Worse Than Bloodlust
PG-13/T for suggestive material
Summary: Bella's bored, so Edward introduces her to the computer. Canon pairings.

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"So, what do we do now?" I asked, looking over at Edward's beautiful face. He seemed to ponder this for a moment.

"What? You don't want to continue what we've been doing?" Edward asked, with a suggestive grin.

I smiled. "Well, it's not that it isn't fun; we've just been at it for quite awhile."

"That's true," Edward answered.

"There's also no Volturi to bother us, werewolf issues, or any danger at all…"

"You sound almost wistful," Edward said uncertainly.

"Well, I'm bored!" I said, sitting up and putting my hands on my hips. "It's four in the morning, and since I can't sleep, I need to do something new!"

Edward's face fell.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you dare go all guilty-Edward on me! How many times do I have to tell you, I wanted this!" I nimbly stepped out of bed and walked towards the closet. Even though it had been almost a year since the day we stood up to the Volturi, I was still slightly unnerved at my own grace. I glanced inside the closet and groaned.

"What is it?"

I huffed. "Alice."

"Ah."

"You would think she could just leave my clothes alone. Every time we leave the house for even a second, she finds some way to ruin all my clothes." I pushed away the offending articles and drew deeper into the closet. Wait, yes, there it was. "Ah ha!" I said jubilantly, pulling out a pair of flannel pajamas and putting them on.

When I turned around, Edward was already dressed. Edward breezed to my side. "I believe I have an idea," he whispered in my ear.

"I already said—"

"Not that. Although I wouldn't mind that at all," he said, pulling my arm. "Now, I know you had this thing called a computer. Although, it's ancient by modern day standards."

"You're ancient by modern-day standards."

"Actually, I'm nineteen by modern-day standards. But we digress. Nights do tend to get boring, and computers seem to be a rather lot of fun if you know where to look. For an instance, there's this thing called 'fanfiction', where everyday people write stories about books you read."

I wrinkled my face. "Sounds a little geeky."

"It does, but it's an awful lot of fun. Let me show you."

He brought me to the Dell computer and sat me down in the chair. Pulling up another chair, he started typing in the URL for the site. "So where do you want to go?" Edward asked.

I bit my lip and remembered my copy of Wuthering Heights. "Books," I said, pointing my finger at the screen.

There were three long columns and I perused the top book titles. 1-800-Where-R-You, Enchanted Forest, and O'Malley Series. "Scroll down," I said, looking at the third column.

Knowing where I was going, Edward started scrolling down past the 'R's and the 'S's. Predictably heading to my favorite book. I caught a glimpse of the 'T's and frowned. "Wait, go back."

Edward scrolled back to the top of the page.

"No, to the 'T's."

Edward gave a wry grin and shook his head, but scrolled to the lower middle of the page.

"There," I said, "click on Twilight."

"What's Twilight?" Edward asked curiously.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "I just have a feeling. Something we might want to see."

"So extrasensory perception is now one of your powers?" Edward asked teasingly. "Forty-one thousand?"he asked, clicking on the link.

We stared at the screen.

"Is that…?"

I shook my head. "No way…it has to be a coincidence, right?"

Edward frowned.

"Some of them say "All Human," yet others talk about, umm, Bella, being a vampire before I met, or she met, you, Edward."

Edward tore his face from the screen, and looked at me. "Even when you try to stammer, you're voice sounds beautiful."

"You said that when I was human too," I reminded him, still looking at the screen. "It says Cullens… I think this is us."

Edward turned back to the screen and slowly shook his head. "No way," he said.

"Well, it is kind of cool that there are people writing about us."

"Don't you see?" Edward asked angrily. "This is a fanfiction site. If these characters are us that means someone's been writing our lives out for us! We live and die according to their wishes!"

"Well, we don't die easily…"

"That's not the point! This means, the whole time we've been living or not living, whatever you want to call it, that we've done nothing of our own accord!"

"Edward! Calm down. Maybe it's not really us. Let's read one of them."

Edward's face still look strained but he complied and clicked on one.

"What's this one called?"

"AIM the Cullen Way."

"Informative," I said. "What does "A/N" stand for?"

"Author's note," Edward answered. "It's for extra information about the story."

"So, these people she's talking to, in the bold, underlined formatting, are helping the story?"

"I don't believe so…She seems to be talking to either herself, or her imaginary friends."

"Fascinating," I said sardonically.

"Well, it doesn't always judge the way the story is." He scrolled down.

"She has lengthy conversations," I pointed out, proud of my observational skills.

Finally, we reached the point where the 'A/N' had useful information. It wrote down the instant messenger names complete with who was who.

"I think this is us," I whispered. There was a Bella whose screen name was KclutzyChik, an Edward whose name was HotSmexyVampyre, an Alice whose name SychicVibrtions, and a Jasper who was Emokick. Rosalie was Gorgeousincarnate. Emmet was HuggableTeddy. Even Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme had screen names. ProudDad, SexyDoc, and MotherlyLadyKnivesOfSteel. And then there were two possible ones that might show up later: Renee as BitchyMom and Renesmee has CreepyBabyWithOddName.

