms. Sora looks up. Even as a child he loved her so.

"It's raining." Riku informs her. Her face falls, and along with it, Sora's. Who was he to ruin their fun? Just because he's the oldest, he thinks he rules the whole world. I stand up, glaring at him. I hate Riku. He ruins everything. Ican't go around parading this, however, it would hurt Sora too much. So I settle for a glare here and there whenever Sora has his back turned or eyes closed. I can hate him as much as I want when Sora isn't around, but as long as he is, I have to lock it up and throw away the key. He loves Riku like another brother, his best friend. I go over to Kairi, who is staring out the window, I grab her hand because I know how angry it makes Riku. He loves Kairi too. Kairi is a great kid, but I don't get the appeal. She's pretty, sure, but she's Kairi. She's like a little sister.

"Let's go play in the rain, Kai." And she takes off, pulling me along with her, the summer rain hitting us hard. But we keep running, Sora yells after us. Riku follows behind us. We run and run, and I squeeze her hand tightly. I'll never let go. She's laughing and I'm laughing. We're getting soaked, and it doesn't matter.

"Listen, princess," Axel hisses, but Kairi doesn't seem flattered, she seems used to this. She stands a little taller, feet placed firmly on the ground (he's not going to blow her away). She isn't some straw house a little pig built, I muse, but a strong young woman. Not the princess she played as when she was little. She can stand up to the big bad wolf all on her own. My stomach turns at seeing the fight. I don't like it. Riku steps forward, just in case. In case of what? I wonder. She can handle herself, can't she? She seems like it.

They all know, don't they? I pull my arm back away from Kairi. Confusion consumes her face.

"You can't keep him away from me forever," Axel says. What the hell is he talking about? I don't know him. I don't love him, I don't know him. But I remember him. I hold my head for it's beginning to pound, and my fingers tear at my golden locks. Anger flashes to concern in his green eyes. I want him to stop looking at me like I'm the only one here. Kairi looks hurt, and she kicks at the ground, not meeting his eyes.

"It's what he wants…" She looks over at me, pity in her eyes. She's sad for me. What for? Why is everyone sad for me? Axel. Sora. Kairi. Axel. Was it because I couldn't remember? Because I cant remember? Why can't I remember? How was I supposed to remember? Riku glares at me, and I like that. I like the lack of pity in his eyes. I glare back at him, just to show him how much it means.

"He doesn't even fucking know what he wants!" Axel roars, and I feel a bit taken a back. I'm right here! Hello, yes, that's me you're talking about. I can speak and hear. I'm right here, and I know what I want. You could just ask me. But no- let's fight about this. Let's be stupid about this. I'm not a child, I'm a grown…teenager. I'm grown up, but they're treating me like I'm a child. Lying? Withholding the truth? It's all the same.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not right here!" I yell at the two of them, and they both fall silently. I am thankful for the long, awkward silence. It covers me like a blanket. My head throbs, pounding louder than anything, my thoughts – my hopes, my dreams – all shut down by the sound of my brain screaming for an overdose of painkillers.

"You're not." I'm surprise to hear his voice. It's not angry, like mine. It's calm, stating a simple fact, the simple truth. I'm not right here, but I am. I am very much here. I stare at him like he's an idiot. For a minute, nothing happens; we're all too surprised. And then everything happens at once.

"Riku!" Kairi yells in shock, hitting his arm. He cringes at the blow. She has quite the right hook (or was it left?) Her eyes flare, and she's about to give him the speech of his life, but before she can open her mouth, Axel grabs him, pulling him away from Kairi. Axel holds Riku by the collar. Nostrils flare. He's going to kill him.

"Shut the hell up or I'll—"

"He won't remember it anyways."

Axel's threat is cut short by the truth- the cold hard truth that smacks him in the face.

He stares at me, and I look back. He knows. They all know. I'm not crazy. Axel pulls his fist back like a slingshot (Ready! Aim! Misfire!) I grab it before he can hit Riku. He would have taken it. Riku knows when he deserves a punch to the face, and Kairi would have screamed. Sora would have come, and he would have gotten hurt.

But that's not why I stopped him. I stopped him because he knows the truth. Axel's face softens, his grip loosens on Riku's collar, but he doesn't let go.

"I'm right here." I inform him.

Riku shakes his head. "You're never really here." I had half a mind to let Axel beat the shit out of him. "You're killing us, Roxas."

