The Inner Workings of Butterflies Chapter 2: Wish We Were, a gossip girl fanfic

The Inner Workings of Butterflies

Part Two – Wish We Were

Summary: Blair and Chuck are a lot of things, but do you ever wonder what they wish their relationship was like?

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. Man, someone needs to bribe The CW network so I could have it. :)

We wish we were a stable and normal couple.

"You can't just be satisfied with the fact that I'm not screwing someone else!"

"Because I expect that of you. Is that supposed to be something new?"

"It is for me."

We wish we were smiling and happy like we're meant to be.

"I don't want to be miserable. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy."

"Then stop complaining about everything."

"I can't do that if there's always something wrong with us."

We wish unconditional love was easier for us.

"I can't say I love you if you don't love me."

"I do love you. There are things that just make me hate you sometimes."

"But why can't you just say you love me without the entire charade?"

"I want to. I do. But I can't tell the difference between love and hate anymore."

We wish we could decipher the thin line between love and hate.

"I'm really tired of waiting for you to choose whether you want me."

"It's not a matter of choice."

"Then what is it?"

"It's a matter of knowing when it's time to stop playing games."

We wish we could make sense of our relationship.

"I don't really know how things are going to end up with us anymore."

"Is that a problem?"

"I'm not really sure. You tell me."

"I don't know either."

We wish we were better with goodbyes.

"I'm really sorry. I wanted this to work so badly."

"I think that was what tore us apart."

"I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I know."

We wish we were better at letting each other in.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't want to talk about anything."

"Can't you just respect that?"

"No. I'm only trying to help."

"Well, then stop helping."

We wish we could admit that we have butterflies.

"Let go of me."

"What if I don't want to?"

"I don't care. I don't need you."

"Well, I need you."

We wish we could go back to being friends…

"Nothing's ever going to be the same again."

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"I'll let you know."

…Because sometimes we aren't too friendly.

"I'm beginning to realize why I shouldn't be with you."

"Is there anything that you still like about us?"

"Probably not."

We wish we could see that we are the best things that ever happened to each other.

"I'm fine on my own. I don't need you."

"Fine, then get out!"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what do you mean?"

We wish the odds weren't stacked against us.

"No one wants us to be together."

"Is that a reason to stop trying?"

"Maybe. I just don't see how this could ever work."

We wish we weren't pessimistic…

"This is never going to work."

"Why can't you just believe that we might be happy for one second?"

"Because I'm tired of pretending everything's okay."

"Then why don't you try to make it okay?"

…But that comes with the relationship.

"I stopped trying to make things work a long time ago."

"Why?"

"Because some things…just aren't worth my time."

"Are you saying you give up?"

"For right now. Not forever."

We wish it was as easy as rising from the ashes.

"We just stop and start up again. It's nothing more than that."

"Why can't we just make every permanent?"

"I wish we could. But that comes with complications."

"Everything comes with complications."

We wish that we didn't make so many mistakes.

"I've done so many things wrong…So many mistakes…"

"It's okay. Just learn from this one."

We wish we could hold on forever and never let go.

"You're leaving."

"Just for a little while."

"But I need you."

"And I need you too. But I need to go. Just for now."

We wish tragedy never came into our midst.

"I'm sorry about all of this."

"But this isn't your fault."

"We could have avoided it, though…"

"But everything happens for a reason, right?"

We wish every once in a while that we had never met.

"Do you realize how much happier I could have been if I'd never fallen in love with you?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"I wouldn't be stuck between a rock and a hard place. You're not enough anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I just don't smile anymore with you. It's not enough that I love you."

We wish we could take all the wrong things we said back.

"I'm sorry for everything."

"So am I."

"I wish we could just…go back."

"There's no rewind button for life."

We wish that we wouldn't get so angry at each other.

"I hate you. Take everything and get out."

"How many times are you going to say you hate me?"

"Until you understand how much I do."

We wish on a star at night…

"I have dreams for us."

"You do?"

"Of course." She smiles. "And I know every single one of them is going to come true."

…But we don't tell each other.

"Can't we just dance forever?"

"I wish."

"Then just hold me, please…As long as you can."

We wish forever was an easy concept for us to grasp.

"I want us to think about forever."

"But we can't even stay together for two weeks."

"Forever can mean a lot of things."

"But what does it mean to us?"

We wish the days without each other were easier to get through.

"This has to be worse than Romeo and Juliet."

"You're never here."

"And I wish I could be. But please, just wait."

"You know I will."

We wish that reunions came faster than goodbyes.

"It's been such a long time."

"I know."

"A couple more weeks…"

"And then what?"

"You can have me."

We wish that we had learned how to make sacrifices.

"I'm not ready to let you go."

"But you have to. Just for a little while."

"I'm tired of being apart."

"It's not always easy to be together."

We wish our dreams could come true at the same time…

"I have to live my life. Sometimes that won't include you."

"But I want to be a part of all this."

"I just want to live my dream. You just need to step out of the way for a bit."

…But we have to take turns.

"We can never be in the same place at the same time!"

"We're just going at two different speeds."

"We're never going to be in sync if that's how it's going to work."

We wish we made smarter decisions…

"You're just an idiot. I can't believe you did this!"

"I was trying to make things better for us."

"Well, in case you didn't notice, you made things worse."

…Because they would have saved us a lot of pain.

"I feel…like a part of me is missing…"

"I understand that. But you never waited for me."

"I wasn't moving at the speed of light. You never went after me."

"It's like we put up a brick wall between us. I just can't get through it anymore."

We wish that we had learned to take our differences in stride.

"You just can't deal with the fact that we aren't exactly alike. We're not going to agree on everything."

"I know that. I just can't reason with you."

"You can't reason with me all the time."

"I know that all too well."

We wish our labels as "the Devils" wouldn't stand the test of time…

"You are too good, you know that?"

"I never get tired of scheming."

"Neither do I."

…Because the labels fit us so well.

"The Upper East Side has us pegged as a pair of demons."

"Nothing is truer than that."

We wish we didn't worry so much…

"There's so much to do…I'm starting to stress out…"

"Worry looks good on you."

"Don't flatter me."

…Because deep down we know we're fine just the way we are.

Author's Note: Well, here's the second part. I have to say, although writing this (which is ten pages on Word – for part each part) was tedious, it was definitely fun. Especially with my friends from the eNVy thread keeping me going. Thanks guys!

The next thing I'll probably put up is The Last Dance. It's a CB oneshot. I don't have a preview at the time, but here's the summary:

If I gave you my heart, would you keep it always?

Review! I will love you if you do. Thanks, Cass