Author's Note: I don't know that I intended to publish this out here, but apparently we are in a fanfic dry spell so i needed to do something, so I am releasing this. Happy reading!

And Yet Still

I do not love him

I understand that.

I never really did.

It was infatuation,

Nothing more than a childish crush.

I wish that I had seen this

year ago,

Instead of too late,

Instead of after all of this

Everything that I have gone through.

I do not love him

But my eyes still

unconsciously look for him

when I think he might be there

My heart some times races

in that old anticipation

Before I quite realize what it is doing

He was nothing but a dream

Something to hold on to

Something beautiful and elusive

That I longed to find.

And now that everything is gone

That dream is gone as well

There is nothing left

I have nothing to hold on to

There is no glimmer

no perfection

no symmetry

There is no beauty or truth.

All has gone away

All had vanished

All has evaporated

And I am left

With nothing more than this

Two children

Who do not love me

Who I don't know

or love

and never really wanted.

And I have this house

This house of horror and death

It is dark and forbidding

And I long to turn away from it

But with so few things left

I still cling to it,

in spite of myself.

And I have money

And I had tried so hard

For so long to have money

But now that I have it

It is of little use to me

I have learned that it lacks the importance

that I once placed upon it.

It did not bring me happiness.

And there is Tara

The red earth of Tara

That I have fought for

Bled for

and would die for

Thats all that remains

Of my life

My perfect life

No one is pea green with envy of me

Why would anyone be envious

of such a disaster of a life?

I only now wish

for the life I once had

For the safety and simplicity

of life before the war,

Before death and destruction

touched me.

And yet,

only this remains.

Alica

aka PrincessAlica