"Riku, don't." Kairi shakes her head, but Axel just stares at me. Green eyes studying me carefully, he lets go of Riku completely, his arms dropping to the side. He can see, with just once glance, that this is what I want. I need to hear this. He closes his eyes. Kairi looks towards the school, and I follow her gaze. Sora is walking towards us. He's not looking up or down, or even at us. He's frowning, which disturbs me- he never frowns. "Dr. Ansem is it serious?" Sora asks. They keep telling me that that's his name. But he's a stranger. I don't know him or the red-haired man holding my hand, kissing the tips of my fingers. It hurts to move, but he's a nice man. He reads me stories. He's a pretty sad guy. Sometimes when he thinks I'm sleeping, he cries. He puts my hand to his face carefully as to not pull out the wiry tears streaking down his face. It breaks my heart. Doctor Ansem's face is grim, but it's a pretty grim place to be in a white room full of people I don't know. They say they're my friends. They say I was in accident. I'm covered with wires. My bones ache. My head really aches. It hurts to think.

I can't remember much of anything. That's what Doctor Ansem is going to tell him. That's what the nurses tell me. The crazy one with short choppy brown hair tells me I've lost my mind, but the brown haired one with the braid always corrects her. "Post traumatic amnesia, Yuffie." She looks at me with nice green eyes. Nice but sad. The white room is so… sad, but there's always someone here. Today they're all there. The silver haired – Riku, the blonde – Naminé, the red – Kairi, and the brown – Sora; they're all here. The candy-apple-eyes man is always there. He never leaves me side. Sometimes I dream about him.

I've lost track of the days I've been here. "I'm afraid so. Your brother has amnesia." I blink. That isn't right, I struggle to tell them. But the mask is in my way. That damn mask. I try to push it off, but the buttons beep. "Roxas!" the red headed man tries to stop me, but I have to explain to him that's not it at all. I struggle. The buttons are going off, but my vision is fading. What's happening…no… Dammit no. But it's too late, the beeping calms and I am under the dark blanket again.

"Four weeks ago you were in a car crash." Riku pauses, looking over at Sora who has joined our little group. My brother just looks past him, hands clasped behind his head, his lips still stuck in a frown. Axel coughs, and Kairi touches my shoulder. I flinch. "You went through the windshield." I can't recall it. I can't recall anything. Post-traumatic amnesia, the nurse with the braid tells her friend. Post. Traumatic. Amnesia. It's just a fancy way to say I can't remember anything, due to an accident. An accident I can't remember, but is somewhere inside me. I can't remember. My head throbs. Somewhere inside me, my memories are locked away. Hidden, appearing like television fuzz. "You were doing well…until today."

The day started like any other day, or at least I thought it did. Regardless of the facts, I was remembering the stupidest things, like small little pop up ads. I can't stand it. I knew all I needed to know.

My name is Roxas. I could go places with that. Axel disagrees, rubbing the nape of my neck as he shows me a different picture. It is strange to see yourself on a cue card, or rather, the coloring of what was supposed to be you. Naminé was a professional, but she can't draw a detailed sketch of you and Axel on a cue card: two small stick figures, one with red hair and one with blond in dark, strange, foreign coats. I stare at the figures blankly.

"A crappy picture of you and me." I smirk, but he doesn't find this amusing. He drops his hand to the side, and I groan. He taps his foot impatiently, so I stare at the card again. This is stupid, I know this, he knows this, yet he keeps playing these stupid games. But that was Axel. He loved his stupid games.

"And?" His hand entwined with mine, his fingers looping with mine. I put his fingers tips against my face, brushing them against my lips. Maybe I can get out of this? He shivers, tints of pink appearing on his face, and he pulls his hand away, leaving mine all alone. Cold and alone. I flex them.

"A corny picture." I answer. He growls, frustrated with me, but I just shrug. I know what I need to know. I cross my ankles. I won't meet his eyes. We were going to be out late at this rate, but he won't do it – he just has to have his way. I sigh, starting to walk toward the door – but he grabs me by my waist, clinging me to his chest. "Axel." I complain. "We're going to be late."

