What I've Been Missing

by Damien J. Frost

Disclaimer: Hannah Montana, and all items associated with, are property of Michael Poryes, Richard Correll, Barry O'Brien, It's a Laugh Productions, Disney, et al. There is no profit being gained from the content of this story and it is to be used solely for private entertainment purposes. The plot is the intellectual property of the writer. No parts of this story are to be duplicated or posted elsewhere without the expressed permission of the author.

This story is rated "T" or "PG-13" by the guidelines of the fansite on which it is posted.

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Wow.

My toes are numb. Still. It's been more than an hour.

"Mmmm…"

I open my eyes slowly and see Lilly stretching like a cat. Her back is arched off the bed and the blanket is sliding down, revealing her exquisite body. With one last groan, she flops back to the bed with a thump. She opens her eyes and sees me. The smile that blossoms on her face is instantly matched by mine.

"Morning."

She nods tiredly and looks at her watch. Which she still has on, for some reason. I look at my alarm clock on the other side of her. It reads 3:27.

"That it is."

I close my eyes and stretch lightly.

"That was fun."

When I open my eyes again, I see the smile gone from Lilly's face. She meets my eyes for a moment before she sits up, setting her feet on the floor.

"Lilly?"

She doesn't answer me, and I know something's wrong when she grabs her bra, then her shirt and the rest of her clothes off the floor and dresses quickly.

"Lilly, what's wrong?"

This has all gone wrong. She's at the door, and somehow I know if I let her walk out, nothing will ever be right again. I sit up and clutch the blanket over my naked chest.

"Lilly, stop! What's wrong?"

She stops, thank God. Her hand rests on the handle, and her head on the door.

"Do you know how long I've wanted this?"

Her voice is a whisper, but in the silence of the early morning, I have no trouble hearing it. She turns to me, and now it is her back resting against the door. She keeps her hand on the doorknob.

"Do you have any idea how much I've dreamed about being here, like this?"

I have no idea what she means. We were messing around last night, spilling secrets and doing silly dares. She asked if I ever thought of kissing a girl, and… well, then I couldn't stop myself.

"That wasn't just fun for me, Miley. Everything about last night was better than I could have imagined. Than I have imagined. And I can't have it just be fun."

This isn't making sense. At all.

"Lilly, what are you talking about?"

She sighs and looks up at the ceiling. I see tears in her eyes and my heart breaks. I've always been the one to help her when someone hurt her. What do I do when that someone is me?

"Miley, last night wasn't just some experiment. I wasn't just testing the waters, or whatever other bullshit saying you can think of."

I shake my head, still not understanding. This isn't making sense.

"Lilly, what –"

She takes two fast steps away from the door, and now she's towering over me, even from the end of the bed.

"I'm gay, Miley! I like girls! I like… I like you. God, I'm such an idiot."

I stare at her wide-eyed as she begins to pace. That's not like her. Lilly doesn't pace.

"For a long time, I just thought that was how you felt for your best friend, you know? How you knew it separated them from your other friends. Then, I realized I didn't see Oliver like that – which, might I add, deserves a full body shiver for even thinking of. I started seeing other girls the way boys do. I caught myself eyeing up the sun-worshippers whenever I'd go surfing. I'd check out girls walking through the mall. I even caught a peak or two in the locker room."

She stops pacing and faces me now. I'm surprised to see the tears running down her cheeks. She's managed to keep her voice so level.

"And then, I caught myself looking at you. And I couldn't stop. Oh my God, Miley, you drive me crazy! The way you bite your lip, just a little, when you're thinking really hard about something. And the way your eyes just brighten when you get excited. Or how, when you can't wait to tell me something, your hands just envelope mine. I see all this, and I don't know… I guess I just saw what I wanted. And I can't have this just be some 'fun' Miley. I need something from this. Or… or I can't have anything. Not after tonight. It'd just be too hard."

Lilly sits down on the edge of the bed, facing away from me, and I can hear her crying. I watch as her shoulders heave. I can't move. I have no idea what's going on.

She whips her head around and looks at me, and I feel the tears well in my eyes at the misery in her face.

"Would you please say something?"

I bite my lip, trying to think of something appropriate. I realize there is nothing appropriate. I either feel the same way she does or I don't. Was last night just some "fun?" It was definitely fun.

No. That's the wrong word for it. It was always the wrong word for it.

It was electric. Amazing. Passionate. Sensual. Frenzied at some points. Calm at others.

And loving. Always loving.

I look up at her, and before I can say anything, a smile blossoms on her tear-stained face. Letting go of the blanket still clutched to me, I reach out and grab her nearest hand and pull her to me. When she is close enough, I let go of her hand and cup her face, searching it. Searching her eyes. I need to know that I'm right. That we're right.

They say the average person has six or seven life-altering decisions in the course of their existence, and that most people will never be aware of them until they are long past.

This is one of those moments. And I need to make the right decision.

I close my eyes and slowly lean in to kiss her. Lilly responds immediately, if tentatively, and I feel something flutter in my heart. We continue to kiss, and the fluttering only grows stronger. I've never felt this with anyone else. I don't think I could. It feels like something is filling me up. Like I'd been missing something until this moment.

I don't believe in destiny. I think the idea of it takes away God's gift of free will. But I do believe in soul mates.

And I think I may have found mine.

We break apart and we're both breathing heavy. She looks into my eyes, searching, hoping, just as I did moments before.

I grin and pull her further on the bed.

"I think you have entirely too many clothes on."

Lilly laughs and the sound makes me feel lighter than… anything. I could float away.

As I grab the hem of her shirt to "help" her undress, she grabs my hands and stops me.

"Are you sure? I don't want you feeling like –"

She stops talking when I put a finger to her lips.

"Silly Lilly. You talk too much. I'm sure."

The darkness fades to light in a mesh of skin and silence, touches and sighs. And now, I know what I've been missing.