A/N: Yo!

Sorry for the uber-long delay! Huge apology can be found at the butt of this chapter :3

Enjoy!

Last time in OTT...

WHAM.

The sound of a body hitting the floor brought the dazed schemer back to his senses; and what only could be described as pure and utter dread pooled deep within his gut when his eyes befell on what lay on the floor blocking the doorway to Roxas' room...

Zexion blinked.

There, lying completely motionless in the midst of the open doorway was Saix.

Not what he had expected at all.

'Oh shit.'

Instead of the mangled remains of Axel's body (which, he had to admit would have been far more pleasing to the eye), he found himself faced with a very comatose berserker - felled by a well-aimed keyblade to the back of the head no less.

"..."

"Damn that felt good."

Zexion didn't know whether bestow a knighthood upon the Key of Destiny for slaying the 'unslayable'... or to backhand him into the next world for being so utterly reckless.

In the end, it was his temper that made the choice for him.

"Roxas!"

"What?"

"What? What?! Look at him! Look at him Roxas!"

The schemer leaped to his feet, physical pain long forgotten as he thrust a finger in the direction of the stationary Luna Diviner.

"You defiled a Superior! You broke one of Xemnas' golden rules! You! You -!"

He paused in his frantic pacing to spare Roxas' pale face a passing glance, a devious grin dancing across his thin lips before he added:

"You knocked. Saix. Out."

Roxas gaped.

"I - I didn't mean -"

"Woah woah woah! He what?"

Apparently, Axel had registered that Saix was no longer following him with murderous intent... and had come to investigate as to why that was.

It went without saying that the prospect of his best friend taking down Saix was like music to his ears. Proof of said proclamation (in the form of Saix sprawled out on the deck like a cheap throw rug) was even better.

"Roxas! Alright!"

"Shut up Axel -"

"- and Zexion? Gettin' in touch with your 'Axel' side huh?"

The schemer winced at the very thought of being likened to the Flurry of Dancing Flames.

"As a matter of fact, that -" he motioned to the fallen Saix, "- was solely the doing of XIII. I was -"

"Lying on the floor in the fetal position, screaming about the pain in your cro -"

"It doesn't matter where I was." Zexion snapped, shutting Roxas up with a icy glare. "All that matters is what we're going to do with him."

Axel outright smirked.

"I like this subject of conversation. Think of the possibilities! Hey Roxas! You got one of those pens with permanent ink? I always wondered what Saix would look like with a moustache -"

Roxas barely got the chance to check his pockets before a persistent Zexion intervened.

"We are not, under any circumstances, indulging in pointless shenanigans involving permanent markers, skin or the removal of one's hair."

"Oh come on!"

"No Axel."

"Killjoy."

"Hmph."

5 Minutes of Pointless Bickering Later...

"Imbecile."

"Dumbass."

Roxas had had enough. One more lame insult, and someone was going to get key'd.

"Would you both just shut up!"

Both Zexion and Axel silenced immediately, two pairs of widened eyes staring at the normally quiet boy in disbelief.

"Since when did you grow a backbone?"

"Since he started hanging out with me." Axel chuckled, slinging an arm over the blonde's shoulder. "Right man?"

"One of Xemnas' more foolish mistakes..." Zexion muttered.

The pyro frowned.

"What was that shorty?"

"Can we just stop arguing and figure out what we're going to do with Saix before he wakes up?" Roxas pleaded, keen to avoid further confrontation between numbers VI and VIII that would prolong Saix's presence within his room.

"Hmm."

Stroking his chin several times before deciding upon an ingenious course of action, Axel cautiously took a step towards Saix.

No movement.

Another step was taken, followed by another. A final hop, slip and a trip, and Axel was stood right next to Saix's body.

Still being extremely careful as far as swift movements were concerned, the Flurry of Dancing Flames slowly crouched down to get himself an eyefull of his conked out comrade.

"It's not looking good guys." he inspected, lifting a lock of blue hair with a grimace. "I say we rid ourselves of all evidence and throw him in a dumpster."

"Axel."

Ignoring Zexion's reprimand, the other man gave a low whistle as he gently pulled back Saix's upper lip - leaving the trio with a view of a perfect set of sharp, pearly white -

"Damn! Look at the size of those teeth."

"Is he dead?" Roxas inquired, his anxiety clear in his tone.