"Holy…" I whispered.

Edward didn't even remark on how close I had come to swearing. He read the next line out loud: "There's no Jacob in this because I hate him. I also can't write werewolves, so there won't be any werewolves at all. I also hated Breaking Dawn, so it didn't happen. And Renesmee is just a possibility."

My jaw dropped. "They hate Jacob? How could anyone hate Jacob?" Edward raised an eyebrow. "Well, apart from vampires?" With a slight tilt of his head, Edward conceded, but the little flare was still burning in his eyes. I sighed. "He can't help that he imprinted on Renesmee," I said, once again. It seemed as if we were always having this conversation. "Besides," I began, "I thought you two were getting along better?"

Edward turned back to the screen and scrunched his eyes. "I can't even read this," he said in awe.

"Of course you can, I said offhandedly. "We have terrific eyesight." I turned to the computer and raised an eyebrow. "You weren't kidding," I said breathlessly. "I mean, I know ROFL, but what is the rest of this?"

"It's like they were drunk while they were typing."

"I don't think a single word is spelled correctly. Edward, are these authors even five years old yet?"

Edward shook his head slowly. Again. "I don't know…" He clicked on the author's link.

"Mrs. Isabelle Cullen-Black?" I asked incredulously. "How does that even happen?" Thinking of Renesmee, I thought better of my question. "Never mind," I said.

"She's not a troll," Edward stated in disbelief. "She has forty-three 'stories' all with hundreds of reviews!"

"You know, I thought we didn't have any secrets. But apparently my husband's an internet dork complete with the lingo and definitions," I said.

"A troll is someone who posts trash stories just to anger people and get a rise. They want flamers to flame their stories."

I decided not to ask what 'flamers' were. Although, they didn't sound pleasant.

Edward closed the extra page and hit the back button. "There used to be good stories. At the very least, there can be good stories about us, right?"

I chose not to respond. Not until Edward clicked on the next story. The screen popped up, every word was italicized, and the author's note had been bolded and underlined also. It was the latter that unnerved me.

Hey peeps loyal reviewers future reviewers I need 20 reveiws per chappie Oh Parings r as following: bellaxjasper edwardxemmete rosaliexoc alicexoc maybe a bit fo bellaxemmet and edwardxrosalie.

Edward turned to stare at me.

"I don't like Jasper!" I screeched. "Or Emmett! They can't be serious! Read the rest!"

Only five sentences made the sum of the chapter.

One day Bella realized how muchy she hatesd Edward. He was retardeds. So she was sad and jasper came out and gave her a hug. His emo clothes got in the way but she didn't mind. "jasper." Bella asked. "will you fuck me?" and jasper nodded and took her inside.

"I would never say that!"

"Well, obviously this isn't real because everyone knows you can't swear. And when you do, it comes out garbled and edited beyond belief," Edward said. I think he said it more to convince himself than to prove anything to me.

"Maybe you should read the summaries first. Do they tell you the, umm, pairings?" I asked, stumbling over the last word.

Edward kept scrolling down the pages. Almost every single fiction was dubbed either dubbed 'All Human' or filled with 'BxJ, OCxOC, exe, etcetera.'

"Oh look! There's one that's listed as 'all vamps'. Edward clicked on the link; while everything was spelled correctly, it was one, long, run-on sentence and one paragraph. Hitting the back button, Edward went to the next fiction and read the summary out loud:

"After Edward leaves in New Moon, Bella becomes goth and sings in a band. What happens when three hundred years later, the cullens find her with another guy?! gasp shock Victoria turned Bella that's why she's alive!!"

"I never went goth!"

"Victoria turned you," Edward grounded out, a biting edge to his voice.

"No, she didn't," I said, sighing. "And even if she did get a hold of me, I wouldn't be alive. She wanted to kill me, remember?"

"Yes, I remember," Edward replied scathingly.

"It was your idea to do this," I reminded him. "Why don't we take a break? Do something else?"

"We should leave a review and remind them who we're supposed to be," Edward said.

I rolled my eyes. There was a downside to being a vampire. Apparently, having extra time creates unusual past times. "It's times like these I wish food still tasted good." On cue, Edward looked up with his guilty face. I glared and he went back to the computer. He had minimized the site and opened up Word. He began to type furiously and huffing a little, I left the room.

Forget bloodlust, boredom was the downfall of vampires. Already, boredom had seized hold of me and I found myself more and more curious as to the whole world of fanfiction. Either I was in trouble, or trouble was going to come for me. Again.

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A/N: I have the strangest feeling I will receive some unpleasant reviews for this. However, I do ask for constructive criticism and if the characters are OOC at all. I do know Edward is a little…off. So any help would be nice!

This is not the end! There is at least one more chapter planned.