Amarissia is anxious and grumpy, but never too much so to update. FINALLY, this beastly thing is finished. I hope you guys like it, especially those of you who also read Madness, because it'll be a little longer before I can get that last chapter up. As promised, I abided by the results of the poll, which rather emphatically asked for this first. Okay, but now I won't have anything cheerful to throw at you after Madness ends. Well, maybe I will, but it'll take time. Typing, you know.

Anyway, let's get to it. I don't own blah blah, rated M blah, like the rest of the series. Hope you guys enjoy!

INEXPERIENCE

"You haven't changed at all. You still can't sit still."

Zack paused his rapid squats, stood up and grinned widely at his seated friend. "What's the point? Anyway, I have too much energy before missions."

"Hardly a mission," Kunsel scoffed, shaking his shaggy brown hair. "Even you can't get so excited about emptying an abandoned weapons cache."

"Well...there's always the chance we might have an adventure."

"More like we do all the lifting and carrying and the Turks laze around pretending to do recon. Why didn't this get handed to the army?" Kunsel continued to grumble. "A trained chocobo could do it."

"Yeah..." Zack plopped down on one of the large van's seats but shifted, wiggled, tapped his foot. His energetic nature was not meant for long waits or enclosed spaces. "But we don't know what kind of stuff we'll find. It might be advanced or experimental, stuff only tough guys like us can handle."

Kunsel rolled his eyes, showing more cynicism than was usual for him. "Bet ya two hundred Gil we encounter no danger at all."

"You're awfully sure."

"Commander Hewley isn't here, and you don't have a 1st Class glued to your side. That means we're not at any risk."

"Hey! Did you ever think that maybe Angeal trusts me and has faith in my abilities?"

"Sure he does. He lets you out of the Compound, doesn't he?" Kunsel snickered and slung an arm loosely around the other SOLDIER's shoulders. "Well, the commander should be relieved to know that I'll be keeping an eye on you."

Zack slumped for a moment, then shifted to rest his chin on Kunsel's armor-padded shoulder. "Kunsel? We're friends, right?"

"I'd take a bullet for you, you'd take one for me, right?"

"Fuck yeah."

"You cover for me, I cover for you, yeah?"

"You know it."

Kunsel laughed softly, his breath warming and stirring Zack's spiky hair. "And we're gonna keep being buddies and not let any of my other, fleeting feelings mess that up?"

Zack hugged him tightly and whispered, "Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh." Kunsel pressed a brief, chaste kiss to the younger man's temple. "Friends?"

"Friends."

"Who but a friend could tell you're head-over-heels for someone else?" Kunsel smirked as Zack drew back in surprise. "Is it Angeal?"

"NO! I swear to Gaia, if one more person - "

"Chill, I was kidding. You know how we love to rib you about that." The SOLDIER's voice dropped to a low murmur. "Maybe it's someone close to Commander Hewley, though?"

"...why would you think that?"

"Logic. You're around the 1sts more than you're around us. That dick Matheson is the only guy you've dated, and he's a 1st. Obviously you like 'em older, and everyone older around here, you've gotten to know through the commander. So?"

"So I'll get over it."

"You're giving up awfully easy. Don't tell me it's Sephiroth."

Zack was not a devious person, despite his liking for mischief. Though he thought he was doing a good job keeping his expression casual and disinterested, Kunsel saw through it immediately, and smiled gently. With sympathy, Zack assumed. Kunsel squeezed his arm tighter around his friend's shoulders.

"Guess it would be a waste of words to say I don't blame you. Does Commander Hewley know?"

"I can't keep anything from Angeal. He's been trying to get me and the general to be friends. He thinks that'll help me."

"Does Sephiroth know?"

"Yeah."

"What?!"

"I'm not gonna recount the humiliation of it to you," Zack said glumly, but then some of the bitter sadness lifted from his face. "He's been great about it. I guess you could say we are friends."

"Wow. That's more than most people get."

"I know."

"Hey." Kunsel nudged the younger SOLDIER with his knee. "You're not gonna turn into some sort of monk like Commander Hewley, are you? What's with him, anyway?"

"Dunno," Zack said, shrugging and going quiet. He was thinking of Angeal's loveless sadness and determination to live anyway, bearing the one and aspiring to the other.

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"He's not to be disturbed."

"You've been saying that all week. If I have to stuff you in the closet and kick that door down, I am going in there."

"The general specifically said - "

"You and I both know that the almighty perfect general knows what's best for him about as well as a Wutainese house flea! If you care about him as much as I think you do, you won't let him shut himself in there and refuse to deal with what's bothering him."

