Disclaimer: I don't own YuYu Hakusho.

The following story is based on the song "Your Horoscope for Today" by Weird Al. It was just something random I came up with. And to be honest, I had a ton of fun writing this.

So... yeah.

Anyways, I hope y'all like this. So, for your reading pleasure, here's chapter one of "Your Horrorscope for Today." And would you be so kind as to review?

Sagittarius–

"All your friends are laughing behind your back...

Kill them."

Who would have thought that something so harmless – well, two things, actually – could turn out so wrong? That so many people would be hurt?

It was the beginning of June; school was out, and my birthday was coming up. My brother and I had been together for almost a year – I knew he would remember, but I doubted he expected me to. I was too spoiled, to remember something like that.

But I would surprise him. I would do something nice for him. Even more surprising, I would do it on a day supposed to be totally centered on me.

It didn't quite work out that way.

I wanted to do something special for him. But I also wanted to get him a gag gift. I couldn't think of what, though. Nothing I thought of was good enough; it was all much too obvious, not creative at all.

I'd ask the others for help, I decided. I'd explain to them and ask them for their input. They knew him as well as I did. They'd be able to help me, I was sure.

I just needed to find a reason to call them all together without raising my brother's suspicion...

All the while I was thinking, trying to figure out what to get him, I found my reason. I was sitting at the computer in my room. I had a music downloading program open, and I was absentmindedly typing random words and phrases – just the first things that came to mind – into the search box to see what would come up.

I typed in "horoscope".

Your Horoscope for Today, by Weird Al Yankovic, came up. I hadn't heard of it, but I wondered. I wondered what he could have to say about horoscopes, how he could make them funny.

I clicked download.

I'd found my reason to call them together.

They had to hear this. They absolutely had to hear this. It was hilarious.

- -

Kari was lounging on her bed, a portable CD player in her lap. "Okay, everybody, you know about horoscopes?"

"You mean those things that you read in the paper every day?" Kuwabara asked as his sister lit a cigarette. "That, like, tell your fortune?"

Kari wrinkled her nose. "Shizuru, put that out, please. My mother will smell that." She turned to address Kuwabara. "Sorta, yeah. But please don't tell me you actually believe in them. Horoscopes are a bunch of mumbo-jumbo nonsense."

Some of the people assembled started to protest. Horoscopes, nonsense? No way!

"Tell them," the girl called to her brother, Kurama, over the noise. "Tell them horoscopes are a bunch of mumbo-jumbo nonsense."

Kurama chuckled, and it got quiet. "It's true," he said. "The horoscopes themselves are absolute nonsense – human creations. Though the astrological signs, and the qualities traditionally attributed to them, are quite accurate."

"So... I'm not going to have unexpected monetary gain today?" Kuwabara asked. He sounded disappointed, like he had really been counting on that.

"Most likely not."

Then it was quiet again.

"So let's hear the damn song," Yusuke demanded, impatient as ever.

"Wait. I want to know everyone's sign first."

Everyone – except Kurama and Hiei – named off their signs. They even added the signs of people who weren't present – namely Atsuko and Genkai.

"What about you?"

"I'm a Gemini," Kari answered with a smile. Then she said, "Okay, I want everyone to really pay attention to their own horoscope."

And she hit play.

The song ended, and the protests began again, more of them this time. Everyone seemed to find all the horoscopes but their own funny.

"That is the sort of thing you would do, though, Kuwabara. Freeze your tongue to the back of a bus."

Kari started giggling. Yusuke was right. It was so easy to imagine.

"I would not, Urameshi!" Kuwabara started heading for Yusuke, but Kari jumped up and got between them.

"Hey, hey, whoa – no fighting in the house. Take it outside." She caught her brother's eye and mouthed, "Go get some food."

He nodded and left.

"Okay," she said once he was out of hearing range. "Here's the thing." And she explained the situation to them.

"Lingerie," Yusuke suggested immediately, which earned him a slap from Keiko.

Kari smiled. "I already thought of that." She started shaking her head. "Not good enough. Too obvious."

They threw around some more ideas. Nothing pleased her, nothing was good enough.

Finally, Kaitou made a suggestion.

Everyone went silent and turned to stare at him. Kari blinked and them burst into laughter. "That's perfect!"

The Detective started laughing too. "Oh, man! I'd love to see his face when you give him that!"

Everyone joined in then, even Hiei. Kurama's face – it would be too funny.

"What joke did I miss?"

The laughter stopped abruptly as Kurama walked into the room. Kari got back up from her bed, still chuckling, and grabbed the tray of food he held. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it," she told him.

His eyes followed him as she went around, offering the food. If they wouldn't tell him... they must have been laughing about him, then.

Some friends they were – laughing behind his back. They'd pay.

Oh, would they pay.

- -

Later, he remembered his horoscope according to Weird Al. "All your friends are laughing behind your back... Kill them."

Why not? Who would stop him, if he really wanted to? If he was clever enough, did this well enough... Who would be able to stop him?

Even better, he'd kill them according to their own horoscopes. He hadn't been paying attention when everyone had named off their signs. But his sister had, he knew.

He got up and walked over to her room, opening the door without bothering to knock. "Kari-chan?"

She had had her back to the door, but she turned when he called her name. "Yes?"

He was glad their mother was not home yet. He hoped to distract her, for then she'd be more likely – much more likely – to give him what he wanted.

And he couldn't distract her in the most effective way if their mother was around.

Walking toward her, he put his hands on her hips and held her close to him. "Do you remember everyone's astrological signs?"

"You realize we know at least one person with each sign?" she asked. When he didn't answer, she continued. "I'm a Gemini, Kuwabara is an Aquarius..."

- Kuramastrass -