A/N: Okay...so I did you all one better. I had promised to post by friday, but due to the fact that I got the flu and had to take a day off, you get the chapter a bit early. So...lucky you! And not so lucky me... Anyhow, thank you all so much for all of the amazing reviews. This will be the final chapter of the story. I'd like to make it clear that the offer still stands. I know I didn't get any responses, but if someone would like to continue the story, then I'll be willing to hand over the documents for it. I think there is a way to do that anyway. So yeah...this chapter is quite dramatic. And there may be some need for tissues as usual. I know that I bawled during tonight's episode of Grey's while I was writing this chapter. I really hope you guys like this last chapter...and hopefully you'll still review even if it's complete. Let me just say that I appreciate all of your support. It's been a pleasure. And now, without further ado, here is the conclusion!
Disclaimer: I don't own grey's or any of its characters
Falling Away With You
Chapter 3: Curl up and die!
Derek wiped the sweat from his brow for the hundredth time as he slaved over Meredith's open skull. He was about to clip the tumor, but had to pull back as his hands began to shake.
"Damn it," Derek swore under his breath as he tried to calm himself. He set the instruments down on the tray and began to try to shake out the tensions overtaking the whole of his body.
I don't like the steps I took
To get to look
Into your deepest feelings
"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey addressed him quietly, "Is everything alright?"
"I can't," Derek, breathed, unbelievably ashamed that he couldn't handle this. He had never hesitated during a surgery before. "I just…can't," Derek choked. His breathing became heavy as he looked down at the floor. He felt himself on the verge of a breakdown when he felt a hand grasp his and give it a squeeze. He glanced over to see, Miranda standing next to him.
I don't like the place I'm in
Headspace within the hardwood and the ceiling
"You can do it," she encouraged. But to this Derek only shook his head.
"I need you to do it," Derek requested softly. The rest of those in the room looked on in confusion.
"What?" Bailey was unprepared for this request. "Dr. Shepherd, I'm a general surgeon."
"I know," Derek nodded as he closed his eyes, "But I trust you…and I need you to do this for me." Bailey sighed as she nudged him aside.
"Okay," Bailey choked, "But you had better talk me through this…because if I kill her I will never be able to forgive myself or you."
"Yeah," Derek swallowed as he thought of just what he was asking. Bailey had hit it right on the head. He was asking her to take the blame if something happened. "Okay…so," Derek cleared his throat. "We need to clip the tumor, and get it out. She was seizing because the tumor was hemorrhaging and causing a swelling of the brain." He began to instruct Bailey step by step, and watched as she performed the skills flawlessly. This is why he admired her so. Before he knew it, the tumor was out, and they began to fix any residual bleeding. Derek let out a sigh of relief as they cleared out the debris. She was still alive.
"What's her intracranial pressure at?" Derek asked as he looked at the monitor.
"It's good," Rose replied timidly as she looked at the monitor. Derek briefly looked up and locked eyes with Rose, who looked sad.
"Then let's close," Derek spoke as he took over once again, and began to finish up the surgery. He was prepared to take Meredith back up to the ICU but Cristina rushed in.
"I got it," She said as she and a group of others including, Izzie, George, and Alex, began to move Meredith back up towards the ICU.
"No," Derek spoke forcibly, "I got it,"
"Derek," Bailey's voice was soft, "It's okay." Derek watched as her friends wheeled her out of the operating room. With a sigh he walked into the scrub room and began to strip off his garb.
Cause if I'm restless
Then why do I
I want nothing but to rest my soul
He turned around to find Rose walking in to the room. She looked at Derek for a moment, before stuttering.
"I…I'm sorry," Rose stuttered as she began to walk out.
"No," Derek choked, "Rose…stay." Rose looked at him softly.
"Derek," she sighed, "I can't…I…I'm sorry. I just look at you. I watch you…. and I know…I know that you never loved me. You love Meredith. And now I'm the one that feels guilty because she could die before you even have a chance to spend another moment with her."
