Dating For Dummies, a naruto fanfic

Authoress' Note: Because lately, I've been sucking badly. Seriously. The ideas aren't flowing correctly, and I thin I'm constipated. Most of my stories, probably, will be put on hiatus. And that is the reality of the matter. Sorry.

But, here's this, which I don't think I'll end up finishing anyway…

I hate procrastination.

P.S. For future reference, there will be no more Authoress' Notes at the beginning of this story. If I do, it'll only confuse me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Dating For Dummies

01: She Who Requires LoveIdiot

"He was in my ear all period asking me if I could get you to date him. I'm so serious, I was like this close to ripping my hair out and slapping him in the face. This guy is such a freak. Like, the loserest of all complete losers. It's pathetic, really."

"Don't you mean lousiest of all losers? 'Loserest' isn't really a word in the English dictionary."

"Well all of us can't have collagantuan brains."

"That… isn't a word either. In fact, I don't even know what that's supposed to be."

"You see what I mean?" Ino stressed, shaking her head exasperatedly. The girl exited the classroom with Sakura at her side, after securing her tote onto her arm. "You're like some language wizard, and me…"

Rolling translucent green eyes, Sakura took the liberty of finishing her sentence. "…you're great at everything else, basically."

Flipping blonde tresses over her shoulder, Ino smiled brightly. "No, I'm not that vain, dear. I mean, I suck at all that other silly stuff we have to do."

Proceeding down the busy hallway at her side, "Oh, and I just remembered, please refrain from insulting Naruto," she ordered, referring to the previous conversation. "So he can be a bit pushy… but at least he's trying. I think it's sweet how he's crushing…"

Ino eyed Sakura incredulously. Said blonde frowned at Sakura's dreamy eyes and rosy cheeks. "Oh my God, so you've lowered your standards? You like Naruto now?"

"No, I don't actually. And you really should stop talking bad about people. It makes you look ugly."

She sighed, "You know you're problem? You're too nice. It's better to just put him down than let him live off of false hope. We all know that you're in love with— " The girl stopped dead in her tacks when she felt a firm pull on her elbow. Ino twirled around to retort, but was instantly silenced.

"Woman, I need it again," the man announced sternly.

"Shikamaru…" And for a long while after, she only stared, remaining completely aware of his hand on her arm.

She blinked.

He frowned.

Sakura was thoroughly disgusted at her actions. "Ino, how about you put your tongue back in your mouth, hun?" Sakura asked, shoving her lightly.

Ino stumbled forward into Shikamaru, who caught her before they could smash heads. She stared up at him with dreamy eyes, while he could only scowl at the bizarre look she was giving him.

"Uh… it's um… right… right here," she managed, standing straight on her own (amazingly). Ino fished around her tote dazedly, before extracting a bright pink notebook. She held it forward.

Slowly, he took the item from her. "Eh, thanks," Shikamaru spare her no further words before he simply walked passed her.

Sakura… well, she was disgusted. Again. Grabbing Ino's arm, they proceeded down the hall once again. "Real smooth, Ino. Seriously! I thought you were some love guru! And then you see a guy you like, and you go all robotic!"

"I…" Realization dawned upon her. "Oh my god! Did I really just act like that?! Damn I suck!" Ino grasped her hair frustratingly, determined to pull the locks out of her head. "I was so lame! And you didn't even help, Sakura! I would have helped you with Sasuke!"

Disregarding the comment, she reached the stairs, while still pulling Ino along. "It was too entertaining. Besides, I don't need help with Sasuke. You need help with Shikamaru, because whenever he's around, you turn into some babbling idiot. I bet the highpoint of your day is when he asks to see your notes, right?"

"No! I-it's not! I just…" Ino paused. "I can't say anything smart when he's around. I can't say anything period! I'm afraid of sounding stupid."

"Oh, right. Like you didn't sound stupid back there?"

"Sakura!"

She giggled. "Yeah, sorry. But seriously, I can help you. There's this site called love idiot dot com, you should go there." Sakura pushed the door open, allowing Ino through before she followed. "There's this blog/advice journal thingy."