"How dare you suggest that I don't - "

Sephiroth slowly tapped his pen against the report he had just added his signature to. His mind was, or used to be, as sharp as a razor's edge, capable of concentrating on several things at once and doing them better than almost anyone could. His analytical abilities were growing sluggish, whatever Hojo's tests claimed. The rapidly shredded pages in his wastebasket were proof of that, covered with Fair's name doodled over and over and disposed of like a dirty secret. But could it be a secret when he, its holder, didn't understand it? Sephiroth was thorough by nature, precise, even relentless. Not...obsessive. And not prone to sudden, inexplicable bad feelings like the one that had just set in. Another symptom, no doubt, but of what?

The suggestion to make a friend of Fair had seemed like a good one, an excellent consolation prize. It would allow the boy to be close to him, which made Zack happy, and it would give him time to get over his crush, if a crush it indeed was. Sephiroth had not given much thought to how he himself would be affected. Naively, he had assumed that the confusion that took hold of him that fateful day in the VR Room would dissipate with time and analysis, not grow bigger. It wasn't supposed to be about Sephiroth at all, and yet he found that the occasional times spent with Zack were his most pleasant.

It used to be the use of his sword and the quiet of this office that gave Sephiroth peace. But nothing the VR Room could offer was enough to soothe this frustration, nor could clearing out the most dangerous beasts within twenty miles of Midgar. He didn't dare spar with his 1sts, a usually relaxing exercise, lest they notice something was wrong, if they hadn't yet. And as for the quiet of his office...there was no hope of avoiding noise and Zack-thoughts with the puppy's master just beyond the wall, threatening to use a stapler against Levine in a very unsanitary way. No point locking the door, either, that wouldn't stop Angeal. It never did when he was this determined.

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Though a mild-mannered man by nature, Angeal didn't stop his verbal onslaught until Levine was bullied into a grudging and sullen silence. Taking no pride in this victory (well, maybe just a bit), the commander rapped once on the inner office door, out of courtesy, before striding in. He had not seen Sephiroth for a week, an entire week of nothing but messages and brief phone calls, and that was not usual when they were in the same city.

"You are my humanity, Angeal," Sephiroth had once said after a particularly bad day in the labs, when the drugs in his system made him uncharacteristically talkative and amenable to being held close. "I never mean to push you away. Only that. Please remember."

Angeal doubted that Sephiroth remembered that near-stupor or what he'd said during it, but Angeal had not forgotten. He would not let his best friend be any more alone than his skill and beauty and reputation already made him. And he would not take "I'm fine" for an answer anymore.

The commander halted as soon as the door was securely shut, staring with surprise and concern. To anyone who didn't know him well, the general was his usual ethereal self, engaged in thoughts that very few would dare to guess, or disturb. Had the PR department marched in and demanded new photos for the next series of brochures and posters, all Sephiroth would need to do would be to stand and put on his most resolute expression. But Angeal had known the untouchable man since he was an angelic, serious-faced child, asking questions that made adults impressed and Genesis laugh kindly. Angeal saw the slumped posture, the faintest darkness under the eyes beginning to mar the flawless skin, the overall impression of weariness and...defeat? Impossible.

Angeal took hold of one of the chairs and carried it to the other side of the desk, setting it beside Sephiroth's before sitting down. He waited a few long moments for acknowledgment, which was given only in the form of not moving away.

"Seph?"

The general shut his eyes, briefly. He exhaled audibly, slowly and with apparent calm, but his long-fingered hands curled into fists on top of the desk. Like he was looking for something to claw. Angeal had only a few times seen him so close to losing his perfect composure.

"Seph, I'm right here."

A tiny nod, that was something. While searching for words, Angeal tentatively extended his arm and ran his open hand over the silk-thread surface of Sephiroth's hair. The general flinched, but just barely, and that was hopeful. This had been both Hojo's gesture and Genesis's, and Sephiroth allowing it like this was a fair indicator of how tolerant he would be of company. How Genesis had loved this shimmering silver hair. Everyone did, but only Genesis had had the privilege of playing with it and stroking it. Angeal had rarely dared, until Genesis was gone.

"I heard you were in the lab an entire day," Angeal tried, hoping he could stay as calm as Sephiroth wanted him to be. "That you actually went to Hojo and requested a neurological work-up and blood panel. If you're sick - "

"I'm not," was the murmured answer. "I am fine. The doctor found nothing abnormal. Only indications of mild stress."

