XIII. I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked.

If you knew me in high school you would know that I never went to a single school dance. I hated them. Even when Ichigo asked me to go I said I'd rather drink toilet water. I'd seen enough high school dances in movies and television shows. That was definitely enough.

Not that I didn't have enough killer dance moves, but the world just wasn't ready to experience them unless I was drunk enough.

There comes a time though, when the world isn't prepared but the drunk already is.

And incidentally, that was tonight.

Obviously I was unaware of this coming of age story and happening, but I knew something bad or crazy was going to happen.

"Rukia, you look fine." Ichigo muttered, grabbing the shoulder of the passenger seat while backing up into the parking spot. He never was good at parallel parking.

I wanted to bite his head off. "I look like a mother effing librarian Ichigo! People are gonna think I'm Mary Poppins or Mother Teresa!" I screamed, pulling at my hair and glancing at my reflection in the rear view window.

"Calm down." He muttered, a tiny smile on his lips. "I already said you look fine, isn't that good enough?"

"No! All you wear are T-shirts and occasionally the nice button up! Plus you've got the looks to pick people up! I don't, you crap for brains. How else am I supposed to bring anyone home looking like this?" I cried. As always, I'm right. I don't have enough boobage to even have a guy look down my shirt. Believe me, Ichigo has mentioned this many times.

Ichigo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. Hey, that's what I do! I'm the stressed one! "Rukia, please, shut up. If you don't get out of this car right now I'm picking you up and dragging you in there. Do you understand?"

I scoffed. "Like you'd do that. You know how I feel when people tr—OH MY GOD! Get off of me!" Okay, screaming doesn't help in situations like this.

"You've obviously underestimated me. And yes, I know how you feel when people try to pick you up. You act like a drowning cat." My best friend replied coolly, locking the car doors.

When desperate times call for desperate measures you scream and point: "Hey look! That girl's not wearing any underwear!"

Surprised at my sudden outburst, Ichigo loosened his hold on me, glancing at the area I pointed at.

Obviously being the smart cookie that I am, I took this opportunity to make my escape. A knee to the stomach (or is it kidney?) always helps when your captor isn't paying attention.

Ichigo fell down and clutched his stomach, glaring at me and shouting "WHAT THE HELL?"

I jumped up and squealed, heading for the car.

Hmm, I don't believe I've mentioned to you the reason of my distress, have I?

Well, it starts like this:

"No, I think I've got something better." Ichigo said, before I entered the car at the airport.

"And what exactly is this 'something better'? Hm?" I do believe at that moment I was flirting. How embarrassing.

Ichigo smiled, showing his tiny dimples that I love so much. "You'll see." He said, guiding me into the car.

Something Better ended up being Something Crappier. As in 'Welcome to Spin, the newest and hottest nightclub around!' I don't do party scenes or nightclubs or any place where people publicly dance. Duh.

That's how I ended up here, at around 9:50, grabbing frantically at my car as Ichigo tried to pry me away from it.

"I'm not going into that dirty place! You can't make me!" Like all men, they can't seem to understand that NO means NO. I already felt uncomfortable enough as it is. This damn pencil skirt was sucking the life out of the lower half of my body! I mean I still looked cute but the skirt was hugging me so tightly it looked like I wasn't wearing any underwear…which I totally was.

Completely unexpectedly, Ichigo moved his lips towards my ear, his breath fanning on my face and on my ear, making me shiver and my eyes flutter. "Rukia," He said softly, running his finger up and down my arm…oh my gosh! What is going on? Since my body never cooperates with my brain, I just stood there like an idiot and tried not to giggle.

"Just for tonight." Ichigo whispered and stopped with arm thingy, causing me to at least try and figure out what was going on.

"O-Okay." I said stupidly, letting my so called best friend guide me to the entrance of the god forsaken place where people 'dance'. Honestly, it looked crappy and clichéd enough with the lighted sign that screamed SPIN.

We didn't even have to wait in line since Ichigo had so many 'connections', as people call them. So when I realized what had just happened, I didn't get the chance to yell at Ichigo for stupidly persuading me like that because we had just stepped into black hole with so many colorful lights flashing that someone probably could've had a seizure from just looking at them.

