Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter and all its characters belong to J.K. Rowling

Snickering and whispering, pockets laden with stolen food, Sirius with the map and a lit wand, James with his cloak carelessly draped over one arm, the four Marauders headed back to Gryffindor Tower. The subterfuge and effort they put into their food runs was largely unnecessary. In their second year they'd learned that the house elves were always willing to feed anyone who showed up in the kitchen. The boys also had a stash of food squirreled away in their dormitory for late night cravings. But food tasted better when there was risk, danger, and rule breaking involved in obtaining it, so the boys waited until the house elves were asleep to sneak into the kitchen and pilfer whatever food was near to hand. By silent agreement, none of them ever mentioned that their favorite foods were always left on the table closest to the door. They never said anything about how sound the house elves slept either, not even waking up when Remus tripped over a chair and landed across two of the small beds scattered around the kitchen at night.

"McGonagall's coming," Sirius whispered, peering at the map. Frantically the boys looked around. There were no classrooms or secret passages to hide in here, and no time to reach one. Quickly they scurried over to the only shelter in the corridor, an imposing suit of armor on a short pedestal. Peter transformed and Remus scooped him up as they pressed close together in the shadows and James flung the cloak over them. They were too big to all hide beneath it, even with Peter in rat shape, but it covered their upper bodies and hopefully their dark shoes and black robes would blend in with the shadows.

They waited, barely breathing, Sirius still staring at the map.

"I can't hear her," James whispered.

"She's coming," Sirius insisted. "Just taking her time." He glanced up, cautiously poking his head around the armor. "Should see her soon."

Peter squeaked and squirmed in Remus's hand, seeming nervous, and scurried up his arm to perch on his shoulder. Remus was suddenly very worried. "What if she went patrolling as a cat?"

"We're dead," James moaned, and Sirius nodded. A human would most likely pass them by, but a cat could smell them, hear them, and between her night vision and eyes just the right level for seeing disembodied feet, they didn't have a chance. "We have to make a run for it," James said. "If she finds out about the cloak or the map..."

"We'll never make it," Remus whispered. "Hide them in the armor. We can come back later."

"No." Sirius' voice was a little too loud, and his friends shushed him. Ignoring them, Sirius handed the map and his wand to Remus, transformed, and stepped into the hallway.

"What is he doing?" James nearly wailed. A gray cat stepped into view.

Padfoot's ears turned forward, his tail wagging. Slowly, the cat came closer, ears pressed to her head and eyes narrowed. Padfoot barked once and bounded forward, stopping just in front of the cat, and growled. The cat hissed, fur standing up along her neck, and Padfoot lunged forward, barking. The cat swiped with one paw and Padfoot stopped, whimpering, three thin stripes of blood on his nose. The cat hissed again, and Padfoot growled, the playfulness gone. Another swipe of the cat's paw, and he backed up a few steps. The cat stepped forward, and Padfoot, belly pressed to the ground, inched backwards, whining. When the cat continued her approach, he turned tail and ran, the cat in pursuit. After they rounded the corner, they boys could hear a woman's voice echoing down the corridor.

"Sit! Stay! Heel, you mutt! Impedimenta!"

A sharp yelp was the only response. Watching the map, Remus saw Sirius go into a closet he knew was hidden behind a tapestry, and McGonagall run past. "He made it," Remus whispered. "He's safe."

He glanced over at James to see the other boy had his hands pressed over his mouth, his shoulders shaking, and his face turning red from the effort not to laugh. No longer worried that Padfoot was going to get caught, Remus snickered. "Did you see his face when she clawed him?"

James choked, and Wormtail made a series of high pitched squeaks that Remus knew were the rat's laugh. Realizing that he was the only one not completely overcome, Remus grabbed James' arm and dragged him to their room.

Once inside, the door closed behind them, James gave up and collapsed to the floor, laughing helplessly. Peter leapt from Remus's shoulder, landing on his bed as he transformed, laughing nearly as loud as James. Remus joined in, leaning against the wall.

"I never thought—I'd see the day—when Padfoot—lost—to a—cat!" James gasped out.

