Summary: When Donald and Goofy were told to find the Keyblade and its Master, they didn't expect this. / "You...have got...to be shitting me," Leon said slowly. / AU / OOC!Sora / Yaoi / LeSo / LANGUAGE!
Unexpected Key to the Heart
Psycho
Sora flipped the page of Insight to the Heart by Ansem the Wise as he listened to his iPod. Riku was currently trying to make the new girl, Kairi, feel welcome. She had fallen naked onto him at the beach earlier that day. Sora remembered it clearly with a slightly perverted grin that was uncannily common on his seven year old face ever since he had gotten a hold of those "adult" comic books. His mother had flipped then...
Still, when Kairi had landed on him, butt naked, he couldn't help but make a remark to Riku.
"Look, Riku! It's raining naked girls!"
"SORA! GROSS!" "What?" "Girls have cooties!" "If girls have cooties then how come your mom married your dad had proceeded to create you nine months later?" "...mom's an evil psycho who holds dad under her evil psycho spells against his will." "...Riku?" "Yeah Sora?" "You're stupid."
Sora snickered softly only to blink as his iPod switched over from Drowning Pool to System of a Down. He began to nod his head viciously as he hummed the song under his breath, once more flipping the page of the rather educational pamphlet. Soon the humming became singing.
"All research and successful drug policy show that treatment should be increased," Sora sang out, catching Riku and Kairi's attention. "And law enforcement decreased while abolishing, man-da-tor-y, mi-ni-mum, sen-ten-ces." The seven year old calmly repeated the verse as the song continued on. "U-ti-li-sing drugs to pay for se-cret wars a-round the world," Sora continued and both Riku and Kairi tilted their heads as they listened. "Drugs are now your glo-bal po-li-cy now you po-lice the world." "Riku," Kairi asked softly, "what are drugs?" "I don't know," Riku replied, frowning. "I buy my crack, I smack my bitch right here in ho-holy shit!" Sora screeched, voice coming mid-halt in the song as he suddenly found himself pummeled into the sand. "What the fuck?" the seven year old jumped to his feet and froze upon seeing the new red headed girl's currently red with anger face staring at him coldly. "Uh, hi?" "Sora," Kairi said slowly. "Um, yes girl-who-fell-naked-on-top-of-me?" Sora replied. "I'm going to kill you." "Nice to know, slut-child." "DIE!" "OHMYGOD!" Riku laughed.
Sora let out a mild groan as he shifted awake. Blue eyes calmly blinked open to stare at an odd patchwork ceiling. He tried to sit up only to find his hands bound to the bed in thick ropes.
"Did I fall asleep to someone pounding me?" Sora yawned in slight confusion. He glanced down at himself and frowned. "Nope. I'm still dressed. Damn."
"Oi Leon! Where the hell were ya? Tha' Keyblade kid-" the door had opened to reveal Cid. Cid in turn stared at the bound form of Sora in surprise. "Well shit."
"Hiya transportation man!" Sora replied cheerfully, a wide grin across his lips.
"Kid? What the hell are ya doin' here?" Cid demanded, stepping into the room. "An' tied up for tha' matter," he amended.
Sora just blinked and tilt his head, "You know...I don't know."
"Ya...don't know..." Cid replied slowly.
"Nope!" Sora said happily.
"Okay..."
"All I remember is meeting Mr. Sex-on-legs outside of your shop and then nothing; someone must've gotten me behind-oooh...I do so hope they had some fun with my unconscious body...although I would really prefer it if someone had fun with me when I was awake," the brunette pouted.
"Er..."
"Anyway! Can you help me get untied?" was the abrupt change of topic.
"What?"
"Un-tied," Sora reitterated slowly, tugging on the ropes that bound his arms above his head.
"Er..."
"Pleeaaassseee?" Sora begged.
"Um..."
"Ciiiiiiiid!" the teen cried, yanking at the ropes causing his back to arch sensually on accident-well, it wasn't totally on accident but Cid didn't need to know that.
"Uh..."
"Cid! Pleeeaaassseeeeee!" Sora practically moaned as the door opened. He twisted against the ropes, trying to break free while staring straight at Cid.