"Since when do you voluntarily let the madman touch you? Since when do you confide in him and not me?"

"I told him nothing," Sephiroth said through gritted teeth. "As you know, I am required to report all physical and neurological anomalies to the doctor, even if they are as mild as distraction and insomnia."

"No wonder you look exhausted," Angeal said softly. "So what's going on?"

"I don't know. If I knew, I would know how to proceed."

"Well, let me help. You said you've been distracted. By something in particular?"

Someone, Sephiroth thought glumly, someone I have no right to. If it were any other SOLDIER, I could bed him and see if that resolved it. Angeal sees the boy as a child, he would hate me if...

Sephiroth pulled his feet up onto the desk chair and wrapped his arms around his bent legs, something Angeal had not seen him do in years. "Why did you not tell me about you and Genesis?"

The commander froze for a moment, then sighed. "I'm sorry, Seph. The time never seemed right, and we had to hide it from Hollander, and then Genesis was gone and there no longer seemed to be a point."

"Did you think I would feel left out?"

"Well, that too. When did you figure this out?"

"Your puppy let it slip by accident. He assumed I knew. He was then very apologetic and reassuring."

"That's Zack's way," Angeal said with a brief smile.

"He's out on the Sector 3 mission, correct? Isn't it your usual practice to pace around and snap at anyone who dares to suggest you might be worried?"

"I thought that my time would be better served here, refusing to let you change the subject," Angeal said briskly, forcing down the nerves that always came up when Zack was on a mission away from him. "Seph, talk to me."

"I can't control my thoughts. My mind feels scattered, but..."

"Is this about...a person?" Angeal tried hard to hide his shock. He knew Sephiroth had casual sex with SOLDIERs of his own rank, friendly, private flings that were about trust and release and camaraderie and the fact that every living thing wanted Sephiroth. Even Angeal had fantasized about him once or twice, and his love was purely that of a brother.

Sephiroth closed his eyes, holding that pained expression until Angeal touched his arm and spoke again, giving him an amiable squeeze.

"This is something new, right? That doesn't mean it's bad. If there's someone you want, it's not like anyone's ever turned you down - "

"It's not about sex," Sephiroth quietly interrupted. "Sex won't end it. Angeal, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You mean you like someone?" Angeal smiled with uncharacteristic gentleness and returned his fingers to the silver hair. "Seph, that's excellent."

"I can't." A hint of something like panic permeated the smooth voice. "I can't, I'm not capable - "

"Hey, stop. That's Hojo talking, and he just doesn't want to share you with anyone. You are capable. Seph, no one knows this stuff their first time. We're all groping in the dark. All of us. Don't run from this."

As he spoke earnestly, as he edged closer and coaxed Sephiroth's reluctant head onto his shoulder, Angeal wondered in the back of his mind who it might be. Lazard, who met privately with the general so often? Hitchcock, whom Sephiroth respected so highly? One of the many executives and businessmen in ShinRa and Midgar who asked him out for drinks and gathered in chatrooms to muse about what it would be like with him? Maybe even Levine, whose devotion was suspected by many to be infatuation? Whoever it was would have to be approved of, Angeal thought, and judged worthy.

"What do you think of when you think about him?"

Sephiroth was allowing the half-hug and he sighed with a hollow sound; he was preparing to tell the truth. "I want him, but not just..."

"Okay. That's great, go on."

"I feel better when I see him. It's illogical, I know."

"Not really." Angeal smiled encouragingly. "So what's he like?"

A faint, cautious smile curved the general's pink lips, hinting at wonder and awe. "I've never seen anything so beautiful. At first, I thought it was only that, only desire to have him, but..."

"But you want more. You want all of him."

"Isn't that selfish? To wish to consume another being completely?"

"Not if you give them yourself in return." Angeal purposely ignored Sephiroth's soft protest of likely inability. "Do you know how this guy feels about you?"

"He says he loves me," the general said quietly. "But everyone says that. People who don't know me."

"You don't believe them. Do you believe him?"

"...yes. I don't know what to do."

"Isn't it obvious?" Angeal felt Sephiroth lifting his head and beginning to shrug away, and gave him one more affectionate squeeze before letting go. "Pursue this. Take a chance at happiness. You deserve that. This guy isn't attached to someone else, right?"

"Not romantically, I don't think. But there is someone very close to him, someone whose opinion I value greatly. I don't think he would approve."