"That's ridiculous. Yamanaka Ino does not take love advice. That's just incredibly pathetic, even for you."

"What was pathetic was your googly eyes and that massive, really obviousblush," Sakura joked, retrieving a key to their dorm room. After opening the previously locked door, she entered unceremoniously, allowing the scent of ramen to fill her nostrils.

Ino took the liberty of switching on the light, illuminating a scattered room. She dumped her things on the floor, and removed her shoes sloppily before plopping on her bed. "Sakura, what's wrong with you? Why would you assume that even for a second, I'd take love advice from some self-proclaimed romance guru?"

"I— I-I mean she, yeah I think it's a she," she corrected nervously. Sakura pulled her notebook into her lap. "She owns the site. It gives good advice Ino, so I think it'd be good for you. Don't deny it before you try it. Here, take a look-see," she shuffled across the room before shoving the laptop in Ino's face.

Hesitantly, she read the showy red letters which served as a foreground for the black screen.

(:oxo:)……………………………….………………………………(-:xox:-)……………………………….………………………………(:oxo:)

ღ LoveIdiot ღ

~*for the romantically incompetent*~

~*~

Dating For Dummies:
The Girl's iGuide To Love

By: The Mistress CherryKiss

Table of Contents

Intro………………CherryKiss

~*~

Dating For Dummies:
The Girl's iGuide To Love

Intro: CherryKiss
Meet Your New Love Goddess

~*~

Okay, so babe, my name is CherryKiss. Get to know me well, because for the next moth or so, I'll make your love life a lot less suck-ish. Hopefully. But no promises, of course. Because really, if your life is really that terrible, that not even I can help you. In which case, sucks for you.

Now, you're obviously here because you need help.

Romantic help.

And girlie, I'm willing to provide such help, so take it and use it to your best ability.

It's a simple plan to help you snatch up the guy of your dreams. If followed correctly. But before I get into that, you have to make a vow. I absolutely do not appreciate losers who can't finish things. So do us both a favor, recite the following (and I swear, you better recite it out loud, no matter WHERE you are:

"I, insert name here, have no romantic talent. Misses CherryKiss has all the talent. If I'm lucky, some of Misses CherryKiss' talent will rub off on me. I vow to remember this until I have a hunkalicious hottie eating out of the palm of my hand."

More or less, that's gonna be sort of the vibe of things. Seriously though, remember it!

Now, there's a little more initiation. There are only FIVE commandants that you must follow in order to be a successful vixen. In the good way, of course. And those are:

THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS OF CHERRYKISS

1) Thou shalt take all of CherryKiss-san's advice, no matter how degrading, embarrassing, or demeaning.
She only has the best for you in mind.

2) Thou shalt not skip any chapter, no matter the circumstance.
Process is key to success, darling.

3) Thou shalt ask "How high?" when CherryKiss says "jump."
She. Knows. All.

4) Thou shalt be a better, improved person after this process.
Because you absolutely will snag a total smexilicious hottie.

5) Thou shalt worship CherryKiss as thy Love Goddess.
Because that is what she is!

Finally, you're ready to be converted to a lover. Now, if you're ready, click on the next chapter, and let your new life (in other words, your life of less sucking) begin!

(:oxo:)……………………………….………………………………(-:xox:-)……………………………….………………………………(:oxo:)

Ino raised an eyebrow after reading. "Okay, this girl is obviously vain and not above insulting people she doesn't know."

"Just… promise me you'll consider it, okay?" Sakura asked hopefully.

Biting her lip, she sighed. "I'll… consider it."

Oh God, I'm really about to do this. What has the world come to?

To Be Continued

Authoress' Note: I think I suck now. I've lost my mojo. I can't seem to formulate adequate details… help me, please. But seriously, it's hard to write a story when the characters are constantly moving.

And… too much dialogue for a prologue. I'll fix that in later chapters, definitely.

P.S. It's college! I told you I was bad with details!