ALRIGHT MY PEEPS THIS IS MAH NEW STORY. IT IS FIRST AND FOREMOST A COMICAL RETELLING OF THE WIND WAKER FROM NOONE'S POINT OF VIEW PER SAY

This is another story my editor is currentley working on.

ALSO I'VE BUMPED EVERYBODY UP THREE YEARS SO IT STARTS ON LINK'S 15TH BIRTHDAY BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ZELDA

(Chapter one: Outset Island)

On the southern section of the ocean lies a small peaceful island of Outset, where at this point in time, an eight year old girl was currently running along the beach yelling very loudly:

"BBBBIIIIGGGG BBBRRROOTTTTHHHEEERRRR," Aryll called out loudly, looking for her sibling before spotting a yellow patch of hair on her lookout tower.

As she finished the climb up the ladder, she looked down at her sleeping big brother with a sweet loving smile on her face....

.....

..... That was until she kicked him in the stomach. "Get up you lazy fucker."

Link held his stomach in great pain and got to his feet, but still looked very much asleep.

Aryll readopted her sweet expression and asked, "Big brother, you look tired. Are you high?"

Link shook his head. "NO OFFICER... oh wait... hey Aryll. Wassup," asked Link, patting his head as if trying to get water out of his ear.

Aryll looked Link over before yelling, "YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE HIGH ARN'T YOU? IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, DUMMY! GRANDMA WANTS YOU NOW!!!" Aryll's scream summoned demons from hell to attack the nearby merchant ship.

Link looked at her, highly unenthused. "So?" he muttered out.

After that comment, everyone saw Link being drop-kicked off the tower by his much littler sister.

Link sputtered out water and swam to shore. Upon reaching it, he pulled a notebook out of his pocket and put yet another check next to Aryll's name on his 'to kill list'. After doing so, he collected his composure and walked up to his house.

"Hey Grams, I'm home," Link announced upon entering his house.

"Come here Link and get your birthday presents," his grandma called.

"YES! PRESENTS!" Link yelled, jumping up the ladder.

"Okay Link, you get one now, the rest with dinner," Grandma explained.

"Deal," Link agreed.

"Okay then. Here's your present." Grandma answered, holding out some clothes in a pile.

Link lifted all of the clothes up; in turn quickly realizing it was a green tunic like the Hero of Legend. But it looked like it would be... tighter… much tighter. "But grandma, I'm... I'm not gay."

Grandma's expression didn't change. "You're not? Well regardless put these on. It's only for today."

Not wanting to activate grandma's angry mode, he put them on and stretched around... "Not as tight or hot as you'd think but... Still pretty gay."

Grandma smacked her rude grandson over the head with her hand and pushed him out of the loft. "Go get your sister, you fuggin' moron."

Link scooted out the door, heading for the tower, scribbling down Grandma's name.

As Link reached the top of the tower, he saw Aryll put something behind her back.

"What'cha got there, ya little ankle biter?" Link asked.

"Wow is that what Grams made you... It's pretty freaking gay. When did you start banging guys, Link?" Aryll asked in a childish voice.

"I'm not gay, jerk-face." Link said, acting very immature, even pouting a little.

"Shut up Link and put out your hand. I have a present for you," Aryll scolded.

"Fine," Link grumbled closing his eyes and putting out his hand. Aryll put her telescope in his hand.

"Gee... thanks baby sis," Link said tussling her hair.

"Hey look over there with the telescope. The mailman's doing crack again!" Aryll exclaimed happily.

As Link looked through the telescope, he spotted the mailman. Sure enough, he was holding a straw next to some cut up lines sitting on top of the mailbox.

Then Aryll said, "Man what a crack head. Right Link...HOLY FUCKIN' MONKEYS! LINK! LOOK UP INTO THE SKY!"

"Language Aryll. Seriously." Link muttered looking up and spotting... "HOLY FUCKING MONKEYS LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT CLOUD!"

Aryll smacked him in the head. "No, the bird stupid!" Redirecting the telescope towards the bird with her hand.

Link stared at the bird for a minute. "Wow... Big bird," before he spotted a girl in its claw. Link couldn't help but notice she was kinda cute. "Hey, it's got a cute girl in its claw." Link then noticed cannonballs flying by.

And followed them back to a "PIRATE SHIP!!!" Link yelled. "Wow best birthday ever. Pirates, cute girls, flying birds and a giant taco."

"Not to mention your new gay outfit," Aryll offered.

"My new gay out-... IT'S NOT GAY!" Link barked.

All of a sudden one of the cannon balls made contact with the bird and it dropped the girl into the forest of the island.

"Oh shit, Link. The bird dropped her in the forest... Go get a weapon and save her!" Aryll ordered.

"Hey! You don't need to give me an excuse to get a weapon and go be alone with a cute girl" Link replied.

"Then why don't you HURRY UP!" Aryll barked, punting link off the tower towards Orca's house.

Link pulled himself from the sand and put another check next Aryll's name, then entered Orca's house.

"Hey Orca?" Link asked "Can you teach me to use a sword, please?" Link finished with a bow.

"Sure. Why not." Orca answered, tossing Link a sword.

AND THUS, THEY TRAINED. (A/N not going to write it out... to video game-ish)

"Alright Link, I think you're ready to take on your mission. Go forth with pride," Orca announced.

"YYYEEEAAAHH!" Link screamed, running straight up the mountain, falling off into the ocean, swimming around to the beach, running back up the mountain, across the rickety bridge, and then into the forest.

Link crept into the forest and walked up the path.

