CH 11 : Noeud Coulant Autour du Cou

The sand was soft underneath his feet, consuming him up to his ankles with every step. With the lack of a clock around, he couldn't keep track of how long he had been wandering. Superficially he wanted to keep walking in a straight line; eventually he would be able to sense Captain Kurotsuchi's reiatsu. But when the fortress known as Las Noches slowly left his view, he started to become unsure of himself. He looked around, anxiety building up inside him. He tried to keep himself calm and level headed, even with the artificial sun beating down on him.

I've been in more stressful situations that this he tried to convince himself. I'm a scientist, a researcher. I've dealt with the maggot's nest. I've dealt with a rebellion. This is nothing compared to being subordinate to a man that applies make up with a butter knife. But where that man was now, he didn't know. Stopping for the hundredth time, he scanned the horizon and tried to recall the map. All he remembered were dots, quick notes and the room where he had last seen Grimmjow. All three proved useless to him and the last made his chest ache. Still, he was convinced he was determined to go forward and to go back home.

"Where are you going ?"

He cringed at the voice, having heard it enough to know who it was behind him. "Go away" he spat without looking behind, walking ahead. The other man quietly followed him, never closing the few feet between them.

"Do you know ?"

"As long as it's away from that damn place, I couldn't care less."

"Then why are you going towards it again ?" He stopped, his throat tightening. Turning around, he finally looked at the other. Standing there patiently was Ulquiorra, his coattails picked up by the quiet wind around them. There was a moment of silence.

"I'm not going towards it. You're lying."

"I have no reason to lie." He whipped his view around, scanning the area to prove the Espada wrong. The horizon was flat all around and suddenly he couldn't see anything anywhere. He felt disoriented, almost dizzy from not knowing where he was now. But even as he slowly lost it inside, he tried to keep it hidden from Ulquiorra, knowing he had the annoying ability to play off someone's weak points.

"I've been watching you wander. You've circled Las Noches almost twice now. It's an impressive feat, considering the vast size of our fortress. But there is always a point where you change directions and head away from it and when you reach even the closest point to where your Captain is located, you suddenly turn back. As if you're scared."

"Shut up !" he yelled, the wind picking up a little more. "I don't remember turning back anywhere ! I've been heading in a straight line this entire time !"

"Your tracking device says otherwise." He blinked, caught off guard by the statement. He wanted to ask what he meant, but quickly shoved the question aside. There was no point in asking questions anymore. The Espada were the enemy again and he really didn't feel like have a chat with one of them in the middle of what was starting to become a sandstorm. Adjusting the bag over his shoulder, he muttered a low "fuck you" before walking again, this time his steps a little quicker. However he only managed to go a couple of feet before a blast of wind stopped him. He stood there, fighting against the wind that attempted to knock him down and temporarily forgot about Ulquiorra.

Unaffected, Ulquiorra looked off to the side and examined the source of the wind. Far away, he could see a dust cloud slowly build up, heading in their direction. He sighed, figuring this was the downside of living in a desert wasteland. He approached Akon from behind, grabbing his wrist tightly. "Let's go. It's not safe out here."

"What the -" Before Akon had a chance to struggle much, he was suddenly hoisted over Ulquiorra's shoulder with ease, his bag falling to the ground. "Hey !" His surroundings suddenly blurred as he felt weightless for a split second. He immediately quieted down, his stomach doing flips. He wasn't used to such pressure that he felt around him and it took a minute to realize they were both inside Aporro's computer room. "Ugh ..." was all he could manage.

"If you hadn't deliberately wasted your body away, you wouldn't feel so bad." Ulquiorra muttered, his tone void of any real concern. It was something he had come to expect from the Espada.

"I think I'm gonna vomit ..."

"Don't." Without so much as a warning, the Espada released his grip around Akon's midsection and dropped him to the ground. Landing on his side, Akon curled up a little, trying to resist the urge to get sick all over the floor. Sitting up, he was about to ask why Ulquiorra decided to carry him like a sack of potatoes, when a distinct voice interrupted him from behind.

"Ha ! Ya got sick from a Sonido ? Yer a lot weaker than I thought you were ~"

He turned around slowly, making eye contact. His sickness suddenly disappeared, replaced with a strange combination of anxiety and surprise. Without realizing it, he stood up slowly, forgetting Ulquiorra and the existence of the entire universe for a split second as he took in the man that stood before him. The one who was both the cause and solution to his problems. The one who never failed to remind Akon how desperately he wanted to live each day with a little piece of him still intact.