"Ichigo I can't see a damn thing!" I hissed, grabbing at his hand. "This is like some dumb rave thing or whatever you call it."

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, pulling me along through the crowd and snaking his way towards the fluorescent lighted bar.

"Hey Ichigo!" Someone shouted to him. How could anyone even see in this damn place?

For all I knew I wasn't even holding Ichigo's hand. Except it did feel like his since it's so soft and strong. Not that I've held hands with him before…or anything even remotely romantic. Kinda.

"Hey Mizuiro." Ichigo replied, pulling me into his side.

Oh my. Did it just get hot in here or have I just teleported to a sauna that smells as good as Ichigo does?

"Where is everyone?" Ichigo asked casually, glancing around, and placing his hand on my shoulder.

Mizuiro took a sip from the drink in his hand. Was that an apple martini?

"They're probably either getting drunk or dancing. I'm not sure. Keigo and Orihime were with me a second ago."

Well, damn. That means I'm not attracting any attention. Darn Orihime's got the bust size of Dolly Parton.

"Hi Rukia." I blinked and turned, unfortunately met with…dun dun dun! Renji.

Ichigo's hand on my shoulder tightened a bit and I tried my hardest not to giggle.

"I…uh…hi Renji." I replied nervously.

Why am I nervous you may ask?

For one, Ichigo's hand kept inching towards my neck and I felt like if someone poked me I'd burst into bubbles.

For two, while on my so brilliant trip to visit my scary and menacing brother, I got a phone call from Renji. A phone call that said "Rukia, I…I don't know how to say this but I love you." Now since I've obviously longed for Ichigo for a rather long time and didn't see this confession coming from Renji, I could only say "Uhhhh…" And then he so bluntly cut in saying "But I know you like Ichigo…I just wanted to get it out there. What I felt for you I mean…" Which in turn I lamely said "Riiiiight." Not the nicest thing to say after something like that. "So…yeah." Renji said uncomfortably. And theeeen I mumbled a quick "Sorry!" and hung up.

For three, now I actually had to face Renji in person and talk to him…about something.

I slid out of Ichigo's hold on my shoulder and took a seat at the bar, signaling for Renji to sit next to me and for Ichigo to shoo.

Oh well, I might as well face the tiger than run away from it. I think.

Unsure of exactly what I was doing with Renji, Ichigo scowled at me and turned to Orihime, who had just popped up from the freaky darkness of this place.

"How was your trip?" Renji asked me almost shyly, simultaneously waving the bartender over.

I smiled. "It was great. I mean aside from the long airplane ride and the ear popping thing, yeah." Ugh, I could already feel this conversation was going nowhere.

"Yeah?"

I bit my lip. "Yup. Uh, 'scuse me can I get what he's having?" I asked the bartender, pointing to the cute little drink that Mizuiro was holding. I wonder if they serve burgers here. I haven't had anything to eat since four. I actually doubt that though. What kind of club has hamburgers?

Beside me, Renji sighed. "Look Rukia, about our phone convers—"

I know it's rude to cut people off, but I did it anyway. Not having the heart to say "Shut up man." I lifted my hand to stop him and forced a smile. "Relax Renji. We're not here to talk about…that."

He looked away and nodded, seeming a little defeated.

I bit my lip and turned my head, noticing that Ichigo left me to sit here with Renji. Oh, that's great. Thanks for sticking around pal, maybe I'll go and get laid like a normal twenty one year old and lock you out of the apartment. Glaring at nothing in particular, I swiveled around in my chair and faced Renji again.

Except it wasn't Renji anymore.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked bluntly, not completely realizing what I said aloud.

The person rolled her eyes at me. "Do you say that to all the people you sit next to at bars?"

I sucked my teeth. "Sure, let's go with that."

An hour later found me playing with a drunkard's iTouch. The drunkard I mean is the moody thirty year old who's been sitting next to me and talking about her ex-boyfriend who dumped her because she didn't like Barry Manilow.

Although really, who doesn't love Barry Manilow?

"What about you?" She croaked at me, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and looking disheveled. Her running mascara made her look like the Joker. Yeesh.

I didn't bother to know what the hell she was talking about. "What about me?" I asked distractedly, playing an extremely hard level of Tap Tap 2. Seriously though, who's the genius that comes up with all these apps for the iTouch?