A thought entered Angeal's mind, one he at first tried to dismiss as absurd, but it wouldn't go away, it was too possible. Wait, possible? That Sephiroth could be talking about Zack? Zack's love for the general had seemed hopeless to Angeal, but then, he had nearly given up hope on Sephiroth ever falling in love. Could this be not only Sephiroth's miracle, but Zack's?

"Seph..."

Silver eyes were revealed as the perfect face lifted and silver hair fell away from it. The eyes were haunted, hurt, not daring to hope.

"Angeal," he whispered, "I promise, I never intended this."

The brief silence that followed was broken by Levine's voice over the office intercom, brisk and loud. "General, the executive director on Line One, urgent. I told him you weren't to be - "

"Acknowledged." Sephiroth pushed the speaker-phone button. "Lazard?"

"General, the Sector 3 mission had to be aborted due to injuries. There was some sort of attack, but don't worry, the med response team has already met the casualties in Transport Bay C. The 1sts have the situation in hand and Turks have been dispatched for investigation."

Sephiroth's entire body and what felt like his soul froze at the completion of Lazard's first sentence. He was vaguely aware of Angeal racing out of the room, no surprise, Angeal always knew the proper thing to do. The general tried to stand and couldn't summon the needed muscle response, tried to speak and expelled only air. Both logically and emotionally, he was concerned for his men, they were his responsibility...but it was the memory of a beaming face and pale blue eyes that was holding him so unnaturally still.

"General? Are you still there?"

"F-Fatalities?" Sephiroth could not recall ever having stuttered before, but he couldn't bring himself to care, and besides, if Lazard noticed he showed no surprise.

"None reported, sir, injuries only. I'll call down for an update, immediately."

"Not necessary, I'm on my way."

Sephiroth's will, which had rarely ever failed him, freed him at last from his motionlessness, and he was striding down the corridor before he knew it, walking as fast as most SOLDIERs could run. Zack Zack Zack, his mind tormented him, no longer bothering with the pretense of the boy's surname, and Sephiroth wasn't sure what else he should be doing, or thinking. Other men prayed, he knew, but Sephiroth had been raised by worshippers of science and logic and themselves. Even Summon creatures, rumored to be a lower echelon of gods, were unfamiliar to him; every time he tried to use one, an inhuman voice rose up in protest within him and would not stop until he removed the materia. Sephiroth had never revealed this to anyone, as he knew Hojo would be endlessly fascinated by such a thing.

Zack Zack Zack, his inner monologue continued, please let him be okay, and Sephiroth didn't know, or stop to wonder, who or what he was talking to.

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Transport Bay C, where the returned trucks and vans had parked haphazardly, an affront to order which would have annoyed Sephiroth at any other time. He hardly noticed anyway amid the noise and movement of the wide, open room. A quick survey told him Lazard had been right, the medical team had it under control, they were treating thirteen people that he could see. Mostly minor injuries, SOLDIERs who waved or saluted him and probably mistook his shock for calm fury, but none of them was Zack, where was -

With Sephiroth's superior eyesight, it took only a few agonizing seconds to narrow in on the form of Angeal halfway across the room. He seemed a little smaller than usual, because he was tightly embracing a shorter body, and his face, expression both tense and relieved, was half-buried in a mess of spiky black hair. Without thinking why - surely with Angeal present he would not be needed, after all - Sephiroth walked as calmly as he could toward them, nodding absently to everyone who spoke as he passed by. He heard none of the words directed at him but assumed they were reassurances; the general's protective fondness for his SOLDIERs was easily Sephiroth's worst-kept secret.

At first, Angeal didn't notice his best friend's silent and stealthy approach. This was hardly surprising, because to Sephiroth's puzzlement, Zack was struggling to get out of the arms that were firmly around him. Angeal held on and looked down with concern as Zack's muffled voice floated up, a tone somewhere between frustration and hysteria.

"Let go! I told you...Kunsel, he...I've gotta make sure - "

"Kunsel is being taken care of, he'll be all right," Angeal said over the 2nd's stammering. "I need to get you checked out, okay?"

"It's my fault." Zack's voice was suddenly a half-sobbing whimper, and it made both Angeal and Sephiroth flinch at the same moment. "No one sensed the explosives, we only heard the blast and he pushed me out of the way."

"It's okay," Angeal said softly, rubbing his cheek against Zack's hair and motioning to a medic who was standing in wait with a chunk of yellow materia. The teenager had become more still, with his face hidden in Angeal's sweater, and didn't notice a Sense spell being cast on him.