"I'm glad you think it's funny." Sirius stormed into the room, slamming the door behind him. His cheeks were flushed, his mouth a tight thin line, and he was breathing heavily. Normally the sight of an angry Sirius made his friends focus on cheering him up or distracting him before he found a target, but tonight seeing his face, specifically the scratches across his nose, just made his friends laugh harder. Remus gave up on standing and sank to his knees, Peter pressed a pillow to his mouth to muffle his laugh, and James clutched his sides, rolling on the floor.

"Stop laughing!" Sirius yelled. "That old witch hexed me! She singed my tail! Look!" He turned, displaying the charred spot on the seat of his robes. Instead of the expected sympathy, though, this only caused more laughter. "It's not funny!" Sirius' mouth twitched. "I'm bleeding. I sacrificed myself for you ungrateful louts!"

"The act of a true friend," Remus agreed. "Not many men would let themselves be chased away by an old tabby."

"Exactly," Sirius said, snickering now. "My nose and bum hurt."

"And your pride," Peter said. "If the squirrels in the forest hear about this, poor Padfoot's reputation will be ruined."

Sirius laughed now, moving across the room to flop on his bed, then winced and rolled over to lie on his stomach. "You owe me."

"Brave, noble Padfoot," James chortled. "How can we ever repay you?"

"You can start with some healing salves. Unless you want to explain to McGonagall how I got cat scratches on my nose the same night she attacked a poor defenseless puppy?"

Once the laughter had died down to quiet giggles and snickers, and everyone was breathing more or less normally again, Peter opened his trunk and pulled out some healing potions. Minor injuries in the course of their pranks, experiments, battles with Slytherin, and full moon nights were common, and the boys had learned how to heal themselves rather than go to the hospital wing and risk the attention and suspicion of a responsible adult. Peter slathered some salve on Sirius' nose, and the scratches faded into barely noticeable scars that would vanish completely in another few hours. Peter flat out refused to do anything for Sirius' burn though, pressing a jar into Sirius' hand and declaring the taller boy could very well take care of that injury himself.

"But I can't see it," Sirius wailed, after he'd taken off his robe and was twisting his head around, trying to see down his own back.

"You don't need to see it," James retorted. "You can reach it. Just rub the salve on the part that hurts."

Sirius whimpered and pouted, but James was proof against his puppy eyes. "You're such a baby," he told Sirius. "I'm going to bed. Try not to cry too loud."

James and Peter crawled into their beds, extinguishing their wands and pointedly pulling the curtains shut. Sirius turned to pout at Remus, who sighed and took the jar of salve from Sirius, indicating the other boy should lie down. Grinning, Sirius pulled off his underpants and sprawled face down across his bed. "Thanks Moony. You're a real friend."

"And don't you forget it," Remus warned. "Honestly, Sirius," he said, seeing the agonizing burn was only a couple inches of slightly red skin, "that's hardly worth bothering about. I thought you at least had blisters."

"It huuurts," Sirius whined. "I won't be able to sleep. Or sit at all tomorrow."

Remus rolled his eyes, but smeared the pale blue lotion over the reddened skin, then lightly smacked an uninjured spot. "You're done. Now go to sleep."

Sirius rolled over and waggled his eyebrows. "Want to keep me company?"

Remus ignored him, capping the lotion and returning it to Peter's trunk before crawling into his own bed. "Good night, Padfoot."

Sirius sighed. "Night, Moony."

The next morning during breakfast, McGonagall reminded the students that dogs were not on the list of pets and familiars allowed in Hogwarts, and that whoever owned the large black dog seen roaming the halls last night should come forward immediately to make arrangements to find the dog a new home.

"Oh, the poor thing," Lily said. "I think he's a stray. I've seen him by the lake a few times. I even fed him scraps. He was very friendly."

"Isn't that the one who got a little too friendly? Putting his nose where it doesn't belong?" Mariah Bones asked, giggling.

Lily giggled too. "Oh yes. He sniffed everybody. Kept trying to get under my robes too. Silly mutt."

James glared at Sirius, one hand reaching for his wand, but Remus stopped him.

"Perfectly natural canine behavior," Sirius justified himself. "No reason to get jealous. She smells nice, but not my type."

"I'm going to kill you, you mangy cur."

Peter cleared his throat. "James, be a deer and pass the rolls?"