She hiccupped. "Does your boyfriend still love you?" Oh, are we best friends already? But it's only been an hour.

"I don't have a boyfriend." I muttered darkly, already upset that she was making me suck at Tap Tap 2.

"No!" She gasped, putting her hand to her mouth in shock and causing me to drop her iTouch in my martini glass.

"Damn it." I growled, fishing it out and hoping that it didn't break since I still had some alcohol in the cup.

"How old are you sweetheart?" She asked worriedly. Oh gosh, she made it sound like I had some horrible disease.

"I'm tw—" OH MY GOD SHE JUST BURPED IN MY FACE. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and coughed, hitting my chest harder and turning away.

"Excuse me." She giggled, finding her burp quite funny.

UGH! Is that putrid smell her breath? I plugged my nose and scowled at her. "I have to go use the bathroom." I said nasally.

Damn people and their damn problems. You know I have problems of my own and I hardly feel the need to always voice them! And what kind of place is this? Where's the manners? I feel like I'm trapped in a room full of cavemen! Most of them don't even know how to speak due to the crap alcohol!

"Guhh." I grunted, squeezing my way through a tight packed crowd somehow capable of speaking and lazily moving to the music on the speakers.

I bumped into someone and almost screamed at them. Who the hell thinks they can bump into me?

"Rukia?"

I looked up and stared at Ichigo's face, surprised at how close I was to him.

"Ichigo? What are you doing?" I asked, or more like screamed since the music was too loud and the noise from the crowd increased the chance of him misinterpreting what I was trying to say.

Clearly not hearing anything I said, he grabbed my hips and pulled me flush against him, making me blush ten different shades of pink. I squeaked and stared at him, letting my jaw drop down to the floor. What in the hell was he doing? I'm not one of his play things! I mean not that I don't enjoy being this close to him (although it is making me rather weak in the knees.) but still!

His grip on my hips sent small sparks on my sides, where his hands were.

Ichigo's breathing on my face let me take in the intoxicating smell of the alcohol in his breath and I pulled back. My heart squeezed and I removed his hands away from my hips.

Excuse my French, but fuck.

The love of my life was drunk and the only reason he was being this close and acting so touchy feel was because he was drunk. Just great.

Not letting go of his hands, I dragged him away from the damn packed crowd and tried to look for the door. Me and my stupid height.

"R-Rukia, where are you taking me?" Ichigo said a bit slurred, staring at me like I was crazy.

I sighed, feeling my eyes water a bit. "C'mon moron. I'm driving us home."

The car ride was silent since Ichigo knocked out in the passengers seat, snoring all the way back to the apartment.

Strange as it is, cars were still honking and lights were still blaring at midnight.

As soon as I parked I tried to wake Ichigo up but he wouldn't budge.

Lousy craptastic person he is.

I pulled his arm around my shoulders and tried to lift him up, effectively hitting my head on the top rim of the car. Stupid car.

It took nearly ten minutes for me to drag Ichigo's stupid ass up the stairs and by then all the grunts and effort I put into carrying him seemed dumb since I should've just left him at the bottom of the staircase.

Step 5.

Burn some damn calories.

Status: Complete. I'm pretty sure I lost about fifteen pounds just lugging him around.

Ichigo's eyes blinked open as he noticed the front door to our apartment was open and there was air conditioning. "Hey wait, stop." He mumbled, almost incoherently, trying to push himself off of me.

I huffed, already irritated and feeling a stab of pity for myself about the earlier situation.

"What is it? Did you forget something in the ca—"I yelped at the sudden interruption and the sudden hold Ichigo had on my wrist. He pushed me against the wall of the apartment and brought a hand to the wall beside my head.

I probably could've shit bricks at that moment, but instead I gulped and felt a small drop of sweat roll down my forehead.

And for some odd reason, Ichigo leaned in and stared directly at me, trying to decipher something.

"Rukia…you…I…" He said, his breathing a bit ragged. My eyes widened at the tinge of pink on his cheeks. It was probably due to all the alcohol he consumed only twenty minutes ago.

My heart was beating so hard and fast that I'm almost positive it would've popped out of my chest or it would've recreated the scene from the Matrix where that thing comes out of that guy's stomach.