"No." Zexion answered, he himself having moved toward Saix's body to get a closer look. "He's just unconcious."

"You're sure he won't wake up?"

Zexion would have provided Roxas with the affirmative that he so wanted to hear, but Axel's loud mouth beat him to it.

"Nah. I don't think so. Wouldn't hurt to check though..."

To prove his point, Axel roughly prodded Saix in the back of the head - dangerously close to the area where Roxas' keyblade had hit home.

"Axel!"

"Axel! What the hell do you think you're -?!"

"Zexion. Stop being such a chicken shit. That keyblade's heavier than it looks. He's not gona wake up. Heh, watch this..."

Before either Zexion or Roxas could stop him, the cocky pyro swatted the diviner over the back of the head with a loud 'thwack'.

No movement... with the exception of Saix's head pivoting to the side from the force of Axel's swipe.

"See?"

"That is no excuse for your reckless behaviour." Zexion barked, clearly a little shaken by Axel's daredevilry, "Now make yourself useful and help me move him."

"To a dumpster?"

"No Axel -"

"Then where are we going to put him?" Roxas whined, slightly uncomfortable at the idea of having Saix awaken in his room with a headache from hell.

"We'll take him to his room."

"Boring. I still say we throw him in a dumpster -"

"Once he's in his room -" Zexion continued, ignoring Axel's comment, " - we'll put him in his bed. That way, he'll believe he suffered an injury to the head while out on a mission. If luck is on our side, he'll have mild concussion -"

"Yeah yeah yeah, and for the non-science nerds?"

Zexion sighed.

"For idiots like you Axel, Saix won't be able to remember a thing that that has happened to him... recently. Thus, we shall all be in the clear."

"Yeah? Well I'm still voting for the dumpster. Or a furness! We could -"

"Shut up Axel."

In the end, it had been decided upon that it would be prudent to transport Saix back to his own room... via the dorm hallway.

While Roxas scouted ahead for any potential nobody obstacles, Axel and Zexion were left carrying the berserker by his arms and legs towards his own quarters.

"This sucks. We should've used portals."

"... to a room merely six doors down? How lazy. Though I suppose it is to be expected of you Axel."

"You shut the hell up you fu -"

"In any case, members cannot portal into each other's rooms."

"So how do you plan on gettin' sleepin' beauty here into his room?"

"... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"If we come to it. He weighs a tonne. Got it memorized? My arms might've fallen off by then -"

Zexion almost dropped his half of Saix's body to the ground as Roxas shot around the corner of the hallway like he'd been shot out of one of Xigbar's guns.

"Guys! Xemnas is coming!"

Axel grinned, his emerald eyes shining like beacons as he, unlike Zexion, didn't think twice about dropping Saix's upper body to the ground.

"He is?! Great! Get him to come over here and give 'Sleeping Psycho' a big kiss. That'll wake him up. You know how the stories go. Then we don't have to haul his ass the rest of the way."

Zexion's face contorted itself into a disgusted expression.

"Thankyou for your nauseating input Axel. Though I do believe if that ever occured, Saix would chew Xemnas' face off. "

"Then what's your idea genius?"

"We need to think things through logically. Just don't panic -"

"We could hide him somewhere?" Roxas offered, his eyes widening with every step Xemnas took towards their current position as he peeked around the corner.

"Oh yes! Of course!" Zexion yelled sarchastically, "Let's hide him! Hiding places are in great abundance in a completely empty hallway within a castle filled with nothingness from top to bottom!"

"..."

"Well at least he had an idea. Listen, Roxas. You gotta go stall him man."

"What?!"

"Keep him talking while we sneak through a dark corridor." Axel shrugged, grabbing a hold of Saix's arms.

"But what do I say?!"

"Just talk to him as if Kingdom Hearts shines out of his ass."

"Augh! No way!"

"Roxas, there's nothin' wrong with ass-kissing yourself out of a sticky situation. Saix here weedled his way up to second in command kissing ass -"

"I would disagree with you on that one Axel. Saix is second in command purely because he scares the living moogles out of everyone else." Zexion countered.

"Yeah yeah and Marluxia's Lord of Castle Oblivion..."

"... he is."

Axel snorted. "Exact - wait! He's what?! Since when?!"

"You really don't pay attention in meetings do you?"

"Does anyone?"

"Guys!" Roxas wailed, "He's coming!"

