A/N: Finally, another update! Just so you guys know, I finshed the end a little quickly so sorry if it isn't quite as good as the rest of the story so far. But anyway, go ahead and read!
Disclaimer: I own nada.
Bombs and More Scary People
Link and Midna appear at Eldin Spring.
Link: Phew! Glad we're outta there!
Midna: Yeah, and I got another Fused Shadow!
Link: And you also owe me a fried cucco. (holds out his hand) Pay up.
Midna: Damn, I hoped you'd forgotten about that . . . fine here. (sees a cucco walking along the street and fries it with a bolt of magic)
Link: YES! FINALLY!
Link runs over to the cucco, but just as he is about to pick it up, Renado runs over and kicks it, sending it flying out of sight.
Link: (stares at Renado, shocked) WHAT THE HELL?!
Renado: Link, Talo wants to talk to you!
Link: You just kicked my cucco!
Renado: Link, did you hear me?
Link: YOU KICKED MY DAMN CUCCO! I'VE BEEN WAITIN' FIVE MONTHS FOR THAT THING! FIVE MONTHS!
Midna: (says from his shadow) Actually, it's only been about two days . . .
Renado: What was that?
Link: (glares at his shadow) The little %#*& in my shadow.
Renado: (takes a step back) Alrighty then . . . well, Talo's waiting at the top of that really tall tower.
Link: Fine, I'll go see the damn brat!
He starts walking towards the tower, when Midna comes out of his shadow and pushes him from behind. He falls over and Midna kicks him while he's down.
Link: OW! What the hell was that for?!
Midna: For callin' me a %#*&, you effin' elf!
Link: I'M NOT AN ELF!
Midna blows a raspberry at him and goes back into his shadow. He stands up, muttering curses at her, and starts walking towards the tower again. He eventually comes up to a Goron.
Goron: Hello, puny human! Boy, I sure am happy to be talking to you guys again!
Link: (pissed off) I don't want to hear about your damn personal life. Just help me get up to the tower.
Goron: Sure thing, but don't you want to hear how happy I am?
Link: No, I friggin' don't care! Now, are you gonna help me up?
Goron: Well . . .
Link: Okay, that's it!
Link kicks the Goron in a very bad place to be kicked. He climbs onto the Goron's back and the Goron flings him into the air so high that he instantly lands on top of the tower. He sees Talo looking over the edge and he starts to sneak up on the little boy.
Talo: (whips around as Link comes up behind him) HI LINK!
Link: (jumps ten feet in the air) AH! How the hell did you know I was behind you?!
Talo: Well, you weren't really being that quiet . . . I mean, you were laughing like you were gonna sneak up and push me over the edge or something . . .
Link: What?! N-no I wasn't! Why would you even think that?!
Talo: (shrugs) I dunno. Anyways, I heard you got a bow in those Goron Mines!
Link: Yeah, what about it?
Talo: Show me how you shoot stuff!
Link: Really?
Talo: YEAH!
Link: Okay. (takes out his bow, cocks an arrow, and points it at Talo's head)
Talo: WAIT! I DIDN'T MEAN AIM AT ME!
Link: TOO LATE! MUHAHAHA!
Link lets go of the arrow, but a mysterious gust of wind blow it off-target and it hits a bird flying overhead instead.
Link: WHAT?! GODDESSES DAMN IT!
Talo: Wow, you really suck . . .
Link: Hey, that wasn't my fault! The wind blew it away!
Talo: Psh, yeah right. Loser.
Link: Why you little- (gets smacked in the face by a dead bird that fell from the sky)
Talo: Ha ha!
Link chucks the bird away and glares at Talo.
Link: You wanna see me really use these arrows? I'll stick 'em in your-
Midna: *gasp* Link! Such language!
Link: What?! I was gonna say eyes! I'll stick 'em in your eyes! And besides, you're the one that called me an elf!
Midna: That's not bad language. I'm just tellin' it like it is.
Link: HEY! I already told you, I'm not an elf!
Talo: (raises his hand) Um, I have two questions. One, why are you yelling at your shadow? And two, why is there a little girl's voice coming out of nowhere?
Midna: I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL!
Link: What voice?
Talo: That one! It just yelled "I'm not a little girl!"
Link: I didn't hear anything.
Midna: Link, what are you doing?
Talo: See?! It just talked again! It said your name!
Link: I hear nothing. I think you're going insane.
Talo: No I'm not! . . . am I?
Link: Yeah, I think you are.
Talo: No, no, you're lying! You can hear it too! I know you can!
Link: Nope. I don't hear a thing.
Midna: Link, what the hell are you trying to do to the poor kid?! Make him go crazy?!
Link: Not quite. I have a cunning plan . . .
Talo: See?! I KNOW you heard it that time!
Link: Yeah, I think it came from the platform below us. Why don't you look over the edge and see?
Talo: Okay, I will! (looks over the edge) Hey, I don't see anyth- AHHHHH! (screams as Link kicks him off the tower)
Link: YES! WOOHOO! IT ACTUALLY WORKED!
Midna: I can't believe he fell for that . . .
Link: Now he's finally dead! Yes- wait, WHAT?!
Link is shocked as he looks over the edge and sees Talo staring up at him, perfectly fine. Talo waves up at Link and then turns and starts walking down the street as Link stares after him shocked.
Midna: Well, that was a waste of time . . . why don't you just go get some bombs so you can continue your quest to save Hyrule and all that crap?
Link: Wait! Wasn't I supposed to complete another little side task that doesn't really have anything to do with my mission at all?
Midna: Too late, you missed your chance! Now hurry up and get down to that bomb shop before I push you off the edge myself!