The one would would be the death of him.

"Grimm … jow … ?" he muttered breathlessly.

"The one and only" Grimmjow replied, his voice sending chills down Akon's spine. Deftly he walked forward, bringing his hands up. Shrinking the distance to merely a few inches, Akon placed his hands on either side of Grimmjow's face, fingers feeling the curves of his mask.

"You're real … " he thought out loud, his hands feeling Grimmjow's cheeks and chin. "I thought … I thought you had died. I thought Aizen killed you." Grimmjow smirked.

"Guess ya thought wrong ~ " he purred, grasping Akon's wrists in a light grip. Leaning forward he closed his eyes and aimed to kiss the other. Instead of feeling soft lips against his however, a forehead topped with horns connected with his face, a cracking sound echoing through his ears. "Augh !" he reeled back, letting go of the Scientist to clutch at his face. "Dude, what the fuck ?"

"Shut up !" Akon snapped, stepping back from Grimmjow. His fists were balled up tightly, spots of blood tainting his horns. "I suffered through a week without you, damnit ! I mourned you because I thought you were dead, but it turns out you were alive this entire time ! Do you know what it's like to feel your only means of escape is gone ? Do you know the emotional torment I went through ? " He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated and began to pace back and forth. "Now that you show up, you expect me to just fall into your arms like some damsel in distress, right ? Uh huh, sure. Who the fuck do you think I am ? If you were expecting some warm welcome, forget it ! I may have missed you and I may have needed you, but that will never allow me to give myself to you so readily." He paused for a minute, calming himself down. Looking up at the other from underneath his brow, he gave Grimmjow his best death glare. "I hate you. I hate you so God damn much for leaving me alone."

The Espada stood motionless during his tirade, the blood oozing from his lip wiped off with his thumb. Deep down inside, he could understand the pain and anguish that had poisoned Akon for the past week. But with his animal instincts having taken over his sense of reason for so long, Grimmjow couldn't quite find it in him to sympathize. So he simply shrugged, his expression unreadable.

"I can't stop ya from feelin' what you feel." Akon could only narrow his eyes more, the answer irritating him from it's simplicity. Ignoring it, Grimmjow tried a second to time get close to the other, but his attempt to close the gap between them only caused Akon to widen it, moving backwards until Ulquiorra's still form separated them.

"Stay away from me" he spat. Grimmjow sighed.

"Look, yer makin' this whole forgive and ferget process really difficult. I like ya, alright ? And I'm sorry we had to lie about my death but -" Akon interrupted him with a loud snort.

"You like me? You don't like me. You just like the fact that I was weak enough to let you be near me. You like the fact that I couldn't resist and was chained up when you violated me. If you're implying that you have feelings for me, then let me clear that up for you; Hollow don't have feelings because they lack a heart and you're not different."

For the first time in the few weeks they had known each other, Grimmjow had flashed him a look that could only be described as a look of hurt. Akon had finally cut to that core, if only for a second. Akon thought perhaps he felt bad for saying what he did, but he quickly reminded himself that Grimmjow had deserved it all. Even if, deep down inside, he wanted to take it back.

The Espada silently tucked his hands in his pockets, his expression growing hard again, though compared to all the other times it happened, this time it seemed less than real.

"Well maybe we have feelings. It just doesn't seem like we do because we don't rely on them as much as you or the Humans do. But something might be there." Akon shook his head, sneering.

"Don't try to justify what you did to me."

"I ain't justifying anything. I'm just tellin' ya there's something within us ya don't see."

"I can assure you, it's nothing I care about." The room suddenly had a eerie stillness when Grimmjow couldn't come up with a retaliation. The moment lasted too long for Akon's liking when he decided to change the subject to something Grimmjow had mentioned earlier. "Why did you fake your death?"

"It was part of a bigger picture." Ulquiorra finally spoke up, moving so he could face the both of them. "It had to be done in order to move the plans along smoothly without Aizen interrupting us." Akon furrowed his brow in confusion, frowning.

"I don't understand … are you … plotting against him? Against Aizen?" Both Espada nodded in unison. "But why ? Didn't he give you the power you posses now ?"

