I know I don't own Zelda, you know I don't own Zelda, disclaimer over. Onward with the fic!

"Goooood morning, Kokiri Forest! It's a beautiful day this February 21st. Expect sunny skies with temperatures reaching an astonishing sixty-two degrees, and, if miracles happen, a certain birthday boy whose name rhymes with Stink will get his lazy butt out of bed!"

Link opened his eyes long enough to glare at Xavier before ducking beneath his blanket. "Just five more minutes..."

"No way, little man. If you care about the people who love you, you'll get up."

"I hate the people who love me, and they hate me!"

"Yikes! Aren't you a little young to have hormonal problems?"

"Yes, now shut up!"

"Yeesh, be an ass in the morning, why don't you?" Xavier sighed, then turned, smiling mischeviously, "Okay, have it your way, Link. Guess we'll just have Fado's hot fudge sundaes, Saria's Kokiri Chocolate Pie, and my marshmallow pudding without you."

"Sundaes? Pie? Pudding?"

"Yep. And the Winter Festival's today, too, now that I think about it..."

Link practically flew out of bed as he screamed, "Good morning, Kokiri Forest!!"

"That's the spirit, kiddo! Now, get dressed and come on; Saria's got pancakes waiting for us."

"Really?!"

"Uh huh. Drowned in sugar, just the way you like 'em."

Link dug a Kokiri Tunic out from under his blanket and pulled it on over his green shorts, slipping into his Kokiri Boots, combed his hair so it parted down the middle, pulled on his green cap, and happily walked with Xavier to their neighbor's house. Normally, when Link headed to Saria's house, he was taunted and picked on, but that day everyone smiled and wished him a happy birthday... Well, except for the Kokiri leader, Mido, and his brother, Mark, but, hey, they were jerks.

Upon entering Saria's house, Link found Saria and his other roommate, Fado, standing together with their backs to the stove and their hands behind their backs, grinning ear to ear. Link's eyes shifted to the table, and he began drooling as he saw Saria's famous blueberry pancakes that were glistening with sugar crystals, but he knew that before he could dig in he had to endure...

"Happy birthday, Link!" Saria yelled, rushing over to Link and wrapping him in a hug. "Wow, are you really seven already? It seems like just yesterday I was feeding you oatmeal and teaching you the alphabet. Now-"

"Saria, haven't you babied him enough already?"

"But he's growing up so fast! I need to baby him while I still can!"

"Saria, drop him."

"But, Xavier-"

"Drop him. Now."

Grumbling, Saria released Link, and he whispered his thanks to Xavier. Saria sighed but smiled cheerfully as she lifted a box wrapped in blue and gold foil from the counter behind her and presented it to Link. "Here. I hope you like it." Link carefully opened the box and lifted out a dark blue ocarina the same hue as his eyes with the crest of the Wind Deity on it. Link put the ocarina to his lips, playing a simple song Fado had composed called The Wind God's Aria. It fit into his hands perfectly, and he knew Saria made it so he could practice ocarina songs without her now.

"Thanks, Saria. It's great."

"Hey, I got you a gift, too, oniisan!" Fado whined. He turned to Savier, who began snickering as he understood and followed Fado outside. When they returned a few minutes later with Link's gift, Saria screamed in terror, and Link burst into laughter. It was a spider, standing at a tall five feet, eleven inches. It was covered in brown hair, had two red, crossed eyes, bore two buck teeth, though, one was chipped, and it bounced up and down enthusiastically in its new surroundings. "Happy birthday, Link! He's a Giant Belching Explosively Flatulent Arachnid."

"Oh, man, that's awesome!" Link turned to stare at Saria who was hiding behind Xavier for protection from Link's new pet and said in a mocking voice, fully aware of Saria's arachnophobia, "Isn't he the cutest little thing?"

Saria glared at Link spitefully, then turned to Fado, screaming, "Fado Alexander Wolf, get that filthy beast out of my house this instant!"

"Don't worry, oneechan, he's been potty trained."

"Do we have to keep calling it 'he'? Doesn't he have a name?"

"We figured we'd leave that to you."