Link: AH! Okay, okay, I'm going!
Link runs all the way back down to the road and goes into the newly opened shop, Barnes' Bomb Shop. He goes up to the counter and sees Barnes standing behind it.
Link: Hey, fatty, I need some bombs. What do you got?
Barnes: Heys, it's the guy with the stupid hats! How yous doin'?
Link: My hat isn't stupid! And I'm really hungry for some fried cucco, if you must know. You see, I was supposed to get one, but then-
Barnes: So anyways, you wants some bombs? 'Cause if not, then gets out.
Link: Wha- you just cut me off in the middle of a sentence!
Barnes: I gonna calls security!
Link: What the heck did I do? (sees Barnes about to push a button under the counter) Alright, alright, I'll buy some damn bombs! Geez!
Barnes: Good! Well, we haves only one kind right now 'cause the rest got blowed up. So, I'll give yous a bomb bag and bombs for 120 rupees!
Link: Uh, okay . . . don't you need to see an ID or something?
Barnes: A whats?
Link: An ID? You know, to show how old I am?
Barnes: Aw, it don't matter!
Link: So, you'll sell your bombs to anybody that walks in here?!
Just then, Malo walks into the shop. He glares at Link and goes over to Barnes.
Malo: I need fifty bombs, stat.
Barnes: Okey-dokey!
He gives Malo some bombs and Malo leaves, kicking Link in the shin as he walks by.
Link: OW! You little brat! (turns to Barnes) Do you even know how old that kid is?!
Barnes: I don't cares! Now, 120 rupees or no deal.
Link: Okay, here- wait, you gave Malo fifty bombs for free!
Barnes: He's a long-time customer.
Link: But . . . he's a freakin' LITTLE KID!
Barnes: And?
Link: You- ugh, never mind! Here, take your damn money! Gosh!
Link throws the money at Barnes and snatches the bag with bombs in it from the counter. He walks out of the shop, gets on Epona, and starts riding towards Hyrule field. As Epona is walking, Link inspects his latest purchase.
Link: Hey- there's only two bombs in here! That fat old- HOLY SHIT!
Link is almost knocked off his horse as a bulblin rider comes out of nowhere and shoots an arrow at his head. Midna puts the bombs in the invisible storage space as Link swerves out of the way.
Link: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?!
Bulblin: EYAAAHNGRAAR!
Link: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SAID!
He rides towards Eldin Bridge, but the bulblin follows him. All of a sudden, Link hears a yell.
Postman: HEEEEEEEEY!
Link: Aw, shit . . .
The postman runs in front of Epona. Link tries to hit him, but Epona stops just in time. Link curses at her and looks behind him to see where the bulblin is, but he realizes that the world has completely stopped.
Link: What the f-
Postman: Hey, sexy! I got another letter for you! (holds out a letter and smiles creepily at Link)
Link: (takes the letter gingerly with his thumb and forefinger) Er, thanks . . . hey, do you know why the world stopped just now?
Postman: Oh, it's 'cause of me! Once I leave, everything will go back to the way it was! Cool huh?
Link: More like bizarre . . .
Postman: So, technically, if you just stay with me, that bulblin won't ever come after you again! Awesome, right? So, what do you say? (wiggles his eyebrows suggestively)
Link: Um, I think I'll take my chances with the bulblin . . .
Postman: Hm, suit yourself. (turns to leave but suddenly whips around and points at Link) But mark my words, Link! I WILL have you someday! VICTORY SHALL BE MINE! AHAHAHAHAHA! (runs away, laughing like a maniac)
Link: (shaking) Midna, I'm scared . . .
Midna: Oh, just forget the creeper and keep going, will you? Look, that bulblin just woke up!
Link: What?! (sees the bulblin coming after him again) Holy crap! Go, Epona!
Epona: (stands there) . . .
Link: Uh, hello?! Move, you stupid horse!
Epona: . . .
Link: Um . . . I choose you, Epona! (kicks her in the sides)
Epona: Neigh! (What's the magic word?)
Midna: I think she wants you to say please . . .
Link: MOVE YOUR FAT ASS!
Epona: NEIGH! (Say please, dammit!)
Midna: Link . . .
Link: AH, OKAY! PLEASE MOVE YOUR FAT ASS! (Epona starts to run) Thank you!
Link rides Epona to the bridge. When they get on it, the bulblin screeches at them again and goes off in another direction. Link rides over the bridge and sees some rocks blocking his path.
Link: Okay, no problem! Midna, hand me a bomb!
Midna: (hands him a lighted bomb) Here you go, elf.
Link: (glares at her) I'll have you know that- IS THIS ALREADY LIT?!
Link hurls the bomb at the pile of ricks as Midna laughs at him. The rocks blow up and Link starts to walk forward. Just then, a portal opens up in the sky and a big chunk of the bridge disappears. Also, three twilit messengers fall out of the portal.
Link: (jumps off Epona) Again with the bridge?! What the hell is with these people?!
Link quickly defeats the messengers and a new portal opens. He gets back on Epona and rides along the path he just created, until he sees a Twilight Gate and Epona refuses to move anymore. Link jumps down and walks over to the gate.
Midna: (comes out of Link's shadow) So ready to go into the Twilight?
Link: (sighs) I guess . . .
Midna: Okay, lets-a go! (goes through the gate)
Link: Hey, that phrase sounded oddly familiar for some reason . . . AH!
Midna grabs Link with her giant hand and pulls him into the Twilight once more . . .
***
A/N: Whew! I'm glad I finally updated this thing! Like I said before, I'm not sure when the next chapter's gonna be up. Until then, review please!