Angela: And we're on yet another whirlwind adventure, this time to Oz! This is a sequel to Utter Nonsense, but you don't actually have to read that one to understand this one at all, thankfully. Also, we've added a fifth author to our arsenal of talent, so everyone say hello to Hikari. She's also our beta, so she does double the work. That's why we love her. x3
ComputerFreak101: Hi everybody, we're back~! Hope you enjoy Oz as much as you did Wonderland. And because I'm so amazing, I'll do the disclaimer too. AHEM.
WHY YES, WE DO OWN THEM. WE OWN THEM ALL, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. -brandishes a flaming pitchfork- BRING ON THE LAWYERS!
ShaCha: Oh God, not again.
Lerena: I'm part of the sequel! Fear me!
Hikari: HAI. I was finally asked to join this insanity, and as the resident Mello lover it's not like they would have had a choice. XD Hopefully this won't be too crazy with the three billion other things I'm doing - not to mention all the long and overdue fics I have to write - so on to it!
As with Utter Nonsense, this story takes place during the Yotsuba arc. What this means is that L is alive, Matt Mello and Near are still at Wammy's and all sorts of random nonsense is going to fly around like flying B-monkeys on crack.
Enjoy!
"What. The hell. Are you doing?"
"Mel! This Boss - he mocks me - mocks I tell you!"
"So--"
"I've hit him with everything I have! Everything! I've poured my life and soul into this game, and he keeps. Getting. Up!"
"…"
"He's possessed!"
"And you're not?"
"You're not helping!"
"I'm not qualified enough to help you."
"Mello!"
"And back to my earlier question - What the hell are you doing?"
"Pouring my--"
"Co-rrection! Pouring my chocolate down your throat!" Forced patience gone, Mello stood in the doorway of his and Matt's shared room at Wammy's, glaring down at his friend who sat in front of the television with a game controller in his hand. His goggles were pushed up, his hair was slightly askew, and he looked somewhat possessed himself. All of this was old news to Mello, who by now was used to Matt's quirks and video game obsession. But when Possessed-Goggle-Wearing-Messy-Hair-Matt sat there with his face smeared with Mello's chocolate, surrounded by empty wrappers of Mello's chocolate, chewing on the end piece of Mello's goddamned chocolate, the blond had to put his foot down.
"It's all for the cause, Mel."
"Screw the cause, spit the chocolate out! Get your own!"
"But you always steal mine…"
"Because I'm the only one allowed to eat chocolate in this orphanage, bud!"
"Oh come on, I let you play my video games!"
"Video games are inferior to chocolate, idiot!"
The world froze. Mello immediately paled, realizing what exactly he'd just said as Matt's face took on a thunderous look.
"Matt…look, man, I didn't mean it, okay? I just--"
"What did you say?"
"I was just pissed, okay, no need--"
"Did you just say video games were inferior to something?"
"Ma—"
"Video games are superior to everything!" shrieked Matt (his voice reaching pitches Mello surely would be teasing him about if he wasn't fearing for his chocolate loving life right then) and hurled the controller he was holding right at Mello's head.
It hit its target hard.
And suddenly, the world was spinning.
Mello woke up in their shared room a few hours later.
"Hey Mello! You're awake!"
"Would you shut up?" Mello snapped back, sitting up and rubbing his head. "What happened?"
"I hit you with my controller and then you passed out. Took you a long time to wake up."
"... Dammit. Did I miss L? We were supposed to have the interview!"
"Dunno. Go ask Roger?"
"Fine then, I will." He slid off the bed. "And take off those dumb ears, they make you look like a dog."
"What ears?" Matt asked, following him.
"Those ears!"
"... I'm not wearing any ears dude."
"... Whatever. Forget it."
They walked in silence for a few minutes before Mello frowned. "That's strange. Where is everyone?"
"Yeah, that's really weird. Wonder where they are?"
"Let's check outside. Maybe there's an outdoor assembly or somethin'," Mello said absently, leading Matt outside and onto the lawn. It took him a few seconds to adjust to the sudden glare of the sun, but when he had, he stared. "Matt, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
"What makes you say that?" Matt asked, staring behind them at the Wammy's building. "And we've never been to Kansas dude." Matt turned to follow his gaze. "... Are those shoes?"
"No Matt, they're the blessed goldmines of Peru." He paused to let the sarcasm sink in. "Of course they're shoes, dumbass!"
"Sheesh, no need to ye- what the hell?"
"What the hell wha-" Mello cut himself off when he saw what Matt was staring at. "… you have got to be kidding me."
"Dude! They're so cool!!" said Matt, grinning as he squatted to look at the little people. They came out in twos and threes, twirling around in their little clothes and shoes, and suddenly, Matt found himself extremely amused. "Dude, they crack me up. They're like, er…" Matt searched for a perfect analogy. "Like, er. Diddy Kong?"
"Diddy Kong's a freakin' monkey, you idiot," said Mello absently, as he, too, knelt to examine them.
"Correction, baby gorilla."
"… Matt, shut up."
