I'm not sure how this story will turn out. It may end up being like a lot of one-shots showing snap-shots of her travels. This is my idea of how Kel might have grown up if she was kicked out of training. Please don't hate' on me and start saying, "She is so OOC!' (Out Of Character) because in the end, she has become much more canon, if not a little more driven. It's a story about growth, and I think, having been an d11 year old myself and having known many eleven year old girls as friends, siblings and peers, that this is a more realistic version of her reactions to being kicked out than any I have seen on this sight. I may be wrong, but even those I admire most have human faults and none would react so calmly and maturely as most of the Kicked-Out Kel's in fan fiction. But do review: tell me if you disagree.

This is part of the song "Stand up" by Fireflight. I've altered it to show share parts that inspired me to write this story.

Demons that I've tried to hide

Imprison me in my own lies

And all that I can do is cover up the proof

Don't be afraid to…

Stand up!

Stand up if you're broken

Stand up!

Stand up if you feel ashamed

You are not alone when you hurt this way

Stand up!

Stand up if you need love

Stand up!

This is not judgment day

You don't have to hide

There's no need to run

Everything will be okay

Don't run away

(Don't run away)

Don't be afraid…

"Pack your bags, and go home."

The words rung in her ears as she sat, shocked, on the edge of her bed. Her bag sat open and empty at her feet. Kel knew she needed to get started packing, but she couldn't force herself to move. All her life… all her dreams had come to a deadly halt like a porcelain vase dropped down the stairs. And no she sat looking at the pieces, their sharp edges stabbing at her heart. She had failed - failed herself, her family, her idol, everyone.

Out her open windows the sparrows chirped like usual. The sun was still shinning - it wasn't even raining. The final day was a far shot from the apocalypse that she had been expecting. A knock sounded at her door and her voice cracked uncontrollably as she answered it. "Y-yes?"

Neal poked his head through hesitantly. Upon seeing his young friend slumped so dejectedly upon the bed he knew what Wyldon had said. With a heavy sigh he stepped through the door and came to sit beside her, awkwardly patting her back.

Kel's breath hitched, and she clung to her Yamani mask in a desperate attempt to keep her sorrow hidden from Neal, but more importantly, herself. If she acknowledged it… Her mask slipped, running off her face like painted Yamani faces in the rain. Tears rolled like rivers from her eyes. She had failed.

Neal sat with her as she struggled with her emotions, feeling his own heart go out to the strong young woman beside him who had tried so very hard to prove herself to a man that just would not change. Like a raindrop trying to wear away the boulder, she just hadn't had enough time.

When the bell for light out rang, Neal stood, wincing at the stiffness in his knees, and looked at her nervously. But she had long stopped crying. It was the silence that bothered him the most. Quietly he said, "You'll say good-bye before you leave, right?" She nodded slowly, meeting his eyes for the first time that afternoon.

"Yes," she told him, her voice still croaking with tears. "You're a great friend, you know." He just smiled tightly and left. Kel forced herself together. She had to pack. She would be leaving in the morning.

Lighting the candles on her desk, Kel opened drawers and sorted through the papers and supplies shoved haphazardly within. Her acceptance letter was saved in there. Kel set the worn parchment aside in a special pile to tear apart with her bare hands. Other letters, of encouragement and hate alike, were set in that pile and slowly her angry grew. 'I was good!' she screamed at Wyldon in her mind. 'I was one of the best, and you were just too sexist to see it!!'

The candlelight flickered like the shadowy flames of hell and she felt a terrible fury well within her soul. They were wrong. She would prove them wrong! They would be sorry they'd ever got rid of her, because she would become better than them all!

Kel's hands shook in her fury, ripping the papers - school assignments, letters from home, and mental list's alike - into shreds. Feeling trapped, frustration welling to the top she shoved the papers away from her, flinging them into corners and beneath her desk. Grabbing her glaive she sliced it through the air, just missing her desk. She wanted to break it, she wanted to hurt something so that she wouldn't be the only thing breaking. But she didn't. Kel just whizzed through pattern dance after furious pattern dance, until her anger had been sweated away and her even her breeches were drenched in perspiration.

