Cornelius, once known as Lewis in his younger days, glances at his watch as he walks down the hall to get to a teleporter. It was close to six, but that was still pretty early for him to be home. They weren't expecting him to be home for a while. Maybe he'll sneak off into the lab for a while before making himself known. Passing by his son's bedroom, he was astonished to see that Wilbur's bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. He walks into the room to get a better look. The envelope was addressed to him in Wilbur's bad, rushed cursive. Cornelius picks up the envelope and a wave of emotions crashed over him. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope with trembling fingers, and read the letter:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend and I'm leaving this note because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she'svery nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.
She owns a cabin in the deep woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children together. Stacy has also opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit you and the family, so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your son Wilbur

Cornelius stood frozen as if he had turn to stone. He clenches the letter, wrinkling it. How could this happen? How was he suppose to tell Franny? Wilbur was out there with some girl he had never met, planning to live as some crack dealing hippie!
He glances over the letter again, realizing that there was a small part he had overlooked.

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. That's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

"...I'm going to kill him."