Disclaimer- Didn't write New Moon, so I don't own it.
Warnings for this chapter: Rape (not really graphic or anything) and language (Hey this is rated M for a reason!)
Song for this chapter: That's what you get by Paramore
Prologue: Voice of Danger
Bella
~*~
I gave myself to
Danger so that I could hear
His voice one more time.
~*~
I stood there, in the middle of a dark alley next to a bar, between Jessica and the maybe men that had cornered me on a similar night not even a year ago when I heard him.
My first thought was that I'd lost my mind. I doubted that though, because if you realize that you're crazy…are you really crazy? Isn't that too logical to be considered crazy? Or perhaps I could be crazy even though I knew it. I shook those thoughts from my head seeing no point of making myself confused.
The other possibility was I was projecting what I wished to hear, not what I actually heard. The voice was soothing me, telling me to go back to Jessica, something he would have done if he was actually here. It made perfect sense that I wished he was here to save me, to be the hero once again. Though this choice was less likely than the insanity theory, I hoped this one was true. To test it I took another step forward,
"Bella, turn around!"
I smiled to myself, perhaps I was right, and I was just pretending hewas saving me again. Against my better judgment, I yelled to Jessica over my shoulder.
"No really Jessica, go ahead and eat. I'll catch up a little later."
Jessica still hesitated. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her eyes darting from me to the restaurant, then back again. I could tell she'd do as I told her, she was scared out of her mind. Who knew what these obviously drunk men were capable of, but it wasn't hard to guess. Any girl would be walking at top speed away from them, rushing to safety, but I seemed to be the exception.
I wasn't suicidal as I had told her earlier, but I wanted, no, needed to hear his voice. My body craved for the musical sound I had grown accustomed to when he had been here. If I didn't take this opportunity now, who knows if I'll ever get the chance to hear it ever again?
Sure enough, I heard a weak "okay," and louder slaps from her sneakers on the rough concrete, as she quickly walked, no ran, off without bothering to look back at me. I waited until her steps where out of hearing distance before I moved forward again.
His voice was loud in my head, questioning my sanity, and demanding I run as far away from the men as possible as I walked over to them. Outside my head, I heard another voice.
"Hi. Can I help you with something? You look lost." One of the men grinned and winked.
"No. I'm not lost."¹ I replied, walking closer until I was merely five feet from the group.
I felt a pang in my heart. It wasn't them. In front of me was a group of strangers, but they weren't the same strangers from before. Now that I was closer to them, I realized that they looked nothing like the men from before. The voice in my head was quieter, as if knowing now that I had found out it wasn't them, I'd stop this insanity. He was still pleading that I run for it, scream for Jessica, anything, but his voice was so weak in my head it made me too sad to respond. If anything, I wished there was more danger.
"Well then, you must have come over for some kind of help."
I'd been so preoccupied with his voice, that I hadn't noticed the men had moved until I was surrounded. The man who was talking was only an inch away, and I could smell the stale stench of alcohol on his breath.
"Oh, I can guess what she came over for." Another man said from behind me as he placed a rough hand on my bare arm making me shiver. My wish for danger was backfiring on me.
His voice had gotten louder again, and the situation plus his snarling was making me lightheaded and dizzy. What's more the stranger's hot breath on my neck made the hairs on my arm stand straight up, and made bile rise in my throat.
My own conscience was screaming at me now, telling me to fight, to at least attempt to run away, anything but stand here and do nothing. But I was rooted to spot, utterly helpless with fear.
"Well maybe we should help her then," another voice, huskier than the previous ones said from my side.
Finally, even though I'd know from the start what could happen, it finally sunk in. If I didn't move I was going to be raped by these men. I'd lose the one thing me and my Greek god shared, the only thing I felt I could give to him that he didn't already have.
My mouth opened to scream, but the man behind me clamped a rough hand onto my mouth.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. And I thought you were going to be a cooperative whore."
"Hey, I like it when they struggle anyway." There was a chorus of whoops of agreement from the other two men, and I took this chance and bit the hand covering my mouth.
