Disclaimer: The end of the line and I still don't own it. Guess I never will. T-T

Here you go, the final installment of KylexCartman. Thank you all for the love and support. XD

It's All Fair In Love And War

Ch. 13

Taking a deep breath, Kyle pushed open the door of his bedroom. Pulling his kelly-green hat over his head, he exited the hallway and down the stairs. Neither his parents nor Ike stirred. He made his way to the front door, pushed it open slowly, and headed out into the snowy night. He walked briskly through the cold evening air until he reached the Cartman residence. He ducked behind a tree as a truck pulled up in the driveway. A man he didn't recognize got out and was greeted by Mrs. Cartman at the door. He heard the door click shut but he did not hear it lock. Smiling at his luck, Kyle hurried to the front door and let himself in unceremoniously. He listened to make sure no one had noticed his entrance. The mystery man and his boyfriend's mom had long since made their way up to the bedroom, leaving him free to hurry to his lover's room.

He knocked quietly. There was no response. Wondering if Cartman was already asleep, he placed his ear against the door. He was shocked by what he heard.

Sobs. Full-out sobs.

Eric Cartman—THE Eric Cartman was crying.

(Quietly). Kyle burst in, a look of fear on his face.

"Cartman!"

The larger boy lay in his bed. His face had been buried in his pillow but now he jerked up in surprise.

"K-Kahl?!"

Kyle was already at the side of his bed, looking up at him with sheer concern. "What's wrong? Why were you crying?"

"G-get lost!" he blubbered. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to see you...you've woken me up enough times. Now tell me, what's wrong?"

Cartman glared. "I said get lost! It's nothing you would understand!"

"Why not?"

"Let's see, Kahl," there was acid in his voice, "because you have a functional family. Because your mom's not a slut. Because you have a father.."

"What?!"

"You heard me, Kahl. You have a father! Lawyer-wussy-Jew or not, there's a father-figure in your life that I've never had! You don't have to suffer through the shame and the goddamn loneliness like I do! I hate it! It's the same story every night! Some new guy comes over and has a few rounds with my mom...and where am I? Crying myself to sleep every effing night! I HATE IT!" he broke into tears again. Kyle climbed into the bed next to Cartman and hugged him tightly. He continuously wiped away the hot tears that streamed from his boyfriend's hazel eyes, whispering that it would be all right. After a few minutes, the Nazi-boy pulled away, much more composed than he had been.

"I'm sorry, Cartman. I didn't realize how rough you had it. I won't tell anyone I saw you cry, either."

"Eric," he corrected.

"What?"

"My name's not Cartman, it's Eric."

Kyle blushed.

"What is it, Jew?"

"Well...you never let people call you that. It's...personal. But hey...I'm not 'Jew.' I'm Kyle."

"Yeah. Kahl."

"No, I know you can say it right--"

"That's my pet name for you, Kaaaah." he gave a small smile, then leaned over to kiss the smaller boy.

"OK," he consented, pulling his cold lips away from Eric's lusciously warm ones. "but no more 'Jewboy.'"

"Why the hell not? It's not insulting and I think it's really cute for you."

"Fine. What do you think about 'fatass?'"

"That's insulting."

Kyle mused over this, tossing things around in his head. "OK, how's this? I'll try to cut back on the fat jokes, and you can call me Jewboy or whatever in school. I...I'm used to 'Cartman,' so I'll call you that in school too. But when we're alone together...I'm Kyl-Kahl and you're...Eric." he licked his lips, as though to taste the brunette's name on them.

"You say my name like it's toxic."

"Is that a good thing?"

Cartman tackled him down onto his bed. "Oh, it's a good thing, Kahl."

They met in a passionate kiss, Cartman determined to warm up the smaller boy who whimpered desperately to get that heat.

Ch. 14 (Epilogue)

Things were finally as they should be. Cartman and Kyle still fought like cat and dog, but also shocked the town of South Park with their 'NazixJew' romance. Stan and Wendy got back together (again!) and Mr. Garrison got another sex change. Kenny went ice-skating and fell through the ice. And died. But before anyone could notice he was dead, he was back at school the next day. And they all lived happily ever after. Until Kenny got explosive diarrhea.

Theeeeeeee Ennnnnduh!

Honestly, I don't think they had sex in that scene up there. Just...watevs. Yeah, I know what one reviewer said about them being a little young for this, but I didn't want to write them out of character...I like their small size and chibi cuteness! But come on, if Cartman can be such a raging gay on the show at age 8, he can kiss Jewboy. Your reviews were all so funny. YES! KYLExCARTMAN FOREVER! I'm a big Stendy fan too, so HURRAY for them! I want to thank each and every one of you for reviewing and helping me with this story, hope to see you again real soon (I have another KylexCartman...I'm just too lazy to finish typing it.) See ya agian! REVIEW!