"Hmm...How 'bout 'Spike'? Spike, the Giant Belching Explosively Flatulent Arachnid. You like that, Spike?" Spike bounced his way over to Link, sniffed his hair, then, crouching down to be eye level with his new owner, Spike belched in Link's face. It had to be the worst-but coolest- thing Link had ever smelled. "It smells like a rat crawled into your mouth and died. What have you been eating?" To this Spike turned around and Xavier ran over to Link, knocking him to the floor just in time to avoid the flames suddenly coming from Spike's derriere. Saria yelped and backed away while Fado just giggled.

When the fire at last died down and he decided it was safe, Xavier lifted himself off of the floor, fixing his hat and straightening out his tunic. "Close call...You okay, Link?" Link shakily got to his feet, legs trembling as he took deep, shuddering breaths. His skin was even whiter than usual, though his cheeks were tinted red, and one hand reached up to clench his shirt while the other gripped the side of his throat in pain. Xavier held Link on his feet and turned his gaze to Saria to silently plead with her for help. She understood his silent plea and walked to Link, removing his hand from his chest and pressing one of her own hands there instead while the other caressed his forehead. Up close she could see little beads of sweat all over Link's face and neck, and his heartbeat and temperature only seemed to confirm it. Palpitations of his heart, sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, choking, chest pains, hot flushes...

"Oh goddesses, another panic attack. And today of all days." Saria took Link from Xavier and put him onto her bed, then left with a washrag and a bucket full of ice. She returned seconds later, dunking the rag into the ice water, then placing it over Link's face.

"Sar, don't...I'm fine. Spike just scared me, that's all."

"Just take a moment to calm down, okay? That's all I ask." Saria bent over, kissing Link softly on the cheek before going back to the table with her other two friends to eat their breakfast in silence.

Link watched his friends through a tiny hole in the washrag as they ate and constantly snuck sympathetic glances at him. One particular look from Xavier caused tears to form in Link's eyes and the constriction in his throat to increase. Link couldn't even count how often he was excluded from things because he had panic disorder, and the fact Xavier obviously blamed himself for this most recent attack didn't help Link any...

Link accidentally let a sob escape his lips and saw his friends turn to stare at him sadly, save for Xavier, who stared down at the table in shame, obviously dwelling on the fact Link could have gone into cardiac arrest because of him and his stupid mistake.

It wasn't long before the trio finished their breakfast, and Link watched silently as Xavier and Fado left, saying they were going to check out the Winter Festival, Saria did the dishes, stopping only to chase out Spike when he snuck up on her and belched in her ear, and then Link could only remember drifting off to sleep for a few minutes until Saria woke him up with a gentle kiss to the forehead. Link groaned, noticing to his relief that the chest pain wasn't as severe and that it didn't feel like he was being stung in the side of the throat anymore.

"Good morning, honey. How are you feeling?"

"Better. My chest still hurts a little, though."

"At least that's one of your problems I can help cure," Saria walked over to a small cupboard situated in the wall and pulled from it a bottle of dark blue liquid, pouring a small amount of it into a small wooden cup on the table and handing it to Link. He drank it slowly, shivering at the disgusting taste but grateful for the cure. After a few minutes the pain in his chest lessened significantly and he could hardly recognize any remaining symptoms of his recent panic attack.

"Thanks, oneechan."

"Anytime," Saria messed up Link's hair affectionately, turning away for a moment toward the Lost Woods, "Xavier and Fado went on ahead to the festival. Why don't you go on ahead without me, and I'll catch up as soon as I finish a few things?"

"Okay. Thanks again, Sar!"

A large meadow of the Lost Woods was filled with games and booths and packed with hundreds of forest inhabitants for the Winter Festival. Link explored all the games and booths and eventually found Fado and Xavier at a shooting gallery. Fado had bought a bag of pink cotton candy which he tied to his belt, and Xavier had a sword he'd won from the nymph leader, Brett, after besting him in a fencing duel.

When they caught sight of Link, they put down their slingshots and smiled at their foster brother pleasantly. "Well, well, look who's up and about. The man of the day, the king of streaking, the prince of annoying pranks, Link! Feeling better, I assume?"

"Yeah. Saria game me my medicine, so I should be fine for the rest of the day."

"Then, do I have a game for you!" Xavier stepped down from his stool and led Link across the meadow where the smug Mido sat tied up on the shelf of a dunk tank. Link took one look at him and started laughing.

"Haven't even heard an explanation yet, but I already like this game!"

