Batman/Riddler slash, set in something that resembles current continuity (but not quite). Characters not mine, etc etc.
He couldn't, could he?
Eddie paused, his hand an inch from the pile of green papers in his drawer.
No, Eddie, he told himself, you're over that now.
He took his hand away and shut the drawer quickly.
Eddie Nigma sat at his desk, trying to concentrate on his current case. He already knew who stole from his client, but he wanted to double-check his proof before finishing the case.
He glanced at his e-mail inbox and his answering machine. Nothing.
What he was really stalling for, however, was a new client. There was something about a lack of assignment that made Eddie nervous.
The problem was boredom.
Eddie resorted to riddles whenever he was bored, but he couldn't do that now. No more crime for him. The Riddler had gone straight, in a manner of speaking.
And suddenly, inspiration struck.
He felt a sly grin slide across his face.
He opened his drawer and pulled out a thin sheet of green paper.
--
"Robin."
Tim Drake looked up from his homework. Batman stood there, holding out an emerald envelope.
"Deal with this, I'm busy."
Batman paused.
"Please," he added.
Tim didn't acknowledge Bruce leaving, the same sort of way he was unsurprised by his sudden appearance. He was used to it by now.
He just wished sometimes that he'd, y'know, not do that?
Tim looked over the envelope. Green, addressed to Batman, with a question-mark sticker where the stamp should be. This was curious, considering the Riddler was supposed to have gone straight. He didn't bother to slit open the envelope since Batman had already done it.
He read the beginning of the note:
Riddlemethis (foroldtime'ssake):
It seemed to imply that it was nothing but a riddle, with no crime involved. Batman just wanted Tim to solve it, just in case. No wonder Batman didn't solve it himself, thought Tim, He probably couldn't be bothered. Tim was mildly miffed that he had been assigned the dregs of Batman's work again. On the other hand, his homework was boring and the Riddler was not.
He started to work on the riddle.
Twomenarewalkingdown a kingly road, talking about themeaning of life.
Theyboth agree todisagree and meetagaininJune, to talk of thesamethingat the sametime.
And that was all there was.
The first bit was difficult, but finally Tim figured it out, two men and the meaning of life meant 242. The second bit was referring to June's, a diner on George Street, after King George before the revolution - a kingly road. Tim checked his answer, just to be sure, and sure enough, 242 George Street was the address of June's. "To talk of the same thing at the same time" Tim guessed to mean that the time Riddler would be there would be 2:42.
Tim checked his watch. That was in a few hours.
He sighed and went back to his homework.
--
Eddie checked his watch; it was two forty-one am. He stood outside June's twenty-four hour diner, waiting patiently for the minute hand to move. There- 2:42. He had to enter now to be right on time.
He went in the restaurant, tipping his bowler to a nervous waiter.
"Are you meeting someone?" He asked.
"What do you think?" said Eddie.
"He's at the back."
Eddie brushed past the waiter towards the back of the restaurant. And there, at the last booth…
Hang on, that wasn't Batman.
"I was expecting somebody taller," said Eddie, letting his disappointment slip into his voice.
"Sorry," said Robin, "I'll try to grow a few inches."
Eddie sat down, setting his question mark cane against the table with a flourish. He had to regain his composure before Robin suspected anything.
"It is no matter," said Eddie, "Have you ordered anything yet?"
"So we're actually having dinner?"
"Why else would we meet in a restaurant?"
"You tell me."
"If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don't have it."
Robin thought it over.
"A secret," he said, smiling.
"And there you go."
The waiter came, to ask very anxiously if they wanted anything to drink. His nervousness was not entirely unfounded, considering the property damage costumes normally caused. He bustled off, and left them pretending to look at the menu.
"Should you really be up at this hour?" Eddie asked.
"I'm always up at this hour," said Robin.
"Batman must be a terrible parent."
"Don't worry – he always makes me eat my vegetables."
