Title: The Family
Disclaimer: I work in extortion, not copyright infringement.
Rating: PG-13 ( T ) – 'cuz you get to find out what kind of panties Videl wears n.n
Spoilers: Teddy bear underwear is surprisingly popular amongst today's youth.

Summary: OneShot. "Y-You wear...teddy bear underwear," he observed, still staring at the white cotton panties that were exposed to anyone who cared to look. Pre-Blackmail, GhVi.

Good Lord, I've gone and had her kidnaped again.

Another SweetestIrony entry that's almost late. Theme – Family.

— — —

"Gohan-chan, have you finished your homework yet?" ChiChi asked, pulling another sudsy dish from the full sink. While she scrubbed and waited for her eldest's answer, she kept a wary eye on the towering pile of plates to her left that were yet unwashed. Any small disturbance would surely send them toppling from the counter and onto her spotless floor, which would surely be the greatest disaster in the Son house since Cell.

"Huh?" he replied, refocusing his attention from the television in the next room to her.

Raising her voice above the self-important jingle of the nightly national news, the Son matriarch repeated herself; "I asked you if you've finished your homework yet, Gohan-chan, and I don't appreciate your tone!"

"I d-didn't mean – "

"Haven't I told you not to interrupt when other people are talking?" ChiChi interrupted, spinning around to face him so fast that the mountain of china quivered. Lowering her voice, she continued her lecture, "Really, Gohan-chan, didn't I raise you better than that?"

"Sorry, but – "

"If I have to warn you one...more...time about interrupting people, Gohan, you're going to bed without your third dinner!" she warned through gritted teeth.

Gohan was perfectly silent after this, save for the occasional gulp. In the background, the pompous news anchor was announcing some bit of information that sounded dire, but nothing more pressing than an entire army of bubble gum-pink monsters wrecking havoc on all of humanity would prevent her from finishing her lecture (and it would only slow her down a little).

Turning her back on her eldest son to take up her former task of rinsing "Do you understand?"

No answer.

"Gohan-chan?"

Still, no response from Gohan. The newsman was really getting into his story now.

"Gohan?"

Was he going to answer, or what?

"GOHAN! Are you paying attention to me?" ChiChi shouted when her last nerve had been worn completely away. Slamming her dishrag on the counter beside her, she turned to bestow her evil death glare on –

No one.

"Gohan-chan?"

CRASH!

—

Knowing that he was going to be in trouble when he returned home that night and not caring even one bit, Gohan picked up his speed as the Satan City limits came into view over the otherwise dark horizon. His friend – one of the few he had in his own age group – was in trouble and there was no way he was going to let her stay that way.

According to the nightly news with John McCormick, Videl – his classmate and part-time stalker – had been captured by the mob sometime late the night before and was now at their mercy. Apparently, there had been some delay in even realizing that she was missing (someone had assumed she was spending the night at a friend's house, supposedly), meaning that the trail had already gone cold and the cops were at a loss for where to start looking for the missing champion of justice. Had the ransom note left behind by the perpetrators not specifically mentioned that this was a mob crime, Gohan rather doubted that the fools over at the SCPD would even know that much.

Oh, but now that The Great Saiyaman was on the job, Videl was as good as found! Gohan's only lingering fear was that he was already too late to keep her from harm...

No, that was no way to think. He had to remain positive and believe that all was well (or well enough to be expected when one's friend was the hostage of mobsters)

"I'm coming, Videl-san!" he vowed to no one in particular as he swerved around a skyscraper and, in the same instant, reaching out to her with his chi. Even assuming these mobsters knew how to fight, Videl was sure to stand out amongst them and the rest of the human masses and her location would be revealed post-haste.

Ah-HA! "She's down by the docks!"

Halting for a split second in midair, Gohan pivoted his costumed body and shot off in a more southernly direction. In the distance, the murky depths of Satan Bay beckoned him.

—

"Are you going to be nice if I remove your gag, Princess?" the troll-ish goon asked, leaning in close enough to Videl's face to shower her with spit.

Instead of offering him muffled expletives, the teenaged champion of justice narrowed her eyes in a cold glare. The weakling backed away, trembling.

"Leave 'er alone, Tommy. Remember what the boss said," another lackey interjected, taking a step toward the willful teenage girl. "We gotta keep her alive until they give us the ransom and then we can do what we want with her."

Even on a nicer-looking face than this tub of lard, Videl wouldn't have appreciated the look she was being given. It was lustful, disrespectful, disgusting. Had she the ability to move her limbs, Videl would have ripped those leering eyes out of his head and thrown them into the bay outside.

Shifting her glare to focus on the larger of the two goons, Videl growled through the dirty handkerchief covering her mouth. To her disgruntlement, the fat lackey's eyes weren't looking anywhere near her face, making her single weapon of intimidation useless.

