Cullens and the Amazon

This is just some crazy, short, pointless, and probably boring oneshot I dreamed up with the help of sugar and reading the end of Breaking Dawn. All that Zafrina-coolness; being the bloody AWESOME character that Zafrina is; I thought I'd write about how they really do take Renesmee back to see Zafrina and her Amazon chums. It ended up being mostly Bella complaining in her head about how hot it was and how it was SO HOT she could even feel it; which is pretty intense, being a vampire and all. Very OOC, this one! Apologies for any offensive terms, bahaha!

So, yeah. I hope you like it; and although I never actually got around to writing them MEETING Zafrina; they do go to the Amazon. I guess the Zafrina visit was just a good excuse to set a oneshot in the Amazon, lol. After Price of Forever is done I might look at writing out the actual meeting... but then again, I have a lot of oneshots that would do okay being made into stories.

Okay, I've ranted enough. Once again, I hope you enjoy it!

PS: It made me laugh to make both the first and last sentences sound as though it was a serious story; while everything in between those two sentences were light and complainative (that's a word now). If you were to read just the start and end, you'd think it was some fight or something.

Bella POV

"ZAFRINA!" screamed Edward at the top of his lungs.

Wow. The jungle really wakes up his wild side.

He shrugged at my stare and said, "Oh, don't worry. She'll hear it. I can't hear her thoughts at this distance, but sound travels, so she'll come to us."

He grinned impishly after that, and I wondered why he liked this place so much!

Okay, let me begin. It was HOT. SO HOT, that even WE could feel it. Us, immortal marble men and women who are nearly permanently cold! If a regular human was to touch me right now; not only would I rip their heads off for coming near me while I was this irritable, but they would feel my skin like a kid feels the hot plate by accident when he expects it to be turned off. Yeah. My mind is so damned hot I think I am going to forget how to use analogies.

I'm sincerely surprised that my flesh hasn't just melted off and left a pile of vampire bones. Which are probably made of titanium or something. Whatever; I'm not a doctor.

This place is hot, sticky, slimy, and not as pretty as it's made out to be! Okay, it would probably look nicer if we were in a nice, air-conditioned plane, or even just a pleasantly roofed and breezy boardwalk for crying out loud – but NO, we have to experience the WONDER of the place by tramping through it barefoot and wearing very little.

What larks. What pure, unrivalled joy. I am just fizzing at the bumhole with the excitement of having slimy pieces of slime sliming their way out of the slimy trees and landing on me. Did I mention slime? I don't think I did.

What? I'm not making sense? Oh well. Go and die in a fire, please. I am not in the mood.

And we all know what that means. If you make one more look of disapproval at your monitor, I swear to God – I'll kill you.

And I am tormented all the while through this haze of moist ick, this omnipresent fog of despair, this suffocating shrouding cloak of doom... with a hybrid hanging off my back, whining of boredom and tiredness and hunger and thirst and wetness... my darling, whimpering child.

Poor thing has an insane father who is enthusiastic. You know... about doing things and such....

We know better; we girls would rather see the sights without worrying about the hindrance of inadequacy. Inadequacy in every way of every need in any respect. I hope you know what I mean and I think you do. I am also rambling. Get used to it; since becoming a vampire I have quite lost my love of the heat... or, at least; a severe amount of tolerance for its incessant cheerfulness.

I was momentarily distracted by my increasingly suicidal ponderings by a faint spark that entered my shield sensory range; and I soon located her position. Zafrina was going to rescue me at LAST.... Edward also felt her, and had – mercifully – stopped his happy... moving....

As her footsteps grew nearer, I couldn't help thinking that for the sake of everything intact within a ten-mile radius, Zafrina had better have a nice underground abode complete with... hell, I'd settle for NO DAMN SUNLIGHT, NO DAMN HEAT, AND NO DAMN WET. Dark, cold, and dry. Lovely!

And if I didn't get this one small DEMAND... well; let's not think of that. I would definitely get my way for once in this accursed excursion. The lives of everything near me depended on it.