Story Title: Paper Bombs
Rated: Various
Pairings: Various
Disclaimer: Naruto © Kishimoto Masashi
Summary:A collection of drabbles, all 300 words or less. Various pairings, various ratings.
Steve's Notes: This first page is a compilation of drabbles that I've already posted, so if they look familiar, that's the reason why.
Warnings: You never know what you're going to get.

I. The Name Game
Sai/Naruto, Naruto/Sasuke

"Sai isn't my real name," the dark-haired boy said honestly one day as they gazed at the clouds.

"I know," Naruto answered, turning his head to look at Sasuke's replacement. (Had he really once thought they looked alike?—because their eyes were both black, but Sai's were placid when Sasuke's burned—)

"But nii-chan called me Sai," he said, and his tongue hurt with the admission.

"Like 'Dickless'?" Naruto laughed at his joke, his blue eyes sparking wickedly. (Sai sits there, with his face unreadable above and underneath, and Sasuke would have been irritated underneath, and would have punched him for interrupting their silence.)

"No." His lips twisted into a half-smile, half-grimace, and because he didn't like to hurt and didn't know why it hurt, asked, "Do you want to know my real name?"

"No, because you're Sai." Naruto laughed again, his laughter as bright as sunshine. (—he would have fought back, and they would be yelling insults and tangled in their limbs, the sky drifting lazily above them.)

"Do you want to guess?" he asked, and his faint smile tortured his face.

"No." Naruto shook his head. (Sasuke would dig his fingers into his hair and pull, bringing their faces close together—and their chests would rise and fall with their sudden anger—) "Does it matter?"

"No," he replied instantly. It didn't—yet—

"Good," Naruto stared back up at the sky, already forgetting their conversation. (Sasuke—Sasuke—)

Sai closed his eyes. He would never understand.

II. [AU] Young Love
Hanabi/Iruka

Umino Iruka never thought it would have happened to him—never believed it could have happened to him. But of course it did and it was only a matter of time before his colleagues found out and started to snigger behind his back. That irritated him somewhat, especially since it had happened to all of them at least once before; in fact, he was quite certain that Kurenai-sensei received her fair share of love declarations, but he didn't hear anyone giving her any grief.

And in any case, it was just rude to throw away the flowers, even though most of the time they were daisies and dandelions picked up along the way. It wasn't in his nature to recycle hard work either, despite the fact that the 'Will You Marry Me?' card on his desk had been worked on for a grand total of five minutes. He tried reasoning with her, urging her to find someone else to give her heart to, but she was adamant. His words went in one of her pretty little ears and then right out the other.

Iruka admired her stubborn determination of course, but there was only so much patience one could possess; so one day, he did what anyone else in his position would do—he caved. He put her flowers in a vase to sit on his desk and pinned her cards up on one of the spare bulletin boards. Thankfully, his actions assuaged her, and for that the kindergarten teacher was vastly grateful.

Now if only he could get Hanabi to stop declaring her love for him during story time, then that would be something.

III. Frozen
Zabuza/Haku

The snow was knee-high and Haku was wearing that goddamned dress.

"I told you to wear the coat," grunted the taller man, his eyes staring straight ahead into the white abyss so he would not have to see the Haku's bare, slim arms covered in gooseflesh—then he would have to feel something other than indifference as it writhed inside his chest. "You're no use to me if you freeze to death out here."

The boy smiled lightly because he never smiled any other way, and turned his beautiful face up towards his gruff companion. His skin was pale save for the high rise of blush along his cheekbones and nose; his lips were so blue it looked as though he had once again dabbled with the make-up he sometimes wore.

"Don't worry about me Zabuza-sama," Haku said sweetly, and Zabuza snorted at the delicate cloud that rose with the soft words. "I enjoy the cold."

IV. Excuses
Kakashi/Iruka

Kakashi removed his mask for one of four reasons: to sleep, to shower, to shave, or to eat. Unfortunately for the silver-haired jounin, neither of these four were the cause to his effect.

With his mask pooled around his neck, Kakashi leaned in towards the mirror to closer inspect the bruise on his left cheekbone, directly below his Sharingan. It was an ugly blue-black, tinged yellow and green around the corners as it attempted to heal itself. Prodding it gently with the tips of his fingers, Kakashi winced as they came into contact with the tender skin. Not even Gai punches that hard, he thought with a strange mix of pride and irritation.

Mostly irritation.

"Caught you with my lips, huh?" an amused Pakkun said from the toilet seat, his ugly face crinkled into what equated to a smile. What he was still doing hanging around was beyond Kakashi, seeing as the summoned ninken liked to leave as soon as his usefulness was nil, which, the perturbed jounin noted, had ended the moment they stepped into the mission report room. "That Iruka-sensei sure has a mean right hook."

"Shut up," Kakashi growled.