Huffing, Axel reached within his pocket to pull out a small piece of paper.

"Here. Ask him about this. It'll keep him talking."

"But -!"

Before Roxas could ask, Zexion, Axel and Saix had vanished into the depths of a corridor of darkness.

"..."

"Roxas? What are you doing out here?"

The deep, monotonal voice had heralded Xemnas' approach, and Roxas sheepishly rubbed the back of his head like the kid who'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Uh... actually superior, I wanted to... to ask you something..."

A silver brow arched with curiosity.

"Oh?"

The boy's eyes ran over the words upon the piece of paper Axel had given him, and immediately a dark flush spread across his features.

Axel was going to pay for this.

"I... um."

If possible, Xemnas' silver brow arched further.

"Yes?"

Swallowing his pride, Roxas blurted what had to be the most embarrassing question he had ever found himself having to ask in his entire life... to the worst possible person.

"Wheredobabiescomefrom?"

A few minutes and a series of grumbles and curses later, Zexion and Axel had both rather unceremoniously dumped Saix into his bed. Thankfully, due to some sort of sheer luck on their part, the door to room number VII was broken - left hanging on its hinges in the aftermath of Saix's previous rampage.

"Damn he's heavy. You hear that Saix?" Axel growled, leaning down to yell in the diviner's pointed ear. "You're a FAT ASS."

"Axel, quiet down -"

"And look! He gets a queen-size bed! All I've got is a shoebox - !"

"You have a single like the rest of us Axel. Now stop moaning. You're giving me a headache."

"The rest of us huh? So a queen-size must be a perk of being second in command. Xemnas gets a king-size... and we all get shoeboxes or sardine cans! I mean, I'm taller than Saix! If anyone needs a bigger bed, it's me!"

"If Lexaeus can cope with a single, surely you can."

"No I can't! Not now that I know he's got a queen-size!"

"Axel -"

The Flurry of Dancing Flames huffed.

"Queen Saix. Royal pain in my ass..."

Where Axel was occupying himself with screaming all the insults he had ever uttered about the Luna Diviner to his face in the knowledge that he wouldn't be mauled on site, Zexion's wandering eyes had led him to Saix's bookshelf, along with his... interesting choice of literature.

'Advanced Lunar Activity'

'The Art of Divination'

'1001 Fun Ways to Dispose of Your Colleagues!'

'Get Away With Murder! Disposing of Your Intolerable Boss - Tried and Tested!'

Zexion blanched.

'My God. What was Xemnas on when he hired him?!'

The pair were so occupied in their own little affairs that they failed to notice a distraught Key of Destiny stumble in through the doorway, his face void of all expression and colour.

"Roxas! What took ya so long man? Hey, you look a little peaky..."

Zexion absently noticed that the boy's arms and legs were shaking... and that his eyes were watering.

"Roxas? Are you alright?"

"Xemnas."

Axel snickered.

"Yeah, Xemnas has that effect on people."

Roxas' hand balled itself into a fist.

"YOU TOLD ME TO ASK XEMNAS WHERE BABIES COME FROM?!"

Zexion abruptly dropped the book in his hands.

"What?!"

The youngest male sobbed.

"The piece of paper Axel gave me! He told me to ask Xemnas what was written on that paper! Well guess what Axel?! It kept him talking alright!"

Axel blinked owlishly, scratching his head in confusion.

"Huh? Paper? Oh! Oh shit! I must've gave you the wrong one! That was meant for Demyx as a dare a couple o' weeks ago! He was meant to ask Vexen that one. Heh heh... yeah."

Roxas didn't seem to find the situation as funny as his best friend.

In an attempt to rid himself of mortifying memories of his conversation with Xemnas, he began thumping his head against Saix's bookcase.

"Roxas. Stop it. You could wake Saix."

'Thump. Thump. Thump.'

"Oh come on man. It can't have been that bad!"

The blonde merely looked at them, his big doe-eyes brimming with tears in the dawn of the destruction of his mind's innocence.

"Oh yeah?"

Clearing his throat, Roxas gave Axel a taste of the horrors he had experienced only moments previous, in a perfect imitation of Xemnas' voice.

"Babies are created during the process of of sexual intercourse, which, providing you take the time to do it properly, is usually an activity that follows foreplay -"

The Key of Destiny visibly shuddered as memories of Xemnas' explanation of 'foreplay' hit him like a runaway train.