Of course, whoever entered the room saw all this and immediately jumped to one conclusion that appeared so obvious.
"CID HIGHWIND!"
Cid whipped around and paled at the sight of furious green eyes. Meanwhile on the bed Sora stilled, eyes watching what would undoubtedly be a very interesting show. His lips twitched slightly.
He so loved getting people into trouble.
"I can't believe that kid is the Keyblade Master," Yuffie groaned into her non-alcoholic drink. "Squally you should've let me have alcohol," she pouted after a second. "I really am wanting to be drunk after that."
Of course beside her Leon was passed out, having drunken himself into unconsciousness. Yuffie sighed.
"Well I best get you back to Aerith; Laviathan knows the size headache you'd have when you wake up," the young ninja uttered and pulled Leon onto her shoulder. "Let's go, Squally."
"Ish Leon," was the sleepy murmur.
"Uh huh."
"Cid how dare you!" Aerith shrieked. "He's a kid!"
"But Aerith-"
"I can't believe I didn't see this side of you sooner!" the woman cried and with a quick slash of her staff had Cid bent over clutching his stomach. Another slash had him on the ground, curled up and groaning. Sighing Aerith headed over towards the still tied up Sora and released him. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that," she said.
Sora sniffled slightly, "It's okay I think. I don't remember much beside waking up tied up like that."
Aerith patted his shoulder gently and led him from the room.
"Let's go get you something to drink, dear," she sighed softly.
Sora inwardly grinned.
Manipulating people was always so much fun.
"AERITH!" Yuffie called as she entered the hotel. "AERITH SQUALLY NEEDS YOU TO DE-DRUNKIFY HIM!"
"In the kitchen!" was Aerith's response. Huffing Yuffie dragged Leon into the kitchen and dropped him across the table.
"He's unconscious from being drunk," the teen stated and Aerith sighed.
"Today just isn't my day is it?" she questioned.
Yuffie frowned, confused. "Why do you say that?"
Aerith gave Yuffie this look as she said, "I found Cid molesting this poor tied up child in Leon's rooms...stay away from him from now on, okay?"
Yuffie paled and asked weakly, "You didn't untie the kid, did you?"
"Of course I did! He actually left for the restroom just before you got here."
Yuffie collapsed down next to Squall's unconscious form, wide eyed.
"Laviathan save us..."
"Yuffie?"
Sora snickered quietly to himself in the bathroom. He had that green eyed young woman wrapped right around his finger and he didn't even have to do anything but sit there and look cute! She did it all herself.
"Taking advantage of the obvious naive...boy do I love being me," the brunette chuckled before his stomach rumbled. Pouting Sora mumbled, "I guess some food is good before finding Mr. Sex-on-legs again...and who knows, maybe that woman knows what the heck this giant fucking key is for anyway?" Sora glanced at the key that refused to leave his side but thankfully remained invisible for some strange reason before setting on his angelic face again and heading back to the kitchen.
"Aerith what were you thinking!" a rather familiar sexy voice yelled and Sora stilled.
"What are you talking about Squall? I saved a poor innocent boy from Cid's darker tendencies that I never knew existed! Keep Yuffie away from that...that..disgusting man!" Aerith's distinct voice sounded.
"Dammit Aerith! I tied that brat up after Yuffie knocked him out! He's insane! Completely and utterly insane and he just happens to be the Keyblade Master and...and...and he's standing right behind me..." Leon finished weakly at Aerith's cold look.
Yuffie was gaping in Sora's direction as the brunette's eyes filled with tears.
"You...you left me to that man's...attentions?" Sora gasped out.
"I-I-I-" Leon stuttered, completely confused.
"Oh Sora! I'm so sorry you had to hear that," Aerith sighed, pulling the teen into a hug and shooting Leon a glare.
"But...he...what?"
"Squally you should've given me alcohol," Yuffie mumbled.
"But...he was...I swear..." Leon continued to utter incoherently as Aerith began to lead Sora away.
"Come on, let's go talk away from these two. They're still recovering from the shock, dear."