"Okay, only minor cuts and bruises, nothing to worry about," the medic said to Angeal. "Mako will take care of it overnight, but he'll be more comfortable if I just do a Cure now."

"Do it."

"No!" Zack wailed, again trying to pull away though he had no hope of breaking the protective grip around him.

"Uh, sir, we're not supposed to, on anyone who refuses..."

"I outrank you both, he's not thinking clearly, I order you to Cure him!" Angeal snapped, making the doctor spring half a step back. "Esuna too, just to be safe."

Obediently, the white-uniformed medical technician directed two streams of engulfing blue light into Zack, who after a few more minutes accepted that he would not break free and was merely exhausting his remaining strength. When he looked up to thank and dismiss the doctor, Angeal finally glanced at Sephiroth, and nodded as if to say 'He's all right'. But he didn't seem to be, Sephiroth realized, he could hear Zack crying and trying not to, and the general's hands twitched at the wrist as though longing to comfort the boy himself.

"It's okay, Puppy," Angeal murmured. "Everyone's all right, it's over."

Zack's own arms were around his mentor now, clinging in one of those situations where he didn't care who saw and what they thought. So comfortable in those protective arms, Sephiroth thought sadly, what right did anyone have to take him away, least of all someone as clueless as himself?

Angeal, too, felt that this was merely natural, that Fate had given Zack to him to love and protect, and he couldn't help but feel premonitions, even now, of the loss he would experience when Zack no longer needed this, or him. Dean Matheson had been a wake-up call; there would be others. Angeal knew that, just as he knew that Zack's most youthful behaviors were gifts to him, offerings of love and understanding from a boy who was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Then...maybe he and Zack would always have this powerful, no-blood-required bond, maybe no one would ever take him completely away.

Why am I thinking about this now? Angeal chided himself, squeezing Zack close enough to feel his calming heartbeat and smoothing handfuls of soft black hair. Zack would be all right, he knew, the boy was resilient, and able to soak up affection like a sponge and use it to fuel his considerable strength. Zack would be okay. All Angeal needed was that, and the same certainty for the one other person he loved this much.

Sephiroth hadn't moved. He stood zombie-like, arms limp, a million miles away from his usual confident posture. The slight color returning to his marble face made Angeal realize how stark the skin had been previously, like the general had underwent a terrible shock. Sephiroth faced Angeal, but was not looking at him. His silver eyes were aimed lower, locked on Zack, swirling with trapped emotion like pools of heated mercury. The expression on his face was trying to hide so many things and failing - fear, confusion, guilt. And a longing so powerful that it must physically hurt. Sephiroth's hands twitched as though fighting the urge to grab something, and when Angeal realized what Sephiroth wanted to reach for, he understood at last.

Surprise, concern, happiness, even a faint grudge flashed through Angeal's heart, but he hesitated only a moment after realizing the right thing to do. Quickly, but with gentle hands, he turned Zack around and pushed him into Sephiroth's opened arms.

Peace. An underlying apprehension, a quiet panic, but above all of that, Sephiroth felt a wonderful peace. Zack's shorter body against his own was warm and comforting and right, and embracing him came naturally, as did tentatively stroking the spiky hair he had been fantasizing about. It was as smooth as satin, as he'd known it would be, but Sephiroth never could have expected taking such pleasure in merely holding someone, especially since he normally avoided touch. This was what Sephiroth had been afraid of getting and afraid of not getting, and now, his only fear was that he would not be able to keep this.

Zack's immediate reaction was confusion, one moment being wrapped in Angeal's safe, protective embrace, and the next enclosed in arms that were unfamiliar. Not bad, though, very nice. A bit uncertain, but affectionate and gentle, being careful with him. The chest he lay his head against, above the belts that were strapped over it, was more slender than Angeal's, hard and toned but with bare skin so impossibly soft. This was Sephiroth, no mistaking that, with arms clothed in leather and silver hair close by, and all around, the most indescribable, intoxicating scent. Sephiroth's scent. Am I dreaming? Zack wondered, praying that he wasn't for fear of waking up and losing this perfect feeling. He hugged the general back and actually snuggled closer, figuring he would be excused by the shock and trauma of the day's events. The arm around him tightened, a nose and mouth pressed reverently into his windblown hair, and the two men expelled soft, simultaneous sighs of contentment.

Neither would ever know how long this quiet, life-altering moment lasted, only that it was over too soon, and with great reluctance. Zack drew back just as much as he had to to look up, and his apprehension broke into a beautiful smile as Sephiroth's fingers stroked his cheek.

