Title: Take You
Author: zeroislove
Rating: M
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the wonderful Kouga-Sensei!
Disclaimer II: This story uses dialogue from Loveless volume 6.
Summary: Of course Soubi had come. He knew he would. And there was something he needed to give him, now that he wasn't tied to a chair anymore.

Take You

"You're lying to me, aren't you."

The words came out softer and sadder than he had intended. Ritsuka hung his head a little lower, the back of his neck feeling stiff as his throat tightened. Of course he wasn't going to cry, he had abandoned such pointless things long ago. Crying didn't make anything better, crying didn't help, it didn't achieve anything and in most cases would just make the situation worse. So instead, Ritsuka pulled his tired mind upward and tried to make sense of his emotions.

'I'm ok with that.'

With that thought, he felt the molasses of resignation seep warmly into the space behind his eyes, up through his forehead like being submerged in a bathtub, and all the way into the tips of his feline ears, tugging them down towards the ground. This was familiar, the safety of acceptance, the fear of losing, the bitter taste of love and abandonment.

"Even if you lie to me, that's ok."

'I'll be content with as much of yourself as you can give me.' Just please. Don't go.

He stared at his feet, at their feet. Soubi still had his shoes on. How rude. Coming into someone's house without asking, and not even taking your shoes off, and… he became aware that his wrists were achy where the rope had chafed them, and his eyes tingled.

"I can really… take this key…?"

Ritsuka's head snapped up at the fighter's slowly uttered words. Why was Soubi so stupid? Why wouldn't he just know? Just know! But Ritsuka knew that the older man wasn't stupid. He was hurt. He was just as hurt as he was, and the force of it rushed at Ritsuka like a tangible wall of cold water, black like the night and swallowing all light like a black hole. He recoiled.

"Of course it's not okay!" He yelled. Stop it, stop it! Stop being hurt! "But it's what we have to do. T-that's all." He swallowed. "If you're going to be depressed, then go home and go to bed."

He whipped around and started towards the door, away, away from the pain, he had so much of it already, today had been so long, so straining, so painful, so confusing. No more confusion, please let me go. But…

He felt the firm and gentle grip of his fighter's hand on his arm. Someone could touch him in the darkest corner of the darkest room while he was blindfolded, and he would know if it was Soubi. Soubi, let me go. Please.

"I said it's alright!" He was aware that his voice was cracking, and his cheeks flushed with shame because of it. "Let me go!"

But…

He knew was still yelling, still rambling on about keys and houses and locked rooms and it was all meaningless. He heard himself say that Soubi wasn't ready to have a key to his house. What nonsense. His house…? His parents' house… where he lived, were things happened, a place where Seimei had never lived. Did he even live here? He had to, he was the man of the house. He had to take care of mother. In this house. It was so meaningless to give Soubi a key. Soubi already had a key. No one else had a key.

He could feel the man's tall, slender form towering over him like a willow, lightly swaying from some unseen breeze. He melted closer and closer towards him, wrapping his senses in warmth and the smell of cigarettes and watercolor paint. The sensations seeped through his body and renewed the flush on his face. Leave me, leave me alone, I can't do this, I'm so tired, I can't help you, I don't know what you need, I don't know…

Soubi was so close now, pressing him against the door so he couldn't move, whispered in his ear. Ritsuka felt sweat tingle at his hairline when the words rushed through him.

"If you want to… I could save you right now…"

He squeezed his eyes shut as his throat caught. No! That's wrong… I have to… but… The fabric of the man's coat brushed across his forehead as he leaned in ever closer. Ritsuka's head was swirling, spinning with fragments of sentences he should be saying, should be thinking, but the other thoughts were too loud in his mind. Unwanted thoughts, thoughts like, Yes, yes, yes! Save me, save me! I don't have Seimei anymore, all I have is you, I want to go, I want to be safe with you, I want to go! Take me!

It only lasted for a couple of heartbeats, then his carefully constructed sanity clicked into place like clockwork. No. Not now, not ever. You can't save me. Not until I save her. And you are not safe. Not like Seimei.

"You idiot, that's not saving me!"

He started struggling in earnest to free himself from his fighter's mindless, claustrophobic, crushing advance. I have to get away now. I'm sorry.

"Take me."

The words were simple, quiet, earnest. Ritsuka froze. What?

"Ritsuka, I…."

No, no, no… the soft voice was breaking, trembling, pleading, no. I don't know what you need. I don't know.

But I want to know.

"I want you to embrace me, Ritsuka."

What?

More thoughts. Seimei. His mother. Seimei again. His brother had never asked for an embrace. He had just received it, or simply taken it. Why was this a request? How could this be a request? How could this be what he needed? Soubi was a grown-up, he should know better, he…… he was Soubi. Ritsuka felt a cool breath fill his lungs, and calm descended over his heated mind, little by little, ever so slowly. Soubi was Soubi. He lunged forward and flung his small arms around the fighter's waist, trying to squeeze through the coat and the shirt and through to his heart and holding on.

"You idiot," he sobbed. "If it's just that, I'm happy to do it for you anytime…"

He felt the long arms slip around him, lightly, hesitantly, like a butterfly landing on his shoulders. He could feel the fighter take a deep breath, and he squeezed even tighter.

Are you better?

The warm willow started to shake a bit, and he heard Soubi chuckle. Ritsuka's heart skipped, so warm, so warm, so glad. Better. Why was Soubi laughing?

"I guess this is the punch line."

Was he laughing at him? Was he wrong? Doubt twinged in a corner of his mind, but he didn't care about it and instead turned it into annoyance, because he knew it would make Soubi laugh more, it would make him smile, it would make him better. What he needed.

"What are you saying?!"

His careful train of thought was interrupted, and his breath taken away, when Soubi suddenly leaned down and kissed him. Deeply, heavily, soft and grateful. Ritsuka felt the heat multiply in his face. But… I was…

"Ritsuka."

Ritsuka shifted uneasily as control was taken away from him again, so quickly, so easily. Did he have no power at all? It seemed that all his resolve, all his wisdom was trickling down and collecting in his fingers, gently held by the bigger hand.

"Ritsuka, please."

His eyes grew wide as the man knelt on the floor, his coat pooling around his legs. He could feel the blood pounding in his cheeks, because he disliked this position so very much. Why, why now? Please don't kneel on the floor, Soubi! What are you doing? Why? What are you doing, Soubi??

"One day, take me. Please."

He had failed. Fatigue returned with crushing weight and pressed down on his ears and eyelids. The words themselves were meaningless because it didn't matter whether he understood them or not. Why, why, why, what else can I do? He cradled the older man's head to his chest, threading his trembling fingers into the soft, platinum blonde waterfall, desperate, drained and trying.

"I'm hugging you right now!"

Please let this be enough. Please. I don't know what you want. You won't ever tell me anything. You never explain anything. I'll try, I'll keep trying, it's just that I'm so tired today. I can't let you go because you need me. And I love you.

Why won't you just take me?