A/N: I know I know I should be working on 20 random one shots but I had this dream and I couldn't resist… sorry to all the 20ros fans but tell me if you enjoy… It's a little rough at the moment but anyway… Enjoy
"Kyle, I know you're excited but…"
"What are you on about now Stan?" I grin. He always starts his sentences off without telling me what he's talking about. An annoying habit that you embrace over time.
"Well I mean… Uh…"
Man he takes ages. SPIT IT OUT DUDE! I wonder what rose is doing at the moment…
Who's this Rose you ask?
She's the love of my life. My fiancé.
Gasp! Kyle- how could that be? Last time we checked in you were only eight or nine years old!
Well I grew up. I am now 23 and 4 months and plan to live longer with my sweet Rose.
We met on college campus.
STOP! YOU'RE GOING WAY TO FAST! YOU WENT TO COLLEGE? Or were you just high and stumbled there on accident?
Ha ha very funny. Don't get me wrong I wanted to go to college. But it was way to far away from the people I love. No it was one of those days where you meet the teaches and courses and shit like that. An open day or something.
Now back to Rose- there she was, short funky black hair just past her chin. Enticing green/grey eyes and she always wears cherry lip gloss over her lucious lips which mine have explored on many occasions. Uh… Ignore that last part.
After a few drinks she agreed to go back home with me to South Park. STOP LAUGHING!
She absolutely loved it. She said it was the cutest town ever compared to her apartment in the city.
She visits ever second day. Our love blossomed.
"…Rose"
Her name snaps me back into conscienceness.
"What?" I slur slightly.
"I said its about the wedding. About you and Rose."
He looks nervous and I take a sip of my coke. "Go on" I say slowly. I am very tetchy when it comes to my fiance. Everyonen knew if you insulted her you'd have to answer to me. That's probably why he looks so nervous.
"I meant to tell you ages ago. I never thought you'd get married. I thought you'd get over her. That's why I never told you but…"
My eyes start to blaze. I can feel my temperature rising. Rose is a little…. Eccentric. So people think that they have the right to pay her out. I get very defensive about this kind of shit.
"But I have to tell you. Please don't be mad. She's a bitch and she's dangerous! You have to get out of this marriage right now!"
"And why is that?" I say through gritted teeth.
The only thing stipping me from punching his face in is over twenty years worth of friendship. But unless he has a good excuse for this talk… Lets just say friendship will no longer shield him.
You don't talk like that about someones woman. You just don't.
He looks strangely more confident and his dark blue eyes look straight into mine as he says-
"Shes dangerous Kyle. And scary. She talks about the gruesomest things when your not around. She talks about murder like it's a joke and she goes over disgusting homicide details and shes the worlds biggest bitch ever when your not around!"
He stands up and starts walkingn around the room like he's been holding this in for a while.
"She's mean to everyone! When you aren't there she's a different person! She stole from Wendy, she kicked Kenny in the nuts, She threatened Cartman with a broken bottle and said that she hoped he choked on cheesy poofs and she constantly flirts with me! You've got to believe me Kyle! She's a bad person and she has you trapped!
I stand up. I'm shaking with anger.
"Kyle you're my best friend. I don't want you to get hurt. I love you dude. We all love you. You're just in love and love has blinded you from the truth. Don't do this dude! Please!"
"What I don't understand" I say through gritted teeth "Is why you're lying to me… Do you want me to punch you or something? Is that it? Or is somebody going to jump out and say happy belated april fools day?"
"OPEN YOUR EYES!" He yells "Do you really think I'd risk our friend ship if I wasn't 100 percent positive about what I was talking about?"
"Rose-"
"FORGET ROSE DUDE! SHES BAD NEWS FROM START TO FINISH! FORGET HER DUDE!"
"SHE DIDN'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS! Why Stan? Why are you trying to ruin my life?"
"I'm trying to save your life dude! Why can't you see that?"
"SHUT UP! I DON'T KNOW WHY YOUR DOING THIS BUT STOP!"
He grabs my arm as I turn to leave.
"I'm not going to let you go through with this" There are tears in his eyes but I feel no sympathy.
"IT"S NOT UP TO YOU! I HATE YOU! I NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN! YOU BASTARD I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"
And with that- I storm out. Flinging his door open and slamming it shut.
Ignoring Stan's yells for me to come back.
And with that- 20 years of friendship dissapeared in a second.
When I found out everyone in South Park (including my parents) felt the same about Rose- I packed my bags and headed to the city which she lived in.
It's my wedding day.
I have no best man.
The audience are 20 of Rose's friends.
Her parents couldn't make it.
We are just going to exchange vows and sign the wedding certificate.
Of course there is no priest.
I'm a Jew and she's an athiest so we saw no point.
A CD starts playing a recorded 'here comes the bride'
My stomach does a back flip.
It's the smallest wedding I've ever seen but I don't care.
It's only when I'm waiting for Rose to step out of the back door I realise everyone here is a women except for me.
And suddenly there she is.
In the first moment I saw her I forget all about Stan and everything that has happened.
She's wearing a beautiful short cut wedding gown and her lips have been splashed with deep red for a change.
I grin nervously.
She finally, after what seems like a million years, reaches me.
We exchange our vows. The moment I have waited for has finally arrived.
I grab the back of her neck and kiss her deeply. She does the same.
In that moment I can't hear the excited murmurs of the small crowd.
My attention is only on Rose.
She grins as we brak apart and passes me a slip of paper.
"You sign first" Her sweet glossy voice whispers.
I take the pen- this is the last time in my life I will be single. I sign.
Then I feel something pressed hard against my back.
A gun?
"Don't move?" Roses voice turns harsh.
I freeze- expecting the tiny crowd to gasp but instead a girl in a formal blue dress leaps up and raises her hand-
"2000 dollars!" She declares
"5000!" says a girl behind her.
"7000 dollars!"
"I bid 10000!"
They were auctioning.
They were auctioning for me.
"W-what? Rose- whats going on?"
"Oh Kyle- you've heard of mail order brides right?"
I can't believe my ears. This is some kind of joke.
"Well honey" she puts great emphasis on the word honey "I guess you're a mail order husband!"
That explains why there is only girls here.
It also explains why her parents couldn't make it.
It also explains why she smiled when I told her I wasn't inviting anybody I knew.
But I still don't- I still CAN'T believe it.
"20 000 dollars!"
"SOLD!"
And before I can comprehend whats happening, something sharp and hard hit me on the back of the head.
I have one last thought.
Stan was right. He tried to warn me… I didn't liste-
I black out.