AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yeah, yeah, I ripped off the title from the John Cusack movie, but that has got nothing to do with this fic, just felt it fit. THIS IS A CHAPTER FIC, NOT A ONE-SHOT, AS MUCH AS THE SUMMARY MAKES IT SEEM LIKE IT.
DISLCAIMER: I don't own any of it.
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SAY ANYTHING
a pipe wrench & strained laughter
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Once upon a time, there was a super-sexy ninja with uncanny abilities to for thieving. She met a bunch of heroes set on saving the world from a big jerk named Sephiroth. This creep was the kinda guy who would steal some kid's lollipop, lick it just to piss the little guy off, then throw it on the ground and step on it until is was cracked dirty and tears streamed down his victim's face.
This drop-dead gorgeous chica and her tremendously awesome gang of friends kicked that silver-haired cow's ass and then hit reset just to do it again.
Once upon a time, there was a blue-eyed dreamer, who was a crazy-good pilot too, and he was part of this ninja's crew of heroic amigos.
Yuffie, the super-sexy ninja (that's me), used to think this guy was a rough, old chain-smoker who swore every other word. Which he is, but I totally missed the look in his bright eyes reflecting the stars he shot for, the thick, permanently wind-blown hair and his heart of gold.
Okay, you got me. I've got a tiny little crush on Cid Highwind.
Just an eensy, weensy, little one, I swear.
Who'm I kidding, it's flippin' huge.
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"Five gil says he's gay."
"For fuck's sake, gay guys don't do married women!"
"You never know," I counter, "'Sides, you know you'd laugh you're ass off."
A forced laugh echoed through the phone line, "She fuckin' deserves it." I caught the serious edge in his voice beneath the thin layer of a joke. "Don't know what I'm gonna do without her to cook my food."
"Real sweet, Cid, only gonna' miss Shera for the food." I heard a choked sound that could've been a chuckle, could've been a sob. "I'll swing by tomorrow with some fine tastin' dumplings."
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Okay, that wasn't really the whole story, 'cause there were no tense romantic moments that build up me and Cid's totally apparent chemistry, were there? Nope, but don't fret, that was just a little vignette, as they say, about how I got to getting to that dang fine Southern pilot.
The whole sub plot about getting to Cid's house is pretty boring and involves a public airship transport, an angry biker moogle with a snake tattoo and whole lot of yucky galaxy-like barfy goodies that weren't so awesome.
So let's just fast forward through that and go straight to the good part.
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Hoooooooly Jenova, Cid's place looks like a flippin' tornado went off in it. There's a toolbox next to his mucky boots by the front door and there's a pipe wrench on the kitchen table.
A pipe wrench.
Strutting outside to where Cid is obviously clanging away with a monkey wrench (since his pipe wrench that was on the kitchen table is now in my hand) at his airship. His toned and tanned legs stick out from underneath the ship.
Okay, okay, he's wearing pants, I'm just guessin' that they're toned, tanned and oh so sexy-looking.
Damn, my crush is ten times bigger than it was last night.
Hands on hips, pipe wrench in hand, I kick a box full of nuts and bolts beside Cid's legs. "Workin' on the Shera?"
"Fuck no."
"Renamed it?"
"Fuck yes."
"What's it called? The Great Ninja Yuffie?"
Chortling, Cid pulled himself out from under the hull of the ship-with-no-name with those ripped biceps of his.
Damn, he's got some nice guns.
Hot damn, he's got a fine six-pack.
Okay, I'm just guessing with that too, he's (unfortunately) got a shirt on.
"Not sure what I'm gonna' call it," Cid replied, running a hand through his hair and staining it with grease. Somehow, it looks so much hotter like that. "Might call it 'The Highwind'."
"Kickin' it old school, huh?"
"Suppose so," he pats me on the shoulder, with his oh-so-calloused-in-that-sexy-kinda-way hand, "Alexan-fucking-der is droppin' by sometime soon to pick up the rest of Shera's shit."
