So this one just came into my head again already fully written. It's a tag to "Crossroad Blues" back in Season 2 - an episode I loved. I REALLY wanted more after that one was done. This tag isn't really happy, it's pretty angsty. But I needed to write it, get it out of my head! I'm not completely pleased with it - there's a few things I'd like to change - but I've tried so many times and I'm stumped, so I hope you guys like it the way it is. :)

There's a second chapter if you want to read more, I'll probably post it in a couple of days.

Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer - Oh if Dean were mine...

The title is from the unreleased demo song by Paul Stanley "When Two Hearts Collide".

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Dean rolled his shoulders uneasily and glanced over at Sam, who was looking straight ahead, face expressionless. Well, maybe not completely expressionless. The bitch-face was kind of there.

Dean let out a tiny sigh and looked away. Crap, he hated the awkward silences.

He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, hating that his hands were getting sweaty. And a little sore from holding the wheel so tightly.

If Sam was going to yell at him, couldn't he just get it over with already? The suspense was scaring him. A little. Not that he'd ever tell Sam that.

He spotted a motel sign up ahead and quickly pulled over. To be honest, he was tired. And seriously getting uncomfortable sitting in the car with his silently furious brother.

He parked, and turned to face Sam. "Sammy…"

But Sam was already climbing out of the car, bitch-face securely in place now. Without a word, he headed for the office to get a room.

Dean sighed and slumped back against the seat. Great. Just great. Sam was so not making this easy.

He waited until Sam had come back into sight, and then he got out of the car and followed his brother inside their room.

No sooner had the door shut behind him, Sam turned around.

"How could you do it, Dean?"

There it was. As much as Dean was not looking forward to this conversation, a yelling, pissed off Sam was much better than a silent, furious Sam.

"Sam…" Dean tried, but Sam cut him off again.

"I mean, I just don't get it. After everything, Dad's deal and knowing how this stuff works and how it ruins lives, and – and everything you still considered it! You still were thinking about selling your soul! So Dad could come back!"

Sam's face was livid, and Dean involuntarily took a step back. He had to admit Sam was a little scary when he was like this.

"Sam, I…" he tried again.

"No, Dean, don't even think about telling me you weren't considering it! Because I KNOW you were!"

"So what if I was?" Dean finally managed to get in. "So what, Sam? The demon said that Dad was…" he stopped, swallowing. "Dad's really in Hell, Sam. He's really there, because of me. He's suffering and burning because of me."

All of Dean's old guilt had returned tenfold tonight, and once again that horrible weight had settled on his chest, threatening to crush the breath out of him. Already, it was getting heavier as he talked to Sam, making his throat tight and his eyes burn.

"No, Dean!" Sam yelled. "He is NOT there because of you, he's there because of HIM! It was HIS choice, HIS life, HIS deal!"

"But it's my fault."

Dean's voice was quiet. He didn't have the energy to fight tonight. Not with the demon's words still ringing his ears, images of his Dad screaming and burning floating around in his head.

"Dean, no it's not!" Sam was still yelling, but not as loud. "It's not your fault! You didn't DO anything! Was it your fault that the demon possessed Dad? Was it your fault we had the accident? No. You couldn't have stopped any of those things, no more than I could have! So if you're gonna keep on blaming someone, why don't you give me a turn? I couldn't save you. I couldn't stop Dad from making the deal. Maybe it's all MY fault!"

Sam's eyes were blazing, arms thrown wide. He looked even bigger than usual.

"Or how about you blame Dad? He's the one that started all this!"

Dean wasn't aware that he had moved until he suddenly had Sam against the wall, fists twisted in his shirt.

"Don't you DARE blame Dad. Don't you…"

He could feel his chin quivering, hated himself for being so close to tears.

"Dad just did what he thought was best! Don't say this is his fault, it ISN'T, it isn't."

Sam watched him, not struggling. "Well then, whose fault is it, Dean? Cause it sure as hell isn't yours."

Dean blinked at him, trembling.

"Dean, you've gotta stop blaming yourself! It wasn't your fault. Dad made his decision. And I'll tell you something, I'm sure glad he did."

Dean dropped his hands, backing up, gaping.

"You're – you're glad? How can you…"

"I don't mean I'm glad he's gone," Sam cut in quickly. "I mean I'm glad you're still here."

Dean drew in his breath shakily, watching Sam with desperate eyes, waiting for him to continue.

"Dean, if Dad hadn't made that deal, then you'd be dead. Dean, they had to bring you back… you DIED."

Sam's voice cracked on the last word, tears were pooling in his eyes at the memory.