"Yessir Mello!" mocked Matt lightly, before reaching out to poke the closest Munchkin. "… ehehehehe."
"… I'm surrounded by idi- oh my freaking God it's Near. Near. Neary Near. Like, the sheepiest sheep alive."
"… I resent that," said a miniature Near in a slightly high-pitched voice. Very much like himself, he reached up a twirled a strand of his hair.
"It's not my fault you're short and sheepy!" retorted Mello, reaching out to poke him. "… really short and sheepy."
"Am I supposed to comment on your height and the fact that you resemble a llama?"
"A llam – oh I'm going to kill – "
"Uh, Mel." Matt tugged his sleeve and pointed.
Mello cut himself off and turned, a look of horror sliding onto his face. "What. The hell. Is that."
"DING-DONG! THE WITCH-"
"That song is copyrighted! And it is illegal to sing such a thing when it is not yours! And as Mayor, I uphold the law! Therefore, I must delete you!"
"…"
"…"
"Delete! Delete!"
"Yep, certainly not in Kansas anymore."
"That's the least of our troubles, Mel."
"Troubles? Bah, this isn't trouble. Something tells me that this is just the beginning…"
"… you've never spoken truer words." Matt pointed. "… I don't even want to know."
"Wh-" Mello turned and stopped, pausing. "… Who the hell is that?"
"Dammit, I'M late! What the hell!" Unbeknownst to the heirs, Light Yagami did not make for a very happy Good Fairy. "Munchkins come after I enter! Mikami! We went over this!"
"Del- God?"
"…"
"…"
Both boys inched away.
"You!" Light brandished a huge pen, which looked like it was substituting a wand. She or he or whatever it was swung the pen towards them. Mello and Matt yelped and jumped back to avoid being hit. The pen pointed at Mello. "What manner of witch are you, girl!"
"… I'm not a girl!" snarled Mello, leaping up. "And I'm not a freakin' witch, either!"
Light eyed him, disgruntled. "Oh you're not, aren't you… Then why – " He pointed the pen at him. "Are you wearing a dress!"
"I'm not wearing a – " Mello, God bless his chocolate-loving soul, shrieked upon glancing down, seeing his precious black jeans and cotton shirt replaced with a red ball gown.
"Damn, that just does not work – this dress!"
Mello shrieked again as before his eyes the red turned into a blue-jean and overall-like dress with a white shirt. He clawed at it and, to his horror, found that he was groping himself.
"Dude! Mel! You've got boobs!" Matt groped them eagerly. "Hey, man! They're pretty big!"
"… Matt, you've got about three seconds to get your hands off me."
"Or what?" Matt eyed the blonde - and the extra 'e' was all important now, oh yes it was, for it signified the wonderful change that had occured for Mello - with some challenge.
"Boobs or not, dumbass," was the hissed reply, Mello's eyes doing that slitty narrow thing that quite succinctly spelled out oh hell are you in for a world of hurt, "I can still kick you somewhere precious and make your grandchildren feel it."
Matt hastily retracted his hands.
Mello was vindicated. "Much better," and kicked him rather viciously anyway.
Munchkin Near looks as unimpressed as always. "That was uncalled for."
"Probably," Mello didn't much care, leaving Matt to writhe around on the ground in agony as he turned to the one he'd been arguing with earlier. "Oi, sparkly guy."
The sparkly guy ignored him - probably can't see him for all the friggin' glitter in his outfit. The guy put way too much thought into his appearance and - "I said oi!" Mello didn't like being ignored.
Light, still in his good witch outfit, looked around rather sourly, vexed at being torn away from the gratuitous ego-stroking Munchkin Mayor Mikami had been supplying him with. "What, Blondie?"
"Where the hell are we?"
"You're in Oz," Light-Witch said, blinking a few times as the sparkles began making him see dots. "Anyone could see that, unless you're a witch school drop out who couldn't pass geography to save your life."
"I'm a genius!"
"Uh huh."
"He's also a murderer! I must delete him!"
"Down, Mikami," said Light. "It's only murder if it's someone people actually care about. You, Dorothy-"
"What the hell, it's Mello!"
"You look like a Dorothy. You have just killed Kiyomi Takada, the Wicked Witch of the East. All that's left of her are those shoes." He waved his pen at Takada's red high heels, which matched Light's dress in color, and would've been quite shiny if not for the near blinding glitter of Light's sparkles.
"What was she doing under Wammy's?" asked Matt.
"She wasn't, you crash-landed here in that, Wammys as you call it, and squashed her like the queen ant she pretended to be while she was eating babies and broadcasting horrible news reports."
Ignoring Matt and Mello's What the hell have you been smoking? looks, Light raised his pen to the sky, and said imperiously, "Let the joyous news be spread, the Wicked old Bit--"
"God! This is a children's story!"
"Takada's dead, go nuts," Light finished, and the Munchkins promptly started cheering, dancing, and breaking out the alcoh---
"Children's story! Delete delete delete!"
Aaaaaaand Angela's boyfriend and Hikari have saved the day and fixed all the super funky formatting, so thank them. x3