"Now, don't be like that," he said with what was probably meant to be a placating coo. He left his mouth hanging open after his sentence trailed off, allowing a single drop of saliva to escape and fall onto her bare leg.

Furious, Videl jerked hard on the bindings that kept her ankles secured to the rickety chair they'd placed her in. Not only had she been kidnaped in the middle of the night, soundly beaten into submission (which they'd never have managed if she had been fully awake at the time, she confidently believed) and then stowed away in a dirty, crumbling warehouse with a bunch of bumbling morons, but now she was being drooled on by some fat, disgusting pervert? If it was the last thing she ever did, she was going to free her foot and shove it right up his –

CRASH!

"Stop right there, fiends!" a ridiculously pompous voice called over the din of shattering glass as a green and red blur dropped down on the scene through the skylight. Less than a split second later, The Great Saiyaman was standing between her and the lecherous goons.

Well, for once she was happy to see him.

"Saiphamnn!" she called through her gag at the back of his helmeted head.

"Don't worry, Videl-san," he began, inclining his head so that she could see the cheesily dashing grin he was sporting. "I've come to res – "

"GET HIM!"

Rattattattattatta...

Before the big dope could even finish his heroic proclamation, gunfire erupted from the other side of the room where a pocket of mobsters had been lurking in the shadows. Their playing cards lay forgotten on the dilapidated table behind them as they aimed their weapons at the masked intruder.

Wasting only enough time to block a few of the bullets with his gloved palm, Saiyaman scooped Videl – chair and all – up into his free arm and took to the air.

"Idphiot!" Videl spat, ducking her head so that it was shielded by his chest from the firepower that was still being aimed their direction.

Launching them both through the destroyed skylight, Saiyaman returned them both to relative safety. He slowed his ascent quickly after reemerging into the outside world and drifted to the opposite side of the roof, clearly avoiding the hole he'd created earlier. A fairly smart thing to do considering a stray bullet or two had followed them all the way up and out earlier.

He landed a ways away from their ejection site, still holding her close to his chest. "Are you okay, Videl-san?" he asked, setting her chair down gently next to a pile of rubble and pigeon poop.

As he was clearly expecting her to reply, Videl bestowed a deadpan look upon him before launching into a new muffled tirade; "Imph stll gagft, yu idphiot!"

A bit of redness was visible beneath the visor of his helmet as he reached out to untie the knot that bound the cloth to her face. "S-Sorry...forgot about that."

As the moldy handkerchief was pulled away from her face, her loose hair fell free around her shoulders and she gulped in the fresh air that had been denied her for nearly a full day. She was amazed at how much she'd taken for granted before this experience.

"It's...okay," she reassured Saiyaman after a moment of relishing the unfiltered oxygen. "Thanks."

With a more natural smile than his last, Saiyaman said, "No problem. Do you know what those guys kidnaped you for?"

"Not really," Videl replied, shrugging. "Something about how I was destroying 'The Family' by arresting all their guys and how I needed to pay...blah, blah, blah."

"'The Family'?"

"That's what they call themselves," the female crimefighter explained, wiggling a little bit in her seat. Her butt had fallen asleep hours ago and it was still uncomfortable. "Most of them are related somehow; brothers, cousins, uncles 'n whatnot. Some of them are hired guns, though."

"I see...," the helmeted hero said, apparently satisfied with the information he'd been given. "Let's get you out of these ropes."

"Yes, let's."

Dropping down onto one knee, Saiyaman went to work on the knots binding her ankles to the chair legs diligently. After a few seconds, however, something seemed to occur to him and he stopped.

"What's wrong?" Videl asked, dipping her head to gain a better vantage of his expression.

Much like the goon he'd saved her from earlier (though with a less sickening expression), Saiyaman didn't seem much interested in looking at her face. Instead, it was pretty obvious that his eyes, despite being hidden beneath a tinted visor, were locked on something else entirely.

"Y-You wear...teddy bear underwear," he observed, still staring at the white cotton panties that were exposed to anyone who cared to look.

Videl blushed heavily as her gaze dropped down to the little pattern that had been imprinted on the front of her low cut bikini briefs. Sure enough, these were her "Wednesday" undies and they had a winking teddy bear printed on the front. "So? Get back to work, Saiyajerk! Or do I have to tell the cops to arrest you, too?"

After a brief pause in which Saiyman gulped and raised his face to hers, he began stammering a question; "D-Did those guys...um...you know...have their w-w-way with – ?"

"NO!" Videl shouted, the heat in her face intensifying tenfold. "They kidnaped me in the middle of the night, genius! I sleep like this!"

Saiyaman didn't respond, seeming suddenly incapable of coherent thought. Instead, a small trickle of blood began flowing from his nose.

"Would you get your mind out of the gutter and untie me, please?" Videl commanded, tugging at her restraints for emphasis.