The bad pun distracted James, and he tossed a roll at Peter's head. Peter just caught it and grinned. "Thanks."

They ate in silence for awhile before Sirius cleared his throat and leaned in, dropping his voice to a whisper. "I was thinking about what you said last night. About how you could repay me."

His friends leaned in, and the students around them scooted away, recognizing the signs of plotting and knowing that overhearing was a good way to get hexed by the Marauders or questioned by teachers and later hexed for tattling, or worse, getting dragged into the prank as co-conspirators. By now, the Marauders could shout their plans and everyone would deny hearing anything.

"Thought all you wanted was some healing," James said.

"No, I said that would do for starters. And you didn't help with that."

"What's the plan?" Peter asked. Remus fingered his prefect badge before sighing and nodding to show he was in too.

"It should be something risky. High danger of getting caught or hexed. And since it was James' idea to be out last night, James' cloak that needed protecting—the map can take care of itself—and since James was the one who laughed the most at my expense and made no effort to soothe my injuries..."

"It should be me risking life and limb and reputation. We get it. Get on with it already," James snapped.

Sirius grinned. "I think Prongs should run once around the Great Hall during dinner."

"Are you out of your mind?" Remus hissed.

"Done," James said.

"But what if you get caught?" Peter worried.

James shrugged. "They'll just release me into the forest and I'll sneak back later."

"Do we even know what happens when an Animagus is hit by a stunner?" Remus demanded. "What if you revert to human form?"

Sirius nodded. "We should put some protection spells on him. And we can hex anyone who tries to hex him."

Peter fidgeted. "I can't get another detention so soon. Mum'll kill me."

"You won't," James assured him. "Everyone will be throwing hexes around. Act like you're aiming for me and miss."

"It'll be chaos," Remus moaned. James and Sirius grinned.

During lunch the four boys snuck out of the castle to prepare. James transformed and Sirius hit him with a stunner, knocking the stag unconscious. He stayed a stag.

"Excellent. One less thing to worry about." Sirius studied Prongs' prone form. "Let's dye him pink."

"Enerverate," Remus said, waking up Prongs, who turned back into James and rubbed his head.

"You were a little too enthusiastic."

"Had to be sure," Sirius answered cheerfully.

James was all for putting a mirror hex on himself, so that any spell aimed at him would rebound to the caster, but Peter pointed out that James was well known for his mirror hex and they should try something less obvious. They settled on a basic shielding spell which would send the hexes around Prongs and a distortion charm that would make him appear slightly ahead of where he really was. After two people had bumped into James in the hall, they decided to remove the distortion charm and recast it closer to dinner.

The three boys hurried to their seats. The show would start soon. James had loudly announced that Slughorn wanted to see him and held back while the rest of the class went to dinner. The remaining Marauders sat down and served themselves, glancing at the doors every few seconds. Peter was the first to see, and quickly got his friends attention. The three turned in their seats to watch Prongs slowly enter the Great Hall, his antlered head held high. Other students noticed, and turned to stare. The Hall fell silent, every eye on the majestic beast that was now pacing along the back wall.

"This is boring," Sirius whispered. "If everyone's just going to stare, I'm going to hex him myself."

A Hufflepuff girl stood and walked over to Prongs, holding out a piece of bread and murmuring soothing nonsense. Prongs accepted the food and nuzzled the girl's cheek, making her giggle. Seeing this, other students got up, reaching out to touch the stag's brown fur. Of course, no wild animal would be comfortable suddenly surrounded by strange creatures trying to touch it, and Prongs wasn't about to act tame. He reared to his hind legs, then dropped, lowered his head, and charged at a group of boys. The students scattered, and Prongs galloped around two sides of the hall, hexes flying at him and people yelling. The teachers shouted for everyone to stay calm, but no one listened. Grinning, the Marauders rushed into the crowd, throwing hexes of their own. Since they were the only ones not aiming at the stag, theirs were the only ones finding their intended targets. Snape went down with a jelly-legs hex. Macnair scratched himself frantically, a red rash blossoming on his skin. Purple pustules covered Goyle's face, and Crabbe stumbled around blindly, his eyelids sealed shut. Other students were hit by stray hexes or knocked to the ground by the crowd.

Prongs reached the front of the Great Hall and leapt onto the teachers' table, kicking aside platters of food. He ran across the table quickly, stumbling at one point when Kettleburn's stunner glanced across his flank, but he recovered and jumped off the table, running back towards the door. A minute later he was out, students still shouting and giving chase.

Dumbledore called for order, and slowly students drifted back to their seats. James snuck in, limping and grinning, with the last of the students who had chased Prongs down the hallway. He winked at his friends and sat down, eagerly helping himself to the mashed potatoes.

The teachers were moving among the students, fixing the damage done by stray (and not so stray) spells, sending the more seriously injured students to the hospital wing, and trying to find out who had let the stag in. Once order had been mostly restored, Dumbledore called for everyone's attention.

"I do not believe that this was an accident," he announced. "It is obvious the animal had protections against magic. It is also clear that some of you," he looked at Gryffindor table, and the Marauders stared back, their innocent faces long since perfected, "took advantage of the confusion to hex your fellow students." There were angry murmurs at this. "I also suspect the deer's behavior was not entirely natural. I do not know what caused it to enter Hogwarts and run around the Great Hall, but there are a few obvious theories. I would like to remind you all that the Imperius Curse is illegal no matter who or what the target of the curse is. And that human to animal transfiguration is advanced magic and anyone caught practicing it without teacher supervision will be expelled." Dumbledore looked sternly around the hall before smiling. "Now, if there are no more interruptions, let us return to our dinner."

Remus was helping a fifth-year student with her Charms homework when Sirius stormed over and pulled him to his feet. "We have important business to discuss," he announced, glaring at Helen.

Remus shrugged free of Sirius' grip and smiled apologetically. "Don't mind him. He's a jerk. We've been trying to find a cure, but no luck yet."

"That's alright. Thanks for your help. Maybe we can do it again sometime?" Helen looked up at Remus hopefully. He nodded, but before he could say anything Sirius grabbed his arm again and pulled him across the room to where James and Peter were sitting.

"Do you mind? We were trying to do homework."

"No, you were doing homework. She was getting ready to impersonate a praying mantis."

"It's amazing how many man-eating witches there are in this school," James rolled his eyes as Sirius sat on the couch, tugging Remus down next to him.

"It is! Vile, disgusting creatures, the lot of them. You should be grateful I was there to rescue you, Moony."

"Indeed. If you hadn't shown up when you did I might have finished my homework."

"Her homework. She's just using you for your brain. You can't trust her, Remus. Her intentions are everything dishonorable."

"That's bad?" Peter asked, looking over at Helen, who was talking to some friends and stealing glances at the Marauders.

"Your mommy issues are showing, Padfoot," James said. "And we don't have time for them. We have things to discuss."

Sirius leaned back, spreading his arms along the back of the couch, one arm pressing lightly against Remus' shoulders, and stretching his legs out. "Say on, fearless leader."

"I was thinking about this evening's prank. It doesn't really seem fair," James said.

"How so?" Peter, who could always be relied on to give James the desired set-up, asked.

"Me risking life and limb and closely guarded secret for your amusement. Seems to me that rubbing some healing salves on Sirius' injuries--even injuries in a place no one should ever have to look at, much less touch--"

"Hey!" Sirius objected.

"Really isn't repayment enough for what Padfoot did for us."

Sirius looked thoughtful, resting his chin in his hand. "I believe you're right. I suppose you have something in mind?"

James grinned at Peter. "I do indeed."

The next day they had Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. Sirius and James entered the greenhouse grinning, Peter looking nervous and twitchy, and Remus expressionless and several feet away from his friends, trying to distance himself from the upcoming mischief.

"You know Marlene Rayne?" James had said last night. "She's absolutely terrified of rodents. She's Muggle-born, and lots of them are afraid of mice and things, especially the girls." James sounded puzzled by this.

The plan had been easy enough to guess once James had shared this information, but he and Sirius had worked out details anyway. Not from any need to worry about the details, Remus thought, but because they loved to hear themselves talk and congratulate themselves on their cleverness. Remus did not even make a token protest. He sometimes wondered why Dumbledore hadn't just named two female prefects and been done with it.

Once everyone was focused on the lecture on shrivelfigs, Peter, hiding behind James in the back of class, transformed. Marlene was standing under a tall tree, Sirius standing next to her. He'd taken her elbow at the start of class and flirted shamelessly while he steered her into position. Remus, determined not to be involved in this in any way, had not reminded them that Marlene was dating a very large, very jealous seventh-year, or pointed out that several of Marlene's friends had crushes on Sirius and were bound to remember and gossip about his behavior, no matter how exciting the rest of class was. He rather hoped that McKinnon would find out and come after Sirius. Remus felt that if he would not use his prefecture to stop his friends, it would be wrong to use it to protect them from the consequences of their pranks. It wasn't quite justice, but it was the best Remus could manage.

Wormtail scurried around the class and up the tree. He inched along a low branch that James magically nudged into position. Wormtail stayed there for a second, three pairs of eyes on him while the rest of the class was, for the moment, oblivious, then Wormtail dropped.

Marlene screamed as the rat landed on her shoulder, then screamed louder and started flailing as he wriggled down the front of her robes. "Get it out, get it out!" she screeched. Her yelling woke the Venomous Tentacula, which reached out thorny vines to wrap around nearby students, including Remus. Wormtail dropped to the ground (which did not lessen Marlene's screaming) and dashed over to another student, ducking under her robes.

"Yargh!" she yelled, shaking her leg. "It's climbing up my leg!" She hopped backwards and tripped over Sirius' outstretched foot, falling into a long planter of freshly fertilized fanged geraniums.

"Catch that rat!" Professor Thistlethwaite shouted. "It's probably been eating the gurdyroots; I noticed they were looking a little gnawed."

The Marauders couldn't have planned better chaos. Everyone was throwing hexes and lunging for Wormtail, getting in each other's way as Wormtail weaved between feet and bit any hands that got too close. Sirius bravely battled the Venomous Tentacula to free Remus and ended up captured himself. A stray hex hit the Crabby Apple Tree, which started flinging its fruit at the students. James knocked Lily to the ground to shield her from the apples, and ended up having to defend himself from an angry red-head protecting her virtue. Wormtail ducked behind a potted Screechsap, transformed into a boy, pushed the pot over, and returned to his rat shape before anyone could see. The plant lived up to its name, its high pitched screech forcing students to cover their ears before Thistlethwaite cast silencio.

It was almost forty-five minutes before Marlene was calmed down, the Venomous Tentacula could be coaxed into letting go of the students it had captured, the Screechsap repotted, the Crabby Apple soothed, the various injuries treated, and the more filthy students cleaned up. James, after finding his glasses and fixing the lens, declared it a success, and Peter beamed at the praise. Sirius, after fussing over Remus' injuries and bemoaning the state of his robes, agreed that it hadn't been all that bad.

After Transfiguration, as they were on their way to lunch, Gilbert McKinnon punched Sirius in the stomach and ordered him to stay away from his girl.

Over dinner, Remus finally had pity on his friend and explained what McKinnon had been talking about. Sirius seemed oddly offended that anyone could believe he had any real interest in Marlene.

"Remus' turn next," Sirius said from his bed.

Remus turned the page in his book. "I hope my prank will not continue the theme of animal transformation."

"Of course not!" Sirius exclaimed. Every since the Incident with Snape, they'd all been rather sensitive to suggestions, even teasing ones, of deliberately setting the wolf on someone.

"You remember what you told us beginning of the year? About Muggle sporting events?" James said, leaning forward.

Remus looked up. "No. And I suspect I'm about to wish you don't remember it either."

"About streaking?"

Remus' eyes widened and he shook his head. "No. Absolutely not."

"You can cover your face," James promised.

"I'm not doing it."

"James, drop it," Sirius said, scowling. "You are not making Moony parade around naked in front of the whole school."

Since public nudity was a favorite prank of his, and since he had no shame when it came to his own indecent exposure, the other boys were surprised by Sirius' vehemence.

"Alright, Padfoot," James said. "Wasn't much of a prank anyway."

"I have some ideas of my own," Remus said.

When he didn't continue, Peter huffed in annoyance. "Well?"

Remus shook his head. "It's a surprise. I have to do a bit of research first. But don't worry. It'll be brilliant. And the whole school will be victims."

Later, it would occur to his friends that they should have asked whether they were included in that statement.

To Be Continued