"I'm sorry," Derek apologized as he felt his throat began to burn. "I'm sorry that I lied to you. That I told you I was over her…because that couldn't have been further from the truth. I tried…I tried to like you Rose. I really did. And you're an amazing person whose going to make someone very lucky some day. But like I said earlier when we ended things…Meredith…she's my world."
"I know," Rose nodded sadly, "And I understand. Derek, if you ever need someone…a friend. You know I'm here for you."
"Thank you," Derek nodded with a weak smile.
"And for what it's worth. It's always been you and Meredith. And it always will be. She'll pull through. I have a feeling. Just…be happy, Derek. Make everything of the time you have." And with that, Rose left the room without another word. Derek walked quickly up to the ICU.
And I don't get this and I know why
You see sometimes things are just beyond control
Derek walked into the room to find Meredith in worse shape than she was before. This could not be happening. She had made it through two surgeries, and yet barely. He wasn't sure if he could wait any longer. He plopped down in the chair next to her bed as Izzie sat down next to him. "She'll make it," Izzie whispered so quietly only that he could hear, even though there were several people in the room. "Derek, she'll come back for you."
Long after the rest of the residents left the room, Derek stayed; he looked up at the clock and closed his eyes as he began to realize what it meant. She had an hour. 60 minutes to wake up.
Derek grabbed Meredith's hand.
"Please," Derek panted as his breathing became heavier. "Please…." He felt as his heart began to pound in his chest, heavier and heavier. It shocked him at its rapid pace. Sweat began to pour down his face as he thought about what the rest of his life would be like if she was gone. He thought of himself five years from now…days from now. If Meredith didn't make it, he would have to leave. There would be no way…no way that he could stay and function. Every inch of this hospital contained a memory of her. He let out a staggered breath as he felt his chest tighten and then pain.
Clinging to the remnants of perfection
Like most do after they break it
Not knowing which directions the correct one
Do I discard or remake it?
"Derek?" Webber's voice was strong as walked into the room to find Derek hunched over in the chair next to Meredith's bed.
"It hurts," Derek cried rather loudly as he clawed at his chest with his free hand. "God, it hurts."
"Derek," his boss reprimanded, "calm down. Take a deep breath. You're having a panic attack."
"An hour…" Derek muttered as he hunched over even more, and looked at where Meredith remained still and unresponsive. "She has an hour. I can't…. It's not enough time. I need more. It's not enough time."
"No," Webber agreed, "it's not." After a few minutes Derek managed to calm down. "Derek, I need to talk to you about something else."
"What…what is it?" Derek choked out.
"Her chart," Richard paused, "says she's DNR. We have to pull her off of life support after 72 hours."
"No," Derek protested, whispering it over and over again as if that would make it true, "that…that can't be right. She…she wouldn't have signed a DNR."
"She did," Webber, said softly, "I don't think you know how much pain she was in for the last three months, Derek. Every. Single. Day. I'm not going to make her suffer any longer."
"Oh god," Derek breathed as the reality set in.
And I feel fine
But I know the same does not apply to you
I know the same does not apply to you
So I guess that I'll curl up and die, too
"I'll give you some more time alone with her." Webber walked out of the room just as suddenly as he had came. Derek stood up, and carefully moved Meredith's feather light body aside, before climbing in behind her. He held onto her and closed his eyes as he began to cry. He began to whisper stories of their time together in her ear. Events from the time they met…and were happy.
Before he knew it, the hour was up, and a flood of people filtered into the room. Derek felt Bailey's hand brush his shoulder.
"It's time," Derek stated in unbearable pain as he looked to the clock. The only thing Bailey could do is nod.
Cause if I don't know then I don't know
But I may know someone that knows me more than I
And if I somehow could rest this soul
Maybe control could find its way back to my life
"Miranda," Derek choked, "If you pull the plug. You're killing her. She's strong enough…she just needs more time. She needs more time to make it on her own."