"To an extent he did. But after much consideration, it dawned upon us that he only plans to use us for his own prerogative. There are reasons why Shinigami and Hollow do not cooperate and it took pledging an oath of servitude to him to solidify that concept."

"And I ain't ready to die fer a selfish Shinigami." Grimmjow added, his gaze on Akon sparse. "If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna do it fer my own reasons. Not because Aizen tells me." Akon looked down, trying to put together the pieces of their story. It all made sense now. Their secrecy of his entire existence and the project he was put in charge of; it was all a plot against Aizen. He should have seen it before, but he was too preoccupied with avoiding death that he never really stopped to consider the possibility.

"So … what does any of this have to do with me ? Why am I still here when I already made the Hogyoku for you ages ago ?" His answer came when the heavy double doors to the room opened up, a very smug looking Aporro entering casually.

"Don't get us wrong, Shinigami. We still have a use for you that you need to fulfill." he replied, pushing up his glasses. "We didn't put that tracking device in you for nothing, you know." Akon winced, suddenly remembering what Ulquiorra had told him out in the desert. He put a hand up to his heart, wondering where it was that it was placed.

"What do you want me to do ?" he asked meekly. Aporro approached him, lifting a finger and placing it in the middle of Akon's forehead. He figured that was where the device was located.

"I hate to admit I made some modifications to your little Hogyoku while you slept. But I did. It mostly involves the activation process. Those things don't just do their job on their own, after all." He paused for a second before continuing. "The device within you is its other half. While it also provides us with a GPS of your location, it also contains special Spiritual Pressure that, when in close proximity to the Hogyoku that Aizen will inevitably fuse with, with activate it's powers." Akon immediately shook his head, fear written across his face.

"N-No I can't get that close to him. It's impossible."

"Don't fret, you'll have a cover."

"But Aizen has the real one. What would make him fuse with the fake?" Aporro mused, stepping away from him.

"The two had been swapped during the time you spent moping around. Aizen assumes ours was destroyed already, so there's no reason to suspect foulplay. In terms of who switched it, we'll have to give that credit to one of his most trusted followers." Akon automatically turned to Ulquiorra, previously learning from Orihime that the Hollow followed Aizen's every order without resistance. He was the perfect, loyal soldier. Or so it was played out. To his surprise, Ulquiorra shook his head.

"I may have been loyal to him, but he would never put that amount of trust in me to directly give me access to the Hogyoku." Akon frowned, rethinking the possibilities.

"Then it was either Tousen or Gin." Aporro waved his hand, humming a little.

"Details are details. What matters is that that phase is complete and all we need is for you and your half of the Hogyoku to do the rest." Akon shook his head again, taking a few steps back to separate himself from all three of them.

"But why me? Why not one of you? Why not another Shinigami?"

"How easily you forget your origins." Ulquiorra stated. "You were present when the original was created by Kisuke. Your lack of any threatening Spiritual Pressure also made you a better victim than the creator himself. Your scientific knowledge may not rival his in the slightest, but you are good enough." Akon frowned, feeling strangely insulted.

"Why can't any of you do it?" He repeated. Ulquiorra looked to Aporro, giving him the permission to answer.

"Because you are weak." Aporro started. Akon continued to frown, annoyed by the sudden streak of insults."Your Spiritual Pressure was drained from you the day we met and it has stayed that way since then. Even for an average Shinigami, you are pathetic. But there is a reason we wanted to keep you that way. The imposter Hogyoku's job is based on the assumed abilities of the original. It it now known that the Hogyoku is meant to grant the wishes of it's Master, not to separate the boundaries of Shinigami and Hollow. Our Hogyoku plays on that separation, but only within Shinigami powers. Meaning it will suck up every last speck of Spiritual Pressure it's 'Master' has in their body and distribute it among it's halves. Now, this was where things got a little complex. It's other half needed to be placed in an empty shell of a being in order to leave room for all that Spiritual Pressure to go."

"We couldn't just let it all empty into the atmosphere, otherwise he could simply absorb it all back instantly." Ulquiorra explained. Aporro nodded and continued.

"None of us could do it, because we already possess all that our physical selves can handle. Were we to add half of his to ours, we would simply die from overexertion. So the only solution was to find a host that was void of practically any trace of Spiritual Pressure to absorb it." He grinned, Akon's heart beating faster and faster with each word that reached him. "You, my dear Shinigami, were the only qualifying candidate. And just think of it; once this process is done, you will have absorbed enough Spiritual Energy to surpass even your own Captain."

