Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: For cenlyra's Job challenge (I claimed Luna working at Wal-Mart), and also inspired by some stuff I've seen about 'fun things to do at Wal-Mart'.
--
"Um, hi." Luna turned her head and saw a short, skinny girl coming towards her. "I'm Sunny," the girl said, "and you are?"
"Luna," she replied, hoping the girl wouldn't ask about her name. She had decided to attempt working at Wal-Mart for the fun of it, and so far it seemed to be going well. "You have a pretty name."
"Thanks," Sunny said. "It's short for Morrison, which is far from pretty, but I rather like it." She seemed rather morose, as though there was something seriously wrong about the fact that she was among the two dozen new employees about to be unleashed on the Montclair Wal-Mart.
"What's wrong?" Luna asked, sensing Sunny's angst.
"If it weren't for this blasted place," Sunny snapped, "my dad wouldn't have had to close his shop, and I'd be working there in comfortable clothes instead of here in this God-awful vest."
"That's sad," Luna said, trying to be tactful. "What sort of shop was it?"
"Entertainment and electronics," Sunny replied. "Music, movies, gaming equipment – that sort of thing. This place sells the same stuff cheaper, though, so Dad had to close his place."
"I think I can help you," Luna said, feeling a sudden surge of loyalty to her new friend. "I know people who could probably ruin this place without trying, and I'm not talking about vandalism. They're harmless, really, just a little odd in public."
"Really?" the look on Sunny's face was like what one would see if Christmas had come six weeks early. "Would you do that for someone like me?"
"Sure," Luna decided. "These people would have a lot of fun, and if anything was ruined it would probably be an accident."
"Sounds good to me. How about they all turn up the day after tomorrow – both of us have to work that day, and it's my cousin Sarah's first day as the assistant manager."
"I'll let them know."
--
By the end of the day, Luna had told everyone she knew what was going on. Surprisingly, they were all up for it, each for their own reasons. Shopping, creating pandemonium, helping an innocent nineteen-year-old – what more could they want in a day out?
Several people were more excited than others. This, of course, meant George, whose mind was spinning with ideas. Practically having permission to create chaos more than made up for the no-magic rule, and he intended to thoroughly enjoy himself. He made a list of ideas and made certain that several people received copies of it. It would be an entertaining day.
--
Luna arrived at the Montclair Wal-Mart at ten till nine on the scheduled day, as she was supposed to do every day she worked. The moment after she signed in, Sunny quite literally collided with her. "Guess what, Loon?" Sunny said excitedly. "I got Sarah to assign us both to the jewelry counter, since I'm pretty sure you mentioned that's somewhere your people probably won't go."
Luna had done her best to keep Sunny in the dark about the nature of 'her people', as the girl had put it, but some explanations had been necessary. As far as Sunny knew, Luna was part of a rather odd subculture. That was true, of course, but never had it been phrased so perfectly before then.
The two girls made it to Jewelry with perfect timing. Usually nineteen-year-olds are kept away from things that cost more than they make in a week, but Sunny's connections had served them well. So long as no one wanted a piercing, they would be fine.
--
"Code 616 in Electronics!" someone barked over the intercom.
"What's that mean?" Luna asked Sunny, who seemed more knowledgeable about things of that sort.
"Lemme see." Sunny pulled out a piece of paper from her vest pocket and checked it. "616 – idiot asking stupid questions. There's a code for everything under the sun, from that to a bomb threat, which I sincerely hope we don't have today."
Just then, two girls came in the direction of the counter. Luna glanced at them and knew at once that it was Hermione and Ginny. She blanched, and Sunny took notice. "You know them?" she asked, but she didn't have to get an answer. "Lemme handle them – they're probably harmless."
As though some force had decided to save Luna, a young woman who could only be Sunny's cousin Sarah came running to the counter. "What happened?" Luna asked, reading the woman's name badge. As she had suspected, it was Sarah.
"What hasn't happened?" Sarah gasped. "We've got a moron with an Irish accent trying to figure how a gaming system works, but at least he's got a friend trying to explain it to him." (Seamus and Dean, Luna decided.) "We have a game of Marco Polo in Housewares (could be anyone), a boy who thinks his film camera takes movies in Photography (I think he's called Dennis), a duel with wrapping paper rolls in the Party Supplies aisle (probably not someone I know), and a tall boy screaming 'the British are coming' in Automotive (George). It's like the whole world's turned against this place!"