"Sephiroth?"

A shaky sigh passed between the general's parted lips, and at its heels came a voice heavy with fear and want. "I don't know how to do this, I don't know what to do..."

"It's okay," Zack said softly, continuing to beam the smile that Sephiroth couldn't resist returning. "I don't either, really. Can we just kinda wing it?"

The general cupped the bright face in his hands and leaned in until their foreheads and noses were touching. "Angeal, would you please look away for a moment?"

Zack guessed what was about to happen, and his mouth was wide in a grin when Sephiroth's lips pressed to it. Instinctively and with euphoric elation, he kissed back, putting his arms around Sephiroth's shoulders as he was held around the waist and a hand in his hair cradled his head. This first intimate contact was strangely chaste, considering the passion behind it, hardly wet, mouths open but tongues not reaching out. The overriding sense of it for both of them was the pleasure of their lips connecting, their breathing each other in and out. Sephiroth's previous kisses had mostly been frantic ones in the moments of clothing-removal before sex, and Zack had no adult experience of kissing except with Matheson, who had always tried to dominate him with every touch. It was strange for Zack to be treated as an equal, and strange for Sephiroth to sense nothing intimidated or star-struck in his partner.

It was only a few seconds, but they parted to catch some needed oxygen, and with sparkling eyes Zack gasped "Angeal, please look away again."

The second kiss was less cautious, slow but a progression from the first's slight hesitancy. Zack opened his mouth and made a soft pleading noise, and in answer to his wish, Sephiroth's tongue gently invaded, dancing against his own sensually. Sephiroth was amazing at this, Zack's overwhelmed mind vaguely registered, had he gotten that way from practice? This stab of jealousy was replaced by the realization that, curiously, Sephiroth's mouth didn't taste like toothpaste or coffee or anything else, only cleanness and Sephiroth. The general, meanwhile, was enjoying the mint taste left behind by Zack's vitamin-water, which he liked to flavor with herbal teas. Anything would taste good combined with Zack, he thought hungrily.

At last, Sephiroth lifted his head and looked down at Zack's obvious happiness with a feeling of reassurance. How could fear and lack of experience have kept him from this for so long? Zack grabbed him around the middle and squeezed as close as he could, nuzzling the leather jacket and warm chest with his faintly flushed face, and Sephiroth understood completely why non-tactile Angeal accepted Zack-hugs so readily - this felt wonderful. The general looked at his best friend just as the commander removed his hands from his ears and turned around.

Angeal was smiling, but Sephiroth sensed uneasiness. Why had Angeal been unable to look at them kissing, why had Sephiroth somehow known he would be? Did Angeal disapprove? Would he use his influence over them both to forbid this? As Sephiroth watched with trepidation, the commander reached a hand out toward his student, and without thinking, Sephiroth pulled Zack closer in a clear display of Mine. Bizarrely, Angeal smiled at this. Holding Sephiroth's gaze with a mutual look of trust, he reached out again and gently ran his hand over Zack's hair.

"Puppy, would you like to go with Sephiroth tonight instead?"

It was standard SOLDIER procedure that 2nds and 3rds involved in missions that produced casualties or fatalities were not left alone the following night. Often a 1st or two would each take charge of a small group that would bunk together after hours of distraction and diversion and simply being there in case anyone needed to vent or lean on someone. This practice not only aided in easing teenaged SOLDIERs into the realities of battle, it also forged powerful bonds within the program. Normally Zack spent the nights following tough missions in Angeal's apartment, being permitted to eat as much junk food as he liked and dragging his mentor into watching horror movies or playing video games. Though Angeal had never confessed it, Sephiroth sensed that he cherished these nights, and the general was deeply touched by the selfless, trusting offer.

"Would you like to?" Sephiroth whispered.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Zack asked, turning his head to look at Angeal and anxiously biting his lower lip. It was clear that he didn't only mean going to Sephiroth's apartment.

"It's okay." Angeal's tone went softer; perhaps he, unlike the lovebirds, had taken notice of the gaping mouths and wide eyes all around the room. "I just want you happy, Pup. Both of you."

"Angeal." Zack disentangled himself from Sephiroth and grabbed his teacher in a hug that was more adult than his usual puppy-glomps. (The commander took a bit of the maturity out of it by lifting him slightly off the floor.) "Thank you."

"Behave, Puppy, okay?" Angeal whispered something in Zack's ear that Sephiroth's hearing picked up easily. "If you hurt him I'll have to kill you."

