Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Suzumiya Haruhi Franchise.

April 13 --- Property of the SOS Brigade

Haruhi has demanded that I begin a journal.

And I'll say this now: it is ridiculous. Recording my banal thoughts in this dull-seeming notebook? Scratching down renditions of the boring events that occur in this clubroom as I slump over in my chair? I am tying my shoe. I am now shooting dirty looks over at Haruhi, who has just given me the finger. If I read this in a few years, I will surely be afflicted with a log-lasting depression as I sift through the trivial events of my youth recorded in this book. Is this how I am expected to pass the time, sitting and staring out an open window?

There are some bluejays flitting around in the distance. I believe that I can spot a few spring flowers popping up out of the ground. A nice spring day, and I am not even allowed to take a pleasant – quiet ­– walk around outside?

Ah, I am feeling so sleepy. I think it is because this warm sunlight is shining pleasantly on my face. So warm… I wonder what sort of thing would occur if I took a little nap here in this clubroom. Would I be in danger? Surely. There is not a chance in the world that Haruhi would forsake the opportunity to draw me a mustache with permanent marker.

Speaking of Haruhi, I wonder what she is doing right now…

Well. She's certainly not slaving in a journal, as I am doing. Just what is she trying to put me through? They say that writing is therapeutic, but just thinking that Haruhi will want to read this when I'm finished causes my insides to clench in anxiety. She will probably make me redo it. I can imagine her claiming that I did not write enough kind things about her in here. When I am an old man, I think I will read through this journal and discover just what it was that caused me to age. After all… I can feel the life being drained out of me already. Or maybe it is just this sunlight, making me feel so tired…

Haruhi is making origami. She's quite adept at it, though that does not surprise me in the least. Hm… What can I think of that she has mastered so quickly. Guitar? Sports? Mathematics? If she came up to me and claimed to have an IQ past 200, I wouldn't so much as blink. If I squint, it looks as though Haruhi is making some kind of red and gold frog, but she's also hand-crafted a few cranes, a rabbit, and a primitive dragon.

I am not sure if I would prefer to fold a bunch of difficult origami at this time, or to write agonizingly in this journal. Maybe I will count the bumps on the ceiling. Or I will amuse myself by staring at Asahina-san while she reads her cute little love story with a picture of a prince and princess on the front. She's giggling periodically, too. Leaning over in her chair, her blue and white maid costume wrapped around her, there's an adorable smile on her face that makes me want to melt. I think I would be content to fill these pages with ink-stained renditions of her beauty. Oh, shit! It slipped my mind that Haruhi is determined to read this when I finish. Better cross this out. I'll kill myself if she gets suspicious and tries to read it.

Oh, God. Haruhi's looking this way now. The vile expression on her face does not appear friendly. Uh – erm – what to write. Haruhi is the most fantastic brigade leader in existence. She allows me to anticipate the coming of each new day with an incredible zeal and enthusiasm. If my life were without this amazing brigade leader, I would surely die in my sleep…

All right, so enough crap. I have nothing else to write, but I've got to fill pages until Haruhi gives the word that I've completed enough. Feels like a homework assignment to me… Or perhaps ten of them placed into one. I can't recall an instance in life where I was expected to compliment the teacher in my writing – which makes this all the more painful. The more of a dirty rat teacher's pet I am, the higher my grade is. At this rate, however, I don't think I'll get more than a 'C.' Perhaps less for saying this. But that last paragraph should bring me up a notch. I am just kidding, Haruhi! Besides, a 'C' is better than what I generally get on homework, so I would rejoice if I achieved such a thing.

So… Koizumi. He is an irritating one. I can see him smiling pleasantly at me right now as I gaze in his direction. Perhaps he sympathizes with me in the cruel torture Haruhi puts me through. More likely, he is gaining amusement out of my torment. He knows Haruhi would never venture to assign him an exclusive SOS Brigade project. Lucky bastard. He truly doesn't realize how fortunate he is. He's just sitting there smiling at me, right next to the (insert word expressing magnificence) Asahina-san.

Anyway, enough about that bastard. I don't give a damn about him.

Did I mention I am forbidden to sit next to Asahina-san during Brigade meetings now? Apparently, I have made too great a deal of "friendly contact" with her, whatever that means. This, evidently, is forbidden in Haruhi's brigade. Oh, yes, Haruhi! I am using this journal not only as a "means of self communication," but as a "petition of protest!" So I'll say it now, quick and clean. Your aristocratic rules, Miss Haruhi, suck! All right. I'll be crossing that out, now.

What else to mention? Very little, except that Nagato is sitting over there in the corner reading a particularly fat book. If I kept count, I would guess that she has devoured over a thousand relatively large novels in the time she has spent with us by now. I doubt I have gotten through five in the length of my lifetime, which, I might mention, is quite a bit longer than Nagato's present lifespan.

Just how knowledgeable could she be, by now?

Yes, Nagato's a bit of a peculiar one. I won't mention any specifics, but she's put me through some strange events. Really, though, I would think with her endless desire for knowledge, she would seek to find more exciting manners of occupation. If I described her rather frankly, I would call her a reticent bookworm, and would be unable to think of anything more to say.

So… To sum up, in this brigade, we've got a domineering aristocrat, a sneering bastard, a beautiful maiden, and a stoic bookworm. And, I suppose, a cynical prisoner. What more is there to say?

