HEAVEN ON THEIR MINDS

Author: Michelcz

Characters: Catherine Willows, Gil Grissom, Sara Sidle

Rating: CSI - 1

Spoiler: season 9 - The Happy Place

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. I've just been borrowing them and trying to have a fun.

A/N: This story is written as a reaction on the latest episode. It has four parts. Stay tuned!!

Sara's POV

I can't believe it. No, I can't believe the nerve of that man. What the hell is he thinking about himself? I thought I know him but somehow I missed the sign telling me "only-person-who-knows-me-is-Catherine-Willows". Now, I've finally seen that sing and started question myself if everything what had happened during the last three years was a lie. One big lie.

Flashback

"I mean sooner or later, relationships in stases wither. He get angry. Even more the safety to not mature alone."

"Then he should just walk away."

"Maybe he couldn't. Maybe he needed her to leave him."

"Who are we talking about now?"

End of flashback

I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe it's due to the complications which were in our relationship from the day one. Even though I was the woman he was with her, I still felt some kind of completion. Yeah, it was still here. It also had and has a name. The one and only Catherine Willows. From the first day in Las Vegas, I've been compared with that woman. She's something. Every single man has been after her but she was and is an unobtainable specimen. Her past is full of dark places and mistakes which were made by her careless decisions but it didn't matter to anyone. I know that I'm not innocent but still I have a better records than she. I've had to fight for everything in my life. And despite that, I wasn't able to catch the attention of the only man I've ever wanted. So I decided to wait. To be patient because I was so sure that Catherine Willows were about to screw up everything up soon and I wanted to be prepared for that moment.

It took a lot of energy and persuasion. I thought I was jinxed but finally the day-D occurred and my time came. I could open my hand and show the cards. Carefully taken steps were bringing theirs fruit. I snatched Gil under her snobbish nose and started making myself irreplaceable but as I can see now it didn't help me.

And If I would be frank with myself, I have to admit aloud that I really wasn't a priority for him. Maybe only when I was kidnapped by that Natalie freak. Maybe only then but I'm not entirely sure about it. We could be together, it doesn't matter if it was before or after the kidnapping, we could be living together under one roof but….. Something was missing. Something very important. Sometimes, I thought that even the table is more interesting than I am. Now, I know it meant that I've been in this relationship by a pure coincidence. I didn't snatch him. I was chosen by him because he was able to read in my obsession. So, in the moment he had to choose between two women, he'd chosen me. I was the safer bet for him.

So when I've taken my last look around the place where I lived with him, I don't see myself in any object in this house. Everything I can see is he and his precious Catherine. I've never belonged here. What the hell have I been thinking?

It was always only about her. Never about me. Never.