PLEASE READ THIS Okay don't worry, the rest of the story is not written in this tense. After this chapter it goes to a regular tense. So the story gets much easier to read, its not all those chapters written like that. This is the oneshot that started it off. Chapter 2 is character profiles for the OC's. its spoiler heavy though. Chapter 3 is where the story begins. Enjoy!
She has the saddest eyes anyone's ever seen.
In time she learns to hide them, to allow every emotion that's overshadowed by the unbearable ache to rise to the surface, to seem like she's not sad all the time.
She's a thousand things other than sad, truly she is. She's in the Shinigami Academy. Not a prodigy, not in the advanced class but she's good enough to have attracted the attention of several squads already. She has friends who think they know her very well but only really know what she lets them. She's a mysterious person, always has been and probably always will be. They like her though, she can tell and she's simultaneously grateful and depressed at the same time. She tries to me more grateful than sad. Usually when she smiles its for them, not for herself.
She sees her and it feels like someone has stabbed her and is twisting the knife throughout ever fiber of her being. She's happy, with a big brother and an orange haired friend who is clearly more to her than anyone lets on. Her Zanpakto is beautiful and everywhere she goes there are murmurs. Murmurs of things that have happened to her and how wonderfully, impossibly strong she is to have overcome them. They whisper about her brother and her friends and all the wonderful adventures that they go on. She wants to hug her, to tell her that she's so sorry for what happened, that she's glad her life is wonderful now. But it would be strange, and after all what did one say to someone who had done something so horrible? So she ducks her head and makes sure someone taller is in front of her when she comes to inspect the school with her white haired Captain and her red haired friend.
She sees the red haired man and feels grateful. Grateful because he is more of a guide and a rock to those around him than he will ever know--than they will ever tell him. He doesn't mind, she can see it. He grins and laughs and scratches the back of his neck like he's embarrassed when anyone tells him anything like that. She thinks its sweet when he turns the red of his hair, clearly uncomfortable with anyone feeling like they need to give him thanks. She wants to, but it would just be strange. After all, how did someone go about thanking someone who has practically single-handedly undone all the damage she did. So when he sees her and offers a grin, her lips quirk up into the barest of smiles in return even though she knows her eyes are swimming with the tears she's barely holding back.
And then she sees him. If the other two were bad he is somehow a million times worse.
He's not alone.
The new woman beautiful and noble and so full of life that its like she's a kite and he's the child holding the string. Its clear he loves her and though she wants him to be happy--oh God she wants him to be happy--its clear that his happiness doesn't lie with her. She can see the weight on his shoulders and she know she put it there and this woman is taking it away. She's showing him its okay to be free, to be alive, to be the amazing person she knows he is. It hurts, it hurt more than anything else. More than all the times she died, more than anything it hurts but she doesn't let it show. Its not her place to let it show.
So she runs as fast a she can, the letter that assigns her to a Division clutched to her chest, her Zanpakto slung across her back, her heart breaking and her eyes stinging. She runs out of Soul Society, back to Rukongai, back to the dusty shack where it all began all those years ago. No-one gives another glance to the Shingiami in the school uniform. Every once in a while one comes back. She doesn't care as the dust dims the red of her cloths or her hands cut and bleed as she falls onto the dirt of the home she lived in.
Her fingers shake as she opens the envelope and her eyes barely make out the black mark that tells her that she will be in the Sixth Division under Captain Byakuya Kuchiki. She knows its coming, she'd be a fool not too but she's always been something of a fool and the twinges of hope are crushed like everything else. She clutches the letter to her chest, bringing her knees up as well as she buries her face in the dark confines of her dusty robe in a failed attempt at comfort before she pushes everything away. She deserve the pain, she deserves the torture, she deserves it all. But even though its not her place, its not her right, she can't stop the tears that come nor the sobs that accompany them. She cries for many many reasons.
Because its been many years.
Because she's a different person.
Because she hurt them all, especially him.
This is her fate. She is cursed to remember while those around her, they move on.
She hears people muttering outside and claps her hands over her lips. Part of her wants them to come, wants them to end it before the next story begins. But part of her wants to see this through. She'll remember it anyway, perhaps if she somehow makes the memories good ones, if she finally lets this go, perhaps then the story that has ruled her for one and a half lifetimes will be over. Maybe then she can move on. Because he has, because they all have and she, of course, has not. Not yet anyway. She drops her hands and swipes her cheeks, pulling her Zanpakto out, prepared to fight if she has to. She's not dying here, not now, not like this, not to be tortured for the next lifetime with memories.
It doesn't really matter anymore anyway.
Even if she's back, which she is.
And even if she remembers, which she does.
She's not really Hisana anymore.
PLEASE READ THIS
Okay don't worry, the rest of the story is not written in this tense. After this chapter it goes to a regular tense. So the story gets much easier to read, its not all those chapters written like that. This is the oneshot that started it off.
Chapter 2 is character profiles for the OC's. its spoiler heavy though.
Chapter 3 is where the story begins.
Enjoy!