"I take it you'll order something healthier than just a burger?"
"He's not here."
The waiter came back.
"I'll have a burger," said Robin (he had wanted something else, but couldn't resist).
"A box without hinges, key or lid, yet inside a golden treasure is hid," said Eddie.
All the waiter could say was "Um."
"He wants eggs," said Robin.
"Sunny side up, please," said Eddie.
"Right," said the waiter, and left.
He wasn't the Batman, but Eddie had to admit he enjoyed Robin's company (at least this Robin, anyway). Eddie traced a question mark on the table with some water from his glass, mostly because he could. Robin watched him with suspicious eyes.
"If this is it, I really should be going," Robin said, "I have places to be, crime to fight, you know, the usual."
"Don't be ridiculous," said Eddie. "You've already ordered. I'll even buy you a slice of pie."
"Fine. It's not like there's anybody not in Arkham right now, except maybe you."
"I am perfectly sane, thank you very much."
"You sent a riddle through the GCPD just to invite Batman to dinner at two am."
"It's not like he has a phone. 'Hello, Batman old chap, how about some early morning breakfast? Call me after you get this message.'"
The Riddler rolled his eyes and smirked a little. Remarkably, Robin's expression was very similar.
"You could've just sent a note. You didn't need a riddle."
"But riddles are more fun!" said Eddie, grinning at the mere thought of them.
"Oh, you're the very picture of sanity."
Their food had arrived sometime during this conversation, so Eddie, rather than answer that last comment, finally started to eat.
Robin eyed him for a moment and, just as Eddie took a drink, he said, "Were you trying to ask Batman out?"
Eddie did a spit take.
He eyed his now-wet toast and sighed. He really shouldn't have lost his composure.
"Excuse me?" he said, wiping his mouth with a paper napkin.
"I'm just saying."
Robin looked like he was trying not to grin as he took a bite out of his burger. His nose twitched. Eddie thought about it for a second, eyeing Batman's sidekick.
Finally, just as Robin took a drink, he said, "What if I was?"
Robin almost did a spit take.
He swallowed and looked up at Eddie skeptically.
"I was only joking."
Eddie didn't say anything.
"Oh c'mon, you aren't serious."
Eddie took a drink, and this time Robin waited until he put it down before he said anything.
"You're not joking, are you?"
Eddie was now, at this point, blushing slightly. Eddie could feel the heat on his cheeks, something that was so out of character for the Riddler that he knew Robin would notice.
Should he tell the truth? Or something that resembled the truth?
Eddie tapped his fingers against the table, thinking. The question was, would Robin tell anybody?
--
"What did the Riddler want?"
Before Tim answered, he punched out one of the crooks. He watched Batman take out two at the same time and inwardly winced. Bruce was important to him, but Robin just could not understand the Riddler's point of view.
"Nothing."
He desperately wanted to say, "A romantic candlelit dinner with the Batman."
He didn't say it partly because he had promised the Riddler not to, and partly because eating in a Diner wasn't exactly a romantic candlelit dinner.
Tim realized Batman wouldn't be satisfied with 'nothing', however, so he supplied false information.
"He just wanted help on one of his cases."
Which was plausible, almost.
"Hmm."
Tim dimly realized that there was nobody left standing to punch. He stood there, watching Batman tying the crooks up, trying to stop his head from spinning.
"Can I call it a night? I have school tomorrow."
Batman eyed him, but it was hard to tell his expression under the mask. Robin was used to it, so he rightly guessed that it was a suspicious look.
"I also have a headache," Tim said, "Talking to the Riddler does that to a person."
To be fair, that was actually true.
"If you must," Batman said, though Tim could tell he wasn't entirely fooled, "You can get back on your own?"
"Yeah, you just keep on fighting the good fight, Batman."
"See you later, Robin."
That was almost pleasant.
But for the life of him, Tim couldn't understand what the Riddler saw in Batman.