"Roxas," he growls in my ear. "This is important." He presses his lips against my collarbone, and I tug on his mane, turning around pulling myself up biting down hard on his lips. He grunts in response, pressing hard against my lips. Hunger bursts through him, and I run my hands through his hair as he pulls us over to the couch. We fall, breaking our kiss. He smirks at me as I play with a lock of his hair. My fingers are tangled in his hair. I kiss the top of his forehead, a grin spreading on my face.

"Axel, I could never forget you…c'mon." He sticks the cue card in my back pocket, pressing his lips on mine. If I could savor this moment for just…forever… But it doesn't work that way. I am fine. I remember the important things. It's time to face the real world, but I'm scared. I bury myself into his chest. What if I forget something stupid? Here I was closed, here I was safe – but out there, it was a whole other story.

"I'll hold you to that." He smirks, he grabs my chin holding me gaze. "We'll get through this." I smile, pushing myself off the sofa. I grab my bag, pulling it over my shoulder. Axel sits up, lighting a cigarette. Smoke starts to fill the room. I roll myself over and slam the door on the way out. I am embraced by the cold November morning. It's only November, and it's already snowing. I groan, stuffing my hands in my pockets. It's going to be a long day.

Axel beat me to school. He drove, and generally I would have joined him – but Sora insisted we walked, even though we were as frozen as popsicles. He isn't big on the whole car thing anymore since the accident. I cringe. I'd rather go through the windshield than freeze my ass out here. I hate the cold. I hate the snow. I walk into the hellhole and try to defrost, but even the school is cold. I glare at the floor, the stupid cold floor. I hate this place. I walk into my classroom and I freeze.

Where do I sit? It could be anywhere really, but I see blond hair with camouflage and I remember – Naminé's badly drawn pictures flash in my head. Hayner. The kid in the jersey taking a picture of me is Pence. Click. Flash. It was bright. "Roxas!" It's not the voices of two boys I should know, but a girl. This girl hugs me, the girl with brown hair and sparkling green eyes. I can see Hayner's jaw clench. Pence takes another picture as she hugs me tightly. "You're okay?"

She knows. Okay – cool. There are purple spots floating around in my vision. Damn flash. Hayner storms over and grabs my arm, yanking me to what I think is my seat. What's his problem? Pence shakes his head, and O-o-Olette. She looks hurt. I scratch my head, trying to remember something important, but instead another popup – I have an English project due. 'Who would you die for?', a typed essay due in another week or so. That sounds stupid, I'll probably skip it with Olette riding on Hayner and I to do it.

But she can't anymore. Hayner loves her, and she was dating Seifer. Riku is talking, but I am not listening. I don't want him to tell me. I want to figure it out by myself. The memories are flooding back. Thick and rich, fast and without warning, they start to come in flickers. Ansem told them it would happen gradually, but that's not right at all.

They aren't friends anymore. Olette doesn't say anything as Hayner screams at her, his face red flushed with anger. Pence tries to get him to stop, his camera on the floor. I ignore him. He has every right to scream. He loves her, but she was leaving him – for Seifer. I play with Pence's camera, trying to pick it up with my feet. I told her, I told her again and again – she shouldn't date him, it would ruin everything. And it is. It's ruining everything. Pence is trying to stop Hayner, Olette is starting to cry. I look up at the ceiling, but a crunch brings my attention back; Hayner had stepped on Pence's camera as he stormed out.

I close my eyes. My best friends broke apart, smashed, never standing a chance (much like Pence's camera.) I told her. I tell her all the time. It was her fault, all her fault. Everyday, every second, Pence hated me for it, but I won't stop. Hayner won't stop me. Axel will just egg me on. She was a whore, a stupid whore who ruined everything –

And then there was the chair. It collided with my head.

It ended with that chair.

Tears prick at my eyes. How could I forget? One simple action leading into darkness, black, fading into nothing, and then rushing back. It was overwhelming to realize you've lost something you've always had. "I'm sorry." I say, interrupting whatever Riku was saying. They all stare at me, but Axel reacts, pulling me into his embrace. I don't fight him this time.

"Not a problem, Blondie." I loved him. I love him. I squeeze him, I don't ever want to let go. I'll never let go. What if I forget him again, I couldn't forget him again, could I? But I would if my head didn't heal. I could forget them all in an instant. "I'll always be here to bring you back." He whispers softly, kissing the top of my head.

I smile. "I know." The proof was in my pocket, I may disappear with my memories so fragile, gone in seconds, but Axel would be there to help me put them back together. "I know."