Grimmjow finally spoke up, a smile having found itself on his face. "Aporro figured with only half of his Spiritual Pressure left, he wouldn't be any stronger than yours truly, especially not when I'm in my release form. It'll be easy to kill him off after that and we Hollow can finally regain control of our own world again." He and Aporro chuckled at the thought, though it did nothing to ease Akon's churning stomach. He felt sick again.

"Do not get comfortable thinking this will be the end of everything" Ulquiorra said quietly. "With Aizen gone, we will still plot against the Shinigami." Akon shook his head, trying to understand the dire situation he was now involved with. His legs wobbled, his body feeling very numb. Ulquiorra gave him a stern look. "Shinigami." Akon grabbed his head, closing his eyes tightly and suddenly he felt very disoriented.

"I need a cigarette."

.::.

He didn't know how long it was since he had his last cigarette. It could have been months for all he knew. But all that time without the smell of smoke had made this one all the more exhilarating and relaxing. He inhaled the smoke hungrily, allowing it to sit in the back of his throat for a few long seconds before letting it escape through his nostrils. This simple addiction had played a major role in helping him think straight and it took a few months of not having it to help him realize this. He just wished they provided him with one more.

He currently sat in the cell that once occupied him, the bed as uncomfortable as before. He slouched a bit and as he looked across the room, he could see the severed handcuff still dangling from the edge of the work table. He sighed, the memories proving to be less than fond. He wanted to lie to himself and pretend that his cell was the only place he truly felt safe, but because of Grimmjow that comfort was taken away. Just sitting on the bed, even with the cell door wide open and no restraints on him, he felt utterly trapped.

Eyes drifting off to other places of the room, his thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he heard the distant sound of the door to the large room open and close. A light set of steps followed, growing louder as they approached his cell area. Akon scowled; he wanted more time to relax. Taking one last drag of his cigarette, he stood up and expected to see Aporro or Ulquiorra turn the corner and tell him it was time to get moving.

Instead, he got Grimmjow.

"Hey there ~ Have a good smoke?" The Espada asked casually, his hands tucked into their usual spot. Akon's heart stopped momentarily, and the smoke that was still left in his throat caused him to have a short coughing fit. Grimmjow waited for him to recover, standing by the entrance. Once he stopped coughing, Akon moved to press his back against the nearest wall of bars.

"What do you want?" he asked, anger crossing his face.

"They asked me ta come get ya."

"You liar. Ulquiorra said he would do it, not you."

Grimmjow shrugged, taking a few steps inside. Akon stayed where he was, thinking of some way to get the other to stay as far away from him as possible. "Yeah maybe I did lie."

"So why are you here?"

"I just wanna talk. That's all."

"Well I don't." Grimmjow sighed loudly, hanging his head. Akon relaxed for a second, looking at the other curiously. The Espada then spoke.

"Look … I'm sorry. I know you don't believe me, but I'm really, genuinely sorry." Akon turned his head, his eyes on the floor.

"I don't know where you get the nerve."

"Hey it's not my fault. It's just how I'm built. You were there and I knew you had some kind of thing for me ..." Akon visibly blushed, keeping his head down to try and hide it. " … And I had a thing for you. So I guess in my mind it played out that I needed ta mark my territory before anyone else got to ya. It was out of instinct."

Instinct. It was one of the few words Akon despised. Instinct implied an impulse which you could not control. It was an easy word to throw around if you wanted to protect yourself from punishment. It was a prideful man's way of apologizing without bowing down to another man. Akon grimaced.

"... Of course. Because you're an animal and only run on the instincts that make you happy."

"You think I don't care about your happiness? That I don't care about you?"

"I'll admit, I believed you did at one point. But you proved me wrong that night."

"I still do, even if you don't want to see it."

"No I want -" Akon caught himself, stopping both in his words and his steps. The entire time they had been talking, Grimmjow had taken to closing the distance on them, Akon doing the exact opposite. Grimmjow stopped as well, his expression almost encouraging Akon to continue. He needed little persuasion. "... I … want to see it." he said again, this time with much more hesitancy. Grimmjow smirked just enough to have it be obvious and with this positive outcome from the other, he widen his strides and made for Akon again.

"So what's stopping you ?"

