Regrets. I have so many. Sitting here in the rain, I think about so many times when I could have said something, should have said something, but I never did.
Would things have been different, if I had opened my mouth, put aside my inhibitions, and said what I thought?
I'll never know.
And now, only my heart still beats to keep the secrets that only I know. And the rain keeps falling. Until, until....
"Cloud?"
That voice. It can't be. I'm hidden here, so far away from prying eyes and the harsh electric lights that seem to shine down from heaven, uncovering every thought that I kept to myself.
Why?
The voice speaks again, and strong arms wrap around my shoulders.
"Cloud, are you ok?"
Ok? No, I'm not ok. Can't you see that? I'm forever scarred. Forever marred, forever broken. And you aren't really here. There's no one left to me now.
"Cloud, I'm here."
No, you're not. It's an illusion, a cruel trick that my overactive and currently exausted mind is playing on me. Tears fill my eyes, blurring the landscape and mingling with the rain as they fall.
"Cloud. Why are you crying?"
Because. Because, I'm alone. So alone. It' all my fault that you're not here. You're gone, Aerith is gone, everyone who cared for me is lost. And it's all my fault.
"Cloud, please!"
I hear the plea, and it only makes me cry harder. Please what? I can't go back, can't erase my fault, my fear, my losses. But you feel so near, so close, so warm. Oh, if I could only have you back, for just a moment, I could die happy.
"Die happy? Cloud, don't die. Don't leave me."
Did I speak aloud? No, I don't think so. My mind is just supplying words for you from my thoughts. Just go away, figure. Stop trying to get me to look at you. I won't look, because you'll fade away. And I can't bear to lose you again.
"You never lost me. I've always been here, and I always will be."
I can't help it. I lean back, into you. Your arms feel so real, I can feel the solidness of your chest against my back. I can even smell you, the scent so uniquely you, through the rain. How cruel of my mind to let me have this much of you, just to leave me cold and broken again when you fade away.
"Cloud. Open your eyes. Look at me."
I can't resist. Your arms move to adjust my light weight, cradling me against you. I feel the roughness of your sweater against my cheek. And I open my eyes, to look, and look up at you. My angel, my love. You look just like I remember. Your dark hair is wet with the light rain, but your cobalt eyes are wet with your own tears. Why are you crying?
"Cloud."
You lightly touch my hand as it caresses your cheek. Kiss the palm, the way you used to. Oh, god, please. I wanted this, didn't I? Just one more time. You pull me down, so far into the making of us that I don't know where you end and I begin. And the rain falls down around us, a sheltering, warm curtain. Will I awake alone in the morning? I don't know, and for now, as I hold you so close that it seems our hearts touch, I don't care. I have you now, and the now is all that matters.