I suppose it is possible for me to ponder further details about Asahina-san. She's got more to her than just looks, I assure you. It just doesn't feel right referring to her as an object one might look at. Though this may not be a fact one would pick up quite suddenly, Asahina-san's got an unshakable willpower. Despite Haruhi's constant harassment (you know it to be true, Haruhi!), Asahina-san continues to return, smiling with that face of gold and sunshine that makes our world a little brighter. I don't know how she does it. If it were me being molested and pulled about, I would shut up my doors with chains and hide myself in a corner. Thank you for remaining strong, Asahina-san. If you didn't do just that, I don't know what would inspire me to have the willpower to return constantly to this brigade, especially at the inconvenient hours our Domineering Brigade Master demands. Again, I say that with a delicate respect, Haruhi.

And that 'Sneering Bastard.' He really does do his best, to tell the truth. I don't know what made him agree so willingly to get involved in this crazed gang, and I honestly couldn't believe that he enjoys being here, but due to particular circumstances which I will not disclose in this journal, he really doesn't have a choice. The reason for this is not entirely due to Haruhi, either. Because of the guy's enigmatic tendencies, I honestly don't know his motivations, and I wonder what his preference is on being here. Does he enjoy it? Hate it? Who knows. But I guess while I'm at this, I've got something to say.

One of the most difficult things in this world is succumbing to the forces and accepting without complain the responsibilities you have been given. I think this is one thing Koizumi knows well. He is, after all, in that position, and I would not doubt this for an instant. I don't know just how many things he does, or what strings he pulls in the background, but he definitely plays his role, at least in mollifying Haruhi every once in a while. He never complains. Does his job – what he (potentially) dislikes. You can't live and expect to do only that which you desire to do. I think I've heard him mention this to me before, or something along those lines that sounds equally depressing. So when I think about all this, I guess I really do have a fair bit of respect for the guy.

Also while I'm at this, I've got to say a few things about Nagato, too. She isn't just a bookworm. If you knew her a little better, you would quickly discover that she has a great deal more to her (I don't mean that in the sense of her 'species'). She's the kind of person others take a single look at and instantly assume she's not worth getting to know, due to her reticence, absence of personality, and bookworm appearance. But let me say something. Once I got to knowing Nagato a little, I knew there was something more. And I knew she would make a good friend.

She's saved my life once or twice (bet that'll confuse you, Haruhi). Nagato's a friend that cares. I know she does. And there's nothing anyone can say to dissuade me from believing that, because she's done certain things, and I just know. No questions asked. Thanks for what you've done, Nagato.

And Haruhi, I know you're going to read this. You're probably reading this right now. But while I'm confessing these ridiculous sentiments, let me say some things about you, too, all jokes aside. That is, as long as you promise not to share this with the rest of the brigade. I will definitely regret this later, but here goes.

Uh, well, let's see. I guess I've had a pretty boring life before I got to know you, Haruhi. I mean, what would I do with myself, living a normal life, walking home as per usual after school every day, never being able to experience the multitude of peculiar (you'll never know just how peculiar) events I have seen. So you know, Haruhi, I guess there's a bit of gratitude for me to express. Not as if you'll care, though.

And, Haruhi, you're not just the stubborn, domineering, and demanding girl you appear to be. I've seen you do things I wouldn't expect. Like the time you played guitar for that band when two of the girls couldn't do it. That was unexpectedly kind of you. And actually, those sorts of things just continually change my perception of you. I don't know what to respect from you, really. But my life wouldn't be a fraction of how interesting it is now if I hadn't met you, so I'm actually kind of grateful.

So I don't actually regret being dragged into this brigade into the first place, or, I should say, pitching the idea, because if I recall this correctly, it was me who inspired you, wasn't it. Don't even bother denying that, because you know the truth. And I think that, if it weren't for me, this brigade wouldn't exist, would it? I guess that gives me a respectable position in the brigade. It also means that, I wouldn't even think of leaving it.

But I wouldn't regret inspiring you in the first place, either.

I think I'm only diverging from the main point, and I'm a bit bored of writing now, so I'll just be out and out with this: thanks, Haruhi. I appreciate all this. And I'm highly tempted to crumple this all up right now. But then I'll be forced to find something else to write. So as long as you return this journal to me after reading, and don't adamantly declare that I write more, I suppose I am okay with it. I have a feeling you were expecting it to be longer, but now that you're reading it, you'll change your mind, right?

Well…let me just rethink what I said. I actually don't think I minded writing in here much at all. In fact, I might have, in a sense, enjoyed it. That's something I wouldn't expect to say.

But I really do think I'll fall asleep if I keep this up. So now I'm going to stand up and announce to you that I'm done writing. You may get pissed, because I was supposed to wait until you told me it was enough. But I didn't. If it is a good day, you'll release me from execution. It's a nice spring day, and your spirits should be high, so I'll expect you won't kill me after all.

Oh, and I'm supposed to sign this. I feel like an idiot for doing this, but,

-Kyon

PS: If I had but a single wish, I would hope for the end of your journal fancy. Not that I've completely hated this, mind you, but I don't want to end up writing something like this again. Is this sounding idiotic? I think it is. I'll just stand right up and hand the journal in now, then. Farewell! Goodbye! My ink's running out. The end.