V. Pillow Talk
Raidou/Genma, Naruto/Sasuke

The tilt of Genma's tadaima smile was far too smug for the bed-ridden Raidou to ignore.

"What have you done this time?" He sighed in exasperation as Genma flopped onto their futon, careful to avoid Raidou's broken leg. "You haven't exposed yourself in public again, have you?"

"Nope," Genma answered cheerfully. Then, more wickedly—"You know how I was summoned to see the Hokage?"

Raidou raised an eyebrow. "Yes, what did he want you for?"

"Oh, I don't know," Genma grinned outlandishly, his sly eyes positively alight with mirthful glee. The other tokubetsu jounin knew from experience that it was the look Genma adopted when he had a particularly juicy piece of gossip, and contemplated how quickly he could escape their apartment with his cast still on. "He didn't get the chance to tell me much of anything, really."

Genma was baiting him, and Raidou knew that if he didn't play along Genma would be petulant and uncompromising—something that Raidou did not want when Genma promised to play nurse until he got better. "What did he say then?"

"Quote 'Shiranui, get the fuck out of my office now' unquote." Genma leaned forward and touched the scarred side of Genma's face. "So rude, our Shichidaime. He should truly work on his manners."

"Is that why you're bothering me?" Raidou asked as Genma began to follow his fingers with his warm, wet tongue. When he did that, Raidou had a hard time imagining that he probably deserved whatever treatment he had received—even though, deep down, he still knew that Genma usually did. "Because Naruto-sama was rude to you?"

"Yes," the straw-haired moved down to Raidou's throat. "That's it."

Raidou leaned back to expose more of his throat to his lover's greedy mouth—

"That," Genma whispered conspiratorially, "—and to tell you Uchiha Sasuke has a great ass."

—and cracked his head on the wall.

VI. Surprise
Kurenai/Iruka, Kakashi/Iruka

Iruka liked the way his life was going. Kurenai, however, did not.

"Come on, sensei!" she would yell, taking him by his hand and leading him around to any place her screaming heart desired. She would laugh at his blush and polite words. "Just come with me, sensei!" was her reply to any question he could ask.

And he asked a lot of questions: Where were they going? When would they come back? What were they going to do? Why were they going? How long would it take? Kurenai hated every one—didn't Iruka-sensei have a sense of adventure?

"Sometimes," she would laugh falsely when he asked her one too many times, "—sometimes it's better not to know. If you know everything then life wouldn't hold any more surprises. It would be boring."

Iruka usually let himself be led away at that. "You should tell him where you're planning to go," Asuma said to her one summer day, as they watched the chuunin say goodbye to his students for the day. "See how he answers."

Kurenai glared at Asuma. "Don't look at me like that," he said, and pulled a mashed cigarette from one of his pockets. "You know you should. You're being unfair to him and to yourself."

And surely enough, the next day when Kurenai wanted to take him away to some place she hadn't quite discovered yet, Iruka turned her away with that regretful sort of smile that isn't quite entirely apologetic. "I'm sorry Kurenai-sensei, but I'm already going somewhere," he said politely.

"Where?" she asked.

"I don't know," Iruka replied. His blush crept like seductive fingers up his neck. "Kakashi-sensei said it was a surprise."

Iruka liked the way his life was going. Kurenai, however, did not.

VII. [AU] Teacher's Aide
Mizuki/Everyone

Iruka knew that it was too good to be true—Touji Mizuki was, after all, witty, kind, and perhaps a little too easy on the eyes. He had needed an assistant for god knows how long; he loved his students, each and every one of them, but sometimes even he needed a break from the tiny hellions. Perhaps that was why he took such a liking to Mizuki so quickly—unconsciously, the silver-haired man had taken on the role of his knight-in-shining-armor.

But the partnership, as blissful as it might have become, was not to last long.

It had all started when Mizuki's Good But Misplaced Intentions lead him to pushing Moegi-chan's sleeping pallet away from in-between Konohamaru's and Udon's—how could have Mizuki known that Moegi always slept between the two boys? Then, after permanently pissing the trio off, he made the mistake of hushing Hanabi in the middle of one of her 'I-will-marry-Iruka-sensei-one-day' triads. Then after that, the silver-haired man had been perhaps a little too friendly with Tsunami-san, Inari's mother. It was in this unknowing fashion that the aide made himself the enemy of every single child in that room.

Mizuki… didn't last through the second week. Between Hanabi's unnerving, unwavering glares, Inari's sulking and sharp teeth, and Konohamaru's ingenious uses of glitter and super-glue, Iruka could only watch as his students slowly drove his last chance at sanity crazy. Yet even when Mizuki ran screaming from their classroom, Iruka couldn't bring himself to do anything other than laugh along. He loved the little monsters too much to scold them, and a small, traitorous part of him was glad to have things back to normal, even if it meant giving up on his sanity.

Normal, he decided, was overrated anyway.

to be continued.