He hopped off a ledge, when he spotted a monster he knew as a bokoboblin. Luckily for him, it was unarmed. He charged it quickly with his sword drawn and for some reason it didn't notice him until he was about five feet in front of it. The creature charged back and Link hopped effortlessly over it, then spun around and dug his sword straight into the back of its skull. Blood squirted out at the spots where there were groves in the blade. He withdrew his sword and the monster fell to the ground lifeless then exploded into smoke.

Link stood for a moment taking everything he had just witnessed in. "Wow... I took a life... I could get used to this…" He chuckled evilly, looking at the dark red blood on his sword.

Link climbed up a rock and jumped into another grove. He noticed the girl hanging from a branch as he walked across the grove before a loud squawk was heard over head. Link spotted two birds that dropped two more bokoboblins, which Link was more than ready to kill. One barely touched down before Link's sword was sticking out of the back of its throat. Link withdrew the sword, but not quick enough as the other monster kicked him in the side, throwing him across the grove. Link got back to his feet and readied his sword. As the monster charged, Link unleashed a full spinning attack, ripping most of the beast's stomach out which threw the entrails in all directions. He wiped his sword off on his tunic sheathed it, and then continued towards the girl as the two monsters exploded into the purple smoke.

Link had only just reached the ledge when the tree's branch that held the girl snapped, and the girl plummeted quickly towards the ground. Link threw himself forward so that he could catch her.

"OOooowwww," Both Link and the girl exclaimed at the same time.

Link set the girl down and started explaining. "Okay I'm sorry about that, but you fell from the branch above us after a giant bird dropped you onto the forest summit of my island. I just fought my way up here to make sure you weren't a puddle after that fall." Link finished explaining to get a smile or a thank you.

.....

Not a fist to the face.

"Don't go making up stories of heroics, you freak! Did you have your bird kidnap me so you could flirt with me like this!?" The red-faced girl yelled.

Out of nowhere came some big ass pirate hollering, "MISS. MISS? MISS! Oh thank the goddesses your alright!" He exclaimed after spotting the two teenagers.

"AH Gonzo. You're just in time. Let's get back to the ship." The girl said sternly.

"Right," Gonzo (the big pirate) saluted.

Both pirates left the forest with link shortly behind.

As they came out, Aryll called to Link from across the bridge, "Hey Link! You saved the girl you said was cute!" She blurted loudly.

Link waved back and shouted sarcastically, "Thank you Aryll, for making this all the more awkward."

The girl looked back at Link. "Link. Your name's Link...? What's the girl mean cute? What's she talking about?" By that point, the girl was in Link's face, asking everything very seriously.

Thankfully for Link, her questioning was interrupted by a loud caw as the bird came back into view. Flying straight for the bridge, Link muttered, "saved by the bird... wait, bird... ARYLL GET DOWN!"

Link screamed the last part as his inner voice told him maybe it was thatbrowniehe had earlier. But for a minute, he thought he could fly and chased after the bird... right off the cliff.

He fell for only a second before the girl pulled him back up yelling, "YOU IDIOT! ARE YOU FUCKING STONED? YOU CAN'T FLY RETARD!" She screamed. He sadly watched the giant bird dive down and grab Aryll. She screamed for help, but it was useless.

Link was so sad, he blacked out. Aryll was his little sister. He didn't know what he would do without her. After all... She owed him 15 rupees. The girl pulled him up and set him on the ground. When Link got to his feet, the girl started talking to him.

"Hey Link, did you just ask to come on our ship?" The girl asked.

Link wasn't sure if he did, but it sounded like a plan. "Yeah! I want to chase that mutha-fuckin' bird down, get my sister back and probably take a nap at some random point later." Link announced like a hero.

"AND WHY SHOULD I LET YOU COME?" The girl asked in a snobbish tone.

"Because I'm sexy," Link stated, striking a pose.

"I'll say…" The big pirate, Gonzo, said.

Link gulped, instinctively tightening his butt. Just then, the postman flew from above, landing inches away from the small group.

"You'll take him because he saved you from the monsters in the forest." He said, "It's ultimately your fault the bird even came here. And, ONE OF YOUR PIRATES SOLD ME SOME BAD CRACK!" The postman blurted out, suddenly wiping some white powder, what Link suspected to be crack, off his beak.

"Fair enough," the girl agreed nodding slowly, "But you'll need a shield."

Link immediately sped off to his house to get the family shield, but when he got up into the loft, it was gone. Link dropped back to the floor and asked his grandma, "Where's the shield, Grams?"

His grandma turned around, holding the shield. "Right here. I was just getting one of your birthday gifts out of it," she tossed it at him. "You're going to go save Aryll." Link nodded and she started shaking, like she was crying.

Link put a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her. "It's okay to cry grandma," he told her.

His grandma sniffed. "I'm just so glad you guys will be gone. I can FINALLY throw sexy parties again!" she shouted ripping her clothes off to reveal a leather bikini-like outfit while ten dozen or so similarly dressed old people came in. They all started raving like they were sixteen year olds, aside for the occasional "Ow my hip", it was a swinging party.

That Link couldn't wait to get out of.

As Link arrived back at the ship, the girl asked him, "Hey Link, that pulsating (party) house is yours?"

Link looked back and shrugged "Yeah."

"What's with the cloud of funny smelling smoke coming from it?" She asked.

A moment of clarity reached Link. "Oh... so that's what my birthday gifts were... damn…"

MORE TO COME, I PROMISE

BUT PLEASE REVIEW