"I'll hold you to that," the boy laughed softly as he returned to the general and was gathered close again.

Over Zack's shoulder, Sephiroth watched as Angeal's stern face locked eyes with his in warning and mouthed "If you hurt him I'll have to kill you."

Sephiroth nodded his agreement, and mouthed back "Thank you". Angeal observed his best friend, happier than he had ever seen him, and his student, being held and protected like the treasure he was, and then the commander turned and walked away, sharply asking a staring pair of medical assistants what in Hades they were looking at. Ignoring the few others who remained to look on in shock, Sephiroth held Zack tightly to his side and began to walk him to the door.

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Zack smiled and said thank you as Sephiroth returned to the couch and set a cup of tea down on the coffee table for him. Sephiroth watched him sip it, finding every movement of Zack's fascinating, every fragment of him beautiful, and admitted to himself that the young man's present attire was arousing. Upon arriving at the general's large apartment, Zack had been offered use of the shower and had eagerly accepted. Having come out only a few minutes before, the 2nd's skin was giving off warmth absorbed from the hot water, his glossy hair damp and drying into those natural spikes.

Best of all, he was wearing a borrowed pair of Sephiroth's pajamas, which were big on him and required the sleeves to be rolled up a little. All that loose black silk billowing around and clinging to Zack's slender, honey-white body was tempting Sephiroth in a way he had not thought possible for him. No matter, he would utilize his rarely-failed control and certainly not pounce on the boy tonight. This was a relationship, not a fling for fun and release, and Sephiroth sensed this should be taken slowly. Besides, it had been a tough day.

"I called the infirmary while you were in the shower," Sephiroth said carefully. "Lieutenant Kunsel is resting comfortably. He will recover fully and be released in a few days."

Zack shut his eyes for a moment and let out a relieved breath. "Thank Gaia. Can he have visitors tomorrow?"

"If you would like him to."

"You can't do stuff like that," Zack laughed. "Everyone's already gonna hate me."

"Angeal says no one can hate you."

Zack hesitantly began to reach for Sephiroth's hand. It met his halfway and twined their fingers together. Zack marveled at how soft the legendary fighter's skin was, completely uncalloused though he had been using a sword since childhood.

"Sephiroth, when you said you've never done this before, you meant been in a relationship, right?"

"Yes. Is that a problem?" Amazingly, the general was a little nervous. He hid it well, but Zack's keen perception of people apparently did not make an exception for fame. The 2nd found this adorable and felt what would no doubt be the first of many stirrings of protectiveness.

"No, it's great. I've never really...either, well, not a serious one." Zack winced, but the general's smile eased his tension. "Do you think, uh, we're serious?"

He had meant to say 'going to be serious', but Sephiroth gently tugged Zack closer by the elbow until the younger was leaning against his shoulder, and put both arms around him.

"I am serious about you," he said softly. "But I feel I should warn you again. Contrary to popular opinion, there are many things I don't know how to do, and don't understand. This, for example. Should I ask before I touch you?"

"You don't have to if I don't have to. Deal?"

"Agreed."

"Awesome." Zack pushed the leather jacket aside and nuzzled his face against bare skin. "Can I do this?"

A shiver went through Sephiroth's whole body, and he unconsciously pulled the teenager closer. "Yes. But why?"

"I like the way you smell."

Sephiroth's lips whispered close to his ear. "Then may I - "

"You don't have to ask."

Sephiroth lowered his head further to brush his mouth from Zack's ear down to his neck. Then he moved upward again, slowly, enjoying the quiet sighs of pleasure he was drawing out, and rubbed his nose into Zack's hair and inhaled. Spring rain and magnolia, he recognized these olfactory hints of his own shower products, but there was something indefinable beneath these scents that made them better. This made Sephiroth want to taste him again, and Zack must have had the same idea, because in an instant their mouths were locked together. When they separated, Zack began to laugh softly, and then louder at the adorable expression of bewilderment on Sephiroth's face.

"Are you having an attack of hysteria?" the general asked. People did sometimes have strange and extreme reactions to his proximity.

"No," Zack gasped, getting his laughter under control. "I just can't believe this is really happening." He caught some of Sephiroth's hair in his hand and reverently moved his fingers up and down over it. "So soft. I always dreamed about what it would be like."

"You too?"

"You fantasized about my hair?" Zack teased as long fingers combed through his spikes.

"Is that strange?"

"In a good way. Sephiroth?"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to be so careful. I'll tell you if I don't like something, okay?" Zack boldly dove in for another kiss, ending it before Sephiroth was ready. "Besides, I'm not gonna break."