"You know that's not how it works," Bailey sighed, "Derek I'm so sorry. If you don't want to watch I'll understand." Derek had initially thought that he would be strong enough for this, but as he listened to Meredith's friends say her goodbyes, he couldn't take it anymore.
Yeah I'll curl up with you
Until I die with you
He left the room without looking back. He headed over to Joe's to get a head start on drowning out the next chapter of his life. Luckily, his goodbyes had already been said.
Hours had gone by when Derek felt a presence next to him. He looked over to find his best friend.
"Is this where you really want to be?" Mark asked simply. "Derek, the chief is looking for you."
"I don't care," Derek spoke indifferently.
"I thought that you weren't going to let her die alone," Mark spoke tentatively.
"I thought so too," Derek whispered with shame, "But I guess I was wrong. I'm a coward. I couldn't handle it."
"Buddy," Mark shook his head, "You have to stop this. You have to stop running when things get hard. If you learn only one thing from Meredith…then that should be it."
"Meredith's gone," Derek broke out into sobs as tears began to flow from his cheeks and drip onto the counter.
"No she's not," Mark replied and Derek's head shot towards him.
"What?" Derek choked as he frantically wiped away his tears. "Is this a sick joke?"
"No," Mark shook his head. "She's breathing on her own. She's still fighting." Derek jumped up from the table and ran as fast as he could, knowing that he couldn't stay and wait. That he needed to be with Meredith. He arrived at her room, and Lexie looked up from where she had been watching her sister battle for life.
"Hey," Derek whispered as he sat in the opposite chair.
"76 hours," Lexie whispered, "It's been 76 hours and she's still here."
"That doesn't mean she's going to wake up," Derek spoke pessimistically.
"Well," Lexie began, "With an attitude like that…its no wonder. I thought you were supposed to be on her side." Lexie spoke too soon, for in seconds a high panicked beeping sounded on the monitor, followed by a monotonous flatline.
"No!" Derek shouted as he jumped up. "No…" He began compressions as Lexie called out.
"Derek!" she cried as tears sprang to the corners of her eyes, "Derek, you have to stop. She's DNR." But Derek didn't hear her. All he could think about was saving the love of his life. There was no way that he could let her go.
"Come on!" Derek grunted as he pushed down hard on her chest. "You don't get to do this, Mere. Stay with me…I need you. Stay with me."
"Derek!" Lexie called as she tried to pull him away, but he was too strong.
"If you love me," Derek begged as tears fell onto the thin blankets that covered Meredith's pale form, "If you love me…fight. Stay with me!" It was twenty or so minutes later Derek when Derek was pulled away. Webber pulled him away from the love of his life.
"Derek," he whispered, "You have to let her go." Derek let out another sob. "She's not going to come back." Derek's throat was burning as sobs erupted from the very core of his being. His soul. Lexie was crying herself as Bailey ran into the room. Derek's head was in his hands, his body shaking violently when he heard something that seemed impossible. A single beep sounded from the monitor beside her bed. Lexie was the first to speak.
Yeah I'll curl up with you yeah my baby, yeah my darlin'
Until I die with you…
"Was that a…?" Lexie's voice was dry and cracked as she looked up to see another wave move across the screen. Another beep sounded. At first Derek thought it was a dream, that he was imagining what was happening. But as he looked up, another beep sounded.
"Heartbeat?" Webber finished as all of their eyes became transfixed on the machine.
"She's alive," Bailey whispered in shock. They were all in shock. "Well, I'll be damned." Derek watched as Meredith let out a cough. Her chest shooting up in the air as air was sucked into her now bruised lungs. She let out another cough, followed by a groan. Bailey watched as Derek grabbed her hand. They sat watching on baited breath for a few minutes. Derek watched as her eye lids began to twitch ever so slightly. And moments later, they opened. Her eyelids peeled open slowly…almost as if she were a newborn doing so for the first time. Derek felt the breath sucked from his own lungs as he saw green for the first time in what seemed like forever. She blinked a few times slowly in order to adjust, and squinted in the dim light, almost as if she were completely unused to the sensation of sight.