"... I don't know. Unlike you I have a better grasp on emotions and can tell when something just … doesn't feel right." As the last words left him, he could feel Grimmjow's broad chest overshadow his with a mere few inches between them. The Scientist made no move to separate from him and instead simply stared at the others collar bone. He shivered when he heard that throaty chuckle.

"That's the pesky thing about emotions. Sometimes they help ya out. Other times they make you think ya don't want them, when really ya do." For a moment, Akon resisted. Reaching his hands out, he pressed them against Grimmjow's chest and tried to push him away. Grimmjow seemed to comply, but once they were at arms lengths of each other, he decided not to cooperate anymore. He suddenly pulled Akon against him, arm wrapped tightly around the Scientist's waist. Akon grunted when he bumped back against Grimmjow, his hands resuming their previous action of keeping himself at arms length to the other man. Even if at this point, separating below the waist was impossible.

"What do you know about emotions? You don't have them." he muttered, his stare on Grimmjow unwavering. The gaze was returned, though the intensity was far from matched. It was almost depressing.

"It takes not having a certain attribute to really understand what it's like." Grimmjow responded without missing a beat. His words held a truth to them that Akon wasn't about to deny. Although it seemed to be backwards logic, to not have something with you meant you didn't know what it was like to have it in the first place. This proved useful in observing those that did; it would be unbiased because one couldn't ever form a proper opinion about the subject matter that you never had. Mulling his words over, Akon suddenly felt guilty.

"I apologize if I can't see things as differently as you do." He replied after a while, his hands relaxing as they traveled down Grimmjow's chest.

"Try." It was a simple request, a demand almost, but it only resulted in Akon shaking his head.

"I can't."

"Why not? It doesn't 'feel right' according to yer emotions?"

"I'm sorry. But your … instincts … made me second guess what it is I feel for you."

"From what Gin told me about yer time without me, it seemed like ya weren't second guessing yer feelings fer me at all."

He scowled. "There are things I missed about you and things I didn't. For example, I did well without your annoying habit of crossing into my personal space without so much as second thought." Grimmjow laughed, quietly letting him go in what was one of the only times he voluntarily granted Akon his demands. Stumbling back, Akon mentally cursed himself for instantly missing that warmth around his waist. He managed to mask his disappointment though and quickly busied himself with smoothing out his outfit. He could feel Grimmjow watch him intently.

"I am sorry, you know."

"I know, I heard."

"Do you forgive me?" Akon slowed down his actions, clearly thinking about his answer. He only offered him a quick glace before pretending to look himself over.

"I've already lost my dignity by allowing myself to be captured by you. I probably lost my place in Soul Society by creating that Hogyoku and ultimately aiding the enemy after times of brief conflicts between Hollow and Shinigami. I also lost what I thought would be something I would have been able to keep until I wanted to give it up." He sighed lightly. "Sure … I forgive you. I mean it's not like I have any self esteem left and my morale is shot. I have nothing else to lose."

"Grimmjow." The two turned at the sudden voice and found Ulquiorra approaching the cell. "What are you doing?"

"Just givin' him a little pep talk before we throw him into battle." Grimmjow's reply was gruff and somehow a little sarcastic, a sign that he hadn't completely fallen in step with Ulquiorra yet. Akon nodded once, to coincide. The other man seemed to take dull note of his explanation.

"Very well. It's time to go Shinigami." Akon sighed, waiting a minute for Ulquiorra to start walking away before he decided to follow. He only managed to reach the outside of the cell.

"Hey wait." Akon stopped, tilting his head up with his eyes closed in exasperation.

"What is it?" He asked deftly, not turning to look at Grimmjow. The Espada approached him at a slow pace.

"I promise to make it up to you." He replied, quieter than usual. "Okay?" Akon dropped his shoulders, bringing his head back down. A part of him wanted to believe him, to believe that everything was okay now that Grimmjow was back and Aizen would be defeated. But at the same time he wondered; what could Grimmjow do to ever make up what happened to him ? Akon was a hostage, not only to his kidnappers, but to his own churning and confused feelings. He had fallen for the enemy and betrayed his home base by connecting and sympathizing with them as well. He may not have fully enjoyed his time with the Espada, but he had done nothing for the sake of Soul Society. Who was he now ?

He finally looked back at Grimmjow, expression flat. "...I'll be waiting, but not hopeful."