How It Should Have Been

I couldn't stop thinking about him. When I woke up in the morning, I thought about him. When I went to bed at night, I thought about him. When James smirked triumphantly and kissed me on the cheek, him.

When I realized I was in love with him, it was two years too late. Two years after I married James. But too late was beginning to mean less and less to me every day I had to deal with my husband. I thought James had grown up, changed. I would have sworn for him. But now, I see that it was an act. An act that he had dropped as soon as he had trapped me, put his ring on my finger like a brand.

I wanted Severus back.

I needed him.

I needed to sit under the shade of that oak tree at Hogwarts, my head on his shoulder as he read whatever boring book he had brought along. I needed him to turn and smirk at me, pausing before he turned the page and giving me a playful nudge.

"You awake?" he would ask, already knowing the answer.

"Shhh..I'm reading!" I would respond, staring at the book as though it was the most important thing in the world, even though I couldn't understand a word of it.

I needed our talks, where we would tell each other about anything and everything, knowing without doubt that it would never reach another's ear.

God, how I missed him.

And why couldn't I have him? He was single, and as far as I knew, still in love with me. The prospect took my breath away. Severus, in love with me. A life with Severus. Waking up to him every day, enjoying our closeness once more – only this time, it would be deeper.

James would be devastated if I left him, but for all the wrong reasons. When I married him, I thought he loved me. But in reality, James had a crush on me, a crush that quickly wore off even before we were wed. But he married me anyway, just to spite Severus. I was his trophy, his prize. His last victory over the man I loved.

I had made up my mind. Even if I couldn't have Severus, I couldn't live with James anymore. Every night I dreamed of the horrible things he did at Hogwarts, of the horrible person I pretended he wasn't when I married him.

Suddenly, a head popped out from the doorway, interrupting my musings. Speak of the devil.

James brushed a few strands of hair away from his face and grinned sheepishly at me.

"Hey Lil, Sirius is coming over and I was wondering…"

"If I could cook something?" I interrupted. "Clean up a bit?"

"Well, yeah." He responded.

"No." I said firmly.

James blinked at me.

"What?"

"No." I repeated. "And by the way, I want a divorce."

Two months later, I stood in the middle of my new flat and, sitting on one of the many boxes that populated my apartment, I thought out my plan. I would go up to Severus, beg him for forgiveness, confess my love – and have him throw it back in my face. Merlin, I had hurt him so much. How could I just go up to him after all of this time and expect him to fall into my arms?

"I have to try," I decided. "I have to."

His eyes were emotionless, and I wondered for a second if over the years he had grown to hate me as much as he did James. After all, why else would he just stand there, staring coldly over my head after what I had just told him? Just confessed?

I gulped and rocked back and forth nervously, feeling my heartbreak more with each passing second.

Finally, I gave up. If he still loved me he would have said something.

"Right then," I said awkwardly, and turned to walk away.

I felt him grab my arm.

"Wait."

It was the first word he said since I had found him, and the beginning of our new relationship.

2 years later:

Why the fuck did I marry him? I was never going to let the bastard touch me again! This was all his fault!

"That's it Lily, push!" urged the doctor.

I felt like punching her in the face. Couldn't she shut up? Didn't she see I was busy?

Repressing my urge to kick her ass, I pushed hard, struggling to breathe. Seconds later, the cry of my little baby boy filled the room.

"Where are you taking him?" I whined. I wanted to hold him immediately.

The doctor smiled at me. "Just washing him up. Don't worry."

Severus smiled at me, which was a miracle in itself. He then gingerly pried his hand from mine. I winced at the sharp crack that occurred when he flexed his hand. He shook his head, amused, and stared at me, wondering where my sudden superhuman strength had come from.

The irritating doctor finally put my baby in my arms, and I stared in awe. His hair was black, like Severus – but not greasy, thanks to me. His eyes were just like mine, a beautiful emerald green.

"I thought of a name," I breathed sleepily. "Harry Remus Snape. I want Remus to be his godfather."

We had agreed beforehand that I would name him and choose his godfather, and Severus could choose his godmother. Sirius was my friend too, but he wasn't a very good influence for a young child. Peter had always creeped me out, and I think we can all see why James wouldn't be a very appropriate choice.

I giggled as Harry caught hold of my finger and tugged. He had a firm, strong grip. He was so perfect. I glanced at Severus, who was staring at Harry as if afraid I might drop him.

"Narcissa can be the godmother," He decided.

I nodded in agreement. Lucuis wasn't exactly my cup of tea, but his wife was a wonderful person and she loved him, so I guess he had some hidden goodness in him. It had been extremely fun to be pregnant at the same time as Narcissa. We could complain to each other about our aches and make promises about how our kids would be the best of friends when they grew.

She had given birth only 2 weeks ago. Little Draco and Harry would be as thick as thieves, I'm sure of it.

"Severus," I called. "You hold him now."

He stared at me as if I had just suggested that he throw little Harry through the window.

"I don't know how," he mumbled.

"Yes you do." I giggled. "You practiced this. You'll be fine."

I passed Harry to him, and he gingerly took him and held him close. Harry immediately made himself busy pulling at the button on Severus' coat, trying to get it in his mouth.

Severus stared at his spit like it was the mist adorable thing he'd ever seen.

"He's a Slytherin." He decided. "I can tell."

I glared at him, and he winced.

"Or a Gryffindor. You never know."

3 years later:

"Did you hear about James?" I asked. "It's so sad. I can't believe Peter betrayed him like that."

Severus grunted noncommittally.

I rolled my eyes.

"At least pretend to be sad. Remember, his little son is now left without parents. They say he defeated you-know-who."

Now Severus was interested.

"Potter defeated the Dark Lord?"

I kicked him under the table.

"No, the little baby. I think his name was Greg. He's famous now."

"Daddy! Are we going to the park now?" Harry called.

He had his little mini broom ready.

Severus finished his coffee and stood up.

"Yes, son. We're going now."

Harry was practically bouncing off the walls in excitement. Harry loved flying almost as much as he loved potions- but only almost.

"I'm just glad our son doesn't have to go through that. Fame is nice, but it can also ruin your life. All those reporters constantly following you?" Severus shook his head. He couldn't imagine Harry having to deal with that.