The Road Less Travelled

John understands the choice Teyla's making. It's not the choice he'd make, but this is her life and John doesn't get a say in it.

Maybe it makes him a little harsher with her than he might be. It's true that he can't hold off forever, waiting for her to decide between her family and her team; it's also true that he could have given her a heads-up to say they'd found a lead on Ronon's whereabouts.

Maybe he was afraid she'd say she couldn't leave her son.

Still, when it came to Tyre's lead, she handed off her son to Woolsey, was there with them in the Wraith lab, getting Ronon back. In the anxiety of that mission, of imprisonment and betrayal, of watching Ronon go through the stages of withdrawal, John didn't ask if she'd made a decision. Then wasn't the time, not with Ronon's life and sanity in the balance.

Now is the time.

"I have thought about what you said, John, about making a decision."

"Well, good." He can feel his stomach at war, though, as they stride through the near-empty corridors of the night-time city. "So, what's happening?"

After Torran was born, after they were settled back in Atlantis, John promised himself he wouldn't blame her for wanting to be with her son, for making him her first priority. A new mother, in a city like Atlantis, with a child to raise? No-one would look sideways at her choosing to stay off the team and take up a more diplomatic and negotiatory role in the life of the city.

"What we do is important. I believe that more with every day that goes by. And yet...there is my son."

Only John knows of the deep breath he takes in and lets out, of the bitter sense of regret. This is how it ends, then. It'll never be the same.

Sitting in the cold cell of the Wraith lab with the sinking knowledge that Ronon was temporarily lost to them, Rodney had dominated the room with his endless nattering and his unceasing movement. Still, beyond that, John was very aware of Teyla standing so still by the doorway looking out. And he'd known that, more than Ronon, she was thinking of her son.

"He needs you," he says, and is grateful that his voice doesn't show the ache that's got a hold of him like a sore tooth. He's learned to act casual when he's hurting, although it's not always successful.

"Yes," she agreed. "I will be there for him whenever we are in Atlantis."

It takes him a moment to realise what she's saying. "You're coming back?"

"If you will have me on your team." Her smile is wry, and a little uncertain.

"Teyla, I only thought you'd want to be with your son."

"I do," she says. "And I will, when we are in the city. When we are away, Kanaan is willing to look after him."

John nods. He can accept that Torran comes with Teyla now, and he's determined to deal with the fact that, with Torran comes Torran's father. The three Athosians are inseparable in ways that John can't fight and won't. He's had his share of hopeless odds; this isn't going to be one of them. "He doesn't mind being a stay-at-home dad?"

"He does not," she says, but there's a moment of hesitation before she answers. John wonders at the hesitation, but only for a moment; her relationship with Kanaan of Athos has nothing to do with him.

Teyla's back on his team. That's what matters.

She pauses at an intersection. "John." By day, this corridor is full of people; right now, it's quiet. "I know it is not the traditional custom of Lantean women to leave their children to return to work."

"It's not entirely unknown..."

"But nor is it wholly supported," she counters, and he wonders who she's been talking to. "But I have spoken of this with Kanaan. This is something that I must do. That only I can do."

A momentary vision rises in his mind - of Teyla curled up in the Athosian man's arms in their bed, discussing her future and their child's. John blocks it out.

He doesn't question her certainty. Some things can't be explained with the mind - John learned that a long time ago. That Atlantis is his home is one; that Teyla is necessary in the fight against the Wraith is another; that she's more important to him than she should be is still another.

This isn't going to be easy for her - the road less-travelled, so to speak - and consequently, it won't be easy for him or their team-mates, either. But they're in this together. All for one and one for all, as Rodney reminded him after he told Teyla she had to make a decision.

"You don't have to explain yourself," he tells her and sees her expression soften and a little of the tension go out of her shoulders.

God, did she think he was going to hassle her about staying? About leaving? It's not the choosing that he minded - he'd rather know the worst and deal with it - it was the not-knowing that strung him up as far as organising his team went. Okay, so maybe he was worried on a more personal level - that she'd choose her son and Kanaan over her team and Atlantis. But he would have dealt with it once he knew.

He just had to know first, and now he does.

They're not going to lose Teyla. He can let the 'why' of it go.

"Did you wish to speak to Mr. Woolsey, or should I?"

The prospect of talking to Woolsey again isn't one he regards with enthusiasm. He worked out how to deal with Elizabeth early on; and Carter was military herself, he could rely on certain strictures and protocols with her. Woolsey is very much not the norm, although John gives the man points for trying.

"Uh, you can."

Teyla tilts her head at him, with the glittering assessment that terrifies him more than the thought of a full dressing-down from his superiors: his superiors see what he wants them to see, Teyla sees a lot more. Assessment flashes into amusement. "You do not wish to see Mr. Woolsey again, John?"

He makes a face. "I'll pass."

The smile that curves her lips teases him, but she only bids him goodnight and heads off towards Woolsey's quarters.

"Teyla." John calls before she's gone too far. "It's good to have you back."

Her head turns back to him, and her eyes soften in a wry smile. "You never lost me, John."

He thinks of three weeks of hunting high and low for her, following every rumour, chasing every wild goose. He thinks of the weeks since they brought her back, watching her bond with her son and seeing her priorities change. He thinks of the days since Kanaan of Athos came to the city, feeling more and more like he was fighting a war he wouldn't be allowed to win, even if he could.

Perhaps from her perspective, he never lost her; but from John's perspective, it came too close.

He lets her walk away, as always.

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