Still apparently unable to speak, Saiyaman lowered his head and got back to work on loosening the knots. It was slow work due to his fumbling fingers, but Videl's legs were free soon enough and Saiyaman moved around behind her to untie her hands.

"HEY! I found 'em, Giovanni!" a voice shouted from across the rooftop, causing both embarrassed crime fighters to look up.

"Shit," the raven-haired girl cursed, struggling against her bondage.

Quickly, Saiyaman removed what was left of Videl's bindings and helped her to her feet. Even quicker, however, the two goons dashed across the roof toward them, each brandishing a gun in their direction.

"C'mon, give 'er up!" the larger one – the same idiot who had drooled on Videl's leg – demanded, cocking back the hammer on his weapon. He had it aimed right at Videl.

"You tell 'em, Don!"

"Ah, so he's the boss, eh?" Saiyaman observed, nodding toward the big guy who was

"No, that's Don," the skinny goon corrected.

Scratching his head through his helmet, Saiyaman queried, "But...I thought The Don was always the boss."

Frowning gravely, Giovanni shook his head. "That's just a stereotype, sonny boy. Don't be ignorant. Our boss's name is Terry and Don here is our hitman."

"Oh, uh...sorry."

"Now, where were we?" the lackey asked, raising his gun once again. As he was taking aim at the caped crusader, he shouted, "Right about he – "

BIFF! POW! SPLAT!

" – ere," Giovanni finished through broken teeth as he slumped to the ground.

"Well, that was impressive," Videl quipped dryly, shaking her head at the scrawny fainted figure collapsed on the rooftop.

"Yeah, well," Don began, obviously struggling for a clever comeback. "You haven't seen the last of us!"

"You're leaving?" Saiyaman queried, scratching at his helmet again. "I thought you were going to shoot us."

"Yeah, that's right! I'm gonna shoot ya!"

"Then why did you just say – "

"SHUT UP!" Don screeched, a purple vein throbbing in his neck. Turning to Videl, he asked, "Is he always like this?"

"Mostly," she admitted freely, shaking her head. "Now, you were saying?"

"Oh, right, I'm gonna shoot – "

BAM!

No more gun.

Alternating his gaze between the fallen gun and Videl, Don seemed to be mentally calculating the odds of getting to it before either one of his foes. After apparently making his decision, he lunged for it and –

BIFF! POW!

Stumbling backwards, the big goon held a hand to his bloodied nose and cursed. He'd miscalculated the girl's speed and (worse) her right hook. "Okay," he said. "Now I'm mad!"

"That so?" Smirking, Videl beckoned the thug with her fingers and said, "C'mon, lardo. Let's dance."

—

"Oh, stop blubbering!" Videl snapped at the sobbing Don, who was being led away from the hideout in handcuffs. She pulled the red cape borrowed from Saiyaman tighter around her shoulders and glared at the weakling as he passed by her.

"S-Skinny bitch...," he accused, ducking his head as he was deposited in the closest cop car.

From behind her, Saiyaman said, "What you said to him was kinda mean, Videl-san."

Feeling her cheeks burn heavily with a blush, the dark-haired teen snapped in response, "Shut up! How was I supposed to know he was sensitive about his weight?"

"Uhh...well..."

"That's what I thought."

The two crimefighters stood side-by-side as they watched each of the mobsters be taken away by the police. Videl doubted that they'd ever be like this again or that she'd even be able to stand his presence the next day, but for once it was...nice to call a truce between them. All bets were off tomorrow, though; she'd unmask him yet!

Almost as if sensing the turn in her thoughts, Saiyaman suddenly proclaimed, "Well, I...uh...gotta go. Homework."

Videl inclined her head towards him before saying, "Right, see you around."

"Yeah...see you."

Just as his toes left the sidewalk, Videl called him back. "Saiyaman...?"

"Yeah?"

She smiled. "Thanks."

"It was my pleasure, Videl-san," he replied, his own grin stretching all the way across his face. "Oh, by the way," Saiyaman continued, hovering before her in midair. His cheeks appeared to be glowing red once more. "It's Sunday."

— — —

Author's Notes: Mob? Family? Get it? (Yeah, I know it's lame, but there's nothing in the rules that says I can't take this interpretation of the theme. I would know 'cuz I wrote them XD )

Umm...yeah. I probably would've done better on this if I weren't feeling so rushed, but...eh. Does it at least make sense? I can't even tell anymore...Ah, well, I still think that parts of this fic are relatively funny. Might scrap it later and/or rewrite it.

I guess I technically own Don, Giovanni and Tommy, but I'm not particularly attached to them. If I see them in someone else's story one day, I won't be mad one bit. So, yeah...take 'em if you want, but you gotta clean up after 'em.

Alas. Time for bed.

. ( . Ms Videl Son . ) .

– Who's your daddy? GohanVidel