"Who?"
"Shera's fuckin' boyfriend."
"Oh-ho, you gonna' kick his ass?"
Cid laughed, his tone was lighter than it was on the phone, but there was still something different about it. "How long has Shera been gone?" I can't hide the smug tone in my voice.
"'Bout a week or so."
I lift the pipe wrench up and shove it in his face. "A week, and you're house is a disaster."
"What the hell does my pipe wrench have to do with it?" He grabs the tool from my hand.
"Come on, it was on the kitchen table."
"So?" After tossing the wrench into an open toolbox, Cid starts for the door.
Cid wrenches the door open and almost slams it behind him. Since he secretly loves me, he catches it and holds it open like the gentleman he is.
At least that's what I imagine he'd do when he falls deliciously in love with me.
I open the door by myself and stomp into his house angrily trying to get his attention and apology. Doesn't work. Whatever.
"These dumplings better taste fucking good." Oh crap. I totally forgot the fine-tastin' dumplings I was supposed to bring for lunch. Whoops. Initiating subject change.
"Hey, did you see last night's episode of General Hospital?" Cid's a sucker for soap operas.
His eyebrow almost cocks up. "Young and the Restless, Yuff." Damn it. Got his favourite wrong. "Jack Abbot's schemin' up some shit to blame on Victor." 'Course he tells me what happened anyway.
"Again?"
"The fuck you'd except? That's all Jack does." 'Kay, so I've only seen it a couple times with Cid, but it's still pretty cool. "Victor's new girlfriend died."
"Girlfriend? What happened to his wife?"
"Divorced a couple months ago. When was the last time you watched it?"
"Four months ago." Four months ago, when Shera had gone for the weekend and I came to visit him 'cause I thought Cid'd be lonely. Flippin' wish I could tell him that the girl's weekend she was supposed to be on with Tifa (who was really working at the bar the whole time) and her so-totally made-up friend Alexandra.
Sounds suspiciously like Alexander, doesn't it?
Flippin' wish I could tell him.
But then he'd find out that Shera'd been cheating on him for a hell of a lot longer than 'a couple weeks.'
His reply is strained, the content in his voice completely drained. "When Shera was out on her girl's weekend."
He knows. I don't need to say it. He probably made the connection right after Shera told him about Alexander.
Psh, once I wanted to name my kid Alexander. Like that's gonna happen now. Cid'd probably eat my brains right outta' my skull if I told him I wanted to name our baby Alexander.
Maybe we can call it Dave. Or something less generic, like Stephano.
Stephano Highwind.
Maybe.
Dave Highwind sounds freakin' stupid anyway.
"Where're these fuckin' dumplings?"
"Ra-ha-hiigghhttt… about those… dumplings… yeah… I forgot-" the doorbell rings, "-them." Damn straight I was saved by the bell.
"Should've seen that coming," Cid states, ambling towards the door. Was he talking about the door or the dumplings? Whatever. I follow His Hotness (oh come on, repeating Cid over and over again in my head gets old fast) to the door.
"Hey, Cid."
"Hey, fuckin' idiot."
There's some brown-haired guy with disgusting amounts of unnecessary facial hair. I can deal with beards. I can deal with moustaches. I deal with macho-man sideburns. But this guys has stuck 'em all together on one face.
"Geez, is this the ass-hat who's datin' Shera?"
"Shera and I are together, yes." This guy sounds like a stuffy old man.
"Did you know that she was married to the coolest guy in Rocket Town?"
"I was aware she was married."
I pull a fiver from my back pocket and slap it to Cid's chest. "Huh?" He takes it from my hand before getting an answer and slips it into his pants pocket. After givin' him that seductive wink that makes everyone (no seriously, everyone, even Barret would've gotten it) get it, Cid gives me this he's-gonna-get-so-pissed-and-it's-gonna-be-hi-fuckin'-larious kinda' look.
"Ya' sure, Yuff?" He can't help but smirk.
"Nah, he's not gay."