"Wouldn't surprise me," Sunny said. She looked where the girls had been coming from and saw that there was only one now, the one with red hair.
"Luna!" Ginny said ecstatically, charging at her friend. "Someone stop our morons; they're everywhere!"
"You know this one?" Sarah gasped at Luna.
"Yes," Luna said, deciding it would be a bad idea to lie. "She's my friend."
"She's also the little harpy who coated half the floor in Cosmetics in bubble bath," Sarah muttered. "My work here is done, ladies; if you see anyone acting like a moron, code 890 will get me over here."
"Who was that?" Ginny asked, somewhat bemused.
"The assistant manager," Luna clarified. "Sunny, this is my best friend, Ginny; Ginny, my new friend, Sunny, the one we're trying to help. By the way, what are you doing here?"
"Hiding," Ginny muttered, as though it explained everything.
--
An hour and a half later, Luna and Sunny were in the employee break room when Sarah came crashing in. "I think I'm going mad," she screeched. "In the past fifteen minutes, everything's gotten even worse! Two identical girls seem to be chasing a cat (the Patil twins, Luna knew), another damned feline is waging war with the Christmas trees (Hermione's cat), some kid is hanging from a strand of lights (no idea), and someone stole a tent and set it up in Bedding (not one of my friends). The crew who was playing Marco Polo has now set up a battle between GI Joes and the X-Men, and the Irish gamer-boy is collecting bets on it. There's a really pale boy who swears he's a vampire (Malfoy, probably) and an Asian girl spraying air fresheners in Automotive (Cho). To top it all off, the tall redhead and another boy (I think he's called Lee) are fencing with wooden dowels in Crafts. It would happen to me!"
"What do you mean by that, Sarah?" Sunny asked.
"The official manager has pneumonia, and his back-up's on holiday in Portugal," Sarah explained. "Basically, I'm in charge of this madhouse, and I don't have the least idea what I'm doing."
"Look," Luna said, attempting to cheer up Sarah, "it's not like it can get any worse."
"That," Sarah said, "is exactly what I'm afraid of."
--
By noon, any and all order that had once been at the Montclair Wal-Mart was gone. Luna and Sunny were back in Jewelry, where they were amusing themselves by helping desperate young men pick out tacky engagement rings. Several of these were people Luna considered her friends, which made it all the more entertaining since they trusted her innately.
As Sunny tried to explain to a boy Luna wasn't sure she knew that a ruby engagement ring would be perfect, Sarah came back. "I'm doomed," she screamed, "completely doomed. Remember how you said it couldn't get worse?" she pointed at Luna. "Well, it has."
"What's happened this time?" Luna asked. She was pretty certain that several people had been kicked out.
"Some girl is making everyone who comes through the south entrance sign a guest book." (Ginny, Luna suspected.) "A boy built like a gorilla has decided that the express lane checkout's conveyor belt is a treadmill (no clue), another damned redhead is testing the fishing poles and has caught several toupees (Ron), and several younger teenagers are playing freeze tag in Cleaning Supplies (I don't know them). The boy who said he was a vampire has turned all the radios to a polka station, and the cat-chasing twins don't seem to understand automatic doors. And that one," she pointed at the boy Sunny was dealing with, "does not seem to understand that brooms don't fly. If I still have a job after today, it'll be a miracle."
--
Another hour passed. Luna had hoped that the people she knew would leave, but they didn't. In fact, it seemed that every time she turned her head there were more of them. Out of desperation, she and Sunny decided to try to stop as many of them as they could.
The first few people they found weren't people Luna knew. A boy putting 'radioactive' stickers on packages of doughnuts and a girl placing 'Wet Floor' signs on carpeted areas were dismissed as harmless. "They're just kids," Sunny reasoned. "They're harmless."
Next came people Luna knew in passing. A few boys who'd been in her year in school were attempting to toilet paper the hardware department, but she managed to stop them. The same thing happened with a gaggle of girls who were rearranging things and a young woman riding a display bicycle.
Large groups proved to be problematic. Shopping cart races and cart stealing seemed to require 15 people each, and at least half of them were good runners. Luna didn't regret the no-magic condition at this point – in fact, she found it to be the only thing she'd done right.
And finally there was George. Having given up on creativity, he was playing Robin Hood – holding people up with toy guns of the variety that look real. "Knock it off," Luna said, noticing this.
"I'm having fun – wasn't that the idea?" He was genuinely clueless.
"Not like this."