Chapter 2- Gardens in the Rain

"O Let not virtue seek

Renumeration for the thing it was;

For beauty, wit,

High birth, vigour of bone, desert in service,

Love, friendship, charity, are subjects all

To envious and calumniating time"

Troilus and Cressida, Shakespeare

The dress from the Shepherd wedding hangs in the back of her closet with Nate's love note tucked into the bodice. It's the skeleton she never managed to get rid off and the words written out in his spidery script may as well be engraved on her heart. Contrary to popular belief it's the very first love letter she's ever been given.

Gushy Valentines from men she barely knows don't count and Nate Archibald's shaky words touch her to the very core. Tall, handsome Nate with her best friend in his arm; the Nate she'd always had a crush on and the Nate who was marked out for Blair. She supposes he had some crazy fantasy that she was his soul mate. Stoned Nate was always romantic.

They all were. Blair with the black and white movies and Nate, with his white steed and Chuck with a little known desire to be the reformed bad boy. Serena with her golden hair and her princess smile and tragically wistful childhood had more reason than any to indulge. And yet ended up more cynical than all of the Breakfast Club combined. Heart turned to stone, soul lost behind those dreamy blue eyes, her perfect face frozen in a grin.

Aaron captured that grin with his lens and Dan put her youthful laugh to paper with his words but for all their romantic tributes and all their close scrutiny neither could really see her. The short words of a drunk, guilty spoilt little boy carried more Serena van der Woodsen than an entire Humphrey novel.

She loved Dan. This was an irrefutable fact. But Dan merely loved the image of her, the idea and the story. The stable boy and the princess- It was one for the ages. She was his muse, malleable metal with no substance of its own, her heart taking on any shape he wanted it to but never really changing its core.

It had been a good feeling. Dan was awkward and hesitant, his dark eyes adoring. She was entranced by his honesty and the stories he wove with words, wanting desperately to be the girl he thought she was. It didn't work, couldn't work and never would.

She was too scared to let her guard down and if he was so reluctant to except her identity how could he possibly handle all the other little things bubbling under the surface. She remembers thinking they were forever, thinking their love could triumph all. She feels foolish now, naïve. It ought to be Dan territory. He makes her feel out of place in her own domain.

Her heart has been tugged, broken and lost and what's left of it is now under lock and key. She pulls the dress from the large oak wardrobe and the back of her mind, tugging it on with a vengeance that tears a little and pretending not to notice when Nate's letter flutters to the floor.

The grey herringbone coat is tightly buttoned, but the gold tulle skirt manages to peek out wherever it's unfastened. Her thudding heart beats a loud tattoo to all of New York, and her movements grow faster as she falls deeper into the poisonous maze of the city.

The long winding path she weaves leads her to the park and she's crept over to that secluded spot, the taste of Dan's kiss fresh on her lips as if all the months between then and now are gone. Her hair is down, wind whipped and messy.

There is a lake in the middle of the park and it's deeper than her heart and she feels the anticipation of relief. And then her phone rings and she knows even before she answers it. It's like the smoke itself is speaking to her.

Nate's home. And then came the rain.

A/N Things speed up in the next chapter. Please Read and Review!

Oh and this chapter is dedicated to Princess Cheese. Without her encouragement,I may never write again.