Twilight and everything about it belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I am just borrowing.

This is the sequel to James Returns. I hope everyone likes it! Please Review!! =)

Chapter 1

Bella-

The air around me smelled like chemicals, the beeping from the monitor next to my head was really starting to annoy me. I had been in the hospital for four days now and all I wanted to do was go home. I could hear Carlisle, acting like Dr. Cullen now, outside my door talking with one of the nurses.

I wanted to yell at him, beg him to let me go home, but I hadn't been able to speak a single word since my return. Carlisle had told Rene and Charlie that I was dehydrated and in shock to keep with the story of me being lost in the forest for almost five days. But when I heard him talking to Edward, he was saying things like 'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder' and mental evaluation. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but it was the reason they still had me here under observation.

Something told me that if I didn't talk soon I was going to get a new room with padded walls and a nice cocktail of colorful pills everyday. That didn't really sound so bad. Escaping from my own thoughts would be a welcome experience. But right now I was stuck here, in this hospital room, and Edward never left my side.

Since Edward was Dr. Cullen's son and the simple fact that they couldn't get him away from me without a chain attached to a twenty-ton truck, he had been allowed to stay.

Sometimes when I would wake up after a particularly bad dream, he would just stare at me like he didn't know me anymore. He was acting stranger and stranger every day. I wanted so badly to comfort him, to reassure him that I still loved him. Something just wouldn't let me.

I knew how worried my parents were, they had no idea what had really happened. Charlie was taking my condition even harder then Rene. He felt like he had failed as a father and as the Chief of Police. After all, everyone thought it was Edward who had found me in the forest.

The official story was that I had gone out for a jog and had gotten confused when the sun went down. I had wandered in circles for a few days until exhaustion and dehydration had kept me from being able to move or call out to the search parties.

Of course this was speculation since I hadn't confirmed or denied the truth of the story. If Charlie would really think about it for any length of time, the entire story was based on something ridiculously out of character for me. When had I ever in my life gone for a jog? I giggled at the thought, and Edward was at my side in a second, confusion masked his worry.

"Are you ok Bella?"

He was so worried about me, and all I had done was giggle. This sent another bout of chuckles and snorts through me. After a minute I was laughing uncontrollably, I was hardly able to breathe. I had no idea why I thought it was so funny. Maybe I really was going crazy, because as quickly as my laughter had started; it changed into deep heart wrenching sobs.

I clutched at my chest, trying to control the furious beating of my heart. The full impact of everything that had happened in the past two weeks was catching up to me, Edward leaving me, James kidnapping me, the rape, if I still wanted to call it that, and losing James. It was all crashing down on me, piles of emotion so heavy it was threatening to crush me.

Edward slipped his arms under me and held me tightly; I had to hang on to him to keep from completely losing myself in the pain. If I let go now, I would never come back. I would spend the rest of my life in the dark bubble of sorrow alone with my memories and regrets.

Half of me harbored enough guilt to fill an entire prison; Edward loved me and would do anything for me. He would even give his own existence in exchange for mine. Yet I was spending all my time thinking about the one man who had almost ripped us apart. Edward had no idea that James wasn't the maniacal, evil villain he had imagined.

The other half of me was falling apart from losing someone I loved. I had to think about it for a long time, spending entire nights awake, studying my feelings from every angle. Love and hate were so far from each other, but I had felt both for James. I accepted that now. At first I tried to excuse my feelings, trying to convince myself it was some weird effect from the 'incident' as I now referred to it. James was my first, no matter how it happened. The memory of him would never leave me, and I didn't want it to.

Carlisle and Edward had decided not to tell anyone about the rape. They couldn't come up with a way to explain how they knew about it since I wasn't talking, or who to blame it on. So with Alice distracting my parents, and Edward keeping watch at the door, Carlisle had done a pelvic exam to make sure I had no internal injuries.

To say it was uncomfortable was an understatement of massive proportions. After he was done he explained to me the different emotions a victim like me might be going through. He said that even if I had felt pleasure at some point, that didn't mean I had wanted it. I listened, only half hearing what he was saying.

I was busy remembering all the things I had felt with James while it happened. Had I fought him because I really didn't want to be with him, or because I felt guilty about it not being Edward? I knew that James had gone into some sort of daydream when we were together, imagining his beloved Melody being there with him. But part of me wished he had seen me. I wanted him to know he was touching my body, kissing my lips.

Grief gripped my body again when I thought that James would never be able to touch anyone ever again. It felt like I had been lost in my thoughts for hours, but it had only been minutes. I was still in Edward's arms, hanging on for dear life. My brain finally clicked into place and the words reached my lips.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry." The words were choked and hoarse. Tears were flowing freely, dripping down my face. I could taste the salt on my lips.

"No, Bella. None of this was your fault." If only I were brave enough to tell him the truth. All of this was my fault, if only I could control my own heart. He didn't need to shoulder all of the blame.

"I want to go home."

I chickened out, the words had been on the tip of my tongue and I just let them tumble back into my throat. I wasn't ready to tell him how I was really feeling.

"Then you can go home." He pushed the button on the bed and called for Carlisle to come discharge me. I was going home, to start over as this new person inhabiting my soul.