"So you're saying I'm supposed to be this savior?" Sora sniffled, inwardly gagging over the mere thought.
"Well you'll stop all the Heartless from destroying worlds by re-locking their Keyhole's," Aerith said soothingly.
"B-But it's...it's scary! I just lost my own world and my friends and now I hafta save others?" Sora whined.
Aerith pulled the teen into another hug, saying, "You won't be alone, Sora! I'm sure you won't. If you want I can make Squall and Yuffie accompany you?"
"R-Really?"
"Of course. Besides, it'll keep Yuffie away from that pedophile Cid. Now all you'll need is a Gummi ship!"
"What's a Gummi Ship?"
"Oh you're too cute!" Aerith squealed.
'Keep it up Sora; the hottie will go with you, you just have to put up with this for a little bit longer...just a bit longer, that's all...'
"You...have got...to be shitting me," Leon said slowly.
"Squall you will go with Sora or you will face the consequences," Aerith growled. "And watch your language!" Yuffie sniggered quietly. "You too Yuffie! I want you as far away from Cid as you can get."
"What? But Aerith!"
"No but's! Now get out there and patrol! You need to earn up some Munny to get a Gummi Ship, do you hear me? DO YOU?"
"Yes ma'am!" was the chorused reply.
"You get the Keyblade kid," Leon told Yuffie the minute Aerith left and then promptly dashed out of the room.
"Squall, no fair!" Yuffie yelled after him before turning to the now smirking Sora.
"Hello, bitch," he said with a chuckle.
'Leviathan have mercy,' Yuffie whimpered.
After about fifteen minutes of patrolling Yuffie and Sora were chatting away with each other, both with manic grins on their faces.
"No way, really?" Yuffie gasped at something Sora said. Sora nodded his head solemnly. "Oh Laviathan that's priceless!"
"I know! And then my neighbor, Reno, went all 'Really? Ri' just fainted when Kai tol' 'im 'ow 'e was created?' before turning towards Riku's older sister, Aqua, and saying 'Nymph that boy needs therapy, yo!' and Riku's been twitchy ever since!"
"Oh gawd I really want to meet your friends now," Yuffie sighed. "Riku just sounds so...well, I'd say funny and dreamy! No offense to you, Sor. I can see that ya have your eyes on something better..."
"Mm...wanna help me catch my man?"
"If it'll give Squally a much needed relaxation sure!" Yuffie grinned.
"Great!" Sora grinned and bent over to Yuffie's ear. "Now here's what I was thinking..."
"Damn child-bug thingies! DIE!" Sora yelled, bashing the giant key into the nearby Heartless. Of course after a second that prompted the arrival of a bigger Heartless.
"Um..." Yuffie said, wide eyed.
"Oh fuck no," Sora pouted.
"RUN!" Yuffie screamed and ran away.
"OI! You could help out you know!" the brunette snapped, racing after her.
Yuffie stopped, turned to Sora, and said with a slightly evil grin that put Sora on edge, "If you wish."
Sora had a chance to give her one dark look (having realized that they were on a giant tower) and say, "I'm so fucking going to bash your brains out, whore," before Yuffie pushed him over the edge of the tower.
Neither noticed the person at the base fending off a few Heartless of his own. At least, not until he yelled.
"SHIT!"
The sound of two bodies smashing into one another had Yuffie peering over the edge in curiosity.
"Or maybe I'll give her all the porn magazines she wants," Sora mumbled from atop Lean before leering at him a second later. "Hello sexy."
"YUFFIE YOU ARE SO DEAD!" was Leon's pained yell.
"Whoops," Yuffie muttered with a wince before she grinned. "Well now Sora's officially fallen for Squally...so they'll have to date." She cackled.
Sora grinned.
'Yup, definitely all the porn magazines she wants.'
Onwards to Author Note!
Yes this chapter is shorter but meh. I couldn't think of anything else and have been sitting on this for a while. The next chapter will hopefully hold more. And yes this means I'm finally dragging this out of haitus. Now to figure out how to make the Used chapters I have work...
Short note, but I don't feel like saying much XD Enjoy~
-TK
Twin Kats