Only then, when her arms were shaking too much to hold the weapon, did she sink back down onto her knees in tears. She was so hurt. She was in so much pain. No one could understand how bad it hurt for her to have been kicked out. And then, as her harsh pants filled the room, she decided what she was going to do the next day. She would buy Peachblossom and ride the feisty gelding North for as far as she could go, and then just wander up in the mountains for a while. She couldn't go back to Mindelan in any case. Everyone would know she had failed and she couldn't take that. No, it would be better to be left alone in her shame.

Splashing water on her sweaty face Kel rolled onto the covers and fell asleep. Tomorrow she would clean, pack and say good-bye, before heading off. Tortal would come to regret ever letting her go.

The sun rose long after the heartbroken adolescent. Already the papers had burned to ashes and every lucky cat had been packed safely away amidst the cushioning cloth of breaches and tunics and socks alike. Kel was sitting on her desk, hair wet from a quick trip to the women's baths, watching the lazy sunrise. The optimistic pink streaks of another day were a sorely disappointing substitute for the blood red smears she had hoped would mark her unjust and forced departure. Her dreams were shattering, her very life was ending as she approached the dreaded time of departure. Rae, god of sun, could at least show some empathy.

A light hand knocked upon her door. It was the servant man. Kel called him in. His permanently sad-looking face made anger suddenly flare up in her unstable chest. Ruthlessly she squashed it. Kel refused to take out her problems on others. He had brought the usual morning things. Quietly she thanked him as he left. He didn't respond and another surge of anger licked up her throat. He could at least be thankful she acknowledged him! Not every noble would be that kind! Recently it seemed no one noticed the good things she did. Biting her foul tongue, Kel latched her gaze onto the tree outside her window and didn't trust herself to turn around until the door closed again.

The sun had almost struggled its way fully from the bellies of the distant mountains when the first bell rung. Slowly Kel stood, her sleeping legs tingling like sand and needles. Time to visit her friends.

The boys were gathered in Neal's room, he'd obviously talked to them the night before. Kel felt slightly relieved. It'd be fast a simple this way. She stepped fully into the room, and was mauled by an enthusiastic group hug. It calmed down much too quickly though, and there was no happy chatter. Still silence filled the air as they sat together, unsure of what to say. No one had really expected her to fail.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. "So, um, I'm leaving today…" she stammered, at a loss for what to say. "I, uh, I'm going to miss you all. I think I'll wander for a bit, maybe go back to the Islands. I really enjoyed it there…" the boys all looked sad.

"We'll miss you too, all of us," said Seaver.

"Yeah," came the chorus of boys eager to contribute to the conversation in a weak effort to make it less uncomfortable.

"Thanks," she said. And she really meant it. It felt great knowing that they'd miss her too. They, at least, appreciated her. "I'm sure I'll see you again someday, if anything I'll be back for your knighting. I'm not gonna chicken out an' miss your guys' ordeals," she said, trying to joke on the spot. But nothing was funny, not even to herself. The day was too serious. They just smiled sadly with her. She should've been taking on the Chamber with them.

"Well, Wyldon told me to be gone by second bell. So… I guess it's time to leave," she announced finally. They stood with her and followed her in a quiet crowd of support back to her chambers to grab her bag and to the stable where she handed Steffan all the gold she had. It was barely enough for the fine mount, but over her shoulder Neal flashed him a gold noble and he knew he'd get the rest.

On the feisty mount she waved good-bye one last time to her loved friends. It was almost like in the folk tales as a warrior left home for his great adventures. Only, her 'loved ones' were just a ragtag group of pages standing safely back from her horse. There was no fan fair, just sad wordless silence. But she felt more than a million word could express. She pursed her lips and held back the tears as she waved, before walking away, a choppy heavy gait that was far to casual for the moment. The guards hardly glanced at her as she left; no sorrow passed their faces. They didn't even know who she was. The wind was horribly still for the defining moment, and as she clip-clopped down the hill the world didn't even realize it was dooms day. No thunder ripped the sky; no rain or wind battered her broken form. Kel just rode on, tears falling down her face. She was leaving.

- - - - - -

Do tell me what names I spelled wrong.