"BITCH!" I heard the hard slap across my face, before I felt it. The shock wore off soon enough though, and my face felt as if a bunch of needles had been thrown at it. Edward's voice snarled inside my head, and I smiled despite the pain.
I could finally say his name without breaking down. At what could be the last moments of my life, I was whole. My heart rose in my chest at the thought that Edward's voice might be the last voice I had heard before I died.
"Ohhh, see, the slut likes pain. Don't worry babe, there'll be lots of that."
My head snapped to the side when I was slapped again causing both cheeks to turn pink and sting with pain. The men around me laughed. For the first time, I tried to scream, but a pair of lips crashed against my own, smothering the sound. I could feel the man who was kissing me pushing me deeper into the alley, behind the bar, and no matter how I struggled, I couldn't get away.
Hot tears streamed down my face, but my sobs were ignored by the mouth encasing my own. My back eventually hit brick as I was shoved roughly against a wall. The plaster was cracked and sharp, making me cringe as it dug into my back.
The man on top of me moaned, his hands which had been holding down my arms moved to my sides, rubbing up and down my body. With my arms free, I brought them up and started hitting him with all my might, and bit down on the man's lip, HARD. Instead of being angry, or letting me go like I'd wanted, the man chuckled, and let go of my lips only long enough to say, "Feisty!"
Again, my lips were taken in an unwanted kiss. I shut my eyes tight, trying to imagine being somewhere else, or with someone else. Then I felt something cool against my neck. My eyes snapped opened, and I saw it was a pocket knife. The man stopped kissing me, his lips moving instead to my ear.
"Now, why don't you take off your shirt sugar, or else I'll have to cut it off." He stepped away from me, arms distance, but kept the knife on my neck.
Hesitantly, I followed his orders, a new wave of sobs wracking my body. As I brought the shirt over my head, the men catcalled and whistled.
"Pants too, sweetie." My hands were shaking, making it hard to get the button of my jeans undone. Eventually, they joined my shirt on the dirty ground, leaving me in nothing but my bra and panties, exposed to not only the night air, but the men's hungry eyes.
Soon as they were off, the man was on me again, one arm holding my hands above my head, the other holding a knife to my side.
"Are you a virgin baby?" I nodded slowly, seeing no point in lying now. The man's grin was sinister. "Good, I haven't fucked a virgin in a looooong time."
I was choking on my sobs, but I somehow managed to say Edward's name one last time, because the man then asked: "What the fuck is Edward? Your boyfriend?"
As much as I wanted to say yes, I could only shake my head, making the group laugh again. The man with the knife punched me hard in the gut, making me double over in pain.
"Good, cuz I don't want to have to deal with no fucking physco boyfriends." My groan was my only reply, both from the pain and from my stupidity.
I wasn't suicidal. Even in the beginning, when death unquestionably would have been a relief, I didn't consider it. ¹
But I was beginning to wonder if I wanted to come out of this encounter alive.
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Finally, finally, they were done. I curled my legs into my body, my arms wrapped around my chest trying to cover myself. The men laughed from above me.
"Look at her, all balled up like a used, dirty burger wrapper." The man lowered himself, his voice right in my ear.
"Because that's what you are: Used, Dirty, and Worthless. No one wants you, no one wanted you in the first place. You're just a piece of shit for people to use as they please. There's no such thing as love, and whoever that fucking Edward guy was I bet he just wanted to fuck you."
I cringed at the use of his name. Now that I was sure they were going to leave me alive, the name just brought me more pain. After giving me one last kick in the back, I heard the men walk away, laughing until they were out of earshot.
My eyes were squeezed shut, and my entire body was shaking. Using all the strength I had left I crawled back to my clothes, and put them back on. Somehow, I made it to my feet, and though I had to lean onto the wall for support, I was standing. I took a tentative step, and gasped when pain shot from between my legs.
Biting my lip, I took the pain, and walked off to find Jessica. No one would ever know what happened if I could help it.
From New moon by Stephanie Meyer
Hence the beginning of "What she didn't see". Press that review button PWEASE *puppy eyes*