Summary: Quitting smoking on his uncle's wishes pushes Jess over the edge. With people out to get him and his past out to haunt him, Jess struggles to cope. Can Luke save his nephew? Parental bonding afoot!

Warning: Disturbing themes, child abuse.

AN: No love in this one I'm afraid, Rory will play only very minor part, Some Dean too for fun and lots of Lorelai.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own imagination.

Save Your Soul 1: Memory Aid

Jess Mariano hated many things, no surprises there. But if there was one hate that topped them all, at least at this precise moment, due to its proximity if nothing else, was physical education.

This detestable class was just an excuse to cause students pain, he didn't even know why he was here today.

That was lie, Luke had made him a deal, rather desperately he thought, but he admired the man's persistence if nothing else.

Having seemingly spent much time and energy deciding what Jess' least favourite things were, he'd finally made a bargain.

Luke would prevent Liz from speaking to him, as the last couple of times they had there were fierce rows followed by much door slamming and late night walks. Jess would be allowed to stay with him throughout the holidays as well as terms. Jess had had to pretend that he hadn't been thrilled to hear this.

Not that he would admit it, ever, but the sleepy town had grown on him, as had his uncle with his bumbling ways. And he had been silently panicking about having to return for another drunken Christmas with Liz and whoever the new man was, as there would inevitably be one.

He could also now go out in the evenings, even though he already did that, as long as Luke knew where he was going. Jess wasn't about to burst Luke's parental bubble about this one just yet, especially as he was getting paid a minimum wage now for his services in the diner.

And this entire package came with just two conditions. One, he had to go to school, one missed day and he wouldn't be paid, and the teachers had been put on 'super alert' for his absence. Two, he had to stop smoking. Luke now seemed to have developed the nose of a bloodhound, and performed an extensive routine each morning and night of sniffing for smoke, and meticulously scanning the apartment, diner and surrounding area for cigarettes, both smoked and unsmoked.

So currently, the last lesson before the end of school, Jess was craving a cigarette from the stress of the day. This meant that, per Luke's orders, he was stuck thoughrouly with nicotine pads, and had been chewing the gum near constantly all day. It was starting to pray on his already frazzled nerves.

The stress of the lack of nicotine, trying to be civil to the town, dealing with the terror of school, oh, and the lack of sleep due to the nightmares.

For some reason those hypnosis tapes just didn't block out or distract from painful memories like heavy metal did.

Jess stood, almost trembling from tension, frustration and inexplicable fatigue as the PE teacher had to explain for the third time that they were doing laps today.

Eventually, after even the blondest jocks had comprehended and complied with the instructions, they began the tedious laps.

If only the nicotine patches repaired your lungs, Jess thought idly as he panted painfully after the umpteenth lap. He hated to admit it, but he really wasn't feeling good.

He was struggling to take enough breath in to sustain him, he felt light-headed and dizzy, and it felt like his legs were falling behind him.

He had only felt this way when running a few times in his life, none of them he cared to remember. But he had never been very good at controlling his memories.

He ran through the house, smell of whiskey whipping past him, if he could just make it to the cupboard he'd be safe. A crash behind him and he spun to see the shadow looming over him-

In spite of himself, without really knowing why, Jess swung his head around to look behind him, his breathing becoming panicked. Of course there was nothing, why would there beanything there?

As he swung back around however, angry with himself for giving in to the haunted memories, a wave of dizziness overtook him.

He stumbled badly, but managed to catch himself on the wire fence to stop his fall.

Jess was barely aware of the teacher instructing the other pupils to keep running as he dashed over to his fallen student.

Jess breathed hard, his eyes shut tightly. Flashes of panic raced across the surface of his mind, almost too quick to catch.

He'd stopped running, he'd stopped and now he was going to get caught, his legs gave way as he shivered helplessly. He had to get up and keep running, but he could hardly catch a breath as he gasped, feeling like he was breathing knives into his lungs as he started hyperventilating.

He had to move, but already it was too late as he felt the coolness of a shadow wash over him. Jess trembled in fear as shadows loomed at him in his mind and he clung tightly to the fence as he curled in on himself. He couldn't hear anything over his own desperate breathing, even the panicked teacher calling his name.

It was over, he pleaded in his mind for the figures to go away, sounding painfully childlike, but the shadow reached out-

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Jess and the teacher both jumped as if electrocuted, Jess at the touch, the Teacher at the strangled scream.

"Go get the nurse!" Mr. Brown ordered the panicked student's, and some immediately ran off, the rest crowded a distance away, unsure what to do. "Go to the principle and tell him what's happened, the rest of you, go shower off, the lessons over." He instructed with authority, only one student, Dean, seemed to linger.

Mr. Brown then turned to the panting Jess, who was looking shell-shocked as he leant crumpled against the fence. One hand tightly gripping his hair, the other wrapped fiercely around his middle.

"Jess, Jess can you hear me?" He asked the frighteningly pale student.

"Uh, yeah." The response was a poor attempt at his usual sarcasm and all seemed to notice.

"Uh, teach? Can I help at all?" Dean questioned sincerely, he seemed to be extremely shocked himself at the turn of events.