I shivered at the thought and the proximity between Ichigo and me.

His hold on my wrist radiated warmth and shot sparks down my veins.

My bottom lip quivered and he noticed, his amber eyes not leaving my lips.

"Ichigo," I started out firmly, but felt my voice waver. "What are you doing?"

His eyes moved away from my lips and stared into mine. "I…" He said, almost sounding confused.

His lips were hovering above mine and my heart was thumping like a wild rabbit.

For a moment it looked like he was going to pull away, but then he did it. One of the most unexpected things that I had dreamed of.

He kissed me.

And then in a flurry of heat, mild confusion on his part, and an odd kind of pleasure for me, I grabbed his short, bright colored hair, pulling myself closer to him.

Like in every romantic situation of any sort, he wound his arms around my waist, and kissed me back more aggressively, making me hit the back of my head against the wall.

"Ow!" I laughed, removing my hand from his hair and laughing.

There was a slight smirk on Ichigo's face at my action, before he dropped back down towards my mouth.

I think my heart might've exploded. If it was possible. Which it might be. I think.

Without even thinking, I grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, shutting the door to the apartment closed and leading us towards an open door (hopefully it wasn't the bathroom).

Aware of what I was trying to do (although really, what was I trying to do?) he grabbed my thighs and lifted me up, letting me wrap my legs around his waist. Without the height differences it was easier to access his face and oh so beautiful lips and my head started to spin (not literally of course) at the toe curling kisses he was giving me. I grinned at the way his hold on my legs tightened, feeling unmistakably happy and light headed.

My arms curled around his neck and I smiled against his lips. Since I'm so immature, I giggled and moved my mouth away to breathe. I didn't want to suffocate and die against him though! How unattractive would that be? Although, if anything, I probably would've died from cardiac arrest since my heart was more than likely flying around somewhere in my ribcage.

"I'm not a fish dummy! I have to breathe!" I muttered, tugging at his soft hair.

"No really, I wouldn't have guessed." He said huskily, licking his lips.

"Oh shut up."

Ichigo attacked my mouth, causing us to fall on my bed and my shirt to ride up all the way to my bra. Oh crap, what bra was I wearing? I swear if it's my Spiderman printed one I'm going to jump off a bridge.

Again, and to my dismay, Ichigo laughed, throwing his head back, finding something hilarious.

"What are you laughing at?" For good measure I smacked his bare chest. Wow, I might even go blind looking at his bare chest. It's so…dazzling. Har har har. His bare chest and body hovering over me! Oh gosh I think I died!

"You're wearing your Spiderman bra that I got for your birthday." He mumbled, dipping his head and coming inches within my face.

Damn it!

I would've hit him if his warm breath wasn't on my neck, and he started placing tiny kisses on collarbone, tickling me. Stupid Ichigo.

"Why're you so beautiful?" He mumbled, his lips moving against my skin. I tried not to smile.

But amidst all of this, I realized one thing; fuck, I think he's still drunk.

As soon as I woke up the sun made me want to become a hermit and wish I had better curtains.

I attempted to get out of bed until I heard a groan and an incoherent murmur. Ha, like there could ever be ghosts in my apartment.

It wasn't a good idea to look where the noise was coming from, because I'm pretty sure all the blood immediately rushed out of my face as soon as I saw the naked body on my bed, it's lower half covered by my turquoise bed sheets.

Steps On How To Subtly, but not obnoxiously, get the uber mega hot guy that you want.

Step 10 1/2.

Never ever engage in drunken sex with uber mega hot guy that you want unless you're already in a relationship with him.

Status: Failed. Already happened last night. Bullocks.

a/n: BLAH BLAH BLAH. i'm sorry that this chapter was so bad. I literally wrote it in a day and a half. I just wanted to get this chapter out for the people who still read this so they won't think I'm dead.

p.s. if you can't tell, I'm not dead and I am EXTREMELY sorry I haven't updated…tee hee.

p.p.s. btw's, i'm also thinking of rewriting since I have just reread this and yeah...guh.

p.p.p.s. uggghhhh. All of you now know I can't write kissing scenes. Poop. And boohoo.

Tell me all about it dahlings!