While Zexion had the courtesy to keep his expression completely blank, the rude Axel hollered so hard, he almost tumbled backwards onto the sleeping Saix.

"HAHAHAHAHA!"

"It's not funny Axel!"

A whimper escaped the boy's quivering lips, before once again, he began to beat his head against the diviner's library.

... and then the power of force broke loose.

The tremors caused by Roxas' self-harm shook the entire bookshelf... and one by one the books on the topmost shelf began to topple over.

"..."

It was like some sick game of dominoes. Only, at the end of such a game, the players usually weren't bludgeoned to death by their homicidal housemate for interrupting his slumber.

Not to mention they were in his room - the nobody equivalent to the lions den.

"Roxas look out!"

In the nick of time, just as the mountain of books fell from their shelves, Zexion leaped forward to grab gawking the boy's hood, yanking him back to safety while Axel tactfully slammed his hands over Saix's ears to block out the noise.

"..."

There was a tense moment as the dust cleared, and all was quiet... save for Axel's convulsive sneezing.

"Achoo! Ach -! Ach -! Augh! Man! That was a close one. Heh, I don't think he heard anything -"

Roxas hissed through gritted teeth.

"I'd rather he did! Then I wouldn't have to live with images of Xemnas little talk on 'The Birds and the Bees' for the rest of my life! You should've let those books fall on me Zexion."

"You're too useful to the Organization. It's a shame they weren't closer to Axel actually. After all, this is all his fault."

"Is not! I didn't knock all that shit down!"

"Is too and you know it."

"Yeah? Well you're a weasel."

"And you're ginger. Got it memorized?"

His feathers ruffled, Axel slammed his fist on Saix's bedside table.

"Right! That does it! I'll -!"

"Can we just go now please?" Roxas moaned, still nursing his painful head.

"A capital idea Roxas." The schemer nodded. "We don't want to be spending more time here than we need to. Axel?"

The pyro wasn't done yet. Not by a long shot. He wasn't going to let that little creep Zexion shit on the dignity of his awesome hair and his cool catchphrase in one go and let him get away with it.

"I'll go when you two admit that this wasn't my fault." he stated, stubbornly crossing his arms across his chest in a style parroting that of the Silent Hero.

Zexion sighed.

"It was your fault Axel. You angered Saix into pursuing you. If you weren't hiding in Roxas' room in the first place or making foolish bets with numbers X and XI, none of this would've happened."

"..."

"He's right Axel." Roxas agreed. "Now can we go? Please? We can get Seasalt ice cream at the clock tower. My treat -"

"This is all Saix's fault." Axel grumbled, turning his back on the slumbering diviner. "He's an ass-kissing, two-faced prick with schizophrenic issues, bad hair and dog breath -"

"WHAT?!"

"..."

With a swift exchange of fearful glances and an embarrassing shriek from Axel at the sound of Saix's voice, the trio of nobodies dove out the door, the pyro stumbling over the mountain of books in his haste to escape before Zexion.

Had they looked over their shoulders, they would have realised that Saix was in fact still asleep.

Had Axel peered at the book he had tripped over instead of cursing it into the basement of Castle Oblivion, he would've found himself in possession of a very significant piece of reading material:

'Combating Musophobia'

Had they not been in such a hurry to escape, they would have also noticed the tiny, furry white being scuttling into room VII as they left...

Cookies to anyone who knows what 'Musophobia' is ;D

Believe it or not, this story actually has a plot to it (SAYWHAT?!), and over the next chapter (possibly two chapters) everything shall be revealed.

And no. For those with dirty minds, the Organization will not be starring in a strip show. Honestly. Go wash your little brains out with soap ;P

Anyone who reviews gets complimentary cookies baked by my muse... which happens to be Axel at this moment in time. So when I say baked... I mean burned XD They may not be all that tasty, but they make for great missiles! 8D

I'm terribly sorry for the delay with this chapter. It has been in the works for a long time, but I just hadn't the time nor the inspiration to finish it. My horse got really sick, times are hard... and I've been so busy myself that I've been running around like a headless chicken. Inspiration kinda shot down the drain for a while!

... until 358/2 Days reared its head X3

I will stick with this until it's finished. I do aim to have it done be Halloween, but I can't promise deadlines will be met, so bear with me guys! :3

As always, thankyou to everyone who reads this story! Much love to you all!

Until next time! :3