"If Dad hadn't made that deal, you'd be gone. And I'd still be here, in this craphole of a world, without you." He locked eyes with Dean. "And you know something? I can't think of anything worse."

Dean shook his head, looking away, but Sam moved forward and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to look.

"Dean, I'm serious. I'm not happy Dad's dead. But I AM happy that he saved you."

Dean met his eyes, blinking furiously to keep the tears at bay.

"And I need you to understand – please, Dean – what it would do to me if you had made that deal tonight."

Dean had nothing to say, and even if he did, he didn't think he'd be able to say it his throat was so tight.

"I can't live without you, Dean. And I won't. You understand me? I know you hate to think that Dad's suffering. But you know what, if there's one man that could withstand Hell and… I dunno, maybe even get out somehow – it's Dad."

Dean couldn't help smiling a little. Good old Dad. Tears burned his eyes anyway, he missed his dad so freaking much.

Sam squeezed his shoulder, eyes no longer livid, back to dark and puppy-dog.

"Please, Dean. Don't ever think about making a deal for Dad again. Please."

Dean sniffed, trying to pull himself together.

"Sam…"He stopped as his voice cracked, and cleared his throat. He couldn't look at Sam. "I appreciate what you're saying, man, I really do. But… how do I go on without Dad? I miss him so much, Sammy." He didn't want to look at Sam's sympathetic eyes, he knew if he did he would cry. And he was so not crying. "It just feels like… like this big empty hole inside me and it hurts so bad."

A little voice in his head was screaming You don't have to tell Sam this! What are you doing? Do you want him to think you're weak? Do you want him to see that you really ARE weak? Stop now.

But for some reason he wanted Sam to know. Wanted Sam to understand why he'd considered making the deal, why he was acting the way he was lately.

"I just… I just want him back so bad, Sammy." Dean's voice cracked again, he rubbed a hand over his face hurriedly, cursing those stubborn tears.

"I know." Sam's voice was soft. "I miss him too, Dean."

Dean couldn't stop now. "So when I heard the demon say… I dunno, I just thought… ten years, it's…" he stopped, he could feel Sam's eyes burning into him.

"Ten years is what, Dean?"

There was tension in the air again.

"I dunno." Dean didn't want to say 'a long time', like he'd been thinking. He knew ten years wasn't really a long time, but it seemed like enough, if he had Dad back. Ten more years with Dad, and Sammy, back to being a family? It was all he'd ever wanted.

"A long time?" Sam finished it anyway, like he could read Dean's mind.

Dean had a vague thought of "that's a little creepy" before Sam blazed on.

"It's not a long time, Dean! It's only ten years! And then what would I do without you? Huh? Then I'd be here with Dad, alone, and yeah I love the man but it's DAD, Dean. I'd kill him in a few minutes and then that would be it!" Sam's words would have been funny any other time, but he said them with the straightest face, and Dean knew he wasn't joking in the slightest.

"Maybe you'd have met someone by that time, Sammy. You'd be okay." Dean knew he was treading on dangerous ground, but right now he honestly didn't care. The empty pit inside of him was so big right now, he felt like it was going to swallow him.

"Maybe I'd have MET SOMEONE?" Sam was yelling like Dean hadn't heard him yell in ages. He couldn't help flinch a little. "Dean who CARES if I met someone? Do you really think I'd be happy if you were gone? You're my BROTHER, Dean. My BROTHER. Not just some random guy I've only known for a couple of years!"

Sam was starting to pace now, running one hand through his hair in frustration.

"Sammy…" Dean started to say, but for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Sam interrupted.

"No, Dean. Just shut up, okay? If all you're gonna say is stupid stuff that doesn't even make any sense and you should know better than just shut up!" Sam's eyes were glistening with tears again. "You know, I've tried and I've tried to make you see how much you mean to this family – to me – but God, sometimes I feel like I've gotten nowhere, Dean! I just don't know what to do anymore."

He stopped pacing and sat down on Dean's bed, putting his head in his hands.

Dean watched him from where he was standing, not sure what to do. He knew Sam cared about him. He knew that. But he honestly thought Sam would be okay without him. Hell, he'd been alright for those two years he'd been at Stanford. Hadn't even called. So what was the difference?

He was caught between fighting back tears and trying to think of something to say when Sam stood up.

"You know what, Dean… I'm done with this. I can't keep…" he stopped, and for one heart-stopping moment, Dean thought he was going to say he was leaving. But then, "I'm going to bed."

Sam brushed past him and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him with a quiet click, leaving his brother standing motionless, a single tear escaping and tracking its way down his cheek.

TBC

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What did you think? Please review on the way out and let me know. :)