"Well, if you'll just hit that target, it'll get even better!" Xavier handed Link a small blue ball and steadied his aim so he hit the bull's-eye perfectly and sent Mido tumbling into the lukewarm, green water below. "Now, watch this."

Link watched Mido struggling to keep his head above the water when a sudden explosion of bubbles floated to the top of the water, Spoke rose out of the water, let a great belch out into Mido's face, and dragged Mido back under!

"Remember, Spike, playful nibbling, not vicious eating," Xavier warned.

About two minutes after being dragged down, Mido returned to the surface, gasping for air. He immediately saw Link laughing, and, as usual, Mido placed all the blame on him, "You! I should have known you were behind this! When I get out of here, I swear I'll kill you!!"

As Mido began to get out of the tank, Link shrank back behind Xavier for protection, but, when Mido was actually out, Link laughed so hard tears came to his eyes, and he fell onto the ground. Xavier also burst out laughing. Actually, everyone who saw Mido burst into laughter. After all, who in the right of mind wouldn't laugh at a naked guy standing in the middle of a festival?

When Mido realized he was nude, he turned back in the hopes of getting his lost tunic back from the tank, but instead of his tunic he found Spike standing at his full height swallowing the last of the green clothes. Mido turned and ran off in embarrassment, screaming, "You'll pay for this treason, Linkin Anthony Wolf! I swear it!" before disappearing from view through the tunnel back to Kokiri Forest.

"You two are enjoying the festival, aren't you?" Link and Xavier turned to find Saria, dressed in a dark green kimono, green sandals, and holding a green parasol in her hands. It was a tradition that whoever managed the Winter Festival had to wear a kimono so he or she could be identified, and that year was Saria's year to manage.

All Link could do was blush as he saw his best friend. Xavier, however, was a bit more vocal in expressing his opinion of his neechan. He whistled then yelled, loud enough to catch the attention of some Deku Scrubs nearby, "Whoo! Lookin' good, Saria!"

Saria started blushing as badly as Link was. "Thanks."

"S-So...everything ready for tonight?" Link asked, trying to hide his red face behind his bangs.

"Yep. And guess who, Linky, is going to have to sit tight and listen to the entire forst sing Happy Birthday to him?"

"What?! No way, nuh-uh, you are not going to humiliate me like that!"

"Why not? You guys just humiliated Mido. How can doing the same to you be unfair?"

" 'Cause we never do anything to you, but every year you humiliate Fado and me on our birthdays!"

"Speaking of that little cutie, where is Fado?"

"We left him at the Shooting Gallery. Why?"

"But I was just over there, and I didn't see him."

"What?!" Link and Xavier ran off, searching for their missing roommate without any luck.

"Dammit, he's not here!" Xavier yelled, apologizing for his choice of words when Saria glared at him.

"Think he went back to the village?" Saria asked hopefully.

"No. Knowing him, he probably went off to explore the rest of Lost Woods." Link gritted his teeth, turning to leave his friends.

"And just were do you think you're going?" Xavier inquired, grabbing the back of Link's tunic and holding his back.

"I'm going to look for Fado!"

"You idiot! The last time you went into the woods alone, you nearly died!" Saria screamed, tears running down her cheeks at the memory.

"Exactly; I was the same age Fado is now! Fado is my responsibility; I'll protect him!" Link tried to leave again, but Xavier continued to hold him back. "What now?"

Xavier took the sword from his belt and handed it to Link. "You should take this with you. You remember all those sword techniques I taught you, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then good luck, Link." Link nodded to his two friends, then ran to hunt down Fado...

To Be Continued... Oh, right, although I said it above, I'd like to remind everyone I own nothin' but this weird idea of a story and Xavier and Brett (even if Brett is based off of my cousin who used to look and act just like Link). And I originally had Link having rheumatic problems, but since I started having panic attacks over the summer I thought I'd give myself something in common with my idea of Link in this rewrite. Anyways...

Next chapter... Link enters the heart of the Lost Woods in search of Fado, but what he finds instead could endanger the entire forest. Character death and borrowed ideas from Inuyasha and Negima! ensue! Heart Container, Elixir Soup, and Smarkles (Smelly Sparkles/Glitter in a can) to anyone who can guess who dies next chapter in their review (and yes, I finally fixed my account so anonimous reviews could come in; leave it to computer-challenged me to not realize you had to turn that feature on)!