Sephiroth wasn't totally convinced of that. So many times, he'd had difficulty with something new because he didn't always know his own strength. He'd broken Genesis's arm the first time they wrestled, injured adult SOLDIERs when he first began sparring with them. He had never hurt someone during sex before, but that was his impressive control...would he still have that, enough to compete with this desire if it got too strong?

"You really aren't afraid of me at all," Sephiroth murmured as Zack nudged even closer, displaying his usual tactile method of showing affection. "You never have been."

"And I've been terrifying you, haven't I?" The 2nd laid his head on the general's should as he said this, and Sephiroth clung to him suddenly, as though he were afraid of what would happen if Zack moved away. "I'd never do anything to hurt you. I'd never forgive myself if I did."

Sephiroth smiled wryly, trying to hide the strange swelling in his heart that Zack's earnest words had prompted. "It is my intention to protect you."

"I'm cool with that, but only if I get to do the same. I've got Angeal to hover like a parent, I don't want that with you."

"Nor do I."

"So..." Zack laughed again, briefly and nervously. "Do we talk about this, or just take it as it goes, or..."

"After the excitement of today and the sleep-inducing herbs in the tea I gave you, I believe rest is in order." Sephiroth had planned to be gentlemanly and offer the guest bedroom, but... "Would you sleep with me? Just to sleep, for this first night at least. I will leave the initiating of sexual activity to your choice."

"That's disappointing. Well, if you won't jump me, I'm happy to jump you." Zack grinned at the surprise on Sephiroth's face. "Lead the way."

Getting into bed together felt wonderfully natural. They gravitated to the middle of the large mattress, to each other, and Zack sighed happily as he was gathered without hesitation to a now-bare chest. Being in the same bed as Dean Matheson had felt like an intrusion of personal space to him, and Sephiroth likewise was unused to sharing a bed, but they curled together instinctively and found the presence of one another amazingly comfortable.

"Sephiroth." Zack sounded younger when he was sleepy. It made what seemed a random thought flash in the general's mind - I will tear to pieces anyone who ever tries to harm you. "I can keep us a secret, if you want. You can trust me."

"I trust you. But I want everyone to know you're mine."

Zack sniffled softly, and shivered; Sephiroth quickly tucked the silk comforter around him. "Yours. If this was a dream, I'd have woken up by now, right?"

Sephiroth wasn't quite sure how to answer that. He made up his mind to keep rubbing his hand up and down Zack's back, from nape to tailbone, as it seemed to be lulling him to sleep. An impossible set of words came together in the general's mind.

I think I may love you.

For an instant, Sephiroth wondered if it was wrong to feel such a thing so early in a relationship. Anyway, it shouldn't have been so easy to even think, after a lifetime of being told he couldn't love and believing it. Pondering this was like stripping off one's armor in the midst of a battle, facing the gunfire and exposing one's heart to the assault. It should have painfully cracked the defrosting ice in Sephiroth's heart, but the warmth of it only felt good, right. And what Zack said aloud then, so certainly, was even better.

"I love you."

Zack, snuggling ever closer even while half-conscious or less, was asleep in minutes. Anyone who knew Zack well would have been puzzled to see him so still, as he tended to toss restlessly. Sephiroth kissed him and pondered what dreams might be weaving themselves behind the content smile for only a brief time before he was following Zack, into a sleep that was unlike any he could remember. The darkness of his bedroom was where Sephiroth tended to remember pains and losses - Hojo's cruelty, Gast's abandonment, Genesis's death, whatever the hell it was that the memory of hazel eyes pricked his heart with.

Strange, how kind the darkness had become in only one day. Not like the blackness of tubes and machines he had known from infancy, but evoking the quiet and peace of something older. Or maybe only something he had been waiting for, though he had not consciously expected it. All the old hurts remained, but in the past, and he thought the gift he held in his arms was enough to make him forgive it all, or at least make peace with it someday.

Sleep covered him like a starry sky over the drowsy planet, and Sephiroth met it with a faint smile. In his last moments of wakefulness, he for the first time thanked Gaia he had been born.

More Decorum soon, most likely a long-overdue introduction to Dr. Murakai, who I can now tell you with certainty is nothing like the Dr. Muraki so many people have mentioned to me. One brings the angst quite well, and the other is, I'm afraid, merely a psychiatrist who likes to stir shit up. Anyway, let me know what you thought about this installment. Momentous occasion, ne?