Author's Note:

The Professor: Hello, and welcome to the fifth chapter of our story, "Couple's Therapy: Case One". OK, OK - we haven't updated in aeyonks, we know. Quite simply because we had to come up with someone cringe-and-laugh worthy enough to have taken good ol' Fenrir's virginity - but we think we've cracked it. Maybe we have, maybe we haven't - up to you to tell us. By the way, this is the final round of Review Answers, as we've decided answering in the chapter is a bit too cumbersome - after this chapter is posted, all reviews will be Replied to instead. Moving on - to balakafalata, we solemnly apologise for making you lose all inhibitions and laugh so hard you have trouble breathing. maniacal grin. As restitution, have this chapter - which we extend to all of you out there who have been left waiting for so long. Sorry guys.

Ambrose: To lil joker (congratulations on the story, by the way - we've been keeping an eye on it) - well, Harry had three, counting Fenrir. And Fenrir had - let's just say - many, many more than three. To the all-knowing Queen - we're getting better at it, no worries. And yes, Colin. We're quite proud of our little President PRAT. And now to Save-a-broom-ride-a-seeker (which is a sentiment we have to agree with) - thank you very much, kind descendant of October. :)

The Professor: On to Siraelka - so hard you cried? Now that is something to be proud of, eh guys and girls? Let's hope this chappie meets expectations. Now for Eilun - why, yes! Yes, indeedy! Now, would you prefer lilies or roses at the reception? (No need to worry - I'm more the 'jilted at the altar' type) OK, so - gigglegal? Strangely appropriate, considering you strained a muscle. Why, it's almost as if . . . And Fenrir is going to have a lot to say, believe me.

Ambrose: And now for the final two - LadyWolfRider (which is one kick ass name, we have to say), let's keep hoping. Personally, I'd prefer it if you went into fits rather than blushes - but hey, your choice. And Tom/Harry? Now THAT is going to be fun to write. Finally, BRM - continue, you beg? Of course, we say! Phew, now that's done with - Professor?

The Professor: OK, now to the disclaimer - Harry Potter and all other people, places, concepts, species', etc that are affiliated with the Harry Potter universe are the intellectual property of J.K. Rowling, and of course all those guys at Warner Bros. who do the movies probably own a bit too . . . Any and all other references to outside TV shows, movies, cartoons, books, etc, are not in any way inclined toward encroaching copyright. There we are. Oh, but we do own Jeremy and Pat - so hands off, unless you ask first.

Ambrose: Enjoy the story, people! Again, make sure you read and review, guys - please?

(Chapter 5 - Start)

"No."
"Yes."
"Pup, I will not."
"You will, or it's celibacy for me AND for you."

For the first time in his life, Fenrir said, "Maybe it's worth it." Harry looked at him as if he'd never seen him before, and Jeremy could guess why - judging by the number of lustful looks and single-entendres that Greyback had exhibited in just this one session, Clarke was willing to bet that Fenrir had roughly the same sexual appetite as a rabbit in its very first heat. Then, Fenrir's face darkened, and he muttered, "Ah, who am I kidding - nothing's worth sex."

Although Harry seemed unimpressed with Greyback's remarkably one-track way of thinking, he looked glad that his husband had finally conceded. Jeremy, hoping to make it easier for the more savage of his clients, said, "You don't need to give too many details if you don't want to - " Fenrir shook his head and rumbled, "Thanks, but no thanks, doc - I don't think Harry'll let me get away with anything less. More's the shame."

Jeremy readied his pad and pencil. Fenrir took a deep breath, as if about to jump off a cliff, and begun.

"All-right. June sixth, 1962 - " the rest he mumbled, and a deep flush erupted all over his skin. Harry eyed him oddly, sharing a look with Clarke, before gently prodding Fenrir. "Sorry? We - we didn't hear that." Fenrir muttered something along the lines of 'you weren't supposed to', and cleared his throat - which then proceeded to break.

