Disclaimer: I do not own any part in any way of the Animorphs. They belong to K.A. Applegate. But you knew that, right?

This is not a story for happy perky people. Leave this story, or it will leave your optimism in ruins. Dun-dun-dun!!

That being said. Reviews are welcomed with open arms, critisism is fine, and flames are to be endured. Have fun, kids! (note the sarcasm.)

Chapter 1

My name is Madra.

It's not a name you've heard of often. I don't really like it myself.

But it is not my name that is of importance, though it is a good starting and ending place for me.

No, it is my story, a story never told until now.

I was named after the small moon of the Yeerk home planet. Yeerks are vile creatures who enslave others by crawling into their ears and wrapping themselves around your brain. They're nothing more than slugs, really. Slugs with the power to you do exactly as they bid. I've seen them control every twitch, every look, and every speech you make. It's as if…you don't exist anymore. It's all Yeerk. It's your body, your hands, it's you, but it's not you. It's a slug.

I should know. I was a Controller. A controller is someone controlled by the Yeerks. And I was a Controller…for nine years.

I grew up a Controller. Barely a month after I was born, I was taken. I don't think there was a moment in my life after that month, where I was not kept under supervision. Constant supervision still is horrible. I couldn't do anything privately. And anytime I did, there really was a little voice in my head taunting me.

I couldn't cry. I couldn't throw temper tantrums or anything normal month-olds could do. So I've never shed a tear in my whole life. I was learning about the Yeerk Empire when I should've been eating formula. I was trying to understand battle tactics when I should've been learning my ABC's. Before I learned to stand and walk, I was ordering others into war. I was a Visser at age four.

The Yeerk in my head moved out. I shouldn't have had a Yeerk in my head in the first place. A human child was not a suitable host for a Yeerk, but they couldn't risk me knowing so much. They needed to keep me under control. A hungry, gibberish-speaking baby who wailed all the time was not appreciated. Besides, the first Yeerk given to me was of lowly station. He slowly worked his way up.

The same went for the next Yeerk who enslaved me. For the next two years, I watched as Atrass 669 became bloodthirsty Visser Thirty-nine. Then another Yeerk came. It was only a year before he was Visser Twenty-four. And again and again. The cycle never stopped.

I had seen more blood than any child should. I had sacrificed whole armies in the name of the Yeerk Empire. I watched as people were tortured without flinching. And I had killed random strangers myself. The blood of so many people was on my hands.

And the sad thing was, I didn't know better. I had no idea I could've had another life. I grew up in this life, and maybe I could've been different, but I didn't know. I didn't know of happiness or family or the people on Earth. And on a ship full of other aliens enslaved by the Yeerks, like the Hork-Bajir or the Taxxons or the Gedds, I found myself without friends. I was a one of a kind freak. I was too young, a female, and a leader. I was different. I hated this, but I learned to accept it. I couldn't remember anything different.

And all I could remember of that one month before I was taken was the fever I had. The Yeerks, of course, were able to give me an antiviral shot, but I could still remember feeling faint and sick. I remembered voices all around me. I still do not know if that was Controller or human. I remembered peering up into the face of a woman I was sure was my mother. Allison Kim was her name. I had her black hair and black eyes, but my father's pale skin and mouth. It was my first and last glimpse of my mother. And even then, I am sure it was the Yeerk who smiled down at me.

I still treasure that moment. Not because it was the only time I saw my mother, but because it was the only moment in which I didn't know the Yeerks. And to me, that was pure bliss.

Of all people, it was Darwin who told me. My own twin brother had been tracked down and captured by the Yeerks, because Allison Kim was once the host of Visser One. Visser One had loved another Yeerk, and Allison had loved the Hildy Gervais, the human host of Essam, the Yeerk Visser One had loved. Of course, Allison was now dead, and Visser One was leading the invasion of the Yeerks. Essam was dead, and his host, Hildy went straight to the asylum. I had no family, except for Darwin. He told me about Earth, my home planet, whom I had not set foot on for near of a decade. When our Yeerks went to feed, to soak up the Kandrona rays, their natural food they must return to every three days, he and I would talk inside our cages. There wasn't much else to do. At first, he would scream at the guards until his voice went hoarse. I wasn't like that. Rebellion was new to me. I had never tried it. But Darwin gave me hope. He would keep on trying, and trying. I watched him, and admired how resilient he was. And soon, I was plotting ways to escape with him.

My mind was on it at all times. My Yeerk would sneer at my plans, and soon I realized I couldn't just think of it. I needed to take my mind off of it whenever my Yeerk was around. I needed to stop the Yeerk from seeing my plans. And, oh it was hard. It was like climbing up from the quicksand. I had been pushed deep down into the sand, so deep, that not only could I hardly see the light, but I didn't even know there was a light. It took so much for me to wait to try. I worked so hard, each escape, any escape. Each time, my plan would fail and my light was taken from me. I didn't care. I would fight until I died. My death would be my choice. If I didn't get a choice until the very end, I was determined that would be it.

Darwin worked hard too. And it was so painful for him to realize he wouldn't get out the day I got out. It would've killed me to watch someone else run off like that.

I had escaped from the Yeerk pool, the place where Yeerks came to feed. I had done the impossible. But I had to leave Darwin behind. He was caught, because he pushed me out of the way, as a Hork-Bajir Controller, an alien the Yeerks have conquered, tried to catch me. But as he pushed me, he was taken in my stead.

But he still told me to run. When I close my eyes, I still remember his voice cheering me on, calling for me to run. He was my only friend and my brother who had earlier told me to kill him if he was infested, whenever I got the chance. Yet he was willing to let himself be captured for me.

Darwin had always been fearless, reckless, and temperamental. He had also always been kinder, and softer-hearted than I was. If it had been me, I probably wouldn't have done the same.

So I ran, freed from the Yeerks at last.

That is where my story starts.

Didn't I tell you this would be depressing? No, I don't usually write stories like this, but I thought a good depressing story might make a good impression. snort

Ok, do me the favor and review it for Madra's sake.