Lying Frozen

The Value of Life

Rukia had taken exactly a week to write her list. It made her think...hard. It made her want to crawl in a hole and die, and it made her want to strive to live no matter what at the same time. She hadn't seen the true objective of her assignment, only the outcomes. She was so utterly distracted, and couldn't think about anything else. Even Ukitake had questioned her odd behavior, and asked if her wounds had re-opened because of that pained look on her face.

He had broken through her composure! Hitsugaya Toushiro had shattered her resolve, which she was so good at keeping. Like that, with a snap of a finger, she was frantically trying to find meaning and everything but in life. Her legs walked toward the 10th Division, and she was fuming. Her belligerent-looking eyes were glazed over with tiredness and anxiety. Her hair was frazzled, and her skin was paler than normal. She stopped in front of his office, and knocked twice.

"Enter."

She burst through the door noiselessly and walked over to his desk, initially standing at attention. She slammed her two scrolls of paper on his desk. "Your completed assignment, sir," she bit out acerbically. The sarcasm was almost tangible. She turned to leave, without paying any attention to his reaction, only to be stopped.

"Kuchiki," he called emotionlessly. "Sit."

Rukia sighed silently, cursing under her breath. She turned around and walked to the chair, sitting obediently. Her eyes watched as he undid one of the scrolls.

"Pros of living," he began. "Kiyone and Sentaro would fight nonstop if it weren't for me. Ichigo finally got to come face to face with his mother's killer. Nii-sama was thankful for finding me. I got to taste juice in a box. I met Ichigo. I met Renji. I've saved lives. I get to collect Chappi-themed items. I helped Ichigo become a stronger person. I've only begun to tame Renji." His eyebrows raised at the last one in amusement. But overall, he was disappointed. And Rukia could tell.

He unrolled the other parchment. "Cons. Kaien was killed. My division was weakened. Ichigo's human life was changed forever. My execution cost lives, pain, and betrayal. Nii-sama is burdened with watching over me. He was hurt numerously protecting me. So was Ichigo. And Renji. I will never make it to a higher rank due to my brother's influences, so what should I strive for? And for number ten…" He paused. "A life saved does not equal a life taken."

A long silence passed between them. Rukia swallowed hard as her eyes were downcast. She heard ruffling of paperwork.

"How attached are you to your division, Kuchiki?"

"Very…why?" Rukia looked up in askance.

"Because while I can't offer you the Lieutenant position you deserve, I can offer you a Third Seat."

Rukia's eyes widened, but then returned to normal quickly. "Byakuya would never…"

"Captain Kuchiki has no say in the seated positions of Division 10. He only did for Division 13 because the circumstances were--and still are--different." He could tell Rukia didn't understand. "But know this. As a Third Seat, your tasks will be much more difficult. You will be sent to fight hollows, even if you've been injured in the past." Because once a wound healed up, it was time to get going again. "You will train new recruits, and supervise your subordinates." He could tell Rukia was being overwhelmed. "Think about it, and get back to me with you decision." She was capable of holding a Lieutenant position, but there were none available among the Gotei 13, except for the 13th Division. And that would never happen. "You may leave."

Rukia nodded and stood up. After bowing slightly, she left toward the Kuchiki Manor. When she arrived, she greeted Byakuya in the sitting room. "Good evening, big brother."

"Rukia," he called. She quickly walked over to him. When his eyes shifted to the square blanket in front of him, she sat down cross-legged with her hands on her knees.

"Yes?"

"Your wounds are healed," he stated, but the question was obvious.

"Yes."

"Are you happy, Rukia?" Her mouth opened and then closed, and he knew she didn't quite understand. "Are you happy being an unranked member of your squad?"

Rukia tore her gaze away from him. What were the chances he would talk about this right after what Hitsugaya said? "It is not the rank that matters to me."

"It is the ability to strive for something greater," he presumed. And with him in the way, she had no such ability. How frustrating. But her safety did come first. And if keeping her out of an officer's position ensured said safety… No, he had to put her first for once. What she wanted. "You may take the exam again." The undertone of his seemingly monotonous voice told her he wouldn't intervene with the results.

Rukia nodded her head, trying to restrain a large grin from showing. "Thank you, Nii-sama." He nodded, and allowed her to leave. She bowed deeply and then rushed to her room.