Jess' eyes flicked to him with a disbelieving sneer, still curled up protectively and breathing heavily. He suddenly had the look of a cornered animal.

"Jess, are you okay?" The teacher tried again seriously. He'd never seen this student display any motion before this.

"Um yeah, great." Jess reeled off swiftly, even with less sarcasm then usual as he uncurled and dragged himself to his feet. He stood shakily, looking like he was going to collapse again any minute.

After a few seconds of re-gaining his bearings, he pushed off from the fence and slid past the two onlookers, giving as much space between them as possible.

Dean and Mr. Brown stared at each other before hurrying after the retreating figure, before getting weigh-laid by the nurse, who had bypassed her actual patient, thinking that it was Dean who needed her assistance.

Lorelai Gilmore walked placidly along a familiar windy path home, it was about eight and she had been picking up emergency chocolate supplies for the evening.

It was storming badly, the rain lashing at the paper bags, threatening to melt them and steal their precious cargo. She could barely see in front of her, and now regretted taking the scenic route home, but Taylor had been having a rant about this that and the other under the awning of his store, and she hadn't fancied getting caught in the word crossfire.

Thus she battled against the wind and rain. As she reached the bridge however, something made her stop her power walking.

A soaking figure was sitting huddled on the sopping bridge, barely distinguishable against the darkness with their dark clothes. As she edged suspiciously closer, the figure shivered violently, and turned slightly towards her.

"Jess?" She exclaimed loudly, immediately approaching the small, shivering teen.

The boy jumped at her voice and footsteps, and hurriedly turned away, wiping his face.

"Jess what are you doing out here? God you're soaking!" Lorelai exclaimed in shock as she reached the drenched Jess.

Swiftly she dropped the grocery bags and crouched down next to Jess, covering him with her umbrella.

She watched as Jess hugged himself and shivered harder, subconsciously moving closer to her warmth under the umbrella.

Lorelai's maternal instincts kicked in as she looked over the shaking figure. He looked terrible, pale as a ghost with a blue tinge around his lips, his usually immaculate hair clinging to his head and messy. His clothes were shiny from all the water and clung tightly to him, leaving nothing to the imagination about how thin he was. Near white fingers appeared out of the ends of his sleeves as he hugged himself under her scrutiny. Red eyes flickered to her suspiciously; she tried to convince herself that she hadn't seen any fear in the normally inscrutable orbs.

"Jess, honey, what's wrong?" She asked gently as he sniffed and coughed, unsure why the term of endearment had popped up with the usually troublesome teen.

Softly Lorelai reached out to offer some comfort to the clearly distraught person. However, as soon as her fingertips brushed his cheek he jerked away and curled on himself.

"Don't touch me!" Jess almost pleaded. Lorelai withdrew her hand in shock.

"Oh God…" She murmured, never had she heard the kid sound so broken and small. Her mind raced with possibilities of what could have happened to push Jess like this, each thought was worse then the last.

"Its okay Jess, you're going to be okay, I'm gonna get some help okay?" she talked calmly and as gently as she could, Jess seemed to nod almost deliriously as she got out her phone.

She was amazed when after barely one ring it was picked up.

"Hello? Jess?" Came the urgent voice of Luke, and here she thought there couldn't be possibly any more shock that night.

"Luke it's me, Lorelai-"

"Oh God, have you seen Jess? The school rang and then he disappeared before I could get there and I looked all over-"

"Luke calm down!" The flustered woman insisted. "Jess is here with me, were on the bridge, I found him on my way home." The older Gilmore listened to the relieved sigh before continuing. "But Luke, I think you better get over here quickly, he's not looking good." She finished and stared in panic at the figure that was now rocking slightly.

It was the rare serious tone from the usually casual and crazy person that sped Luke on his way as fast as he could run.

Within minutes he had reached the bridge. As he ran towards the two figures he saw that Lorelai really hadn't been kidding.

Jess was bent double, soaking and pale as death, he looked like he would downright faint at any minute. Lorelai looked up, relief washing over her as she saw him, still trying to cover the both of them with her umbrella.

"Oh my God, Jess!" Luke yelped as he dropped to his knees beside the shuddering figure. "What the hell happened?" He questioned the world around him, Lorelai shrugged helplessly.

Without a second thought, Luke shrugged off his heavy coat whilst trying to also shield Jess with an umbrella.

The warm, dry material falling on him seemed to draw Jess out of himself, and he tried sitting up slightly as he turned to look at his guardian.

"L-Luke?" He stuttered slightly desperately through chattering teeth. Vague, glassy eyes met Luke's for a moment before falling away and closing tiredly. The two friends shared a panicked glance as Jess shivered violently again and made a small noise of discomfort.

"Okay Jess, we're gonna get you warm again okay kid?" Jess gave the smallest of nods and bit his lip slightly at another shiver. "Do you think you can walk?" Luke prompted with all the gentleness he could muster.

With another tired nod Jess begun shifting clumsily. Realising he probably wasn't going to make it; Luke grabbed him under the arms and hauled him upright.

Lorelai breathed a sigh of relief as the kid allowed the contact, maybe she had overreacted. Jess could just still be getting used to her presence.

Her worry increased again however, when she saw that Luke was having to almost completely support the failing Jess as he shook.

Luke's panicked eyes locked on her, and she swiftly realised that she wouldn't be going home for a while. She couldn't leave Luke alone with this, not when he was only just beginning this parenting lark.

"Lets get him back okay, then we'll do the next step." She instructed calmly. Luke nodded shakily and hoisted Jess into his arms.

The small body looked dwarfed by the large coat, and uncharacteristically gave no rejection to the type of contact.

Lorelai swiftly retrieved her nearly melted bag and held both the umbrellas as they headed off as quickly as they could.

Upon arriving at the diner, Jess was giving little sign of awareness anymore. His pulse seemed strong if a little slow, but he was freezing to the touch.

"Get him out of those clothes." Lorelai announced as they entered the apartment, shoving the umbrellas and bag into a corner.

Luke looked sceptical at the prospect of undressing the aggressive teenager.

"Look if you don't do it then I will, which do you think it better for his sanity?" This seemed to clear the issue up nicely as Luke grimaced. Without further hesitation she went in search of any blankets the house could muster.

Luke sighed and starred at the prone figure that was in his arms. Quickly deciding that getting the floor or couch wet was a bad idea, he carried the burden into the bathroom where the floor was tiled.

"Wake up Jess and this'll be a hell of a lot easier." He pleaded, shaking the soaked and unresponsive figure.

Jess' eyelids fluttered open slightly, his eyes coming to rest on Luke's.

"Uh, listen Jess I know you're probably going to kill me for even daring to say this, but I've got to get you out of these clothes."

There was a barely audible 'huh' as Jess' eyes widened slightly in surprise.

Luke growled and grabbed the hoodie that Jess was wearing, tugging it as quickly as he could over the kid's head and pulling his arms out of the sleeves.

Jess shivered and tried to wrap his arms around himself as a shield.

"I'm sorry kid but this has to happen, you could at least help." Luke admonished, and begun undoing the shirt buttons.

It was at this stage that Jess begun to get more worked up, and started making small noises of protest as he fought his uncle's arms.

"What is wrong?" Luke half yelled, here he was again, trying to look after the kid and there he was fighting him again.

"Stop it!" Jess pleaded, sounding like a scared child.

"Jess I swear I'm doing this for your own good!" Luke exclaimed in frustration at the situation, and reached out his hands once again to undo the buttons.

"Don't touch me!" Luke recoiled at the terrified scream from Jess as Lorelai thundered into the bathroom.

"Oh God," Luke yelped as he crawled closer to Jess, who had curled completely into a ball and was shaking with both regained feeling and barely suppressed sobs.

"Jess I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Luke pleaded, his hands hovering over the thin body, but resisting the urge to hold him.

Instead he grabbed a towel from Lorelai, who was covering her mouth with her hands, looking as torn as he felt.

This child was his responsibility, and right now his usually un-paternal mind was screaming at him to hold onto this burden and never let him go. He blamed Lorelai.

Gently, and with all the softness he could muster, Luke moved around to Jess' head and reached out with the towel.

Jess flinched and chocked slightly as Luke slowly begun drying his hair, but slowly relaxed slightly into the action, seemingly calming down slightly.

Luke looked over at Lorelai, who still seemed to be struggling to keep her distance.

"Can you get some dry clothes?" She nodded and left swiftly.

Luke gently moved the towel over Jess' face, where his hands clung to it tightly for comfort.

Gradually Luke unclenched the small hands and dried them off too, before moving to the neck and slowly undoing the remaining shirt buttons.

Jess shook slightly as Luke pulled the shirt off him, but seemed to relax again as the towel was wrapped around him.

Luke rubbed the thin shoulders through the material, allowing Jess to come back to him in his own time.

Discreetly Lorelai deposited some dry clothes around the door and retreated to he couch.

Once Jess seemed a little calmer, Luke braved communication once more.

"Do you think you can put those dry clothes on? I'll wait right outside okay?" Jess gifted him with a small glance and a fractured nod. Luke sighed with relief and patted his shoulder again before leaving the room and shutting the door.

He joined Lorelai on the couch, where they sat in silence, aware that any conversation worth having could be overheard by the source of the conversing.

After five minutes or so, Jess emerged shakily from the room, and edged over to the bed without looking at them.

Lorelai motioned that she'd wait in the diner and swiftly left. Luke headed over to his charge that was curled up in the bed.

"I need the music on." Came the incredibly small voice hidden under the blanket.

"Sure thing Jess." Luke agreed for once, and turned the hated music on. He then proceeded to pile blanket upon blanket on top of the original one, and squeezed the very blanketed shoulder before turning off the light off and heading to join Lorelai.

Jess breathed a shaky breath and tried to relax, unfortunately, tonight, he didn't think even the music could keep the memories out.

: My first Gilmore Girls fic! I hope you enjoy! Please let me know ya thoughts.

: Thanks for reading, shadowtheo.