"Cor - Cornelius Fudge." A deathly silence filled the office as Fenrir buried his head in his hands, and Harry and Jeremy simply stared off into space. It took a full minute for them to actually realise he was serious - then, they simultaneously sent each other a look, before they both began cracking up. Jeremy and Harry were both banging on the table with their fists as they laughed, and it was nearly impossible to look at Fenrir without simply pointing and starting to laugh all over again.

"I WAS SIXTEEN! I WAS IN BLOODY HEAT! IT'S NOT GODDAMN FUNNY!" Fenrir was practically bellowing at this point, seething at the amount of hilarity they were both showing. Another three minutes of laughing and heavy breathing ensued, before Harry and Jeremy managed to control themselves - Jeremy's hands were shaking as he noted it down, however, and he suspected that Harry was punching himself in the stomach in order to contain the laugher. "Ri - right. Heh, heh - hahahaha - sorry. So, he was on - " Fenrir narrowed his eyes, and pushed out the words, " - top. Yes."

Harry patted his husband on the arm, still not looking at him, all the while noting how odd it was that they had both lost their virginity's to Minister's of Magic - not exactly something you'd boast about at a party, but still worth noting. Jeremy settled a hand on his chest, trying to get rid of the stitch that he had developed, and he only indicated for Fenrir to continue after a pointed look from Harry.

Fenrir let out a deep breath, obviously still enraged at the hysteric laughing his confession had brought on, before continuing. "Christmas 1963 - Alastor Moody." He let out an unconscious shiver, and added, "He liked it when I called him Allison. Don't ask." He soldiered on, obviously not trusting them not to laugh again, and continued with the confession. "About seventeen pack affairs from 1966 to 1979 - apparently, the Alpha is also unofficial matchmaker in a were pack, and she seemed to think I needed the exercise."

They aren't looking at you, they aren't, they aren't. "Then, in December 1979 - Regulus Black." Here, Fenrir was unable to stop himself from embellishing what was essentially a belt-story. "Good ol' Reggie - even if he did make me feel like a cradle robber." Harry butted in here, needing something to distract him from Fenrir's increasing number of belt notches. "You ARE a cradle robber." Fenrir adopted a lecherous expression for the first time since the beginning of the session, and he leered at Harry. "Ah, but you still love me."

It was from about 1980 that Fenrir's sexual history began to get a bit blurry - he claimed it was because this was the year if his mate's birth, but he would later admit it was probably because any David Bowie music tended to send him a bit fuzzy in the head - but he still remembered most of the highlights, if not their surnames. "Well, there was Bradley, Aaron, some snotty blonde kid, Jim, Martin, Gerry, Tom, Will, Ricky, David, Jack, Patrick, three Johns, Craig, Toby, Mikey, Zach, Nick, Shaun, Jake, Paul, Kent, Owen - and I think that's it." Remarkably, Fenrir wasn't at all out of breath by the end of his lists, while Harry and Jeremy were once again looking at him in equal parts disgust and respect.

"Oh! And the Lestrange brothers." Harry looked sick at this final announcement, while Jeremy was still noting down conquests (in shorthand now - there was no other way to keep up with Greyback's pace). Then, Fenrir seemed to remember something, before thrusting a finger up in the air and near-shouting. "Does it count if I didn't have sex with them? What about other things?" Jeremy swallowed, looking rather sick, before shaking his head.

"I, uh - don't think we want to go into that." Harry nodded, his eyes so wide that Clarke thought they might pop from out of his skull, and Fenrir leant back in his chair, before turning to the thunder-struck Harry smugly.

"Still convinced therapy's a good idea?"

(Chapter 5 - End)

Ambrose: OK, we're gonna stop there - now, in the original draft of this chapter, there was an extremely off-colour joke just above. It was a reference to Kevin Smith's "Clerks", and if anyone's seen the movie - remember the magic number, 37? Yeah - one helluva insight into just what kind of man Fenrir is. But there is a reason for Fenrir's - promiscuity, and it'll be explained next chapter. We decided to pull the joke as it was EXTREMELY liable to offend, so - yeah.

The Professor: We're gonna start winding down this case - it's got about another chapter or two to go, by my reckoning. And on that note, remember to leave a review - we wanna know what you thought. See ya next time!