"Meredith?" Derek's voice was broken, though still incredibly soft and warm as he spoke her name. It took her a moment to register someone had spoke. It seemed like her senses were in delay. She turned her head towards where Derek sat. With a smile Derek reached out and grazed her cheek. She did the same and mirrored his movements. He waited for her first words.
"Why…why are you crying?" she breathed softly as if it were something unjustified. Derek felt as she wiped away his tears.
"No reason," Derek lied, trying to cover up the pain he had been in just moments before. Meredith gave him a quizzical look. "I...I'm just happy," Derek replied honestly. He was happy that god had given him another chance. It was a gift.
"Did it…work?" Meredith asked slowly as she looked around. "The surgery?" She looked over at her right hand for a moment before it rose ever so slowly into the air. Meredith was now crying too as she felt the joy that a renewed life brought.
"Yeah," Derek smiled, "It worked…the tumor is out. You're going to make a full recovery."
"Wow," Meredith breathed as a smile slipped onto her features, albeit, she still looked very weak and frail.
"Yeah," Derek replied in the same manner. He was in shock as well.
"Beth too?" Meredith asked.
"She woke up a while ago," Derek replied, "She's doing just fine. She was quite worried about you though."
"Well," Meredith sighed, "I suppose a congratulations are in order. I'm sure Rose will be very proud of you." Derek let out a deep sigh.
"Rose," Derek repeated.
"Yeah," Meredith spoke happily, "She must be thrilled."
"And you aren't?" Derek asked softly, with a vulnerability that Bailey had never seen before, as she looked on from the other half of the room.
"Or course I am," Meredith tried to laugh. He could tell that it hurt, probably from the compressions he had performed just minutes before. "Me and my currently beating heart thank you most graciously." Derek let out a laugh for the first time in as long as he could remember.
"Mere," Derek breathed as he let the love in his eyes shine through for her.
"Do you think they'll call it the Shepherd method?" Meredith asked cutely. Derek smiled and let out a sigh at the same time.
"That or the Shepherd-Grey method," Derek replied.
"Naw," she teased, "Now why would they do that when I was unconscious for half of the important stuff."
"Maybe its because I couldn't have done it without you," Derek replied honestly before he leant in and kissed her. He felt Meredith deepen the kiss for just a moment before pulling away.
"Rose," Meredith panted, "What about Rose?" Derek smiled.
"You mean you didn't hear me when I was talking to you earlier?"
"No," Meredith shook her head. "What did you say?"
"A million things," Derek confessed, "But what you need to know is…that I'm sorry, and that I love you. I still want everything with you. I want a lifetime. And this time…this time I'll wait for as long as you need. I'll do things right. I broke up with Rose. I don't want to spend my life with anyone else but you."
"You stayed," Meredith smiled innocently, partly in shock as well. "You stayed with me."
"Of course I did," Derek smiled. "I've been here. I love you."
"I love you too," Meredith smiled. She looked at Derek for a long moment. His eyes were the deepest blue she had ever seen. She felt like she was home. Perhaps she would never tell him how close she came to not coming back.
"What?" Derek whispered as he wondered why she was looking at him like she was.
"Thank you," She said finally.
"For…for what?" Derek stuttered as he placed a kiss to her hand.
"For saving me, silly," Meredith said with a glint in her eyes, "And for being my knight in shining whatever."
"Meredith," Derek teased, "When are you going to understand that I'll always be your night in shining armor?" He kissed her again, very softly, and sensually.
"Someday," Meredith teased back with a great deal of warmth in her eyes, "Maybe…"
"Well," Bailey sighed, feeling like an intruder, "Welcome back Grey. We missed you."
A/N: So it's been an honor! Hopefully you guys like the way I ended the story. Frankly, I came ridiculously close to killing her, and changed my mind at the last minute. I couldn't bring myself to be so cruel. So hopefully you still enjoyed it... I'm kind of nervous about it actually. Please let me know what you think of the finished product! Please Read and Review!