Laying in her bed, she stared up at the ceiling, her hands folded behind her head. It was weird… She wanted to take that exam, because she knew she could attain the Vice Captain position…but… A Third Seat in the 10th Division sounded just as appealing. No, she couldn't leave the 13th Division. She's started there, under Kaien-dono… She had to stay there, and try to become as great as he was. I will stay in my unit, she mused somewhat happily. This meant she wouldn't have anymore encounters, except for the occasional passing, with Hitsugaya Toushiro. Why the hell should that matter?

"I didn't want to be saved."

"I didn't want to be saved."

Who says that? Hitsugaya stared at his stark white ceiling, hands behind his head. A life saved does not equal a life taken. It was almost ridiculous at how her logic worked. What did she mean? The souls she's saved doesn't mean Lieutenant Shiba's death is forgivable? Or even more eccentric to think, saving Lieutenant Shiba didn't make killing him worth it? Did she still, after all these years, view it as murder?

He imagined if he and his Lieutenant were in the same position. He would save Matsumoto without hesitation. He would never let her suffer like that. He would regret that she had to die, and be saddened by it eternally, but…he wouldn't regret his action. He would know that Matsumoto, if she had the ability to manifest and speak, would thank him,

Why was she so stuck on considering herself a villain? Why did the think everyone she touched was hurt? Why didn't she want to be saved? Maybe I'll never understand her, he thought sternly.

He had a feeling that she wouldn't take him up on his offer. She would feel like she was betraying Kaien by betraying the division. And yet, he felt the need to… What's the word? Connect? No. He couldn't think of what he wanted… But he wanted to know more about her. He wanted to know what she thought, and why she thought it.

He wondered if she had changed any over the course of the past few weeks. If she were in a life-or-death situation, would she asked to be saved? He wondered…

"I'm proud of you, Rukia. Everyone is. Kaien would have been, too." Ukitake smiled down at her.

Tears brimmed her eyes at the thought, but she pushed them back. "Thank you, Captain."

"Rukia made it! See, I told you she could do it!" Kiyone wrapped her arms around the petite girl.

"What! I was the one who said she could do it! You were all worried she would only make 3rd Seat, and there'd be three of us!" Sentaro shouted.

"I never said that!" Kiyone replied, clearly appalled. When Sentaro tried to hug Rukia, too, Kiyone pushed him away with her foot. It didn't stop him. And Rukia became sandwiched in between the two.

"Thanks…you guys," she wheezed. They let go of her at the sight of Renji.

"Hey! Congrats," the fellow Lieutenant called. He rested a hand on her arm. "Finally caught up to me, eh?" He grinned. "Well, almost. You haven't reached Bankai yet."

"Oh shut up," she hissed and punched him in the stomach.

"I say this calls for a celebration! Lets go for drinks!" Kiyone yelled.

"No one tell Lieutenant Matsumoto," Ukitake hurriedly added in. Hitsugaya had seemed frustrated enough lately. And he feared if Matsumoto came back drunk again…it might tip him over the edge.

"Drinks! I'll invite the captain!" Matsumoto replied.

A few eyes turned to her, wondering when she'd arrived. They then cheered, and suddenly invites were being tossed left and right.

Byakuya had ruefully accepted. Being surrounded by drunk Shinigami didn't appeal to him, but Rukia had asked him personally…

Matsumoto smiled genuinely. "I'll meet you all there." She knew her Captain would decline, but she had to ask. When she arrived at the division, he was exiting his office. "Captain! Are you done with your work?"

Hitsugaya looked up to her suspiciously. "I'm not going out."

She frowned. "But you need to loosen up, and almost everyone you know will be there!"

He raised an eyebrow. "What's the event?"

"Oh!" She had almost forgotten. "Rukia took the seated officer's test and landed the Lieutenant position. So everyone's meeting up."

Hitsugaya showed little emotion, but shock underlined his eyes. "Captain Kuchiki…"

"He finally gave in. 'Bout time, too."

"Yes," he replied absent-mindedly.

"So you'll come?" Maybe after all her years of asking…!

"No. I've got work."

Matsumoto sighed. "Alright. I'll be back later."

Once she left, Hitsugaya stared into space. This was interesting. With no one around, he allowed the slight smile to play across his face. "You've got something to live for now, Lieutenant Kuchiki."

AN: Thanks everyone for the reviews and opinions (: