Disclaimer: Death Note is not mine….
AN: So, I was chatting with a wonderful friend of mine, sKyhe, one dull day, when suddenly---BAM! Up popped an idea! What did L and Light do during the more tedious hours of the Kira Investigation? With free internet access sitting in front of them, and backs turn to each other 99% of the time…a little 'random research' wouldn't hurt, would it? And, of course, maybe, just maybe…they'll stumble across a little Kira vs. L forum…Oh, and wouldn't it be convenient, if this was on a Saturday, and Near, Mello, and Matt happened to stumble across the same site? Along with some other Kira fanatics…and maybe a certain L fanatic? And, of course, some random unknown user. (And a really bored Ryuuk that just learned how to type…)
This, of course, would NEVER happen in the actual anime/manga, and it's no piece of serious fanfic work…just a little fun piece of internet goodness, so don't flip out on me and go 'wth it's soo stupid' or anything like that.
And so, with that in mind…I present to you…
KiravsL(dot)com, a Kira and L Discussion and Chat Forum Site
Bored.
He was so goddamn bored.
Every day, he'd sit, collecting data, reading data, analyzing data…data, data, data, like a little annoying song stuck in the back of his head. The action itself was a simple motion, he had no use of data on the people he had already analyzed and killed.
When Light was at home, he could carry out his judgments, and the boredom would vanish, at least for a little while. During his time spent with the strange should-be-obese-but-looks-anorexic L, other than watching the man stuff himself with pink blobs of nasty sweetness, he would do what he was doing now.
That is, staring dully at a computer screen, and thinking nasty thoughts about the panda-man sitting on the other side of the room. If Light had a face on the backside of his head, it would be horrifyingly contorted in an attempt to mock the detective.
Unfortunately, he only had one face, one that he'd rather not disfigure unless it couldn't be helped—sometimes in his happy moments, his laughs got the better of him. So…due to the lack of a second face…Light could only data-fy stuff.
Without putting much thought into the act, Light typed his global title in the current search engine he was using. As long as it had something to do with Kira, Light didn't think L would mind…much. And being flattered by remarks on the godliness of Kira certainly did more for his ego than mademoiselle Data.
Results filled the pages of Google, and Light's eyes got to work.
Kira, our Saviour…The Legend of Lord Kira…Kira Kleans our Krazy World…The Rugrats: Kira's Missing Teddy Bear (Light mentally noted to punish the creators of the Rugrats for taking up a space on the search result page where his title should be)…Justice will prevail…Kira sucks...Lor—
Whoa.
"Kira sucks?!?"
"…I'm glad you've realized that, Light-kun, but please, can you keep it down?"
Light suppressed a blush from surfacing, and turned to L, apologizing. Then, as soon as L turned back around, his mouse pointer attacked the site link.
KiravsL(dot)com, a friendly discussion and chat forum.
Suddenly, Light saw a path out of his dark tunnel of boredom.
…Well, if L asked…Light could just say he was investigating the opinions of the average friendly forum visitor on Kira and L's feud.
-------------------
Meanwhile, L had also been occupying himself by finding numerous ways to satisfy his own ego. After all, he could count on Light-kun to do all the work and report it to him later on that day.
And so it happened that he typed in the letter 'L' on Google's very convenient search bar located at the top of his screen.
Since very little things escaped his sharp, chocolaty, hunger-inducing eyes, it was only natural that he caught the little preview comment located below the link to a chat forum.
L apparently stood for 'loser that needs to go buy a life on eBay.'
"Light-kun, what is an e-bay?" asked L.
"…It's an online shopping site. Why do you want to know?"
L ignored his question.
You cannot logically purchase a life on an online shopping site, L thought irritably. He entered the site, intending to tell the foolish user just that.
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Welcome to KiravsL(dot)com, a friendly discussion and chat forum.
Users Currently Online: L's_a_pervert, futuregoddess101, gimmeallurapples, KAMI_SAMA, LABBqqbb, and Bob.
gimmeallurapples(5:57:18): kira sucks.
L's_a_pervert(5:57:21): does not!!!
KAMI_SAMA(5:57:20): DO NOT INSULT GOD IN THAT MANNER. Or else you shall be eliminated...
futuregoddess101(5:57:28): I believe that Kira is doing the right thing. People that do not do good for society are better off dead.
KAMI_SAMA(5:57:38): Well said, futuregoddess101.
Bob(5:57:52): lol I just pop up here to check things out, u all seem so serious about everything.
LABBqqbb(5:57:55): heh, who cares about kira. he tried to kill me.
L's_a_pervert(5:58:02): but kira-sama only does that to bad people!
futuregoddess101(5:58:02): …Thank goodness we're only chatting online.
KAMI_SAMA(5:58:07): I believe that is what LABBqqbb meant to imply, L's_a_pervert. Although, as a member of Kami-sama's soon-to-be New World, I will tolerate retards.
L's_a_pervert(5:58:12): are you calling l's-a-pervert a retard?!?
futuregoddess101(5:58:15): You are, if you're asking that question.
L's_a_pervert(5:58:17): l's-a-pervert is gonna kill you!
Bob(5:58:17): is it just me or did the apple dude disappear?
futuregoddess101(5:58:21): Now that you mention it…he just randomly posted that one comment and hasn't said anything since.
LABBqqbb(5:58:25): probably dead. Hahahaha!
futuregoddess101(5:58:30): Laughing at the deaths of innocents is cruel. I can see why Kira-sama tried to kill you.
LABBqqbb(5:58:35): people die all the time. i'm just enjoying myself before i do too. HAHA!
Gimmeallurapples(5:58:47): lol ftw pwn lmao rofl omg omfg stfu ttyl wtf g2g XD XP DX :D :) :( I WANNA EAT APPLEZ
Bob(5:58:57): …weird guy.
I_dont_suck has entered the chat.
L's_a_pervert(5:59:00): hi
I_dont_suck(5:59:09): KIRA DOES NOT SUCK!
Bob(5:59:15): whoa dude say hi first
KAMI_SAMA(5:59:25): I agree, I_dont_suck. God does NOT 'suck.'
I_dont_suck(5:59:26): Ahem, sorry about that. What I meant to say was, gimmeallurapples, I assume that you wish to eat apples? If you give me your name, I can certainly deliver my apples to you.
LABBqqbb(5:59:32): i wouldn't expect him to reply soon if i were u…
futuregoddess101(5:59:39): Yes, he's like some little toddler that just learned how to type…
gimmeallurapples(5:59:43): adufhrfgbAP:PPLEZjfrbiu!ckdhcjd!!!!!!!11!eleven!!
I_dont_suck(5:59:49): I assume that this guy isn't 100% sane, then…well, maybe insanity drove him to state that I suck, so I'll let him off this time…
KAMI_SAMA(5:59:56): You…be…KAMI-SAMA?!?!?!?
LABBqqbb(6:00:00): if that dude's kira, i'm L.
L's_a_pervert(6:00:02): KIRA-KUN!!!!! Yay! L's-a-pervert luvs kira-kun!
futuregoddess101(6:00:04): My apologies, but Ms. Futuregoddess101-sama has fainted and will not be able to continue this conversation. I will have to exit the chat room for her.
futuregoddess101 has left the chat.
LABBqqbb(6:00:14): lucky you, Kira. that's one less potential rapist…the other, tho, u need to watch out for.
I_dont_suck(6:00:20): …oh s---
Admin(6:00:21): Please refrain from using inappropriate language. Thank you.
KAMI_SAMA(6:00:25): OMG KAMI-SAMA I LOVE YOU I'M UR NUMBER 1 FAN PLEASE CAN I HAVE YOUR VIRTUAL AUTOGRAPH I PROMISE I WON'T RAPE YOU I THINK, AND I HOPE YOU PWN L CUZ L STANDS FOR LOSER THAT NEEDS TO GO BUY A LIFE ON EBAY AND YOU'RE SO AWESOME I LOVE YOU!!!
Bob(6:00:34): i feel like i'm in a fanfic that some insane maniac wrote…
Gimmeallurapples(6:00:45): hduhf gimme apples osdjfi kira sux
I_dont_suck(6:00:50): I can sympathize, Bob…
StrawberryPandaPuff has entered the chat.
LABBqqbb(6:00:56): strawberry panda puff? what kind of a name is that?
Bob(6:01:01): ur one to talk…
LABBqqbb(6:01:07): …i prefer strawberry-jam panda puff.
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:01:07): Kami_sama, you cannot logically purchase a life on an online shopping site.
KAMI_SAMA(6:01:10): GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:01:16): And I highly doubt God chats online.
I_dont_suck(6:01:23): …You can never be certain…
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:01:31): And you, I_dont_suck, are obviously too stupid to be Kira. I do not understand why the others would fall for your attention-seeking trick.
I_dont_suck(6:01:37): …Are you insulting me?
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:01:45): Evidently, you are too unintelligent to refrain from asking such a n00bish question, as online chatters call it.
I_dont_suck(6:01:49):…'noobish?'
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:01:57): Of course, the possibility that you are Kira could be very high. Your 6:01:10 post suggests Kira's god-complex to be present, and your purposeful 'trick' is just a sample of Kira's loved-to-be-used reverse-psychology. Furthermore, your initial response to my accusations of you being Kira was a question of my intentions on your intelligence. I'm sure Kira would have spent the 6 second synapse to analyze the different possible response to my accusation, and choose the best answer possible and type it within a reasonable amount of time. However, you overestimated the finger-tapping speed of your average trickster.
Bob(6:02:09):…whoa. he typed that in 8 seconds…
LABBqqbb(6:02:10): I can in 7.
I_dont_suck(6:02:12): huh? what r u talking about? nerd…
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:02:16): Ha! You have analyzed possible responses and taken time into consideration, waiting until after Bob posts, and switched to the talk-type and obliviousness of an average trickster with a plan gone wrong. The percentage that you are indeed Kira has shot up…
Bob(6:02:21): and he typed that in 4…
LABBqqbb(6:02:21): I can in 3.
I_dont_suck(6:02:22): dude with the pink panda obsession, this is a freakin online chat. chillax.
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:02:25): And your tone and voice has changed as well…interesting.
L's_a_pervert(6:02:30): uh…l's-a-pervert is lost…
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:02:32): Ah, I've been meaning to address this matter…your username bothers me greatly.
L's_a_pervert(6:02:42): huh? l's-a-pervert's username? but its true! he likes to lock pretty ppl like misa-misa up and stare at them thru a magic glass…
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:02:46): …There is no such thing as magic, just like there are no such beings as…shinigami…
I_don't_suck(6:02:52): Sounds like you had a bad experience with one…
Gimmeallurapples(6:02:55): SWCRIFCE UR APPPLEZ 2 ME AAL YOU FUNI MORRTALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
g4m3_b0y has entered the chat.
MegaLegoMan has entered the chat.
i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs has entered the chat.
Bob(6:03:02): Yo.
i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs(6:03:03): yeah i freakin beat that albino freak to this site!
MegaLegoMan(6:03:07): Actually, you didn't.
L's_a_pervert(6:03:12): …l's-a-pervert is loster.
StrawberyyPandaPuff(6:03:14): 'Loster' is not a word.
L's_a_pervert(6:03:20): it is to l's-a-pervert.
g4m3_b0y(6:03:24): Mels? Ya still there? …did he have a heart attack?
MegaLegoMan(6:03:29): I'll go check his room…
g4m3_b0y(6:03:35): Wait! If he's alive, then he might…commit murder…when you walk in…
I_dont_suck(6:03:39): Murder, you say? …What is this white-pj hater's name?
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:03:40): Suspicion rising by 1.02487 percent.
g4m3_b0y(6:03:42): I think mels is in shock…wait a minute, k?
Bob(6:03:45): what an interesting bunch of ppl…if they're even human…
Gimmeallurapples(6:03:43): efihrhbevhiuvhif!!!!!!!!apLleZ!!!!!!Dcdckif!!!!
i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs(6:03:48): I FUCKIN HEARD U SHUT THE HELL UP MATT THE WHOLE BUILDING CAN HEAR U
Admin(6:03:49): Please refrain from using inappropriate language. Thank you.
g4m3_b0y(6:03:52): Well…that was a bit…too successful…
i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs(6:03:56): HOW THE FUCKIN HELL DID THAT PJ-CLAD SNOWBALL GET HERE B4 ME ANYWAYS?
Admin(6:03:57): Please refrain from using inappropriate language. Thank you.
MegaLegoMan(6:04:03): If you are referring to me, I simple gained access to this chat while you were forming your unnecessarily long username.
i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs(6:04:07): goddamned…snowball…I HOPE U MELT IN HELL!!!!!
Admin(6:04:08): Please refrain from using inappropriate language. Thank you.
I_dont_suck(6:04:14): Does any1 kno what happened to Kami_sama?
KAMI_SAMA(6:04:20): GOD HAS CALLED FOR ME?!? YES?!?
I_dont_suck(6:04:23): Oh.
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:04:24): That was not an intelligent idea.
i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs(6:04:27): I DON'T FUCKIN CARE ABOUT NO KAMI-SAMA HE CAN DAMN THAT WHITE FIZZY SNOWBALL TO HELL
Admin(6:04:28): Please refrain from using inappropriate language. Thank you.
MegaLegoMan(6:04:38): Ahem. Snowballs do not have afterlives.
KAMI_SAMA(6:04:38): I shall not obey the commands of one other than God. Shall I eliminate him for his impudence, O God Who Does Not Suck?
I_dont_suck(6:04:45): Um…I think I agree with Pink Panda Obsessor over there.
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:04:46): There are brown strawberries too, you know.
I_don't_suck(6:04:49): But those are rotten.
LABBqqbb(6:04:52): and they taste bad in jam…
Bob(6:04:57): O…kay…
g4m3_b0y(6:05:03): YEAH LVL 293! FTW!
Bob(6:05:07): O…kay…
i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs(6:05:12): WTF WHO CARES ABOUT 293? WHY AREN'T YOU STRANGLING FUCKIN SNOWBALL-DUDE LIKE I ORDERED U TO IN THAT PM??!?!?
i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs has left the chat.
Admin(6:05:13): i_hate_feckin_snowballz_in_white_pjs has been banned for overuse of inappropriate language.
MegaLegoMan(6:05:17): He plans on…strangling…me? Apologies for my sudden leave, but I have a life (my own) to protect.
MegaLegoMan has left the chat.
g4m3_b0y(6:05:21): Oh crap…I hear angry footsteps…
g4m3_b0y(6:05:23): OH SHIT HDJFIH—
Admin(6:05:24): Please refrain from using inappropriate language. Thank you.
g4m3_b0y(6:05:28): HOW FUCKIN DARE THEY BAN ME?!?! WHAT KIND OF FREAKIN SITE IS THIS?!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO SNOWBALL DUDE?
Admin(6:05:29): Please refrain from using inappropriate language. Thank you.
Bob(6:05:33): Uh…MegaLegoMan? He left.
g4m3_b0y(6:05:42): sorry about that, my friend is a bit…violent. He's gone now, tho…
g4m3_b0y(6:05:47): OH SHIT HE KILLED MY COMPUTER GAME!! DANG!! I DIED!!! Sorry, gotta save my game!
Admin(6:05:48): Please refrain from using inappropriate language. Thank you.
g4m3_b0y has left the chat.
I_dont_suck(6:05:53): Well…um…online chatting is an interesting experience…
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:05:54): Indeed.
I_dont_suck(6:05:58): I'll…be…ah…going.
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:05:59): Indeed.
I_dont_suck(6:06:02): …Okay…
I_dont_suck has left the chat.
KAMI_SAMA(6:06:07): …GOD?!?! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My online life has no meaning any longer…
KAMI_SAMA has left the chat.
StrawberryPandaPuff(6:06:10): Well, my point has been made, my Kira suspect has left, so…
StrawberryPandaPuff has left the chat.
LABBqqbb(6:06:13): huh…it's no fun here no that everyone's left.
Bob(6:06:17): i'm still here.
LABBqqbb(6:06:19): …You don't count.
Bob(6:06:25): hey! is that an insult?!?!?
LABBqqbb(6:06:27): Ja.
Bob(6:06:30): hey! wait!
LABBqqbb has left the chat.
Bob(6:06:32): sheesh…
Bob has left the chat.
L's_a_pervert(6:06:34): eh…? l's-a-pervert is confused!!!!!
L's_a_pervert(6:06:38): …hello?
L's_a_pervert(6:06:42): WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!?!
L's_a_pervert(6:06:47): l's-a-pervert feels abandoned…
L's_a_pervert(6:06:52): and l's-a-pervert didn't finish talking about the magic glass and shinigamis…
L's_a_pervert has left the chat.
Gimmeallurapples(6:06:59): AAPPLEZ R ALL MNE U HUMAN SUCKAZ!!!
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Back in the real world, an amused L turned his swivel chair towards a certain brunet, who appeared to be in the process of shuffling through endless mounds of data. Suddenly, a need for strawberry flavored panda puffs rose in the detective.
"Light-kun, we'll be taking a break now."
"Hungry again, Ryuuzaki?"
"No," he lied. "I simply think that we are quite deserving of a few minutes of rest after this very productive day."
-End-
Thanks to skyhe for contribution to ideas!!